Appearance. Hatred.

[gulabjaman2011]

Hi,

I loth the way i look. Y do we have to keep kes?

Its so difficult.

[DalbirSingh]

The problem you have is not your outside but your inside. People will always say things but you need to make yourself happy in life, go gym train hard get big muscles. You can't make everyone happy in the world at least make yourself happy. People will always criticise people for things if not kesh, or dastar, then your skin colour, shape of your nose, your stomach (to thin to fat), your height, your ears, your eyes. Look at all the people doing plastic surgery the people in the media are mad, bonkers keep changing outside. But what you are is the person in the inside change that first, to be more caring and compassionate. If you want to be happy serve and uplift other people around you when you see others smile you will smile.

Kesh is a spirtual practice to know the closeness of your guru as the guru and sikh are one.. you and god are one and the same. Sikhi is gifted after 100 janams of bhagati it is a blessing you are a blessing as is you deserve your own love in the whole world you deserve to love yourself so have some self esteem.

Loads of people have a problem with themselves and take it out on other people, so what if people look at you funny or say things forget them and live your life.

[gulabjaman2011]

Dalbir singh,

Thankyou for your post. After reading your post i felt bit better.

But yesterday i had a major breakdown. Just the thought of how ugly i really am, i just cant deal with it.

what to do?

you say the problem is inside, probs right.

lol gym? how is that going to make me happy...

i just find it so difficult to look in the mirror, dont feel confident at all. what i tend to do now is do my dastar in the mirror but avoid looking at my face.

and other times i avoid looking in mirror at all costs!!

i defo dont want to go to my old ways ie. when i was moni.

im such an insecure person, i guess u are right this insecurity lies within. ..

[alias]

i personally think kes give character.

it helps u radiate. radiate the goodness thats within u.

i see the guys in fims (cuz i watch loads ) and they got totally clean shaven faces etc. it looks fake.

have to become puran in every way to merge with the puran aka, god. its hard, i myself question other parts of myself most days. (my actions and other things.. i believe everything should go to infinity! meaning, if the action is true on all levels, its a true and righteous.)

everyone makes mistakes, with their mind, as in thinks the rong things, and even sumtimes loose grasp of their thoughts. key is to try. and to not hurt ppl. and the most importent, to not hurt urself. >self pity will kill a person, take it from me!<

this is the road u choose if you, as a sikh, chose to move away from sikhi. its a slippery slope. i have been down that road. and seen many others in this type of predicament.

most guys think they wont pull, most gals think they will get the p taken outta them. but i feel, keeping kes, weeds out the idiots from ur life (apperance wise) as per dalbirSingh sez. and ur left with ppl who see past ur apprearance, and into your heart, and appreciate ur mind, and moreso, see u glow.

everyone makes mistakes. however some mistakes can be eaisly stopped, with the correct way of thinking. gurmat.

at the end of it all, >>prem bhagat parvaha, preet publee na hutaee || satgur sabad athaaha, ameya dhara ras gutae<<

basically meaning, preet is the only thing that matters. and satgur shabad, is nex level (i.e. it wil help you) and when u do the shabad, u get the true amrit (within urself) and get the ras..

its good u question keeping kes. it shows u want to take amrit ( hope in right.)

else, if ur already amritdhari, well.. rehet is most importent! i went down the rong path 5 years back, and i regreted it. since then, my principles, both personal and regards to rehet, have changed and become stronger. u will find this too..

with me it was to do with sum1. so if its the same with you, take a step back, kane the bani and ardaas (with viraag). then go and absolve urself by speaking to the person that got to u. thas what i dun!

wish u well in ur endevours!!

gurfathe!!

[scooter]

I have been in that scenario. I also when i looked at mirror then i got depressed about looks and all that. Before that i had great hairstyle and all. i was always in front of mirror. But i don't have much confidence now in my looks.

But you have to decide what you want. you have 2 options

1. Either keep world happy with you looks and no kes. But then you can never satisfy whole world.As per my thinking , my main reason to look handsome was to impress girls and friends and society. But once you go beyond 40 , then even if you are smart handsome etc, then you will become father of kids with wife so you can't have the teenager life back so that thing stops there. But at that age , may with your mona life style , you may have wife like you. so it will become difficult for fashionable girl to become amritdhari even if you are ready. Then your children will also follow western life style and so on. As long as you are alone , you can enjoy by being mona and do all stuff but things won't be same when you are married and have kids. I was in same situation. I thought that if i want religious minded wife then i have to become amritdhari before marriage , otherwise i can't change my wife mind after some years of marriage. It can happen but it was a big gamble. I have seen many cases like that .

2. On the other hand if you are amritdhari , then Guru sahib is with you always. Then you don't have to worry about looks because Amritdhari girl will like your looks so you don't need to worry about being rejected for marriage. What you can do is stay away from company of people who you know , will talk about your looks. If you feel sad about looks then you can cheer yourself that at least Guru shaib is happy with these looks. this will give you motivation. You can attend samagams , where sings will praise your new looks. I remember when i attend first samagam with turban , singhs gathered around me , praising me. At that time i felt proud of having kesh. So change your sangat. There are other millions of benefit of being Amritdhari which i can't discuss here but there are many you can feel proud of.

I am not sure what do u mean by ugly face. I mean do u have some marks on face which is ugly. Or you mean that u look ugly with beard and mushtashes. This is just psychology and it will change with time. IF you see more hindi movies , you will get more depressed about previous looks.

I know its hard but have to do it. Just listen of various Kathas where kathavachak gives the benefit of rehat and Amrit. This will give you motivation