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Provisioning In Anand Karaj Maryada ?


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What a video! It is good to see that the Sikhs who came to uphold the maryadha did not react angrily despite that bibi trying to provoke them. Instead of wasting all that energy bad mouthing the SIkhs, wish she had spent that energy on having a serious talk with her daughter on trying to marry within the community. It's almost like they don't even feel ashamed anymore that their daughter is going out and marrying a non Sikh. Total acceptance of Besharmi.

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I am sorry but some of its our fault. We have conditioned this type of mindset to act in this way in our Gurdwara. We should have drawn an line lot sooner but i m glad precedence is set now but we need to be careful, this may have reverse effect they may be totally put off by sikhi. There is no doubt that this kind of hippie liberalism is gone way over board (as we allowed it) now its coming back to bite us back but we need to be careful on being extreme right totally banning of anand karaj may not be proper solution it may put people off all together.i think we need to discuss this largely with our leaders and offer them if they can add provisionings, atleast give them sikh chaplain to give them education on anand karaj and perform the wedding from anand karaj gutka...truth is sour cannot be digested by people as amrit- even in amrit, patasha's had to be added for people to slowly takein intensity of amrit...slowly but surely guys..take it easy guys, baby step by step.!!

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I applaud and respect the Singhs for their restraint. This is exactly the kind of behaviour that should be displayed in the face of such hostility.

For me, this video highlights a whole gamut of issues regarding Sikhs in the UK, the topic of Anand Karaj, and a few other matters. These are my opinions so obviously they might be partially (or even wholly :biggrin2:) inaccurate. Regardless, I'd like to share my thoughts with the sangat.

First of all the attitude and mindset of the aunty in the video is atypical of the Panjabi approach to modern life. I use the term 'Panjabi' because I don't think the term 'atheist' is fair. She and her kind may believe in a higher power, but for them the Sikh faith is an incidental occurence in their lives; something to be navigated and evaded rather than understood and embraced.

The way she spat out "Granth Sahib" without preceding it with the word "Guru" may be inconsequential to some people, but it only goes to show how much respect she has for Maharaj. Secondly, she knows very well Guru Granth Sahib does not explicitly state anything about marriage between Sikhs and non-Sikhs (I think... :biggrin2: ), hence her line about "Show me where it says in [Guru] Granth Sahib that this marriage can't go ahead". Therefore the issue rests on the hukamnama established by Akal Takhat Sahib regarding marriage.

Whilst I've gone on record on previous occasions regarding my disillusionment at the approach towards certain vital Sikh issues taken by the representatives of the office of Akal Takhat Sahib, it is this VERY discord that the likes of this aunty will trade on when rallying against any judgement made by the office of Akal Takhat Sahib. It will be similar to the Dudley party-hall situation whereby the hall supporters said they did not recognise the authority of ATS (Akal Takhat Sahib). This is why I've said on past occasions that whenever it appears that decisions made by ATS that are contrary to will of the Panth (i.e. the award of Panth-Ratan to Badal), as well as the appearance (may not be fully accurate) of not working for the benefit of Sikh matters in other areas means SAT's authority and credibility is severely damaged when it comes to enforcing edicts that the Panth universally agrees upon, i.e. the Anand Karaj hukamnama. I would be a hypocrite if I chose to follow the hukams of ATS that suited my lifestyle and opinions whilst ignoring others I didn't agree with. That is why ATS must be whiter than white. But anyway we could talk about this particular issue until the cows come home.

The other issue this video highlights is the attitude of mainstream Panjabis (I use the term 'Panjabi' deliberately) to the tenets and followers of orthodox Sikhi, i.e. baptised Sikhs. Again, after seeing the attitude of the aunty and - to a lesser extent - her husband we can see the frankly offensive and slanderous ways in which she talks to and denigrates the gathered Singhs. As far as I could tell, they were not offensive or rude to any of the people confronting them. Of course if anyone has evidence to the contrary I'd be willing to review my statement on this particular aspect of the situation.

Make no mistake for whilst many of the people who share the opinions of the likes of the aunty (for there are many and their numbers are growing), her perception of what Sikhi is about is what worries me the most. Again, this marginalising of Sikhi as practiced by baptised Sikhs to be a branch of the faith that is extreme or on the fringes is something that alarms me greatly. Has the Khalsa (more so in the West) become equated with intolerance and extremism even by our own people? When did this attitude develop? Why have such opinions been allowed to ferment and materialise so that anyone who speaks up for adhering to Sikhi by following hukamnamas and rehats is the backwards, uncouth pendu, whilst those who prefer the Panjabi-oriented brand of Sikhi (not that such a thing exists but I have to describe this abberation somehow) are the mainstream moderates? When did this upside-down thinking become the norm and what can we do to curb the widespread acceptance of such attitudes?

Are the Singhs and Kaurs to blame for their elitist, alientating attitude towards non-Gursikhs, or are those who can't be bothered to follow the hukams of Guru Sahib the ones in the wrong?

The final issue (because my fingers are hurting) is much more straight-forward and, again, ties in with the words of the aunty in the video. Her departing words about Singhs being under-achievers and dossers who haven't got anything better to do with their time than cause trouble at weddings is another one of those opinions that should spur us on to not be pushed to the fringes of Sikh or even the secular societies in which we reside. Singhs should seek to become professional in whichever field they choose to enter career-wise, but also actively participate in issues such as these. For if anybody else is to equate any Singh who wishes to uphold the values of his faith with somebody with a criminal record (lol) and generally poor life prospects, such Singhs can turn around and say "Well, actually I own a business" or "I work for a multi-national corporation" or "I have more qualifications than you could care to imagine".... then such aunties won't know who to pin the blame on for their own failings.

I do wonder if becoming a professional, career-oriented fellow means it precludes a Singh from staying in touch with grass roots - some might say 'controversial' - Sikh issues. Are such causes (such as upholding Sikh tenets in a modern world) only for those who wish to get their hands dirty?

Anyway I've typed far too much and possibly over-stepped my remit but I think we should not be hesitant to discuss these issues.

EDIT: I forgot to mention the most important issue! The Anand Karaj has become a ritual for many Sikhs. Something to get over with because their parents want it - or if not parents then something to appease the wider community. If you don't feel an affinity for your faith and understand the importance of its various rasams then why go through with the whole thing? Be brave and tell your parents you want a civil ceremony! "Tell your parents", lol.

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According to my observation, We punjabis are bunch of ungrateful people. We have this sense of "entitlement" over everything than being grateful..We take everything for granted. Our mindset is when we come to our gurdwara since i do bhetta/donation, i have some sort of say or have authority over gurdwara's property or maryada.We push/shove in big events. We come to gurdwara to eat buffet style food and whine about if there is an slight delay from sevadar getting to us, we let our kids run and scream in the gurdwara like as its our house while mothers yap away..we have no sense of courtesy, respect towards maharaj....we punjabis have hot blood ( probably because of rajas/tamas food) so naturally we cannot hold an argument with patience without throwing insults, intimidation (like this aunty).

We need to break this sense of entitlement that our punjabis have, it will take lot of work and lot of seva from youths working with our jathedars. This kind of reminds me of British Columbia situation in gurdwaras decades ago where our own comrad type of punjabis (ladies and gents) will come to gurdwara wearing skirts , gents with nange sir sit on chairs infront of sri guru granth sahib maharaj when questioned if Christians can do it why cannot you? you guys backwards blah blah. During that time, lot of amritdhari singhs/singhanis from 3ho lived in bc, they came in and talked to them couple of times how its disrespectful so on and so forth showed edicts from sri akaal takth sahib they tried it few times but failed at the end, singh/singhanis came in group from 3ho got in the gurdwara shut the door beat the hell out of them..!!

After that few more edicts were passed and slowly our punjabis (ungrateful/self righteous bunch) start covering their hair and wearing respectful dress so on and so forth..!!

Also another observation- as sad it may sound, our punjabis will take everything fellow punjabi sikhs say as pinch of salt call us by all kind of names but if same thing is said by white singh or singhani it becomes gospel truth, so may be we need use this as a advantage as we should be concerned about maximum impact of anand karaj campaign- we may want to use mixture of parcharaiks - ie from 3ho singh and singhaniya as well to promote education of anand karaj to our thick headed ungrateful pendus.!!!! This has worked in the beadhi trend at gurdwaras in BC.

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I am from swindon and I have some observations/questions regarding what has happened and what is happening in this Gurdwara;

1. There have been mixed marriages before in this Gurdawara before without anyone objecting. But this time probably due to a black guy involved half of committe was against it half was in favour.

2. Committe members who were against this invited and supported singhs to stop it. But I feel they should say something about mixed marriages which have already taken place in the same gurdwara.

3. I can understand all the sentiments of not allowing sikhs to marry anyone outside but I feel mone guys who sit in front of SGGS just for lavaan is equally wrong and is an equal beadbi of SGGS. We should treat the subject consistently.

4. The same Gurdwara has a community centre next to Gurdwara where mean and alcohol is served without any restrictions. Where is the maryada there. Why are same committe members who opposed this marriage based on Akal Takht maryada not following the same for community centre? This makes me beleive they just used Akal takht maryada in the case of marriage for personal ego issues with the guy being a black.

5. The same committe members will oppose the same singhs who came over on the issue of community centre because they dont want that to stop. Double standards again.

6. This marriage was just one day of beadbi of SGGS but coomunity centre is a daily beadbi of SGGS.

7. There is Akal Takht hukamnama on having langar on floor. I personally faced committe with this and was severely ridiculed. Again why same committe members not following Aakal Takht maryada in this case.

8. I think it is good that Akal Takht maryada is being enforced in this gurdwara but I hope bigger sacrilege of SGGS (community centre) will also be dealt with same (or much more ) seriousness and committe members who think they have been able to use Akal Takht maryada to their favour understand that now they will have to follow Akal takht maryada in case of community centre and langar also.

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Harminder Singh Jee, so should we just ignore that this is a step in the right direction and try to find more holes in what just happened? A precedent has been set. And usually precedents are exactly what a community needs to set in motion a chain reaction. Mixed marriages (Sikhs with non Sikhs) is not a positive development for our community(in the west). If today such marriages are accepted then tomorrow it will not be far fetched to imagine homosexuals getting their way and having an Anand Karaj in a Gurdwara, where do we draw the line?

A Manmat is such a thing that once we become accustomed to one thing we start to accept even more Manmat in bits and pieces and soon those bits and pieces add up and turn into a huge amount. It wasn't a long time ago that the Anand Karaj was strictly only allowed between Amritdhari boy and girl. We have come a long way from those times. The least we can do is make sure that the Anand Karaj is only between Sikh boy and Sikh girl.

When an Islamic Nikkah happens, it is only allowed between a Muslim boy and girl. No matter how modern or least religious a Muslim is he will always do a Nikkah in which his spouse has to embrace Islam. Furthermore, such Muslims always make their children Muslims rather than raising them in the faith of their non Muslim spouse. Compare this to the Sikhs of today who marry non Sikhs and will almost always have their children raised as non Sikhs.

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@Kalyugi,I agree with almost all of your views in your post on this issue except for these remarks,

"Her departing words about Singhs being under-achievers and dossers who haven't got anything better to do with their time than cause trouble at weddings is another one of those opinions that should spur us on to not be pushed to the fringes of Sikh or even the secular societies in which we reside. Singhs should seek to become professional in whichever field they choose to enter career-wise, but also actively participate in issues such as these."

How could anyone assume that such Singhs are "under-achievers and dossers."

These Singhs are actually achievers because they believe in acting on their beliefs

and not just stand as mere spectators who do nothing about the beadbi going on in our

Gurudwaras. They have the intellect of understanding the difference between right and wrong

and the courage to right the wrong too.

They are in fact an inspiration to our people.

I hope that this incident awakens

the spirit of true Sikhism in millions of Sikhs across the globe.

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@Kalyugi,I agree with almost all of your views in your post on this issue except for these remarks,

"Her departing words about Singhs being under-achievers and dossers who haven't got anything better to do with their time than cause trouble at weddings is another one of those opinions that should spur us on to not be pushed to the fringes of Sikh or even the secular societies in which we reside. Singhs should seek to become professional in whichever field they choose to enter career-wise, but also actively participate in issues such as these."

How could anyone assume that such Singhs are "under-achievers and dossers."

These Singhs are actually achievers because they believe in acting on their beliefs

and not just stand as mere spectators who do nothing about the beadbi going on in our

Gurudwaras. They have the intellect of understanding the difference between right and wrong

and the courage to right the wrong too.

They are in fact an inspiration to our people.

I hope that this incident awakens

the spirit of true Sikhism in millions of Sikhs across the globe.

Oh yes, I should've clarified. I don't believe the Singhs are under-achievers or wasters. However the aunties perception of the Singhs being good for nothings is a clearly prejudiced attitude that should not be allowed to gain legitimacy. I guess I was trying to motivate any Singhs who were thinking of "taking it easy" that if someone labels them in such an offensive way, if they are actually high-achievers (in a secular sense), they can respond with confidence!

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