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Is Judging A Potential Partner On Their Financial Security Right Or Wrong?


Guest OzzySingh
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Guest OzzySingh

Sat Sri Akaal to the Sikh Sangat community,

I have been browsing the forums for quite some time but this would have to be my first post to date.

The topic at hand is that I would like to gather and understand some of your opinions on what is in my eyes an issue that requires clarification.

Firstly allow me to quickly describe myself. I'm a 22 year old Sikh Male currently in my third year of studying Medicine. Although born and raised in the UK my family moved to Australia when I was in my mid teens.

As I come from a fairly financially secure family I couldn't help but wonder is it right to judge someone on their financial wealth?

As I've grown up I've often come across elders saying comments to sisters/cousin sisters "woah so and so boy comes from a rich family, you should marry him". Etc etc

Sorry for going on so much but the question I raise is "is it morally/ethically right to make a decision or allow your decision (either as a parent or marriage-ready adult) to be influenced by possible wealth to be found in a prospective partners (usually male) family.

Is there a balance required in this thought?

Please share with me your thoughts and opinions.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ka Fateh

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Guest Guest

Ozzy Singh,

First thing people ask in regards to marriage is

munda ki karda, kini kamai heh ?

Keeping gender equality in mind, guys should also ask

tusi daaj davoge ja property vich hissa :biggrin2:

Frankly when you are in the age group of 16-27, your personal bank statement doesn't reflect a balance of $100,000.

Majority stay in family home so in fact nobody is Independent.

Therefore financial status & reputation of parents play a BIG role in getting kids married at the right age.

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Financial status in terms of greed and wnting to live a rich lifestyle with materialistic possesions is not good...this will get you stuck in Maya... which is not good for spiritual development, Sikhs should be humble and free from the attachments of maya. However Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji's 52 Hukams do state not to marry a daughter into a household which is in debt... See Below Hukam number 32.

38) Sir munae noo kanaiaa nahi daeni. Uos ghar daevni jithae Akal Purukh di sikhi ha, jo karzaai naa hovae, bhalae subhaa da hovae, bibaeki atae gyanvaan hovae - Do not given a daughter's hand to a clean shaven. Give her hand in a house where God's Sikhi exists, where the household is not in debt, is of a good nature, is disciplined and knowledgeable.

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My humble opinion; as people have said above, and as Gurbani teaches us, money should never be the overriding factor in any of your decisions in life including a decision to marry someone. But if you want to raise Sikh children successfully in this world that Guru Ji has created it's helpful to have some element of financial security. It's sensible to consider how you will be able to clothe, feed and school your children and your family so that you can raise them to become Sikh leaders in the modern world. But you still have to remember that financial security can disappear in a flash, and at the end of the day, nothing is really dependent on it.

It's a balance. Gurbani discourages us from living a hermit's life, but at the same time encourages us to avoid becoming obsessed with maya. How you choose to meet this balance is up to you and your understanding of the knowledge Guru Ji has shared with you.

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ਪੁਤ੍ਰ ਕਲਤ੍ਰ ਲੋਕ ਗ੍ਰਿਹ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਮਾਇਆ ਸਨਬੰਧੇਹੀ॥

Puthr Kalathr Lok Grih Banithaa Maaeiaa Sanabandhhaehee ||

पुत्र कलत्र लोक ग्रिह बनिता माइआ सनबंधेही॥

Children, spouses, people and women of thy household are bound by Maya.

ਕਲਤ੍ਰ = ਇਸਤ੍ਰੀ। ਲੋਕ ਗ੍ਰਿਹ = ਘਰ ਦੇ ਲੋਕ। ਬਨਿਤਾ = ਇਸਤ੍ਰੀ। ਸਨਬੰਧੇਹੀ = ਸਨਬੰਧੀ ਹੀ।

ਹੇ ਭਾਈ! ਪ੍ਰਤ੍ਰ, ਇਸਤ੍ਰੀ, ਘਰ ਦੇ ਹੋਰ ਬੰਦੇ ਤੇ ਜ਼ਨਾਨੀਆਂ (ਸਾਰੇ) ਮਾਇਆ ਦੇ ਹੀ ਸਾਕ ਹਨ।

http://www.srigranth.org/servlet/gurbani.gurbani?Action=Page&Param=609&g=1&h=1&r=1&t=1&p=0&fb=0&k=1

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People are always going to say "so and so" has so much money because to your punjabi/desi society money matters. If your a girl/boy from a "wealthy" family everyone wants their son/daughter to marry you due to your familys money. I personally wouldn't care about my partners financial state as I believe money doesn't buy happiness and those without thousands/millions of pounds are usually more happy within their family.

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Guest Inderjit Singh

If you are financially secure and no doubt will be as a qualified medic, I do not see why you would be looking for someone from a family who is well to do. Secondly, who you get married to is already pre-destined as it's a matter of sanjog. When my parents and I were looking for someone, I was more concerned about the fact that we had shared interests and top of the list for me was a good family background, not shy of housework and a genuine interest in Sikhi. At the end of the day, the girl might be filthy rich, but with that comes a whole host of other problems, arrogance, vanity, etc. Just make sure you look at the complete package so to speak and not just how many acres of zameen she comes with if from Punjab or factories owned in the West :excited:

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