Shaeeda Wala?

[Guest R kaur]

I am married in to a family who strongly believe that before you eat anything on a birthday- occasion etc you must take out some and leave it outside for the birds to eat. You are expected to do Mattha tek when you take the food out. It is for people who have died in your family- shaheeda wala. I'm on the path of Sikhi- I still have ainv way to go but I can't seem to find anything in our religion where it says we must do this. When I questioned my mother in law I was shot down By her in disgust because she gives a religious take on it. Please help me to understand this.

[Guest Kaal]

It is not a part of Sikhi. It is a meaningless ritual created by your mum or her ancestors. Sikhi/Gurmat is against rituals. Also,

Shaheed means martyr so it doesnt make sense for your mother in law to label the people dead in the family as shaheeds. Real shaheeds are those like Baba Deep Singh Jee, Bhai Taru Singh Jee, Bhai Raghbeer Singh Jee (1978), etc

Its nice to give food to birds but thats not a rehit of sikhi. Compassion is a rehit/hukam, but not for people who have already died in your family. In order to help our family and friends now, Gurbani teaches to do naam and gurbani abhiyaas because in order to help/save others we have to help/save ourselves first.

[Only five]

The whole point why the mother in law wants you to do it, is so in the future when your mother in law in not around to carry on the backward tradition. You will carry on the backward tradition in her place. The Hindus were throwing water toward the sun, sending it to their ancestors and Satguru started throwing water toward his farms. In the same way she thinks her dead family members are suppose to get the food. Satguru already told us this is pointless practice.

Next time she ask you to do it, just respond with a firm no and tell her the story of Satguru Sri Guru Nanak Dev ji Maharaj throwing water in the direction of his fields and telling the Hindus the water can't reach my fields, so how can it reach your ancestors? Get your husband involved, but don't make it look like you two are teaming up on her. If you do, then your mother in law might try to make your life a living hell for turning her son against her.

Instead start a practice of feeding birds around the house everyday. If she yells at you for that, then everyone in the house will know how crazy she is and just start ignoring her till the point where she humbles down accepts reality. Just don't yell at her or get angry with her. If you do then, she wins and the family will tell you to follow what she says.

[chatanga]

Next time she ask you to do it, just respond with a firm no...

just start ignoring her till the point where she humbles down accepts reality...

I wouldnt either of those if i were you. Our parents have some weird ideas about this kind of stuff, mine included, but as a daughter in law, do you really want cause a ruckus of something so trivial? if its only 1 day a year, just do it, but with your own children set them straight against this stuff.

By doing it you arent going to become less of a sikh, as Guru Ji already knows your intention, but by keeping shanti in your house, you will achieve more in the long run.

One way to approach this on a community level is to get the local gurdwara, to give some kind of programme about it form the stage so everyone can learn about it. By running head on into it, are you going to come off better or worse?

[Mat Pulo Rai]

I wouldnt either of those if i were you. Our parents have some weird ideas about this kind of stuff, mine included, but as a daughter in law, do you really want cause a ruckus of something so trivial? if its only 1 day a year, just do it, but with your own children set them straight against this stuff.

By doing it you arent going to become less of a sikh, as Guru Ji already knows your intention, but by keeping shanti in your house, you will achieve more in the long run.

One way to approach this on a community level is to get the local gurdwara, to give some kind of programme about it form the stage so everyone can learn about it. By running head on into it, are you going to come off better or worse?

Common sense prevails again

Benji theres a time and place to fight and a time to see that there isnt any damage been done to others by this ritual, Vaheguru see's that your trying to do your best. Just while doing this be doing Simran in your mind and make the offering to Vaheguru .

[Only five]

What you quoted of mine was taken out of context completely. First learn where a sentence starts and ends and then start quoting people. You only quoted this:

just start ignoring her till the point where she humbles down accepts reality...

But i actually wrote this:

Instead start a practice of feeding birds around the house everyday. If she yells at you for that, then everyone in the house will know how crazy she is and just start ignoring her till the point where she humbles down accepts reality.

The part in bold was cut out and distorted. Next time keep your tribe tricks to yourself.

[Mat Pulo Rai]

What you quoted of mine was taken out of context completely. First learn where a sentence starts and ends and then start quoting people. You only quoted this:

just start ignoring her till the point where she humbles down accepts reality...

But i actually wrote this:

Instead start a practice of feeding birds around the house everyday. If she yells at you for that, then everyone in the house will know how crazy she is and just start ignoring her till the point where she humbles down accepts reality.

The part in bold was cut out and distorted. Next time keep your tribe tricks to yourself.

Baji your implying i didn't read your post before I quoted, I still hold with what Chatanga said about not following what you said as imo it would cause a unessential rift in the family, look this seems to turning in to a popularity contest and feelings seem to be getting hurt, just before anyone takes away something negative from these discussion do a check on your mind frame before people post as something said in spite is being written on your karam so pair pair thee diaan daio

mn myry BUly kptu n kIjY ]

O my mind, do not practice deception, even inadvertently.

AMiq inbyrw qyry jIA pih lIjY ]1] rhwau ]

In the end, your own soul shall have to answer for its account. ||1||Pause||

[Only five]

popularity contest....lol

If you want to hold to any view that is your problem at the end ot the day. I just showed that Chatanga took what i said out of context. Whether he agrees with what i said is a whole different topic. Frankly, i could careless what he thinks on what i said. For some it`s a small issue because they are thinking short term and for some its a neither small or big issue because they are thinking long term consequences.

[singher23]

I'm with only five on this. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, you are still doing it. And if you know it's wrong, why do it?

Ultimately it matters how much Sikhi means to you. So many Sikhs have become shaheed for our dharam. The least you can do to repay them is to not follow nonsense like this

[Mat Pulo Rai]

To be honest baji giving advice is easy behind your screen on issues like this, but keep in mind if your going to carry on giving advice, then you be best be 100% right and not half sure on issues like this, as if someone did take your advice and ruined there life i hope your ready for the consequence God has. As Gurbani has made it clear any soul that gives advice on Me (God) without having Seen me talked to me heard me will be burnt again and again in the womb.