Jump to content

I Have Had Pre-Maritial Sex, Help!


Guest SwaggSingh
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest SwaggSingh

i am not a amritdhari, i am 16 and i keep my hair and all my parents are amritdharis and i just had physical relationship with my girlfriend. I feel really guilty about it. But it just happenned and i coudnt control myself. So am i going to hell now :(. because i was thinking of getting amrit when i am older. and now i regret this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chastity or continence, is emphasized in Sikhism, because in the human body lies the divine presence and as such, the body has to be kept clean and perfect. Those things which harm the body or cause sickness and disease have to be scrupulously avoided. Sex is to be limited to one’s wife/husband. Pre-marital or extra-marital sex is forbidden to a Sikh. We all should consider opposite gender older to us as our father/mother, equal to us as a brother/sister, and younger than us as a son/daughter. Sikh should never entertain evil thoughts in the company of women. Marriage is a sacrament and the purpose thereof is companionship and help on the spiritual path, rather than sexual enjoyment. The marriage ideal is summed up in the maxim: ‘one soul in two bodies.’ Fidelity to one’s married partner is the essence of continence. In order to avoid evil thoughts, one should keep away from obscene books, nasty plays/films.

Source: http://aboutsikhs.co...premarital-sex/

---

Let the past be bygone. What is done is done.. Now the important thing is.. what will do you do? Human nature to feel guilty but in this kalyug world such guilty effect alwayd end up after couple of days (just like someone passes away in a family).

I would suggest you to make dramatic change in your life by giving sikhi more priority than you give to other stuff.

“0 Lust! You consign people to hell and to the cycle of transmigration, You cheat all minds, influence the three worlds and destroy all contemplation and culture; Your pleasure is momentary, you make one fickle and poor and punish the high and the low; I have overcome your fear by associating with saintly persons and taking shelter with God!” (SGGS ji, 1358)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ..........

I want you to do something. The next time you can't "control yourself", think about your sister or future children doing what you've done. Is that okay? Would you be happy for them to behave this way? If this doesn't work out, then what? Where does that leave you both? What if your parents find out, how do you think they will feel?

The reason I'm being harsh, is because you need to understand the enormity of your actions and their consequences. You cannot ever undo this. You are sixteen years old..People who are a LOT more mature than you can't make their marriages work and you think that your relationship with this girl will last? Do you respect her? Could you marry her after this? Imagine marrying someone and finding out afterwards that they've already been with someone else..now if you have children with that person, what if your children find out? How can they ever respect their mother? And vice versa, how can a child respect a father that has done something like this? How would you feel if you found out that your parents had done this? I guarantee that you could never look at them in the same way again.

Yes, you have done wrong. It's good that you have acknowledged this and it's good that you feel guilty, because that means you understand that your actions were against Gurmat. If you are serious about taking amrit in the future, then do something about it. If you go to Guru Jee and ask for forgiveness for your mistakes, if you give Them your head and give up your own mat, then They will forgive you..Gurbani is an incredibly powerful weapon against kaam. Arm yourself and don't let your emotions control you. YOU should be in control of your emotions..not only lust, but anger, greed, attachment, pride..Start wearing a kachera, and every time you tie a knot remember what that means. It means that you are in control of your emotions.

Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What is done is done but what matters is what you will do? It is human nature to feel guilty but in this kalyug world that guilty effect will be temporary; means that you will feel okay after couple of days (just like someone passed away in family).

Even if you feel better after a few days, the first step is to admit you messed up. Then you can either dwell on it and feel guilty about it, or you can detach from the memory of your mistake, and make sure as he*l you don't do it again and begin the great cleanup within.

This is done through naam simran and slavery to God. Throughout all of the 14 realms, you are either a slave to maya or a slave to god. Being a slave to god means being a slave to the truth which is the true freedom.

Naam is truth, it is His frequency- of his gyan which is balanced(beyond highs and lows, pleaure and pain)- that pervades the universe.

His gyan is Gurbani, bani is guru and guru is bani, the God lives in the truth, he has become it- and we are told in gurbani to attune ouselves to Him(to His frequency) through naam simran.

Naam simran when done with this gyan in mind and applied throughout your life cleans us up, silences the mind(and hence the 5 theives i.e Lust, anger, greed, envy, attachment and ego) and through it we begin our journey back to the truth which is our real selves- at the moment we;re just attached to a dream, bhagti detaches us to experience the reality that is Sat(Truth/God).

The more you yearn for maya(illusion, everything and anything within the 5 senses including all images and people), the more you indulge in the thieves. When you realise and accept that God has no form, and we are God/truth, hence we are formless, you shed all of your preconditioned knowledge and walk His path blindly, surrendering yourself to his love/ accepting hukam. Living in naam and silencing the mind|(5 theives) is living in hukam.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

we all make mistakes, none of us are saints...if that was the case we wouldn't be here we would be in Sachkhand with Akaal Purukh Vaheguru themselves. Only Vaheguru knows the filth of our past lives. You know that you have done wrong which is good because now you need to figure out how you will refrain from these mistakes again. Ask Vaheguru for forgiveness and hukum on how to follow the right path. Can I also suggest that you limit talking to the opposite sex if you cannot think of women as your sisters and mothers. Although talking and texting etc with the opposite sex can seem innocent at first it can lead to wrongful acts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I pity the guy who ends up marrying the girl you've enjoyed. If there's any justice in this world it'll be someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl, as opposed to someone who hasn't indulged in pre-marital sex himself. Which in this day and age is getting less likely, case in point, this topic.

judge jury execution...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

judge jury execution...

Your point being we are not perfect and thus should refrain from passing comment? If that were the case this website and it's threads would be pretty sparsely populated.

I stand by my original point. Why should a guy receive somebody else's used goods if he himself has stuck to the rules and not given into his urges? Although if that is indeed what happens as I doubt the girl in question will tell a potential husband she has already had sex.....That is if she clings to the pretence of being a chaste girl looking for a husband through an arranged....sorry I mean "introduced" marriage.

I make no apologies for my stance on this subject. On other issues I have humbly reconsidered my views if I've felt my comments have been ill-judged. Not this time. Not one bit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WGJKWGJK,

I personally think you should marry her, you had pre-marital relationship you both consented. At some point you should marry, that does not mean you should continue to indulge in this activity. This is our sister / daughter and you both have violated the Sikh way of life. Personal message me if you need someone to talk to, or even if she needs some counselling we are here to help. We need to contain this so you and her do not go and think it is ok to indulge in this sort of behaviour whilst you are both are single. We are living in Kaljug and there is a lot of fire and hot energy in youth, we need you both to put that energy into your Sikhi. This can be done only by the Grace of the True Guru. Goto the Gurdwara on your own take in the hukkamama and apply it to your life. As gianiji to translate and when you do your ardass beg for forgivingness.

I agree nobody is perfect, only the True Guru is perfect in every way imaginable. Dhan Dhan Maharaj Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Dhan Dhan Teri Sikhi.

WGJKWGJKF

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are only 16 , you have a lot of life ahead of you , you may or may not slip again in future. Once you have tasted the forbidden fruit, things can only get worse. Your only hope is either you can maintain a lot of simran ( 3-4 hours daily) continuosly for 1-2 years to see a change in your behavior, or you get a guidance of a true brahmgyani which is close to impossible. Just keep doing ardass, every individual is different.

Once you are guilt goes away, you might indulge in the act again.

Only practical solution that I can give to you is that wake up at amritvela, 2 AM, chant waheguru mantra or mool mantra loud and listen to it properly with your eyes. If you can keep it up for 2 years...you might be able to make up for your mistake, I know its hard...but there is no other way.

Hope you consider doing it .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • WJKK WJKF! How long will this forum remain online for in a readable & accessible state? It appears susceptible to shut-down. It would be a shame if all the forum's content from over the decades is lost in such an event due to servers hosting this forum shutting-down. This forum, whilst not currently active, remains an important repository of the Sikh religion online. It also is a fundamental aspect of Sikh cyber culture that existed from the early Internet period from the 2000's to 2010's before the domination by big social-media sites that consolidated the community. Thus, have the web-masters of this forum considered archiving this forum's contents before it is lost forever? I can assist you in this by saving the content to the Internet Archive on your behalf. Please let me know your thoughts about such an endeavour and I hope you may consider the possibility of archiving the forum for posterity. Future generations of Sikhs and Sikh researchers will be grateful. Kind regards, Theth Panjabi (you can find me on IG at theth.panjabi and on X/Twitter at ThethPanjabi)
    • Video on the tale, gurdwara, and manuscript: link As the story goes, during the Vadda Ghallughara genocide against the Sikhs perpetrated by the Afghan Durrani Empire on 5–6 February 1762, not only were Sikh lives lost, but our original Damdami Sahib Bir recension was also lost in that carnage. However, over the years I have spent researching our history, many claimed it was taken back to Afghanistan by Ahmad Shah Abdali's troops as loot whilst others said it was secretly hidden somewhere by the Singhs for safe-keeping. As of today, it remains untraceable and I presume it is gone for good. However, I came across a couple of articles stating that there were actually around five master-copies of the original Damdami Bir, with one of these copies being safeguarded by the jatha of Bhai Sudha Singh of the Shaheedan Misl. "It is said that the tenth Sikh master Guru Gobind Singh had got five birs written at Damdama Sahib. The bani (writings) of the ninth Sikh master Guru Tegh Bahadur were incorporated in these birs. These five birs were given to different jathas (groups) of Sikhs by Guru Gobind Singh to be safely installed. One bir was being taken by Sudha Singh who was leading a jatha of 19 Sikhs, when Abdali'[s] forces stormed Kup-Rohira and killed thousands of Sikhs. Though all 19 Sikhs were massacred by Abdali, Sudha Singh somehow brought the bir to Kuthala. Since then it has been kept at village gurdwara." (Times of India, 2012) The gurdwara today [Gurdwara Shaheed Baba Sudha Singh Ji in Kuthala] has a certain historical manuscript that they claim is one of the five master-copies of the Damdama recension. You can see close-up shots of the bir in the video posted. I will also share close-up images of its folios in the comment section. I will also provide a faithful English translation of the video's narration so non-Punjabi speakers may benefit from this post. I will leave the question on whether this bir is authentic or not to your judgement but I will provide my own analysis below.   English translation of the video's narration: The Guru-form Guru Khalsa Holy Congregation (Sadh Sangat) Ji, Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. The Gurdwara Sahib that the congregation is currently beholding is situated in Village Kuthala, near Malerkotla, in the Sangrur district of Punjab. A very great treasure is preserved within this Gurdwara Sahib. The history of this Gurdwara Sahib is very closely related to the Vada Ghalughara (The Great Holocaust) that took place in February 1762. Baba Sudha Singh Ji, the third head of the Shaheedi Misl, arrived at this location considering it a safe place. He brought with him that sacred holy scripture (Saroop) which the Tenth Father, Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji, had personally dictated to Bhai Mani Singh Ji on the holy land of Damdama Sahib. Upon arriving, he personally performed the last rites (cremation) of 19 martyred Sikhs at this site. As he prepared to leave to take command of the Jatha (the Sikh contingent), the sacred holy scripture he had brought was enshrined at this very location. At that time, this place was known as Dera Jaga Sidh, but nowadays, a very beautiful building stands here in the name of Gurdwara Sahib Shaheedi. The sacred holy scriptures that were enshrined at that time are today ceremoniously displayed (Prakashwan) with great respect every Channi Dashmi (the tenth day of the bright lunar fortnight) for the congregation to behold. Devotees from within the country and abroad arrive to catch a glimpse of these sacred scriptures and receive the Guru's blessings. Every year, an annual Gurmat Samagam (religious congregation) is held for five consecutive days in memory of the martyrs of the Great Holocaust, concluding on Magh Sudi Dashmi. Furthermore, a book containing the full detailed history—titled after Shaheed Baba Sudha Singh Ji and the Hand-written Holy Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji—was released in February 2013 by the managing volunteers based on historical research. It was released by the 14th head of the Shaheedi Misl, Singh Sahib Baba Makhan Singh Ji (the current head of Baba Bakala Sahib), the Meet Jathedar Singh Ji, and Sant Gurdev Singh Ji of Anandpur Sahib (the current head). The congregation can obtain spiritual benefit by reading it. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.   My analysis: In my humble opinion (which may be incorrect), this bir is not a master-copy of the Damdami Bir. It more closely resembles the highly-decorated birs of the Kashmiri-style that were created during the reign of the Sikh Empire in the first half of the 19th century. We can see this bir has highly illuminated and illustrated angs (folios), which took the great skill of a master artisan to make, which required resources to pay and patronize. Usually, the manuscripts during the Sikh Empire were the most elaborately decorated, as this was when the Sikhs were at a high-point, masters of the land, possessing vast amounts of resources that they could use to fund such endeavors. Therefore, whilst the story may be true and a master-copy of the Damdami Bir recension may have once been at this location, I am not convinced that this particular manuscript is it. I may be mistaken and I am open to constructive criticism. 1633648456_GurdwaraHistory.mp4
    • Sri Kesgarh Sahib (and Akaal Takht) has always allowed eating meat for those who take Amrit there, as long as it's not ritually killed like halaal.  They've followed the official Sikh Rehat Maryada since it was made in the 30s, before that they were Nihang Maryada who also allow meat. So no Panj Pyaare have ever mandated being veg at Anandpur Sahib. You can read the full Sikh Rehat Maryada in English, it includes the Panj Pyaare are meant to say on the day (page 57 I believe). My cousin took Amrit at Anandpur Sahib and my other one in Darbar Sahib 8 years later. I recently showed them both this page and they said that's exactly what the Panj said to them word for word at their Sanchaars
    • Anandpur Sahib does and always has followed the Sikh Rehat Maryada, same as Darbar Sahib in Amritsar. They allow you to eat any eggs, fish or meat as long it is not Halal meat/killed Ritualistically. They say Kes is the Kakkar, not Keski. I believe only AKJ says that and nobody else. You can read the full Sikh Rehat Maryada, page 56-7 I believe is what the Panj Pyaare are meant to say on the day. My cousin took Amrit at Anandpur Sahib and the other in Darbar Sahib 8 years later. I showed them both this page and they said that is exactly what the Panj said to them word for word at their Sanchaar
    • All Sikhs must recite Rehras Sahib daily but Chaupai Sahib and the short Anand Sahib were only added to it by SGPC and other jathebandis in the 1900s. In Guru Granth Sahib Ji's saroop, "Sodar Rehras" appears from "So dar tera keha" to "Saran pare ki rakho sarma", which is basically the first half of "Rehras" in all standard Gutka Sahibaan. So why do we recite these? Obviously doing more Baani can never be bad, but most Amritdharis recite Benti Chaupai and Anand Sahib in their morning Nitnem so why should we recite these two Baania again instead of a new one? That time could be used to read Shastar Naam Mala, Shabad Hazaare etc. And why do these two Baanis get more importance than the others? Surely if we recite Chaupai Sahib and (part of) Anand Sahib twice in a day then we should also recite Japji Sahib, Jaap Sahib and Tav Prasad Savaiya twice as well? Note: Pls correct me if I'm wrong about SGPC. My theory is that they added these into Rehras Sahib cos they removed them from the morning Baania but still had to include them in the daily Nitnem somehow, but this doesn't explain why older Samparde like Budha Dal also have this version of Rehras Sahib in their Gutkeh - someone enlighten Daas pls Bhul Chuk Maaf
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use