Guidance To Marriage

[Guest Harleen Kaur]

I am a 27 year old girl and im seeking for some advice.

I met someone amazing 8 years ago we were only best friends in that time however in the past 2 years we really got close and got into a relationship if you like. The Singh is keshdhari (not amritdhari yet) but is 3 years younger than me, I'm not keshdhari but maybe looking to become in the near future after practising sikhi properly. We really like each other and can see ourselves together in the near future and would like to get married to one another.

The problem is our parents.

1) Our parents dont know

2) if we tell our parents they will never agree

3) I dont want to hurt our parents

4) if my parents do find out they will just class me as a low life girl who has lost their trust and honour. (even though we have not had any physical relation, probably the odd hugs and kisses) but nothing more.

My parents are looking for Sikh "jatt" guy who is clean shaven (which this Singh is not jatt) -I know caste should not even come into this but for my parents they still have a punjabi mentality. I obviously dont really want to hurt my family and just go ahead and get married but I dont see myself with any other guy as my partner apart from him.

I see our relationship as a blessing from guru ji but guruji also states do not hurt your mum and dad and they need to be respected in every way.

I would appreciate some guidance from my brothers and sisters please?

thanks in advance

[m4ndy]

Respect comes first...

The key is never to get into any situation like this, one must see everyone as brothers and sisters, arrange marriages are not a bad thing it's much safer.

In your case you found someone, and you say you love him but don't do anything more because you will get found out if you marry some other guy. I think respect of parents comes first even though your parents believe in the caste system you should just respect what they want for you. don't forget everything in life is a risk but one of the biggest risk is when a girl goes out with a guy and develops a relationship if this is to happen both families need to know about it. What happens if both of you were caught in the street by a relative and it got back to your parents? Is it not better that they know from you rather than that person? If you know that caste is an issue in your family you should never seek some guy who is out of your caste because if you know your parents won't allow it how are you going to get married? Just to add what caste does he belong to?

I think you answered your own question in your statement my parents will never agree, I don't want to hurt my parents. If your parents are really strict I don't think it's worth the risk. you will be married one day does it really matter if it's him or A another? You need to think is this guy worth the risk and effort? Think about it in your mind, it's a case of honer you shouldn't be kissing, because you are hiding from your family, but remember you cant hide from god.

if you think he is worth it then sit your family down and tell them you found someone you think is suitable, however he is from a different caste background and see what they say. if they say no then you got no option but to respect your parents wishes, they know best.

This is why arrange marriages are there, they serve a purpose!

[Guru_Da_Chella]

I am a 27 year old girl and im seeking for some advice.

I met someone amazing 8 years ago we were only best friends in that time however in the past 2 years we really got close and got into a relationship if you like. The Singh is keshdhari (not amritdhari yet) but is 3 years younger than me, I'm not keshdhari but maybe looking to become in the near future after practising sikhi properly. We really like each other and can see ourselves together in the near future and would like to get married to one another.

The problem is our parents.

1) Our parents dont know

2) if we tell our parents they will never agree

3) I dont want to hurt our parents

4) if my parents do find out they will just class me as a low life girl who has lost their trust and honour. (even though we have not had any physical relation, probably the odd hugs and kisses) but nothing more.

My parents are looking for Sikh "jatt" guy who is clean shaven (which this Singh is not jatt) -I know caste should not even come into this but for my parents they still have a punjabi mentality. I obviously dont really want to hurt my family and just go ahead and get married but I dont see myself with any other guy as my partner apart from him.

I see our relationship as a blessing from guru ji but guruji also states do not hurt your mum and dad and they need to be respected in every way.

I would appreciate some guidance from my brothers and sisters please?

thanks in advance

Hmmm off-topic, but why are your parents only looking for clean-shaven guy?

I am turbanned handsome jatt sikh guy 27 years old, I can't find myself any nice jattis that respect turbans in general. I wouldn't commit the adharm of going against my parents and culture, so I am going to marry in my own tradition, but still perhaps you can give me advice?

[innergear]

:-(Cast is so messd up. Y u only took 4 jatti wo rong wit jus bin sikh??

[Mehtab Singh]

ਨੋ ਵਨਡਰ ਮੇਰੇ ਵਰਗੇ ਛੜੇ ਹੀ ਸੰਸਾਰ ਛੱਡ ਜਾਂਦੇ, ਕਿਓੰਕੀ ਅਸੀਂ ਸਿਖਾਂ ਦੀ ਅੱਜ ਕਲ ਦੀ ਸੋ-ਕਾਲ੍ਡ ਜਾਤ-ਪਾਤ 'ਚ ਫਿੱਟ ਨਹੀਂ ਹੁੰਦੇ | ਘਰ ਦੇ ਕਹਿੰਦੇ ਰਹਿ ਗਏ ਸਰਦਾਰਾਂ ਨੇ ਤੇਨੁ ਕੁੜੀ ਨਹੀਂ ਦੇਣੀ, ਮੈਂ ਵੀ ਲੱਗਾ ਰਿਹਾ ਕੀ ਮੈਂ ਕਿਸੀ ਕੁੜੀ ਵਾਸਤੇ ਨਹੀਂ ਸਿੰਘ ਸਜਿਆ | ਪਰ ਕੋਈ ਨਾ, ਜਿੰਨੇ ਦਿਨ ਅਜਾਦੀ ਦਾ ਅਨੰਦ ਮਿਲਦਾ, ਵਧਿਆ ਸਗੋਂ |

[Guest dharmik_jatt]

:-(Cast is so messd up. Y u only took 4 jatti wo rong wit jus bin sikh??

because we cannot commit adharam against our parents and ancestors. sikh follows path of dharam only

!

[Guest worthless]

ਨੋ ਵਨਡਰ ਮੇਰੇ ਵਰਗੇ ਛੜੇ ਹੀ ਸੰਸਾਰ ਛੱਡ ਜਾਂਦੇ, ਕਿਓੰਕੀ ਅਸੀਂ ਸਿਖਾਂ ਦੀ ਅੱਜ ਕਲ ਦੀ ਸੋ-ਕਾਲ੍ਡ ਜਾਤ-ਪਾਤ 'ਚ ਫਿੱਟ ਨਹੀਂ ਹੁੰਦੇ | ਘਰ ਦੇ ਕਹਿੰਦੇ ਰਹਿ ਗਏ ਸਰਦਾਰਾਂ ਨੇ ਤੇਨੁ ਕੁੜੀ ਨਹੀਂ ਦੇਣੀ, ਮੈਂ ਵੀ ਲੱਗਾ ਰਿਹਾ ਕੀ ਮੈਂ ਕਿਸੀ ਕੁੜੀ ਵਾਸਤੇ ਨਹੀਂ ਸਿੰਘ ਸਜਿਆ | ਪਰ ਕੋਈ ਨਾ, ਜਿੰਨੇ ਦਿਨ ਅਜਾਦੀ ਦਾ ਅਨੰਦ ਮਿਲਦਾ, ਵਧਿਆ ਸਗੋਂ |

may everyone be 'blessed' with a brother & a son like you.

[DalbirSingh]

Well you seem like someone who respects the dastar so how can you even marry someone who has cut hair. You have already made your mind you want to marry them, so it is only convincing your parents and him, his. Start dropping hints, like stories, things, movies, pictures certain indications. They will start asking you questions and find themselves into answering their own question. You could start telling them about your friends etc.

[JSinghnz]

Hmmm off-topic, but why are your parents only looking for clean-shaven guy?

I am turbanned handsome jatt sikh guy 27 years old, I can't find myself any nice jattis that respect turbans in general. I wouldn't commit the adharm of going against my parents and culture, so I am going to marry in my own tradition, but still perhaps you can give me advice?

Change your id from guru da chela to adharmi da chela because you are giving a bad name to Sikhism . You are a pretender who claims to be a Sikh BUT

still go against the basics of SIKHISM by still following the stupidity of casteism.

[JSinghnz]

because we cannot commit adharam against our parents and ancestors. sikh follows path of dharam only

!

Shamelessness at its height shows in your nonsensical comment.