Confession

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I wear religious robes and an orange crown, but I haven’t earned them, nor am I deserving of them. I’m black inside and even though I do my best to be kind, patient and loving to others it doesn’t alter the fact that I am no good. The Guru Ji clearly lays out the path but I ignore it.

I don’t have any time or true love for Waheguru. If I do I certainly don’t show it. I may proclaim how wonderful Sikhi is, but they are empty words – what good deeds have I done to experience it?

I’m so tired of the negativity within Sikhi, the arguments among the people, especially the youth, the bickering, which sometimes can be over trivial things that lead to nothing but anger or an ego boost. I see this everywhere, in person and online. Also the politics and individual agendas are frankly embarrassing with issues that have arisen recently in certain Gurdwaras and it’s so damn frustrating when you see actions that go against common sense, like having a party hall on a Gurdwara site that will likely be misused without control over it or censoring leaders in Sikhi about what they can do Vichaar on.

It feels like I can’t take anymore negativity, the hateful comments towards one another when something is debated online – the ignorant, hurtful replies that people give knowing that no good will come from it.

How much is Sikhi discussed Vs practiced and working on yourself; I wonder how one sided that ratio would be. People are happy to give opinions and off the wall worldly comments without much thought and the time and effort to study the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, which is something in their rear view mirror. It can sometimes seem as if the world is coming to an end with all the cynicism and misguided words and emotions.

It feels like I don’t have the strength to deal with anything or anyone anymore, cause all I get is pain. It’s difficult to express in words how much I hate myself right now and how I feel desperately bad for the state of the world, the state of Sikhi and the state of the youth.

There are gems of beauty such as among our youth – endless Seva, true Singhs and Singhnis, but they are not easy to find. I wish I was in their company; to learn from and gain strength and discipline on this tough journey. When all you see is negativity it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning in it and there is no way out. It’s like it overcomes you like a wave and all you can do is hope it washes you ashore where you can try and get on an even footing again and continue to proceed towards the waiting light.

I can only pray to the supreme one to help me, guide me, and give me strength to contribute towards Sikhi and fulfil my purpose of why he gifted me this human life. Most of all I hope he can guide all my brothers and sisters out there and allow each of them to fulfil their potential, enshrine you in their hearts, and return back to you.

[Wingz23]

dude i feel like this all the time.... im as lost and as annoyed and as hateful aswell... i get what you mean by its hard 2 explain.

[Harpreet1]

I think our youth drives our youth away.

We have a lot of love but we also feel we need to compete with our own. Instead of thinking 'interesting idea' we say 'no that is different to what I think therefore it must be wrong'.

But you do have love in you which is why you wrote this post its just that you haven't shown it its just dug deep inside you and come out in this post :-)