What If Someone Does Not Want To Be Gristhi (Married)

[sunny_love_kirtan]

Is it a right decision to not get married by someone who understands that his/her life will be spent working day and night just to take care of his family, buy house, paying mortgages and all that and very very less time to concentrate on what the actual purpose of this life.

Someone who has spent his/her 25 years forced following sansari rituals like gaining education, looking for work, obeying parents etc and then coming to a stage realizing that this will continue forever and will get worse after he/she get married. That is more sansari stuff, more bonds, more moh, more of everything worse they been through.

PLUS WITH A SURE CONFIDENCE THAT IT WILL

BE A CHEATING IF THEY GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE.

And then planning for living a life of true student of guru.

[Ryu Hayabusa]

I am older than you and not married. I will not marry til I feel grounded in the truth of all that is.

It is so easy to get caught up in marrying, kids, job, mortgage and pretty soon your whole life has passed and your left wondering where did the time ago. My advice would be to trust yourself, don't rule out marraige but don't blindly fall into marraige just because your parents/relatives think is the right move for you. Only you know you.

[VanHelsingh]

I heard a wonderful katha on the radio from Giani Sant Singh Maskeen on this very topic a few days ago. Basically it was trying to explain the life of a gristhi-jeev and Giani Ji was also taking examples from Guru Nanak Sahib Ji's life in order to make his point.

All I can say is that it depends on the inner-strength of the individual to ensure that the maya (illusion) of this world does not overwhelm what truly matters. It's why I believe that finding a life partner who shares the same values - be they spiritual, moral or otherwise - is absolutely essential.

Therefore in terms of Gursikhs it is vital you find a Gursikh wife who also feels the same way about life and the end-goal as you do, and you both agree not to allow the turbulence of life sweep you both away in it's undeniably strong currents, but in-fact both husband and wife should work together and build that jeevan together.

Easier said than done though. The choice of such partners in this world is dwindling and I'm talking from experience.

[rightpath]

isnt it hard for everyonee.. sometime i just think not to marry will be a easy way out but what is written in ur life by guru ji will happen, but wont it be better if u have extra sangat, husbandd/ wife doin amrit vela, nitnem ,sharing same value to find waheguru, n how each others will help each other to build their spritual level for example if im failing badly, startin to build up doubts abt life n sikhi, then sumtime ur partner understands u will direct u and vise versa, butt its really important that ur partner life goal is same as u or else like ma mom she wants amrit so badlyyy n keepin her rehit(she has taken choola dont knw if i spelled it right), doin sehaj path whereas my dad drink, eat meat and cut his hair, n don't listen to bani or thinkin amrit is not yet his goal..

sighhh watchin ma mom i dont think i want to spend ma lifeee like hers, im lucky that im already amrit dhari n not even botherd if i will find partner or not cause what matter is waheguru will give u what u deserves hunna i dont mind where i go as long as waheguru is there just embracing life as it goes, as we dont know if there is nx breathe or not, other matter guru ji will guide

bhul chuk maff

[Singhstah]

This is what Bhai Sahib Bhai Rama Singh Ji says in his book, In Search of the True Guru:

“Bhai Sahib Ji, is it important to live the life of a house-holder?”

“Yes, if an individual is seeking salvation then the family life is important. If one attempts to do meditation without being married, then the mind will remain unstable. This is the Age of Kalyug and the unstable mind continuously runs towards worldly attractions and wasteful life style. It takes many years of simran to stabilise the wandering mind. Even then lust is a great evil force and will continue to trouble the mind. Most of the great avatars (saints and prophets) who came to this world, were married. Of the Ten Gurus nine were married (Sri Har Krishan Ji's Light merged with Waheguru Ji when He was only 8 years old). Sri Ram Chandar Ji, Bhagwan Krishan, Shiv Ji, Mahatma Budh, Brahma and Muhammed Sahib, they all had families. So, it is important to get married. Akal Purakh (Waheguru) established all creation in two parts, for example, man/woman; night/day; birth/death; youth/old age; sunlight/darkness; earth/sky and sorrow/happiness etc. Akal Purakh has established this meaningful system. The day is for working and the night is for resting. Married life is for procreation, so that life may continue. Those saadhus and sants who say that one should not get married are breaking the Divine Law. However, there are other great saints who did not get married because they were sent for preaching religion; they have been sent by Guru Ji Himself. Examples of such holy people are: Sant Baba Atar Singh Ji Mastuanay-waalay, Sant Baba Karam Singh Ji Hoti Mardan, Sant Baba Jwala Singh Ji Harkhowal, Sant Baba Gurmukh Singh Ji Patialay-waalay, Sant Baba Isher Singh Ji Rare-waalay, Sant Baba Bhan Singh Jagraon, Sant Baba Nand Singh Ji Kaleran-waalay and many others; no one can equal their saintliness. They would recite Bani all night and do simran .

It is my own experience how troublesome lust (sexual urge) can be when one engages in Waheguru meditation. I too spent life as a family man for five or six years. I used medicine too to control this distracting force. From the day I was blessed by Guru Ji's darshan , my mind did not waver. This was a gift of Naam . My life changed. For controlling this distracting influence, it is necessary to do simran for 10 to 12 hours a day. Then a stage is reached where lust cannot trouble a devotee. Some Gursikhs ask me, “Being family people, how can we do so many hours of simran ?” The way this can be done is that if two members of a family sit together to do Paatths of Nit Nem and Sukhmani and simran , then it becomes a Sangat and the reward doubles. In the same way while doing daily chores one should keep reciting all the Bani one knows by heart. Proceeding in this way, with Guru Ji's blessing, one achieves spiritual success while living a normal family life.”

[Balbir Singh]

Did gurus ever suggest one to get married and become Grihsthii?

[SantLUCIFER]

It's a personal choice even though the Guru Sahibs encouraged Gristhi Jivan. I believe the Giani who is in charge of the seva of Dama Dami Takhsal is not married? correct me if I'm wrong, he concentrates on doing the Seva of Dhan Guru Gobind Singh Jis Shastars etc.

[Guest dataSingh]

The babey at the Hazur sahib aren't married !

[Guru_Da_Chella]

If I was going to live in the dal I probably wouldn't get married. Then I would just follow kshatri(Warrior) dharm as opposed to grihzti dharm. Same with sadhu sant type dharm, many sadhu sant aren't married, and therefore don;t follow grihzti dharm and kshatri dharm, although some, especially in sikhi, do follow kshatri dharm as well.

Hmm if we had loads of children we could reintroduce the tradition of sending our first born sons to the dals to train to be Singhs, in which case a lot of first born sons may never be married?!

[VanHelsingh]

I think about the many Singhs that are steeped in seva and devotion and they aren't married. But then I think that Sant Jarnail Singh Ji had a wife and a family. Then I wonder that if someone of that stature found it important to get married - considering the duties and responsibilities they had on their shoulders - they must've seen something of value in a gristhi life.