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Sikh Caste Issue With Marriage. Help!


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Dear Sat Sangat,

I need your serious help on caste issue that I am having.

I am Sikh male, 30+ and been dating a girl since past 7 months. We both live here in the states and really love each other. I met her parents and her sister family twice and they all liked me. She is from Sikh Jat caste and I am from Sikh Khatri. Although, I and her do not believe in caste system. My parents are completely okay whoever I can end up with. Her mom had issue with caste initially but she still met me and I guess that faded the caste issue for her. Her dad is completely fine with us but has less say in things.

The problem is her uncle (mama) from india has a strong opposition on the caste issue. Her mom called off the whole things by saying her brother do not agree with our marriage. Her mom said she tried to convince her younger brother but he is not agreeing to this. She also says her brother had threaten to break all the ties with her if this happens.

So, this is the dilemma.

My girl and I are deeply heartned with this news and very depressed. She and I are still talking everyday and still love each other. She does not have any hopes and wants to support her mother decision. I respect her for listening to her mom but I don't believe this is right choice. I mean why the caste is a such huge issue. One side people believe in Sikhism and pride themselves to be part of Sikh yet goes completely against foundations of Sikhism. I am vey depressed with this situation and I do not know what should I do. I do not want to marry someone else. I would rather stay single.

Please share your thoughts on what I should do to make this happen.

Kindly apprecieated your help.

Thanks!

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Dear Sat Sangat,

I need your serious help on caste issue that I am having.

I am Sikh male, 30+ and been dating a girl since past 7 months. We both live here in the states and really love each other. I met her parents and her sister family twice and they all liked me. She is from Sikh Jat caste and I am from Sikh Khatri. Although, I and her do not believe in caste system. My parents are completely okay whoever I can end up with. Her mom had issue with caste initially but she still met me and I guess that faded the caste issue for her. Her dad is completely fine with us but has less say in things.

The problem is her uncle (mama) from india has a strong opposition on the caste issue. Her mom called off the whole things by saying her brother do not agree with our marriage. Her mom said she tried to convince her younger brother but he is not agreeing to this. She also says her brother had threaten to break all the ties with her if this happens.

So, this is the dilemma.

My girl and I are deeply heartned with this news and very depressed. She and I are still talking everyday and still love each other. She does not have any hopes and wants to support her mother decision. I respect her for listening to her mom but I don't believe this is right choice. I mean why the caste is a such huge issue. One side people believe in Sikhism and pride themselves to be part of Sikh yet goes completely against foundations of Sikhism. I am vey depressed with this situation and I do not know what should I do. I do not want to marry someone else. I would rather stay single.

Please share your thoughts on what I should do to make this happen.

Kindly apprecieated your help.

Thanks!

Check the link below to answer your questions.

http://www.sikhsangat.com/Index.php?/topic/64285-a-tight-slap-on-the-caste-system-in-sikhism/page__hl__%2Bslap+%2Bon+%2Bcaste__fromsea

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You both seem to be educated. You have to convince your girl that one man can cannot ruin both of yours future with his backwardness.

Don't get depressed and take the bull by the horns.

If your girl loves you, she will listen to you and will convince her mother.

It is her life and not her stupid mama's.

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Dear Sat Sangat,

I need your serious help on caste issue that I am having.

I am Sikh male, 30+ and been dating a girl since past 7 months. We both live here in the states and really love each other. I met her parents and her sister family twice and they all liked me. She is from Sikh Jat caste and I am from Sikh Khatri. Although, I and her do not believe in caste system. My parents are completely okay whoever I can end up with. Her mom had issue with caste initially but she still met me and I guess that faded the caste issue for her. Her dad is completely fine with us but has less say in things.

The problem is her uncle (mama) from india has a strong opposition on the caste issue. Her mom called off the whole things by saying her brother do not agree with our marriage. Her mom said she tried to convince her younger brother but he is not agreeing to this. She also says her brother had threaten to break all the ties with her if this happens.

So, this is the dilemma.

My girl and I are deeply heartned with this news and very depressed. She and I are still talking everyday and still love each other. She does not have any hopes and wants to support her mother decision. I respect her for listening to her mom but I don't believe this is right choice. I mean why the caste is a such huge issue. One side people believe in Sikhism and pride themselves to be part of Sikh yet goes completely against foundations of Sikhism. I am vey depressed with this situation and I do not know what should I do. I do not want to marry someone else. I would rather stay single.

Please share your thoughts on what I should do to make this happen.

Kindly apprecieated your help.

Thanks!

Khalsa Ji

The reason for opposing intercaste marriages by some people may lie in the fact that although both parties may be Sikhs but there are cultural and moral differences in different baradhari's. For example the Jat bharadri will not marry cousins but other Sikh bharadri's do allow that. The opposition is not due to high or low caste , the opposition is due to the different cultural and moral values of each Sikh bharadri. With any intercaste marriage there will have to be some compromise between the husband & wife's cultural beliefs. Traditionally an Indian marriage is between two families rather than two individuals , hence the aversion in this case. If people are prepared to compromise their extended family beliefs then things should be okay but if your partner wanted to keep her extended family happy and adopt different lifestyle then this may not always be possible.

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Before giving any advice will like to know few things

1. How long have you been going around ?

2. Is sex, a part of your relationship ?

3. Who earns more, you or her ?

4. Is your family richer than her's ?

5. Does she have any unmarried siblings ?

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Khalsa Ji

The reason for opposing intercaste marriages by some people may lie in the fact that although both parties may be Sikhs but there are cultural and moral differences in different baradhari's. For example the Jat bharadri will not marry cousins but other Sikh bharadri's do allow that. The opposition is not due to high or low caste , the opposition is due to the different cultural and moral values of each Sikh bharadri. With any intercaste marriage there will have to be some compromise between the husband & wife's cultural beliefs. Traditionally an Indian marriage is between two families rather than two individuals , hence the aversion in this case. If people are prepared to compromise their extended family beliefs then things should be okay but if your partner wanted to keep her extended family happy and adopt different lifestyle then this may not always be possible.

Just another crap and dumb excuse to create divisions of casteism in Sikhs.

"cultural and moral differences". What a joke of an idea.

When will you ever learn?

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Why is mama shri interfering in his sister's home? This is what happens when men aren't strong enough and cede control of household affairs to their wives. It should be an equal decision and should originate from both husband and wife and not some third party. Why is the mother consulting her brother regarding these issues? Is the father of the girl allowed a say in his brother-in-law's family? I don't think so.

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@Kaljugi : From what I know her mom is too attached to her parental side. Her mama is alcoholic and really backwards from pindh (sorry no offense). I agree with you that man in house should be involved but her dad is mellow has no say in things. I wish I have the answers to your questions that I am still struggling with. I am thinking about making the girl stronger and let her convince her mom to overcome mama issue. The situation is very fragile now.

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@JSinghNZ: Veer Jee, I hear what you are saying. The problem is she lacks courage to take action and another part is she does not want her mom to face disrespect from parental side. I am working on making her strong and may be she will realize what is right and wrong. What do you think?

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