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Issue With Beard

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VJKK VJKF

I am a 19 year old boy Sikh living in the UK and I have an issue when it comes to the topic of my dhari. It’s not that anybody says anything to me anymore it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable with it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel have to think twice before I do anything becasue I may give Sikhs a bad name. I feel like a hypocrite.

I’ve talked to my family about shaving my dhari and everytime it comes up my Mum gets upset and so does my brother so to keep everyone happy I do what they want me to do and not shave. But I feel that this is emotional blackmail and that in the end I have no choice, I’m being treated like a puppet and they are pulling the strings. To make matters worse my relatives think that me and my brother are really religious and are going to end up being Amritdharis, all because my Mum told them that me and my brother are going to take Amrit. I know that this is the case with my brother as he is into Sikhi and wants to take Amrit, but I am nowhere near ready.

Saying this sometimes I do feel comfortable with my dhari. I do understand the importance of Kes, or well at least I think I do. But majority of the time I regret to say that I don’t feel comfortable and that I am keeping it because of my mother.

I am in a dilemma. Do I keep my dhari despite being uncomfortable with it just to keep everyone happy and so that relatives don’t say anything to my parents, OR do I do what I want and end up upsetting people?

I would appreciate some advice as I am really confused. It’s been like this for 3 years now and is beginning to stress me out.

Many thanks in advance.

VJKK VJKF

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Brother "Bul" ji,

All I can say is that keeping you dhari (beard) will be the best decision you will make. When you get older you will not regret keeping your dhari.

I suggest reading as much Sikh history as you can. Remember all of our Guru Sahibaan, from Guru Nanak Devi ji to Guru Gobind Singh ji kept their kes (hair). All the great Gursikhs from the Guru's time, all of them, kept kes (hair) - baba Buddha ji, baba Deep Singh and in modern times bhai Jarnail Singh ji Bhindranwale, bhai Amrik Singh ji and look at the effect of bhai Balwant Singh ji Rajoana on the Sikh Panth.

This period in our youth is a test. At this age, we can be easily swayed towards maya (worldy illusion). However if you remain strong through this period and keep your kes you will reap the benefits in the future.

You have no reason to feel uncomfortable with your dhari. Read our history and I can guarantee your confidence will increase. Do not listen to the world, listen to Guru Sahib, listen to shaheed bhai Taru Singh ji - http://www.sikh-hist.../tarusingh.html

Satguru Mehar Karan!

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Like Kaljugi said, it's good that you are at least looking into this rather than just putting a pair of sissors to your hair. Also, like the previous poster said it's about how God made you (and there's are no fault's in God's plan and creation, which you are a part of).

There's no doubt that the world is putting more and more pressure on men to look more and more like women. With even 'closer shaves' and face creams for men, men themsleves are taking more and more pride in having shiny feminine complexions with pretty little faces (may be we are all turning bi-sexual on a subliminal level? - there's certainly a lot of confusion out there!!).

Survey:

One thing you could do is carry out a little survey...

Speak to all the Sikh boys who keep their hair from 4 years old to 15 years old. Listen to their answers and see how inspired you are by their answers and character.

Then speak to all the Sikh men aged 30 to 80 years old who take great care in keeping a feminine appearance by keeping their face totally free of hair and going to hair stylists and beauticians to keep crafted hair styles. Listen to their answers too and see how inspired you are by their answers.

Remember, the above survey must be given by somebody who professes to be a Sikh and answers as a Sikh. Please test each on the Guru's teachings i.e. how much of Guru Granth Sahib Ji's individual shabads do they understand and how much of the history of the Gurus do they know (or even names of Gurus etc). As if we don't even now our Guru Ji's message and writings, and examples through their lives, what do we know?

I think you will be very surprised with the findings of your Survey and will definitely keep your hair!!

Video:

Or you could just watch this video:

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Listen man...your dhari is still going through a growing phase. It looks really strange, sticks out here, is longer in some parts than others, and you probably hate that. But a dhari is a beautiful thing.

Why do you feel uncomfortable? Do people stare at you? Or do you just not like it for no reason?

One thing I hate with a passion, however, are the British Sikhs who keep a turban but shave their dhari. It looks incredibly stupid, and is very disrespectful. If you are going to shave, cut your hair too, because just cutting the dhari makes you look 1. Stupid, and 2. Makes Sikhi look even worse, because you give people the impression of a double standard when it comes to kesh. If someone asks you, why do you wear a turban, and you say, "to cover our uncut hair" and the person asks "so you can cut your beard?" what do you say?

Give your dhari some time. It will grow on you. (pun intended)

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Guest onkar singh

"One thing I hate with a passion, however, are the British Sikhs who keep a turban but shave their dhari. It looks incredibly stupid, and is very disrespectful. If you are going to shave, cut your hair too,"

This statement is wrong. We should never advise another Sikh to cut his hair. If a person still keeps kesh on their head and wears dastar but trim/shave their beard this does not mean that they also remove their dastar and cut their hair. What kind of advise is this?! At least this person has kept kesh on their head and are wearing a dastar which is good. We never know that when Akal Purakh will do kirpa and bless that person to keep the rest of their kesh intact.

A person should try his upmost to keep any Rehit of Guru Sahib they can. Not everybody adopts all of Guru Sahib hukams (instructions) at once. It is through the kirpa of Guru Sahib that one can keep Rehit. Keeping kesh on head and wearing dastar is better than having haircut and wearing a topi.

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Guest s.jchmv,zbghn

Why? Why does it make you feel uncomfortable? There must be a specific reason if not several. Please elaborate!

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The time when the beard first starts to come in substantially is most awkward and difficult for a young man trying to keep his kesh. Almost all guys I know who had uncut hair and eventually started cutting it did so when their beard first started coming in. It takes a while to get comfortable with it.

Here's something you can do to ease the transition if you are worried about looking awkward or not looking like you did before:

Stop going out with just a patka, and start wearing a pag. Not just a clumsily tied pag, but a nice, big turban which is tied neatly and looks impressive. Maybe this won't help much, but it might help you feel proud of your changing appearance when you look in the mirror. A lot of boys when their beard first gets kind of big keep walking around in a patka or, at most, a sloppy pag. It's no wonder they often feel funny about the way they look.

I know this is not gurmat advice and other members of the forum might scold me for giving it, but if you are one of those "in between" people who has an attachment to keeping his kesh but is worried about being automatically perceived as an amritdhari when you aren't ready for that (and are not sure you ever will be), then you can adopt the more "secular" sardar look:

1. Wear a large turban (as I pointed out before) that is tied neatly. It should be the standard "Patiala Shahi" style, not a dumalla or keski. To get a better idea of what I mean, look at the type of pag that most popular bhangra singers wear.

2. Tie your beard up

Again, I don't know how much it will help, but it might help you feel comfortable with your appearance. People might be less inclined to make assumptions about how religious you are if you have a fashionable pag and a tied beard rather than an open beard and dumalla.

If anyone is going to jump on me for saying this, I'd just like to say: I'm not saying we should run away from being religious and try to avoid giving the impression that we are religious. But being perceived in this way is often something that young men struggle with. It's tough to carry the weight of such perceptions at such a tender age for many boys. Doing something to ease the transition is worth it if it allows you to keep your kesh.

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One thing I hate with a passion, however, are the British Sikhs who keep a turban but shave their dhari. It looks incredibly stupid, and is very disrespectful. If you are going to shave, cut your hair too, because just cutting the dhari makes you look 1. Stupid, and 2. Makes Sikhi look even worse, because you give people the impression of a double standard when it comes to kesh. If someone asks you, why do you wear a turban, and you say, "to cover our uncut hair" and the person asks "so you can cut your beard?" what do you say?

I used to hate this too. I don't know if you've been to Punjab lately, but having a trimmed/shaved beard with a turban is extremely prevalent in Punjab ... much more so than in Britain.

I used to hate that, because I thought it made a mockery of our religion. I thought, "if you are going to do it, do it the right way. If you are going to trim your beard, then finish the job. Cut your hair, stop wearing a pag, and stop embarrassing us."

But the more I think about it, it's better to encourage boys to keep the Sikh appearance in some form to whatever extent they can rather than adopt the all or nothing approach.

The more boys walking around with some part of the Sikh appearance (be it a turban and kesh with a trimmed beard, or just a turban with cut hair and a clean-shaven face), the easier it is for boys who want to keep the full Sikhi sarup to feel like they are not alone and that they have some level of support.

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rom rom raviaa har naam ||

The Lord's Name permeates each and every hair of mine.

siqgur pUrY kIno dwnu ]1] sathigur poorai keeno dhaan ||1|| The Perfect True Guru has given me this gift. ||1||

Like You said Bhaji Hair is important in Sikhi. it is really important, Many examples like Bhai Taru Singh ji.

Bhaji LET ME ask You a QUESTION. Will Wahguru be happy? Waheguru Who Created you, will they like it by seeing their creation not wanted? You tell me Bhaji? You will Upset Mahraaji.

bhul chuk Maf

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