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Marriage, The Perception Of Beards And Turbans, And The Future Of Our Religion (My Story)


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Didn't read all the posts in the thread (only a few), but I'd like to say you'd be pleasantly surprised to know a lot of people find the dastaar and Guru Roop attractive, even in this dark age of Kalyug. Not only attractive, there is also a sense of respect and looking up to (given the individual's character is in line)

The dastaar is beautiful and the beard brings out the masculinity (rohb) in the person. Not everyone is a victim to the media's portrayal of beauty, even then Guru Roop is beautiful.

Great vid!!

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Thank you all for your replies.

Many of you have said that the key is displaying confidence, and things of that nature. I certainly agree with this and understand how a person's personality can transcend prejudices others may initially have of them. I also admit (as some of you may have noticed from my original post), that confidence has not always been my strong suit, although I have gotten much better in that area over time.

HOWEVER, as I said before, most of the rejection I've encountered over the last year has been through trying to meet women online. In such cases, my personality (both its good and bad points) has not even come into play. My beard and turban alone seem to have made even talking to me a nonstarter for almost everyone.

Having said that, I agree with all of you that it would probably be better to get to know people personally in real life so that they can see whatever confidence I do have. The internet is not the best place to meet people.

HERE IS THE BIG PROBLEM: how do I meet Punjabi women in real life? I don't have any Punjabi friends (unless you count people I knew as a kid who I haven't kept in contact with over the last decade). My family is basically useless in this matter. I know this sounds extremely strange to most of you, who probably couldn't imagine someone in this kind of situation. But I seriously do not even know where to start.

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Dear Friends,

We all have our opinions and do certain things in life for the right or wrong reasons. This leads us to have our own personal views on situations in life.

You are right - for certain people marriage is the right thing and for others marriage isn't the right thing. It is so very complicated, as complicated as God. Each of us have our own Karams to work through, and those karams create the situations of our life. So we all view the same things in a different light based on what we have to learn or pay off.

Although you may see more people saying don't get married, it is just there experience and people will continue to get married, so not to worry. In 20-30 years there will still be Sikhs around in abudant numbers. The quality of those Sikhs however, that only God knows.

One poster noted a good point - there is a big difference between the everyday Punjabi girl from a sikh background and those who are of a religious mindset. For the most part the everyday Punjabi girl from a sikh background does not want the turbanned sardar. They want Jazzy B or whatever film star type tough guy jatt guy etc, etc. So you wil encounter troubled waters looking there because there mindset and values are different. They don't care aboput this turban, they need fad and fashion and need to fit into society. Very shallow people, better to stay away. The problem is they have the hottest bodies and tightest clothes and seem to be the most appealing. It is solely the sex drive that is behind it all, the cause of man's downfall.

It is almost like you have the outward appearance of a Sikh but really want the bling bling lifestyle on the inside. This is the crisis Sikh boys are facing. In the old days (I am taliking up to around the mid 90's), it wasn't so bad. Now we have a real crisis, because deep down we don't want to be religious and are happy being sunday sikhs. So why would a girl want someone who is a full-time turban wala when she herself is part-time. Can you see the conflict? This is the main crisis. We really don't educate the youth and the youth don't want to be educated in Sikhi and learn. So when they fall into these types of life crisis, they start to blame the turban and sikhi, etc, etc. You see if you read Gurbani - women, wealth, power and praise - are what everybody wants and they will become weak from a dharam perspective to gain those things as they feel that is everything. The turban was supposed to be the outside appearance of those who are soul searching. It has become just a thing that for those who are religious they children must have and don't provide any guidance as per gurbani on what life really is and the goals. Then the problem arises if the youth really want to take on the goals of soul searching, mostly it is a no. It only happens when it happens, can't be forced.

You see the outside influence (of maya) is very grand, very grand. Inside of us when we see the gora with the hot chick and he is getting laid (or the perception of such) or we see that the chicks are attracted to not us the turbans but clean cut man, we start to doubt what we are doing and we think why we are not attractive and how are we going to become so. So we start this process of "cleaning ourselves up" and are weakining our spirit because we are running after the women and not the truth. We haven't taken the time to search ourselves and we haven't decided what we are doing, we are just wearing the turban for the sake of wearing it and not living the way of life. So when we see those things we really want deep down inside, we don't know how to handle it because we really only want just that (a hot girl so we can get laid) and the frustration comes out against the turban and its perception in society.

I hope you can see the 2 different ways of life here and how they are conficting each other and causing you torment. If you wear the turban there has to be a sikh way of life otherwise when your faith is tested (everybody's is) you will run into trouble and blame sikhi for your own lack of knowledge.

I will be honest with you you will never be accepted in today's society and especially not by women if you have a turban. You need to know that, this is what we call "Niayara" or those that are different and stand out and not after the regular social norms. You are trying to be mainstream and get mainstream meat, but the turban will never allow that. You have to decide how you want to live. Every decision has its own consequences. You must read gurbani and everything will become clear as to what the concequences for each way of life.

All of this singh is king movies and mr.singh competitions and promote the turban to mainstream youth that it is fashionable, etc, etc is all BS. It's sole purpose is to divide your attention AWAY from what you should be doing as a Sikh and to try and get you guys some self confidence with the chicks. No other purpose. Look at Punjab (today it is ther land of the <banned word filter activated>) where they hold these things, it doesn't inspire youth to better themselves and soul search it is only a PR gimmick to get more people with turbans who still are devoid of divine knowledge, just a numbers game and PR game. Look at the movies the plot is the same hot chick in tight clothes falling in love this time with a turban guy who still acts stupid (running after women again). It gives a false sense of pride to mainstream turban people who still only want to get laid and could care less about sikhi. Mostly in punjab these turban training centres are for mona's who like to tie turbans when they feel like it and it has to be perfect with all the folds nicely tied. So some guy who has there hair comes and see'e this guy as a part time turban tier, why would he stay full time when he can have the best of both worlds? The turban when he feels like it and the chick appeal the rest of the time. You see the backwards thinking of the the jatts (sorry to say this is the culture from that clan)which has spread within our panth.

So long story short do the right things for the right reasons and you won't encounter the problems you are facing. I really do feel for you, we all need to go through this cleansing process in order to understand life and not let it pass away in the pursuit of materila which will eventually fade away and you will be left with no more than hurt and sadness......

For the original poster - not to worry there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You may need to just re-think your life...........open for comments

I think you make a lot of good points here. On some level, almost all of us are still influenced by maya. Resisting maya is an ongoing battle for me.

On the other hand, no matter how much a man can resist the world of sex, drugs, materialism, etc., he is still going to want some female company. It is just human nature. A man can even resist the desire for the standard "attractive" woman, but to give up the desire for any female companionship period is asking a bit much. Maybe a few can be content in such a situation, but 99.99999% of us will fail to be content, no matter how hard we try.

There is a difference between controlling your desire for women and deciding that the best way to live life is give up on finding a companion and living a reclusive life. I think the latter lifestyle is not endorsed in Sikhism. A family life is highly regarded in our faith, and there no recognized utility in becoming some sort of hermit. Let me also say, on a practical level, that if our solution to this problem is simply to say that we should be above the desire for female companionship, it's difficult to see a real future for our religion.

I see the points you are making, and I know you are not specifically just talking about me. But let me just say that while I'm not completely above all shallowness, I'm not just "looking to get laid" in my desire for a wife. Also, I haven't been going around trying to meet or talk to your standard "hot" girl wearing a miniskirt. There appear to be plenty of other types of women who aren't interested in sardars. Women who dress more conservatively, or keep long hair (long enough so that it's ambiguous whether they cut it), or abstain from consuming alcoholic beverages, or are vegetarian. Girls whose father and brothers are sardars. I can live with girls who like to dress like the Kardashians not giving me a chance. It's the fact that the set of women unable to consider a sardar is much, much larger than that which makes it difficult to deal with.

Anyway, you are right in a lot of ways, and controlling my desire is an ongoing process which I well continue to work on. But I also hope I won't always have to do that alone.

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]There appear to be plenty of other types of women who aren't interested in sardars. Women who dress more conservatively, or keep long hair (long enough so that it's ambiguous whether they cut it), or abstain from consuming alcoholic beverages, or are vegetarian. Girls whose father and brothers are sardars. I can live with girls who like to dress like the Kardashians not giving me a chance. It's the fact that the set of women unable to consider a sardar is much, much larger than that which makes it difficult to deal with..

Brother

On one hand you are saying that rejection you received are from online while on another hand you say Girls from conservative families are nor interested,how do you know from online that girls that are rejecting you are from conservative families?Also Family plays very big role in this matter ,conservative girls hardly go online for searching a husband mostly their parents arrange match.2 years ago one of my cousin who was earning quite less got married ,infact there are millions of Sardars all around India from motor mechanic to CEO and almost all get married ,how come you an NRI with good education and income is unable to find a mate?

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lol online rejections sangat says?, go to your local uk gurdwara matrimonials and see all this non-turban baqwaas on the list. I can say I went to the biggest gurdwara in uk in Southall, its full of turban hating kuris. This is absolute utter waste thinking from our uk sikh girls!

how dare they, I wish there were punjabi girls in the area I lived in, I would have a word and a half in their ears!

I am sure I could talk these girls away from hating turbans. However, most rishtay won't go face-to-face if they know I have a beard. I would love to chat to these girls personally, I would cause some kinds of fireworks. I am already trying to create some fireworks on facebook and twitter against these girls, just watch this space!!! Singh Sabha Southall matrimonials Facebook group admin told me off for causing trouble http://www.facebook....ps/41021874437/ hahaha

Anyway if sikh kuris aren;t gonna respect turbans, I am gonna cause trouble for them, mostly online cos theres very little chance of me meeting them in the area I live in, even though it is in west london, still....

I ain't the kinda person that uses emotional blackmail to support the turban, I use shock tactics and pure jatt agression, cos emotional blackmail sucks haha !

Also, I have dug myself into a deep hole because I am respecting my parents wished in only marrying a jatti. I could not commit the adharm of disrespecting my culture and my parents. And being adharmik is not what a guru ji's sikh practises!

Uk jattis are the most stuck up against paghs than any other uk sikh girl. Ironic, as jatts see pagh as highly respected, and to have it removed by someone is punishable by death from a jatt. So uk sikh jattis have forgotten both sikh and jatt cultural thinking which highly supports the turban!

Amyway California Sardar, I can pull goris from your areas just using the internet, so you should try it out. Your american sikh girls are less stuck up than the uk ones. However your girls might be more liberal, and I consider girls with exes as a no-go zone for anyone having a first marriage. Well when I say anyone, I really mean someone with annakh and sanskar, and cali sardar, if you're a jatt, you need those qualities. Don't fear, have confidence in yourself. Anyway all Guru jis khalsa should have these qualities!!! Dharmik thinking, and sanskar, izzat, laaj.

These turban hating sikh kuris better watch out, I am gonna make them cry! lemme at em!!!!

Here is a page I made to start off my campaign, more coming soon, please like my page for further updates! =)

https://www.facebook...256338197727303

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Brother

On one hand you are saying that rejection you received are from online while on another hand you say Girls from conservative families are nor interested,how do you know from online that girls that are rejecting you are from conservative families?Also Family plays very big role in this matter ,conservative girls hardly go online for searching a husband mostly their parents arrange match.2 years ago one of my cousin who was earning quite less got married ,infact there are millions of Sardars all around India from motor mechanic to CEO and almost all get married ,how come you an NRI with good education and income is unable to find a mate?

Note that the phrase "conservative families" doesn't appear in my previous comment. First of all, you can still get an idea from an online profile (from pictures) how conservatively a person dresses , see how much make-up they wear, and, sometimes, if their hair appears to be uncut. If their photos include family photos, you can see if they have sardars in their families. Online profiles also specify whether a person drinks or is vegetarian, etc. Anyway, my comment wasn't restricted to my own experiences. Although I've been largely isolated from the Punjabi community, I do have relatives who have had certain experiences (and my relatives include girls from conservative families who want clean shaven guys, sadly).

Why have I, as an "NRI" with a good education been unable to find someone? Part of the problem might be that I haven't yet played the "NRI" card. I've restricted my search to western countries (for reasons noted in previous posts: cultural differences, an inability to get to know potential brides in India, and a fear of dishonest dealings with potential brides in India). I may have to resort to that in the future.

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lol online rejections sangat says?, go to your local uk gurdwara matrimonials and see all this non-turban baqwaas on the list. I can say I went to the biggest gurdwara in uk in Southall, its full of turban hating kuris. This is absolute utter waste thinking from our uk sikh girls!

how dare they, I wish there were punjabi girls in the area I lived in, I would have a word and a half in their ears!

I am sure I could talk these girls away from hating turbans. However, most rishtay won't go face-to-face if they know I have a beard. I would love to chat to these girls personally, I would cause some kinds of fireworks. I am already trying to create some fireworks on facebook and twitter against these girls, just watch this space!!! Singh Sabha Southall matrimonials Facebook group admin told me off for causing trouble http://www.facebook....ps/41021874437/ hahaha

Anyway if sikh kuris aren;t gonna respect turbans, I am gonna cause trouble for them, mostly online cos theres very little chance of me meeting them in the area I live in, even though it is in west london, still....

I ain't the kinda person that uses emotional blackmail to support the turban, I use shock tactics and pure jatt agression, cos emotional blackmail sucks haha !

Also, I have dug myself into a deep hole because I am respecting my parents wished in only marrying a jatti. I could not commit the adharm of disrespecting my culture and my parents. And being adharmik is not what a guru ji's sikh practises!

Uk jattis are the most stuck up against paghs than any other uk sikh girl. Ironic, as jatts see pagh as highly respected, and to have it removed by someone is punishable by death from a jatt. So uk sikh jattis have forgotten both sikh and jatt cultural thinking which highly supports the turban!

Amyway California Sardar, I can pull goris from your areas just using the internet, so you should try it out. Your american sikh girls are less stuck up than the uk ones. However your girls might be more liberal, and I consider girls with exes as a no-go zone for anyone having a first marriage. Well when I say anyone, I really mean someone with annakh and sanskar, and cali sardar, if you're a jatt, you need those qualities. Don't fear, have confidence in yourself. Anyway all Guru jis khalsa should have these qualities!!! Dharmik thinking, and sanskar, izzat, laaj.

These turban hating sikh kuris better watch out, I am gonna make them cry! lemme at em!!!!

Here is a page I made to start off my campaign, more coming soon, please like my page for further updates! =)

https://www.facebook...256338197727303

This is interesting. I've never been to the UK, but I've always wondered whether it would be a better environment for a Sikh. I thought that the presence of higher density enclaves of Punjabi people (which are rare in the USA where most Punjabi people are pretty spread out) might be nice. Also, do you guys ever get mistaken for Muslims? I'm guessing that the greater history and visibility that Sikhs have in the UK might make such confusion considerably less frequent than in the US. Here, everyone thinks I'm some sort of orthodox Muslim from the middle east and it drives me crazy.

Sad to hear that UK jatt girls are stuck up about turbans. Maybe it's worse over there since there are a lot of people whose families have been in the UK for generations. Here, most people came in the last few decades. I guess I know now what we have to "look forward to".

Yeah, jatts have it the worst. It's not just jatt girls, but jatt guys also seem to have less respect for kesh than other Sikhs. If I see a guy with a beard and turban, I automatically assume he's not a jatt. I was shocked when I went to India a few years ago (for the first time since I was a toddler), and saw just how prevalent trimming beards and cutting hair was in the pinds. Almost everyone with an uncut beard was an old man. Even my cousin, an otherwise religious guy who doesn't drink, was a trimmer (he was informed by his fiance shortly before their wedding that he looked "like a baba", and he was weak enough to succumb to the pressure and start trimming). It was strange that even in Punjab I was often the only guy in the room with uncut hair.

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