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I Have Had Pre-Maritial Sex, Help!


Guest SwaggSingh

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Guest SwaggSingh

i am not a amritdhari, i am 16 and i keep my hair and all my parents are amritdharis and i just had physical relationship with my girlfriend. I feel really guilty about it. But it just happenned and i coudnt control myself. So am i going to hell now :(. because i was thinking of getting amrit when i am older. and now i regret this.

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Chastity or continence, is emphasized in Sikhism, because in the human body lies the divine presence and as such, the body has to be kept clean and perfect. Those things which harm the body or cause sickness and disease have to be scrupulously avoided. Sex is to be limited to one’s wife/husband. Pre-marital or extra-marital sex is forbidden to a Sikh. We all should consider opposite gender older to us as our father/mother, equal to us as a brother/sister, and younger than us as a son/daughter. Sikh should never entertain evil thoughts in the company of women. Marriage is a sacrament and the purpose thereof is companionship and help on the spiritual path, rather than sexual enjoyment. The marriage ideal is summed up in the maxim: ‘one soul in two bodies.’ Fidelity to one’s married partner is the essence of continence. In order to avoid evil thoughts, one should keep away from obscene books, nasty plays/films.

Source: http://aboutsikhs.co...premarital-sex/

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Let the past be bygone. What is done is done.. Now the important thing is.. what will do you do? Human nature to feel guilty but in this kalyug world such guilty effect alwayd end up after couple of days (just like someone passes away in a family).

I would suggest you to make dramatic change in your life by giving sikhi more priority than you give to other stuff.

“0 Lust! You consign people to hell and to the cycle of transmigration, You cheat all minds, influence the three worlds and destroy all contemplation and culture; Your pleasure is momentary, you make one fickle and poor and punish the high and the low; I have overcome your fear by associating with saintly persons and taking shelter with God!” (SGGS ji, 1358)
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Guest ..........

I want you to do something. The next time you can't "control yourself", think about your sister or future children doing what you've done. Is that okay? Would you be happy for them to behave this way? If this doesn't work out, then what? Where does that leave you both? What if your parents find out, how do you think they will feel?

The reason I'm being harsh, is because you need to understand the enormity of your actions and their consequences. You cannot ever undo this. You are sixteen years old..People who are a LOT more mature than you can't make their marriages work and you think that your relationship with this girl will last? Do you respect her? Could you marry her after this? Imagine marrying someone and finding out afterwards that they've already been with someone else..now if you have children with that person, what if your children find out? How can they ever respect their mother? And vice versa, how can a child respect a father that has done something like this? How would you feel if you found out that your parents had done this? I guarantee that you could never look at them in the same way again.

Yes, you have done wrong. It's good that you have acknowledged this and it's good that you feel guilty, because that means you understand that your actions were against Gurmat. If you are serious about taking amrit in the future, then do something about it. If you go to Guru Jee and ask for forgiveness for your mistakes, if you give Them your head and give up your own mat, then They will forgive you..Gurbani is an incredibly powerful weapon against kaam. Arm yourself and don't let your emotions control you. YOU should be in control of your emotions..not only lust, but anger, greed, attachment, pride..Start wearing a kachera, and every time you tie a knot remember what that means. It means that you are in control of your emotions.

Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them.

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What is done is done but what matters is what you will do? It is human nature to feel guilty but in this kalyug world that guilty effect will be temporary; means that you will feel okay after couple of days (just like someone passed away in family).

Even if you feel better after a few days, the first step is to admit you messed up. Then you can either dwell on it and feel guilty about it, or you can detach from the memory of your mistake, and make sure as he*l you don't do it again and begin the great cleanup within.

This is done through naam simran and slavery to God. Throughout all of the 14 realms, you are either a slave to maya or a slave to god. Being a slave to god means being a slave to the truth which is the true freedom.

Naam is truth, it is His frequency- of his gyan which is balanced(beyond highs and lows, pleaure and pain)- that pervades the universe.

His gyan is Gurbani, bani is guru and guru is bani, the God lives in the truth, he has become it- and we are told in gurbani to attune ouselves to Him(to His frequency) through naam simran.

Naam simran when done with this gyan in mind and applied throughout your life cleans us up, silences the mind(and hence the 5 theives i.e Lust, anger, greed, envy, attachment and ego) and through it we begin our journey back to the truth which is our real selves- at the moment we;re just attached to a dream, bhagti detaches us to experience the reality that is Sat(Truth/God).

The more you yearn for maya(illusion, everything and anything within the 5 senses including all images and people), the more you indulge in the thieves. When you realise and accept that God has no form, and we are God/truth, hence we are formless, you shed all of your preconditioned knowledge and walk His path blindly, surrendering yourself to his love/ accepting hukam. Living in naam and silencing the mind|(5 theives) is living in hukam.

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I pity the guy who ends up marrying the girl you've enjoyed. If there's any justice in this world it'll be someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl, as opposed to someone who hasn't indulged in pre-marital sex himself. Which in this day and age is getting less likely, case in point, this topic.

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we all make mistakes, none of us are saints...if that was the case we wouldn't be here we would be in Sachkhand with Akaal Purukh Vaheguru themselves. Only Vaheguru knows the filth of our past lives. You know that you have done wrong which is good because now you need to figure out how you will refrain from these mistakes again. Ask Vaheguru for forgiveness and hukum on how to follow the right path. Can I also suggest that you limit talking to the opposite sex if you cannot think of women as your sisters and mothers. Although talking and texting etc with the opposite sex can seem innocent at first it can lead to wrongful acts.

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I pity the guy who ends up marrying the girl you've enjoyed. If there's any justice in this world it'll be someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl, as opposed to someone who hasn't indulged in pre-marital sex himself. Which in this day and age is getting less likely, case in point, this topic.

judge jury execution...

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judge jury execution...

Your point being we are not perfect and thus should refrain from passing comment? If that were the case this website and it's threads would be pretty sparsely populated.

I stand by my original point. Why should a guy receive somebody else's used goods if he himself has stuck to the rules and not given into his urges? Although if that is indeed what happens as I doubt the girl in question will tell a potential husband she has already had sex.....That is if she clings to the pretence of being a chaste girl looking for a husband through an arranged....sorry I mean "introduced" marriage.

I make no apologies for my stance on this subject. On other issues I have humbly reconsidered my views if I've felt my comments have been ill-judged. Not this time. Not one bit.

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WGJKWGJK,

I personally think you should marry her, you had pre-marital relationship you both consented. At some point you should marry, that does not mean you should continue to indulge in this activity. This is our sister / daughter and you both have violated the Sikh way of life. Personal message me if you need someone to talk to, or even if she needs some counselling we are here to help. We need to contain this so you and her do not go and think it is ok to indulge in this sort of behaviour whilst you are both are single. We are living in Kaljug and there is a lot of fire and hot energy in youth, we need you both to put that energy into your Sikhi. This can be done only by the Grace of the True Guru. Goto the Gurdwara on your own take in the hukkamama and apply it to your life. As gianiji to translate and when you do your ardass beg for forgivingness.

I agree nobody is perfect, only the True Guru is perfect in every way imaginable. Dhan Dhan Maharaj Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Dhan Dhan Teri Sikhi.

WGJKWGJKF

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You are only 16 , you have a lot of life ahead of you , you may or may not slip again in future. Once you have tasted the forbidden fruit, things can only get worse. Your only hope is either you can maintain a lot of simran ( 3-4 hours daily) continuosly for 1-2 years to see a change in your behavior, or you get a guidance of a true brahmgyani which is close to impossible. Just keep doing ardass, every individual is different.

Once you are guilt goes away, you might indulge in the act again.

Only practical solution that I can give to you is that wake up at amritvela, 2 AM, chant waheguru mantra or mool mantra loud and listen to it properly with your eyes. If you can keep it up for 2 years...you might be able to make up for your mistake, I know its hard...but there is no other way.

Hope you consider doing it .

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I pity the guy who ends up marrying the girl you've enjoyed. If there's any justice in this world it'll be someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl, as opposed to someone who hasn't indulged in pre-marital sex himself. Which in this day and age is getting less likely, case in point, this topic.

How about pitying the girl who's going to end up with the guy starting this thread? And isn't that someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl in fact the guy starting the thread? The guy is as much to blame as the girl so why do you write as if the girl is the only one doing wrong? The guy has done equally wrong as the girl.

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He is 16 yrs old. I was smoking cigarettes at 17 and weed aged 18.

Now I havent touched any of it for years, do not eat meat and am prob one of the most sikh person you will have ever met.

People can change, I am a living example.

Of course he should try his best to marry the girl he slept with, but he can change.

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How about pitying the girl who's going to end up with the guy starting this thread? And isn't that someone who is of the same moral fibre as the girl in fact the guy starting the thread? The guy is as much to blame as the girl so why do you write as if the girl is the only one doing wrong? The guy has done equally wrong as the girl.

That goes without saying. Equal standards for all!

I was commenting from a guy's perspective.

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You are only 16 , you have a lot of life ahead of you , you may or may not slip again in future. Once you have tasted the forbidden fruit, things can only get worse. Your only hope is either you can maintain a lot of simran ( 3-4 hours daily) continuosly for 1-2 years to see a change in your behavior, or you get a guidance of a true brahmgyani which is close to impossible. Just keep doing ardass, every individual is different.

Once you are guilt goes away, you might indulge in the act again.

Only practical solution that I can give to you is that wake up at amritvela, 2 AM, chant waheguru mantra or mool mantra loud and listen to it properly with your eyes. If you can keep it up for 2 years...you might be able to make up for your mistake, I know its hard...but there is no other way.

Hope you consider doing it .

I agree with this... once you do something like that you will regret it for a few days or weeks and then most of the time end up doing it again...

a bit like drinking, when people get drunk the next morning they wish they didnt drink and say they will never drink again only until the next party...

your best option is to marry her

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    • 2023: The Earth’s orbit will change (nobody really knows what this means).  - similar been mooted by some kathavachaks 2025: The population of Europe will reach almost zero. - interesting but unlikely I think  2028: Mankind will fly to Venus, in hope of finding new sources of energy.  😂 2043: Europe’s transformation into an Islamic caliphate is complete. Rome is named the capital. The world’s economy thrives under Muslim rule.  - Doubt it unless the middle East invades Europe
    • https://www.expressandstar.com/news/politics/2021/10/21/mp-demands-answers-over-unjust-treatment-of-west-midlands-three/ MP demands answers over 'unjust' treatment of West Midlands Three By Peter MadeleyWolverhamptonPoliticsPublished: 4 hours ago   Preet Kaur Gill has demanded answers over the "targetting" of the men, known as the West Midlands Three, who were accused of being involved in a murder plot in India in 2009. The Home Office certified an extradition request in December 2020, but an appeal to hand them over to Indian authorities was dismissed in September after a District Judge found that no case could be established. Edgbaston MP Ms Gill, who is chair of the all party parliamentary group for British Sikhs, has demanded answers over the handling of the case. She also called for the Home Office to push for the release of another British national, Jagtar Singh Johal, who has been held in an Indian jail without charge for more than four years. Ms Gill said: "The case of the West Midlands Three is appalling. Having met with them, I've seen first-hand the unjust treatment which they have been subjected to. "The targeting of innocent, British Sikhs has no place in our society "Jagtar Singh Johal has now been detained in India, facing the death penalty, for more than four years with only an alleged confession obtained under torture as evidence. "In accordance with foreign office policy where an individual is arbitrarily detained, the UK Government must act and call for Jaggi's release. It is vital that the foreign secretary now makes this urgent request."
    • https://indianexpress.com/article/cities/amritsar/sikh-activists-give-rs-1-lakh-to-singhu-victims-wife-daughters-want-to-help-as-lakhbir-victimised-them-7582565/ Sikh activists give Rs 1 lakh to Singhu victim’s wife, daughters: ‘Want to help as Lakhbir victimised them’ To offer the same, Gangveer Singh Rathore and Sunny Singh Khalsa, both independent social workers, visited village of Lakhbir’s in-laws in Amritsar. The wife and three daughters of Lakhbir Singh, who was lynched at Singhu border, have received financial help of Rs 1 lakh from two Sikh activists. To offer the same, Gangveer Singh Rathore and Sunny Singh Khalsa, both independent social workers, visited village of Lakhbir’s in-laws in Amritsar. They said that they had collected this money through voluntary donations and were offering it on behalf of the community. In written statement later, they said, “We don’t want to create any wrong perception that family of sacrilege suspect would get financial aide. We want to help these girls because they were also victimised by Lakhbir who never fed them. However, some people are using these girls to create sympathy for Lakhbir and play dirty politics. I would like to ask these people not to use these girls to play their politics, but help them instead…They should be helped because they were troubled by Lakhbir. Rest, our views of the incident at Singhu border are same as that of Akal Takht acting jathedar Giani Harpreet Singh.” On Sunday, Bheem Army chief Chandrashekhar Azad had met Lakhbir’s sister, Raj Kaur, at village Cheema Khurd in Tarn Taran and provided financial assistance of Rs 5,000 while promising more help. While providing financial help, Gangveer said, “We learnt through newspapers that Lakhbir’s three daughters and wife were not looked after by him. In last five years, Lakhbir never cared to know how they were living….His brother-in-law Sukhchain Singh endorsed these news stories. Allegations of his involvement in the sacrilege act have created more trouble for the family. Their lives were already full of misery…There is no scope of keeping any malice toward the family for the alleged actions of Lakhbir.” In a video with Sikh activists, Lakhbir’s brother-in-law, Sukhchain Singh, said, “If Lakhbir is guilty, we stand with the community.”
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