Provisioning In Anand Karaj Maryada ?

[N30S1NGH]

After hearing the news from facebook that anand karaj was stopped at swindon gurdwara of non sikh marrying sikh , it invoked an overall emotion of bitterness and sweetness at the same time.

Sweet feeling because anand karaj maryada was upheld (about time we show some balls and draw a line in sand- i hope same thing we can do for those people be it mona/keshadhari who just show up in anand karaj as an ritual and make a big mockery of it)

Bitter feeling because this couple and others who are not aware of sikhi are totally put off by sikhi because of this expereince and now there is even bigger divide between non amrtidharis - eg -monaie etc and amritdharis. There has to be middle ground to have bridge between them then only we can be successful doing parchar of sikhi

We need to ponder upon how can we open minded at the same time uphold maryada.

Here are my suggestions that may tackle this issue without burning bridges

I think its complex situation. We need to add some provisioning in Anand Karaj Maryada (Sikh Marriage)..

1 Those who are marrying non Sikh and also those who are born in sikh family but still are monai/keshadhari wants to get married sikh way can get Sikh chaplain(granthi) to recite Anand Karaj lavan from gutka, do speech on purpose of anand karaj and its important and at the end do ardas to bless with the couples outside gurdwara in the park or hall where sri guru granth sahib its not present. This way outright beadhi (where most of time people yap away including couples just sit there as a ritual without any understanding needs to bee stopped in front of sri guru granth sahib shasubhat on palki.

2. Those who are amritdhari or are on the path to take amrit or at least one of partner amritdhari can take part in full fledged Anand Karaj ceremony in Gurdwara. Both parties needs to compromise on this... So far Anand Karaj Maryada is been made total mockery not by non Sikhs but sikhs themselves.

This is about keeping tradition and showing utmost respect to maharaj. Sikhi is not some hippy movement where people can do whatever they want. Sikhi have enrich heritage, parampara..we must uphold them and have balance at the same time..!!

Please discuss? What you guys think?

[N30S1NGH]

I know above could cause big uproar and even reverse effect. These ideas may not perfect but we need to deal with beadhi happening at maharaj darbar at every anand karaj. I have attended anand karaj of my relatives, amount of yapping that goes on its unbeleivable..if not anything atleast we need full time sevadars/prehadars at darbar sahib to enforce respect and do full fledge one hour anand karaj lecture.

[N30S1NGH]

Someone posted this on facebook..its coming from who is been performing anand karaj for people:

Dear all,

Given that it is wedding season, I am going to have a rant. Somewhat off topic though!

I have performed a lot of marriages in gurdwaras. Now I rarely if ever do, quite frankly, I have had enough! In my humble opinion, what I see sitting from that stage is not a genuine intention to take your vows in front of the Gurus, it is a ritual that needs to be 'dealt with' as quickly as possible because the couple were born Into a Sikh family. It is a ceremony that needs to be sprinted through so that the families can get to the hall on time. Often we are more concerned with getting to the hall on time (because they need to leave by a certain time) than getting to the gurdwara on time.... Occasionally I have been asked to 'speed up' because they need to get to the hall, and occasionally I have done kirtan for 60-90 minutes before the 'Janet' arrive because they left late (because it was a long 'night before' party....) Rarely do both the couple have the faith in the ceremony or the Guru sitting in front of them. I often wonder if they should even be here in the Gurdwara, is it not a hypocrisy? If you genuinely do not believe in the vows and have faith in the Guru, then why have the ceremony in front of the Guru? If you genuinely have faith in the Guru and in the vows, then surely you will take this ceremony most seriously?

Around two years ago I did a wedding in which I stopped the kirtan said that I won't continue unless the Sangat stops speaking, it took a while.... But eventually they stopped..... And then Started again.... I wasn't very popular with the family after that :-). I may be controversial in suggesting that if you don't genuinely believe in it, why not just have a civil ceremony and then have your party at the hall?

[Singh559]

Someone posted this on facebook..its coming from who is been performing anand karaj for people:

Completely agree.

[Only five]

This news should be spread throughout the Sikh community as a warning for others who choose to behave in this manner. But then again they won't care because their daddy will open them a new Gurdwara.

The committees that allow these kinds marriages are at fault.

[Singh559]

This news should be spread throughout the Sikh community as a warning for others who choose to behave in this manner. But then again they won't care because their daddy will open them a new Gurdwara.

The committees that allow these kinds marriages are at fault.

True we should also go to these said committees and tell them where there's satkaar involved they have no say in it. They can organize the community but they shouldn't be able to make such decisions that turn Anand Karaj into ritualism.

[Pyara]

It’s a high time that the Sikh kaum realise the biggest beadbi of our Rehit maryada is the abuse of the whole Anand Karaj. I am not only taking about the “mixed-marriage” scenarios (as seen in Swindon and Hull yesterday), but the whole abuse of the Anand Karaj ceremony by the Community, Granthis, Kirtaniya and Parabhandaks.

The Anand Karaj is abused, ridiculed and cheapened to a mere ritual which needs to be completed in order to support the need to have series of more high profile lavish events. The average Brit-Punjabi/Sikh gives little value to the Anand Karaj and donation-hungry Granthis, Kirtaniya, lazy Parabhandaks just take advantage of the situation.

There’s no education programme in place or any mechanism to mentor the” Suhag Jori” in to the Gur Sikh jeevan.

Inevitably, the Anand Karaj ceremony is the starting point in an opportunity to grow and develop a couple to become attached to the Guru Ghar, a couple who will bring the next generation up. Unfortunately we are not seizing or recognizing the opportunity.

The mixed marriage scenario is just a part of the whole mess. Personally, I believe that the collective pressure the Sangat applied in stopping the beadbis yesterday should now be applied to all the UK Gurdwaras to implement more stringent measures around the Anand Karaj as well as a massive education programme so that Prabhandaks must commit to enhancing the profile of the Anand Karaj as a Gurmat Karaj. This will mean getting out of our comfort zones, dialoguing with families when they book an Anand Karaj and putting some firm “rules” in place which may mean the refusal to carry out of an Anand Karaj if certain criteria are not met...

[VanHelsingh]

Dear all,

Given that it is wedding season, I am going to have a rant. Somewhat off topic though!

I have performed a lot of marriages in gurdwaras. Now I rarely if ever do, quite frankly, I have had enough! In my humble opinion, what I see sitting from that stage is not a genuine intention to take your vows in front of the Gurus, it is a ritual that needs to be 'dealt with' as quickly as possible because the couple were born Into a Sikh family. It is a ceremony that needs to be sprinted through so that the families can get to the hall on time. Often we are more concerned with getting to the hall on time (because they need to leave by a certain time) than getting to the gurdwara on time.... Occasionally I have been asked to 'speed up' because they need to get to the hall, and occasionally I have done kirtan for 60-90 minutes before the 'Janet' arrive because they left late (because it was a long 'night before' party....) Rarely do both the couple have the faith in the ceremony or the Guru sitting in front of them. I often wonder if they should even be here in the Gurdwara, is it not a hypocrisy? If you genuinely do not believe in the vows and have faith in the Guru, then why have the ceremony in front of the Guru? If you genuinely have faith in the Guru and in the vows, then surely you will take this ceremony most seriously?

Around two years ago I did a wedding in which I stopped the kirtan said that I won't continue unless the Sangat stops speaking, it took a while.... But eventually they stopped..... And then Started again.... I wasn't very popular with the family after that :-). I may be controversial in suggesting that if you don't genuinely believe in it, why not just have a civil ceremony and then have your party at the hall?

You can't really fault this appraisal of the situation. The Anand Karaj (and related activities at the Gurughar) HAS become a ritual to quickly get out of the way before the "good stuff".

What must happen is the approach taken must not cause divides (or if divides are created then they must not be allowed to deepen), because I'm sure we can all appreciate that those trying to do the right thing will be made out to be the villains whilst those doing the beadbi will paint themselves as the aggrieved.

I would also like to point out that in some Gurughars in Panjab (official Ithaasik Gurughars and not one's built by villagers - not that there's any distinction from a shardaa perspective but I thought I'd make it clear before going on) there's a similar "production line" mentality where one Anand Karaj takes place, the Granthi rattles through the laava, does an Ardaas, and then another couple is ushered in for their Anand Karaj. It's an absolute joke, and even more shocking because you would never expect this approach back home.

But our attention, in regards to this particular issue, must be focused on the places we live.

EDIT: One thing I'd like to highlight is that not all non-Gursikhs (be they male or female) are hedonistic, party-craving lafungeh. We must be careful these types of people aren't lumped in with those who think the Anand Karaj is a ritual to please the elders of the family. If anything, they must be taken on-side and explained why things need to change. You'd be surprised if you approach such people in a respectful and sensible manner how much they'll take on-board and serve to perpetuate the message we are wishing to enshrine in the minds of Sikhs regarding how seriously we should view the Anand Karaj.

Remember, not all people are purposefully ignorant; some are simply unaware. Let's not assume things without facts. Use the wisdom and foresight that our Gurus and other great Sikhs were renowned for.

[RanjeetSingh]

fantastic news. Our Gurus nor did the Sikhs of the old worry about making people upset. If it goes against Gurbani, we must make a stand.

[N30S1NGH]

Really good post guys keep them coming.... I really like the idea of anand karaj education programs. Kind of an like western style rehearseal programs prior to wedding.