I Don'T Like My Wife , What Should I Do

[Guest Guy]

Saad sangat ji , please help me,

My Story

1. I was very handsome/intelligent/topper/from very rich family.

2. I had cut hair 1 years ago ,

3. That time i had marriage proposals from very beautiful girls/Rich family.

4. In between i got very good sangat from Gurskihs and i became Gurskih. thinking i can find good looking/educated gurskih girl

5. My parents were not happy as i took amrit but i convinced them that we will find good girl from gurskihs

6. Due to caste problem in India , i was not able to find any suitable match. every now and then i had fight with parents becaus ei wanted only Gurskih girl.

7. At one stage i became ready to marry any girl but some mahaprush stopped me from that

8. Due to increasing fight in my family at last i find educated gurskih girl within our caste. She was not good looking and my father rejected her. even i didn't liked her. but i had no other option and after so much fight with my parents they became ready and we got married.

But i don't feel any attraction. I am feeling that i am unluckiest person. Before Amrit i had everything but now i can't even have wife of my choice. I sometime feel that taking Amrit has taken away everything from me . Whenever i look at my wife , i feel so much depressed that why GOD this to me. All my cousin brothers have very good looking wives. When my parents look at them they say so many things to me.

Even my Gurskih friends have wives are much beautiful than my wife. My parents say that how can they have good wives and not you. I have convinced them that i am happy but from deep inside i am not.

I are trying to convince me that at least she is Gursikh but whenever i see any beautiful Girl , i feel so much depressed at my fate. What should i do. I tried hard but could not find that type of girl.

[Guest invisible Kaur]

OMG!

Grow up!

Be a man!

Count yourself lucky!

There's bigger things in this world to worry about!!

You say your not attracted to your wife, then why did u marry her? You must b attracted to her as you are still together!!

Physical attraction isn't everything!! It should be her qualities you should be attracted to!! The physical appearance changes anyway after some time! No body remains the same!!

Look around you! Look at all those so called attractive celebrities! Their all vain and still waste money on plastic surgery.

My point is looks isn't everything!!

You can't be that intelligent if you think look is everything!!

Why do you think there's so many divorces with amrithdarees?

People are chasing after the wrong things for happiness. Say if you so get or had a pretty beautiful wife you think that alone will answer your problems and make you happy?

Wake up!

You said in your post you had good sangat with gursikhs!!

You need to grab that opportunity again and use this time to do simran and read Gurbani with your wife!!!

Then you will know what happiness is!!

[simran345]

WJKK WJKF

Sorry to say but looks like you didnt learn much from becoming a gursikh. Why does ur wife need to be good looking? She may have qualities that ur friends and cousins wives do not have. Everybody looks happy on top, but how do u know they dont have arguments at home, how do u know their personalities dont suit each other. Having a good looking should not make u confident, but her nature and personality should instead.

If you are a gursikh then why should caste be a problem, I thought the whole point was not to believe in caste.

If u didnt like her, then why have u brought her into ur life? thats very unfair on her. She probably adores you and ur family, and if neither u or your family liked her from the beginning then you made ur bed so lay on it.

Pela suthaa peya c? hun wapis bhejungey apni wife nu?

Maybe u didnt try hard enough, and it was bit much too look for, gudlooking wife, and from rich family, come onnnn, wake up, and look at her qualites.

Do u feel she has gud qualities in her? is her heart good?

You never know later on she may even be exactly wat god wanted for u.

[Guest .]

You are right. You are the unluckiest person, because you value false wordly "beauty" before the Gurus roop. You are unlucky because Maharaaj has thrown a jewel at you and you don't realise its worth. You are very unlucky indeed.

I feel really sorry for your wife. She is a Gursikh and you are slandering her for something that is completely insignificant!

You need to read more Gurbani and do more Simran because at the moment you're stuck in a completely manmukh frame of mind. Nobody can cure such a disease apart from Satguru.

Think of it this way: SHE could do better than YOU. You are not superior to her because of the way you look. You are very very fortunate to have her, and Maharaaj has blessed you with a Gursikh spouse who can help strengthen your jeevan. Ego will destroy you. Gurbani says again and again that we are separated from Waheguru because of our ego. Your ego makes you think that physical beauty is important and makes you compare yourself to others, wishing your wife was more 'beautiful' than theirs.

Read more bani, jap naam, and you will realise that our physical bodies are just containers for our souls. How beautiful is her soul? A good deal more beautiful and pure than yours by the looks of things.

Do you plan on having children? Do you realise that a Singhni can teach your children about our history? She can teach them Gubani. SHE CAN RAISE SOORMEH OF THE KHALSA PANTH. And yet, you would have traded her for any old girl that conforms to societies perception of beauty.

You my dear friend, are indeed the unluckiest person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Because you do not value the most precious thing on earth. Gurmat.

[chatanga]

mate, when you get into married life, you will realise that having a wife who is obedient, and uplifts you spiritually, and helps you to develop, is better than having an attractive wife who does none of these things.

Good looks, or in UK as we say, fit birds, are part of maya. they are just a temporary illusion to distract you from your ultimate goal. Fit birds are usually lose their looks in their mid 30s anyway.

Learn to live with Bhana.

[Guest part]

You are a fool, you taking amrit did nothing for you if you still call people 'not good looking'. It is only the soul/heart that counts. Does your wife try to live Gurbani?

Gurbani says over and over that the body is false, who cares if you thought you were handsome before, a sikh could have seen your soul and seen the darkest demon. A sikh you are not attracted to could have run away screaming at your souls appearance.

A gursikh is prepared to give up their life for sikhi, for their faces to be cut and burned- you are a long way off from this yet.

Change your psychology to one of Gurbani and not Manmade wordly ideas.

[Guest stop the nindya]

How would your wife feel knowing you came on here and said the things you have said? Stop doing Nindya- Nindya is a great crime in gurbani.

[NamoSarab]

Ok you have heard the harsh but true responses above but I can kinda see your issue...

No Gursikh is perfect - whether you have been amrit dhaari for 1 year or 10 years, it doesn't mean you are strong minded enough to be able to detach from maya. The perfect solution is to abandon being hooked up on looks and concentrate on the beauty within... but as I said, we are not perfect and we MUST be realistic about things if we are to keep a healthy mind.

Physical attraction to a partner IS an important thing, because if it isn't there and you have desires in your mind, then you will mess up. You will look elsewhere when chances present themselves. In simple terms, you will eventually cheat on her in one way or the other - and that is unacceptable not only on a spiritual level, but on a humane level too.

However, you have "made your bed". You have a wife, you have responsibilities. You need to begin coming to terms with it... but trust me, it won't take you long if you meditate on His name. It will bring you humility and peace to your life; it will diminish worldly hopes and desires and bring you closer to Him. That sounds like "bible-talk" sure, but it works veer jee. As time goes by, when you get into your 30's and so forth, the lustful thoughts and desires diminish anyway. Why get hooked up on looks etc, when it all fades away with age anyway? Does a 20-year-old girl still keep the same looks when she's 30? or 40? or 50? The majority of your life with your partner will be in your elder years.

I believe we all have one major "test" in life... maybe yours is to overcome this. I think if you do, you will be the happiest guy alive. Happiest out of all your brothers and friends that you know. Question is - are you up for challenging yourself?

[S1ngh]

It is your fault and rather than blaming others, it is now time to take some responsibilities.

One other advice is that you are now grown up and a married man. It is also time to stop being mamas and papas boy.

You may see that your life is ruined but actually it is other way around.

Superficial things such as looks is certainly not important when comes to grishti jeevan and I really wish that you realize and understand that sooner than later.

[West London Singh]

Are you feeling evil Mr 'guy' ? Are you willing to kill ? ..i.e destroy human lives ? Are you really that evil ? Do you honestly have such a dark and evil heart ?

No ? Then why would you even think of destroying that girl's life ?

When someone's life is about to be ended they turn to their attacker and ask this question : "why" ?

What are you gonna tell her then ? "coz I don't like your face" ?

So..this gursikh girl's life and the life of her family is gonna be destroyed simply because her face isn't up to scratch. Umm....Think about it Singh. Evil people destroy a life for money or drugs. Truly despicable people destroy lives for vanity........Those that have reached the very bottom of a bottomless pit.

Remember this, Singh : Before marrying you she might have seen some amazing chardi kala Singhs. Singhs that were built like brick sh*thouses and inspire awe and yearning from females of all races all over the world. Supposing she now turns 'round to you and says she wants to leave you coz your heights is not up to par with gursikhs...your physical strength is not up to par with gursikhs and your mental strength as a gursikh is seriously lacking. Supposing she comes on here for advice....What should we advise her?