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SSingh96

Family Is Not Letting Me Follow Sikhi

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Vaheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh

Well im 16 years old, and brought up in a sikh family but not a family that strictly follows rehat no one in my family has ever ate meat, drank or smoked but they dont wake up at amrit vela and jap naam.

Recently I have started to fall in love with sikhi a lot more and my amrit vela is getting stronger day by day.

However I am facing problems from my parents as they believe weird stuff like im apparently not meant to have ishnaan on tuesdays and thursdays because its meant to not make me become succesful. However I still have been doing for the past year but my dad does not know

as I have ishnaan do amritvela and tie my kesh in to a keski and he doesnt know i have had an ishnaan.

Another problem i am facing is that my parents dont allow me to wear bana and they want me to tie a sidhi dastar like triangular and say they are not going to let me stay in the house if i tie a dumalla and wear bana :(

One day I asked if I could order a kirpan off the internet and my dad got so mad and start saying the days are changing people have guns you dont need a kirpan get on with your studies.

Also I asked if i could take amrit and my dad said In a Loud Loud Voice "NO" amrit is not necessary as Guru Nanak Dev Jee did not take it i try and explain and he just gets mad and angry.

Waheguru Jee Can someone please help

Daas |

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I applaud you for getting on-track with your Sikhi, especially at an age where there's many other distractions for youngsters.

In terms of your problem I won't offer you any advice that will increase the tensions at home. You don't need your parents as enemies. Also it seems they have some misconceptions about Sikhi which are unfortunate.

What I will say is bide your time. Keep your amritvela and try to reach a compromise whereby you say "Okay I'll tie that triangular style dastar and I'll wear "normal" clothes". They'll think its a victory for them but you have to realise that aside from leaving home there isn't much you can do at this age. Do you want to leave home, lol? Just asking.

I can easily say "You confront them, you fight for your rights" etc., but realistically you want them to ultimately like and admire you as you are in Sikhi saroop and not turn away in disgust whenever they see you.

So like I said, bide your time until you get a bit older, play by their rules but keep your Sikhi strong on all fronts. Then I suppose there's nothing left for you to move out one day so you can start wearing your bana and dumalla, and begin to practice your Sikhi in peace without this constant fear of being caught (which is utter madness because you aren't doing anything wrong!)

Good luck.

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Guest KopSingh

Vaheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa

Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh

Well im 16 years old, and brought up in a sikh family but not a family that strictly follows rehat no one in my family has ever ate meat, drank or smoked but they dont wake up at amrit vela and jap naam.

Recently I have started to fall in love with sikhi a lot more and my amrit vela is getting stronger day by day.

However I am facing problems from my parents as they believe weird stuff like im apparently not meant to have ishnaan on tuesdays and thursdays because its meant to not make me become succesful. However I still have been doing for the past year but my dad does not know

as I have ishnaan do amritvela and tie my kesh in to a keski and he doesnt know i have had an ishnaan.

Another problem i am facing is that my parents dont allow me to wear bana and they want me to tie a sidhi dastar like triangular and say they are not going to let me stay in the house if i tie a dumalla and wear bana :(

One day I asked if I could order a kirpan off the internet and my dad got so mad and start saying the days are changing people have guns you dont need a kirpan get on with your studies.

Also I asked if i could take amrit and my dad said In a Loud Loud Voice "NO" amrit is not necessary as Guru Nanak Dev Jee did not take it i try and explain and he just gets mad and angry.

Waheguru Jee Can someone please help

Daas |

no offense but ur dad sounds like a mug! HOWEVER ive got some ideas, they sound long winded, but hey u gotta make and prove a point init..

1) you should say to him that he should be glad that his son (you) is interested in our religion, use how girls have run away frm home n disgraced their fathers name

2) tell your dad that ur now considering converting to ISLAM/Christianity instead, as your he doesnt like the idea of turbans n kirpan. then see his reaction.

3) if no that, then try telling him, would he rather u became interested in another religion and ran off with ur secret lover and converted?

something along these lines, im writing this in a hurry, so forgive me for any errors, but u gotta use some sort of reverse n clever psycology.

EG - i heard on the radio of how - a muslim wanted to marry a gori, HE KNEW his family would oppose it, so 2 counter act that, he pretended to be gay, and dropped LOADs n LOADS homosexual hints. when his parents started gettin worried, he then asked can he marry a girl, but shes a gori, they were SO relievd he wanted a girl, and not a boy, they instantly approved. VERY VERY CLEVER.

maybe u cud use 1 of the examples ive given above somehow.

all the best son

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If you feel ready to wear kirpan in order to prepare for amrith in future do ardas from your heart and then just start wearing kirpan. If you can't order 1 online due to credit card issues etc ask a gursikh to get you one. Just wear your kirpan your folk won't do anything. Its the power of ardas. Dhas wore kirpan "gupt" for about a year before amrith and folk didn't even realise and when they found out they were ok cs dhass had shown sikhi pyare. Point been show your folk through your actions your serious about your Sikhi jeevan. Same goes for dastar if you truly want to wear goll dastar just go for it but do ardas first :). Clock moolmant, simran, any additional bani you know just clock it. It helps loads. Little one your not alone most of us have gone through similar stuff to what your going through just remember if you take 1 step Mahraji takes thousands and thousands :) akaaal

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Thanks for the answers really appreciate but just dont understand why he is being like this he says people are going to think that a Jatt Boy has turned into a nihang and then when i say there is no such thing as a jatt he gets mad and like starts saying pack you bags and leave now i dont care :( And then i say tying a gol dastar does not turn you into a nihang and i mean he goes crazy " You trying to teach me" ETC

Recentley he hasnt let me attend rehansbhais etc as he feels im turning into a "Big sikh" as he calls it :/

I just feel that when I wear bana Its hard to explain it just makes me feel blessed to be born into a sikh family but I dont like hiding it for example he sometimes stays up till like 3 just to make sure i dont have ishnaan on tuesdays and thursdays but i still do then he proper questions me

And starts saying if your going to do this then you are not going to be staying in my house and then I feel bad like what will I do if he does kick me out but my bibi jee is 100% with me she is amritdhari but when she tells my dad my dad goes he is not your son he is my son then my bibi gets sad like we look after him etc we feed him.

He has now recentley taken my ipod off of me so i cant listen to kirtan even though i have laptop when ever i play kirtan he takes the internet router off and gives me a lecture and tells me to study even though i do study and so for with maharajs kirpa my marks are good :)

But im just confused why he is angry its not if im doing anything wrong :'/

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Little brother talk a older gursikh you might know..or even talk to your bibi je. Shell know what to advice you. For now keep gupt. Don't talk back to your dad just keep your thoughts gupt from him. If he says something just nod. If his staying awake on purpose till 3am then have ishaana @ 3.30am (when his a asleep). If he don't let you listen to kirtan then start a gupt moolmantar jaap:) the power of moolmantar is amazing. Take Hukhumnama; ask Guru je for guidance. If you don't know any older singhs maybe create a account here& talk with some of the more older singhs here. Keep strong these are ALL tests to strengthen you.

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Also I asked if i could take amrit and my dad said In a Loud Loud Voice "NO" amrit is not necessary as Guru Nanak Dev Jee did not take it i try and explain and he just gets mad and angry.

Your dad is worng as Guru Nanak Dev Ji did take amrit. He took it form Waheguru himslef, when Guru Ji crossed Bein Nadi and went into the jungle, and Waheguru appeared to Guru JI and told him to drink this Amrit, and take the message of Gurbani to the world.

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Guest Guest

What kind of weird family is this? They are sikh family, but then worry about ishnaan and won't let you wear the form of a kshatriya/warrior with bana and dumalla, like why use the Singh in the name if you're not allowed to wear that.

But, erm seriously, if you are not going to live the life of a kshatriya/warrior, and don;t have the martial arts skills, then you should wear the bana and dumalla, because then one is known as a nang if he does this. So, think about it seriously before you do this!!

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Waheguru jee i know very little gatka as they used to teach it at the local gurdwara but now the comitee has stopped it as it is "Dangerous" pfft

But im willing to learn i know the basics i know how to use chakar and shastar but not to a great extent

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Guest shall

'1) you should say to him that he should be glad that his son (you) is interested in our religion, use how girls have run away frm home n disgraced their fathers name

2) tell your dad that ur now considering converting to ISLAM/Christianity instead, as your he doesnt like the idea of turbans n kirpan. then see his reaction.

3) if no that, then try telling him, would he rather u became interested in another religion and ran off with ur secret lover and converted?'

Lying is not permitted on this path. White lies are also lies. God's name is Sat as described in Gurbani. Don't lie to anyone.

You should tell your parents that it's none of their business when you have a shower and that Tuesdays and Thursdays are no holier than Wednesdays and Mondays- Tell them that you serve and listen to God over everyone else- and God asks us not to follow superstition in Gurbani. If they can't handle that, that's Ego- tell them that they are slaves to their own ego.

Don't ever be afraid of anyone, no matter how much they've done for you and how attached they are to you, or you are to them (family, friends etc.). Always do what you feel what God wants you to do (But remember that it's your heart he's interested in, not your appearance and what you wear).

Guru Nanak Dev Ji put God before his own Mother and Father many times. Learn from him, read the stories. Even family is false, your mother could have been your brother in your last life, and your father could have been your son. The bird singing outside could have been your sister.

Understand that the only thing that stays the same is God, he'll be with you in this life and after this life- he's always with you in your heart and all around, no matter how alone you may feel. He is not only with you, He IS you and you are Him. You can talk to Him, Sing to Him, ask him things and love Him, He will always Love you and He is ALWAYS listening even if you think he isn't- I promise.

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Fateh SadhSangat Jee :)

Last night I had an argue eat with my dad :(

Well I'm 16 and I'm still tying a patka I have nearly enought got a full dhaari

And when I go to the gurdwaras ppl ask me how come I am tying a patka

I need some mor ideas sang at I have tried all the ideas that have been suggested and I get the same reply back buy your own house and go do what you want :(

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Okay this will sound strange, but it's the best thing to do. Don't say anything to them about Sikhi. Keep following Sikhi and if your parents ask your opinion on Sikhi, then give them an answer. Otherwise just keep doing your nitnem and doing simran throughout the day. If you can get into good sangat, then do it. Start listening to katha of Sant Baba Gurbachan Singh ji Maharaj (www.gurmatveechar.com). Focus on getting your spiritual state higher. The people at the Gurdwara don't know your state and they are just trying to push you in the right direction thinking you don't want to tie it. If you face them, next time say Maharaj is doing his kirpa and your moving forward in Sikhi. The people at the Gurdwara are probably worried you might cut your hair because it has happened to many youth in the past who kept a patka till your age.

Do Ardas with love that Satguru blesses your whole family with Sikhi and Maharaj will answer your Ardas. Tell a parent what is right and wrong and they won't listen. Show them by practicing yourself and they are more willing to accept it. Also when you go to the Gurdwara do seva, serving langar, washing dishes, sweeping the floors, cleaning shoes. Your parents will notice how much pyare you have for Sikhi and this will make them humble down. Parents think its a phase your going through and sooner or later you will stop practicing Sikhi and just go back to what they do. So prove them wrong and never get angry with your dad or mom and just keep showing them pyare. Parents think they are doing the best for their kids, but sometimes they are actually holding them back. Always remember that you are very young and have a lot to learn before you can say what is wrong or right in the world.

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Guest sukhjeevan singh

Sat Sri Akal

This is an eye opening post. I hope the young Singh finds inner peace whilst still living at home but from personal experience the best thing to do is move out...

For the love of WaheGuru do not lose your Sikhi, I am unsure where you are located but i am in the SW UK & will help you if i am able to.

Education is your key to freedom.

Peace

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Read this post, as it addresses why your father is acting like you're doing something wrong. And what you can do about it:

http://manvirsingh.blogspot.com/2006/04/i-want-to-take-amrit-but-my-parents_11.html

But ur dad seems hardcore unwilling to discuss and just plain out "get out" response to anything....seems like kop singh's reverse psychology will have the most effect....

Your dad thinks he's right, so that makes it justified to him to use any and all means. He probably thinks all amritdharis are poor and get killed by police.

i had the same problem except all my family is amritdhari...and i tried to become bibeki(not eat from outside like restaurants and not eat bread etc)

my dad would get really angry and be like "give up water then cause all faucets/tuti's have leather parts on the pump. only dera ppl are into

this sucham stuff" and "brahmaan-vaad"

You might want to tell your dad this true story told by a camp vala baba:

One time a camp in BC, the baba noticed a girl with tatoos, crazy hair, etc.

The baba finally got the story out of the girl and the dad.

That the girl used to do Sukhmani Sahib everyday, but her dad stopped her

and told her to just concentrate on her studies. But the girl said she could do both,

but he didn't listen. So the girl rebelled and started doing

wrong things. ...

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