I Have Had Pre-Maritial Sex, Help!

[Guest kaur]

I pity the guy who ends up marrying the girl you've enjoyed. If there's any justice in this world it'll be someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl, as opposed to someone who hasn't indulged in pre-marital sex himself. Which in this day and age is getting less likely, case in point, this topic.

How about pitying the girl who's going to end up with the guy starting this thread? And isn't that someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl in fact the guy starting the thread? The guy is as much to blame as the girl so why do you write as if the girl is the only one doing wrong? The guy has done equally wrong as the girl.

[Guest the]

He is 16 yrs old. I was smoking cigarettes at 17 and weed aged 18.

Now I havent touched any of it for years, do not eat meat and am prob one of the most sikh person you will have ever met.

People can change, I am a living example.

Of course he should try his best to marry the girl he slept with, but he can change.

[Khoolasice]

There is no 'Going to Hell' in Sikhism.

Heaven and Hell are state of mind on Earth.

Please stop frightening the kid.

[VanHelsingh]

How about pitying the girl who's going to end up with the guy starting this thread? And isn't that someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl in fact the guy starting the thread? The guy is as much to blame as the girl so why do you write as if the girl is the only one doing wrong? The guy has done equally wrong as the girl.

That goes without saying. Equal standards for all!

I was commenting from a guy's perspective.

[Guest singh]

You are only 16 , you have a lot of life ahead of you , you may or may not slip again in future. Once you have tasted the forbidden fruit, things can only get worse. Your only hope is either you can maintain a lot of simran ( 3-4 hours daily) continuosly for 1-2 years to see a change in your behavior, or you get a guidance of a true brahmgyani which is close to impossible. Just keep doing ardass, every individual is different.

Once you are guilt goes away, you might indulge in the act again.

Only practical solution that I can give to you is that wake up at amritvela, 2 AM, chant waheguru mantra or mool mantra loud and listen to it properly with your eyes. If you can keep it up for 2 years...you might be able to make up for your mistake, I know its hard...but there is no other way.

Hope you consider doing it .

I agree with this... once you do something like that you will regret it for a few days or weeks and then most of the time end up doing it again...

a bit like drinking, when people get drunk the next morning they wish they didnt drink and say they will never drink again only until the next party...

your best option is to marry her

[HDSH]

Some replies are rather strange. There is a mountain of difference between liking someone physically and considering them for marriage. Our younger brother is only 16, how can anyone ask him to marry the girl?!

Payarey shotey veer, what is your mind telling you to do now?

[Guest the]

^^Bhaji if he has slept with her, it is the righteous thing to do to marry her- of course he should wait until he is the right age.

I said he should do everything within his power to marry her because the girl might obv not want to marry him- but on his part, of course he should at least try his best to make it work with the girl and marry the girl he has slept with.

[m4ndy]

I don't want to sound harsh here, but if your old enough to engage in sexual intercourse then your old enough to marry the girls whose purity you took...

Actions have consequences, one day that girl if she marries another guy he will find out.. Solution deal with the consequence and marry her...

[gurdssingh]

Sorry this maybe inappropriate, but I don't see the big deal. The OP shoudln't over dwell and beat himeslf over it. Heres a fact sexual intercourse is a natural urge like many other things such as eating, only we need to eat every day to live

We also NEED 'do it so mankind continues' (or pleasure, if your not at that level). A natural urge we all do but don't talk about as it is like going to the toilet. We all need and do it.

If you make love, im talking about LOVE with some one care for you get to know them. Well it's better to get to know your partner and commit to physical relations once you are both willing and want too.

As I know of arrange marriages you have only met a few times and I mean a few times over chai / somosa etc get married. The day after the Anand Karj the couple sleep in the same bed and may indulge in natural urges. Some gorah akin it to a desi on night stand, but its forever! No get out of jail free card!!!

IS it not right to sleep with someone you have dated for along time and then do it with a marraige in view or is it better just being introduced and then marrying not getting to know the partner and you know shuaag raat!.

I stand by my original point. Why should a guy receive somebody else's used goods if he himself has stuck to the rules and not given into his urges? Although if that is indeed what happens as I doubt the girl in question will tell a potential husband she has already had sex.....That is if she clings to the pretence of being a chaste girl looking for a husband through an arranged....sorry I mean "introduced" marriage.

I make no apologies for my stance on this subject. On other issues I have humbly reconsidered my views if I've felt my comments have been ill-judged. Not this time. Not one bit.

Well maybe these things should be asked amongst the couple with upmost confidence without humiliating the other on your few minute chat to get to no each other. As you can always tell if a girl is virign after.

But the question I ask is SO what if the person you have arrange marriage with has been with a partner before? Is it ok for guy not girl? Nor both?

EDIT

On a side note there a lot of threads on here about mas******ing, well that is alos cheating to an extenct, as they must be imagining / viewing somthing so maybe that needs to be thrown into the mix? ITS KALJUG we all have these urges to be with somone as long as its for the right reasons l see no wrong i.e. long term partner, who yuo may want to marry

[HDSH]

^^ As per Sikhi, a physical relationship between a couple should occur only after anand karaj. Period.