Divorce And Sikhi

[VanHelsingh]

Best to not act hastily.

:biggrin2:

[Harpreet1]

lol she is not acting hastily. I think you should try marriage counselling together to be able to voice your concerns and maybe take it from there.

May sound silly but it is not - why don't you take a hukamnama for advice? Guruji does give the best advice

[DaljitKaur24]

Talk to a older gursikh british born has they'll be more understanding. Or contact kaurageous. They probably have singhnees who can help you more or least will guide you better. Sis your 24 you've been through a lot; I know the feeling of been through more than most people even in their later years. See it as a blessing as everything makes you stronger (hard to believe at times I know)

I wish I can but most of the older Gursikhs I know are going to be judgemental so I'm actually scared to bring up this topic to them. And yea your right about making me stronger I do feel that. I've been through alot and it makes me feel that I can cross any hurdle.

[DaljitKaur24]

I don't know the full situation but i will still try to suggest. Both of you guys- need to agree to "recommit on anand karaj vows" sort of do fresh start and follow through it. When i meant recommit the anand karaj vows, i don't mean do the whole ceremony again in the gurdwara but recommit to vows privately with witness of sargun saroop of sri guru granth sahib or nirgun saroop of shabad guru (all pervading vahiguroo)

Once both partners agrees to recommit on anand karaj vows, they should both equally forget the past and start over as one and walk on guru's path. If both partner does not recommit to anand karaj vows and forget the past equally then i m sorry - it's best to go on separate paths, take that as your karam and move on and never look back...the people we meet, get into relationship, love, hate, like, dislike its all part of our karam (be it good or bad). Anand karaj updesh to both partners as one - is nothing to do with this "western idea of feminism - equality" nor its to do with this "eastern idea of patti paremsvar relationship". It's about partners start looking at the bigger picture, rise above from fruit of karam- credit, check and balances of (who did what and deserve credit), each other egos and equally as one jot to walk on path of dharam and meditate on Vahiguroo(true husband), serve Vahiguroo beloveds-saints and be in sadh sangat of them.

If you don't have kids, use that blessing in disguise (i am not against kids - i have 2 of them), but the point is - both partners must sort out their lives , be on same page - anand karaj vows before having kids and making it even more complicated.!!

Well we both have our flaws. Yes I committed some mistakes in the past and so has he but he doesn't seem to get over that. If I can forgive and forget I don't understand why he can't. I have went in front of Guruji and asked for forgiveness and gone forward with my marriage but he thinks that's not enough. That Guruji isn't going to forgive just like that. Anyways so pretty much my parents and buwa ji(she's the vicholan) knows about every fight that has happened between us but his side of the family doesn't really know anything. And no we don't have kids and yea i do where your coming from that we need to resolve our personal issues first before having more problems on our plates!

He's been in the U.S for year and half now and we were living with my parents and last week out of nowhere he told me we are getting our own place and that we will have less fights and our relationship will definitely grow. Well wrong...I'm not sure what goes on his mind and what the heck he's planning. One of my best friend was like maybe he's just waiting for the P.R and really has no intention of working out the relationship. I've made a decision last night when I was at the gurdwara sahib that I'm only going to wait one more month and watch how he behaves and acts. If I see any improvement then great otherwise I'm throwing the towel, I just can't take it anymore. I would need to get out of it for my sanity. Whenever we have fights I get really <Edited> and I don't want to be in that place. I hope Guru ji can do kirpa on him and maybe he can change in this one month period.

[DaljitKaur24]

Best to not act hastily.

:biggrin2:

Well I'm pretty sure waiting around for 2.5 years is definitely not acting hastily!!

[DaljitKaur24]

lol she is not acting hastily. I think you should try marriage counselling together to be able to voice your concerns and maybe take it from there.

May sound silly but it is not - why don't you take a hukamnama for advice? Guruji does give the best advice

Counseling part I'm not so sure lolz. Since he's only been here about a year and half his english is pretty much next to nothing! And no way i'm gonna translate lol. So when you say take hukamnama for advice...so basically ask the paathhi ji to take the hukamnama or I personally do it myself at the gurdwara? That's a great idea actually!

[VanHelsingh]

Well I'm pretty sure waiting around for 2.5 years is definitely not acting hastily!!

Well you clearly want to make the marriage work. So the onus isn't on you to get things done. There is another person in this marriage and he should also speak up. Don't make yourself the villain by establishing deadlines. Patience.

[N30S1NGH]

What do you guys think about anand karaj vows in general? and committing to it?

Both parties need to have desire to make this work, sorry sikh marriage isn't some hollywood type marriage- where you simply get out by saying- things don't work and thats it you move on..its about making it work. If most of sikh marriages (including mine) follow the anand karaj vows truly, there wouldn't be any issues. Personally speaking in my own marriage, we had some difference, but we always try to make it work, lately i have been trying to get both of us to recommit the anand karaj vows..i first got this idea from a catholic friend at work who said they will be re-committing his religious wedding vows soon to do fresh start..i was thinking of myself- its a beautiful idea..why cannot our sikhs do something to do like that with anand karaj vows just to gives a fresh start and sense of direction in marriage.

I strongly believe you guys need to go give your 100% to recommit to anand karaj vows and start over before making decisions in haste, its not good pass blames on each other so each parties can sleep well and guilt free at night..its about recnognizing your shortcoming truly and forgive and forget the past and recommit to anand karaj vows and start over fresh..!!

[DaljitKaur24]

What do you guys think about anand karaj vows in general? and committing to it?

Both parties need to have desire to make this work, sorry sikh marriage isn't some hollywood type marriage- where you simply get out by saying- things don't work and thats it you move on..its about making it work. If most of sikh marriages (including mine) follow the anand karaj vows truly, there wouldn't be any issues. Personally speaking in my own marriage, we had some difference, but we always try to make it work, lately i have been trying to get both of us to recommit the anand karaj vows..i first got this idea from a catholic friend at work who said they will be re-committing his religious wedding vows soon to do fresh start..i was thinking of myself- its a beautiful idea..why cannot our sikhs do something to do like that with anand karaj vows just to gives a fresh start and sense of direction in marriage.

I strongly believe you guys need to go give your 100% to recommit to anand karaj vows and start over before making decisions in haste, its not good pass blames on each other so each parties can sleep well and guilt free at night..its about recnognizing your shortcoming truly and forgive and forget the past and recommit to anand karaj vows and start over fresh..!!

You made a very valid point but I'm not sure after everything that has happened between us its possible or if it will do any good. But definitely I would be willing to try that out. I don't want to give up on this relationship but also don't want to be the only one trying to make this relationship work. Hopefully he will open to trying this out to save our marriage. Lets see.

I think it's a great idea about renewing your vows. I've always have loved that concept and I believe that it helps to renew and rebuild the relationship.

[DaljitKaur24]

Well you clearly want to make the marriage work. So the onus isn't on you to get things done. There is another person in this marriage and he should also speak up. Don't make yourself the villain by establishing deadlines. Patience.

Yea I see your point. I wouldn't want to look like the only one that wants to end this. And if I bring this up that's what the people around me will think. Like his personality is like this:to an outsider he's such a sweet, humble, and cultured guy but they don't really know the truth about him. So if something was to happen like a divorce no one would point their fingers at him because of this personality he portrays in front of outsiders. Thanks for that suggestion.