Jump to content

I Need Guidance Please!


Guest -singhniiii-

Recommended Posts

Guest -singhniiii-

WJKK WJKF.

I need guidance on my current "relationship". I know that A LOT of people experience what i am currently going through, but I feel as though people reply with lines from gurbani (Which is obviously what we should be doing) but can someone respond who has actually gone through this and reply with feeling and emotion rather than going all crazy religious on me! I know that sounds bad but please dont take it the wrong way! I too am amritdhari, I just took amrit about a year ago, and so did the guy i am currently interested in. I am 20 and he is 21. We are not "Dating" but we have everything a relationship has, we are dating without saying the words. The thing is our parents know of this. That we are very close and are together and they are aware of everything that goes on with us, they fully approve, and our families think we are going to get married. We both know we are very young and things might change. We both only have ever wanted one person in our life the way we have each other and dont want to experience this with anyone else. I can honestly say I love him. I love everyone, but this is a different sense of love i have for him. I also know kaam and lust is bad and i must stay away from it. We both do alot of simran to help us stay away from that but its so hard when you have such a deep connection with someone that automatically what you are emotionally feeling ends up turning into physical. You can judge if youd like, we have never had sex or anything and wont until marriage, but we do hug/kiss. And i do believe it will work out in the future considering hes the only guy ive ever brought home, and i am the only girl he has ever brought home. We hide everything in public but our families are aware and we both know sikhi and our rehat comes first. but i can not even explain to you the connection I have with him. And i doubt it will go anywhere. But is this wrong. Can anyone relate to me? what are the chances of this actually working out. we are so young we dont even know what half these feelings are. How are we even supposed to separate love and lust. Its so weird seems like everyhing is happening so fast. but we are so young that i dont even want to think ahead because if it doesnt work out then it will feel like so much wrong doing for no reason. Like is this okay if it was to work out, and wrong if doesnt? is it wrong in general? is it right and normal. To be honest i dont even know what question im trying to ask here. maybe just for someone to relate and re assure me and say yeah its okay to be amritdhari and have these feelings and think im going to marry someone. or someone to tell me im wrong and theres no way it will work. and what we are doing is wrong.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Guru ji's child

Gurufateh!

I am a 19 years old, and yes i can kindaa relate to you. However, my situation is that I never wanted to be in a relationship being an amritdhari. I never asked for it to happen because such close relationships can easily involve kaam, moh and can eat up alot of time which you would spend with your Guru otherwise. My life is a bit different so I had no choice of saying no to the person. Also, even we dont give the name of "dating" or "boyfriend-girlfriend" because to me it sounds every cheap. I totally understand what you mean by seperating lust from love. The way I seperate these two is... if any time when I am with him, if I even feel the NEED to phycially touch him to satisfy my own trishna.... its lust. This only means we are satisfying our indriya by touching or kissing the person. Even I feel a deep connection with him emotionally because this relationship is closest after God for me. But still... my Waheguru and their Hukam comes first. I think even I have tried to satisfy my desire of indriya for a short period of time. But as soon as I realized its lust, I did did Ardaas to Guruji and you know what, SIMRAN HELPS ALOT!!! If you TRULY dont want to engage in lust and if your Guru TRULY comes first, you will move away from lust by doing more abheyaas of Gurbani and Naam Simran.

Another thing, your partner and you do simran together and look Guru ji's sikhs. My partner is not even an Amritdhari, unfortunately... and he still understands and help me move away of kaam if I dont myself.

I would say... kissing is wrong. It creates desire of lust. I have never done that and wont do before I get married. Hug like friends. You can communicate your love by hugging too. And never forget Guru Gobind Singh ji is watching you, so ask YOURSELF from your inside if what you are doing is right or wrong

Fateh!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh ji.

You guys are young...not even stepped out of teenagehood and all this so soon. Take it easy! Slow down!

As for kissing hugging etc...you say you have respect for Guru Maharaajs hukum and rehat yet you indulge yourself in such activities before marriage? Kissing and hugging both, anything physical between the two of you is a no no!

If you think your ready to move on, speak to your parents and make things official. Set the date in like a year or twos time. Gives the two of you some time to 'mature' a little and makes things official.

But seriously, before marriage, nothing physical.

Pul chuk maaf ji

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

WJKK WJKF.

I need guidance on my current "relationship". I know that A LOT of people experience what i am currently going through, but I feel as though people reply with lines from gurbani (Which is obviously what we should be doing) but can someone respond who has actually gone through this and reply with feeling and emotion rather than going all crazy religious on me! I know that sounds bad but please dont take it the wrong way! I too am amritdhari, I just took amrit about a year ago, and so did the guy i am currently interested in. I am 20 and he is 21. We are not "Dating" but we have everything a relationship has, we are dating without saying the words. The thing is our parents know of this. That we are very close and are together and they are aware of everything that goes on with us, they fully approve, and our families think we are going to get married. We both know we are very young and things might change. We both only have ever wanted one person in our life the way we have each other and dont want to experience this with anyone else. I can honestly say I love him. I love everyone, but this is a different sense of love i have for him. I also know kaam and lust is bad and i must stay away from it. We both do alot of simran to help us stay away from that but its so hard when you have such a deep connection with someone that automatically what you are emotionally feeling ends up turning into physical. You can judge if youd like, we have never had sex or anything and wont until marriage, but we do hug/kiss. And i do believe it will work out in the future considering hes the only guy ive ever brought home, and i am the only girl he has ever brought home. We hide everything in public but our families are aware and we both know sikhi and our rehat comes first. but i can not even explain to you the connection I have with him. And i doubt it will go anywhere. But is this wrong. Can anyone relate to me? what are the chances of this actually working out. we are so young we dont even know what half these feelings are. How are we even supposed to separate love and lust. Its so weird seems like everyhing is happening so fast. but we are so young that i dont even want to think ahead because if it doesnt work out then it will feel like so much wrong doing for no reason. Like is this okay if it was to work out, and wrong if doesnt? is it wrong in general? is it right and normal. To be honest i dont even know what question im trying to ask here. maybe just for someone to relate and re assure me and say yeah its okay to be amritdhari and have these feelings and think im going to marry someone. or someone to tell me im wrong and theres no way it will work. and what we are doing is wrong.

Truth is high, higher still is truthful living.

As long as you are true to yourself, thats all that matters. I don't believe anybody here is a relationship expert, so everybody comments on their personal experience. There is no right way or wrong way about this, I would say, do what is right for yourself, follow your heart, it is never wrong.

your relationship with SatGuru ji is yours only and only vaheguru can judge you on that, even then, God doesn't judge....

So, relax, don't get all worked up and take things slow.

I would suggest you read the lavaan which are recited during the marriage, it should give you an insight into what SatGuru ji is saying.

relax...and take a cold shower...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Truth is high, higher still is truthful living.

As long as you are true to yourself, thats all that matters. I don't believe anybody here is a relationship expert, so everybody comments on their personal experience. There is no right way or wrong way about this, I would say, do what is right for yourself, follow your heart, it is never wrong.

your relationship with SatGuru ji is yours only and only vaheguru can judge you on that, even then, God doesn't judge....

So, relax, don't get all worked up and take things slow.

I would suggest you read the lavaan which are recited during the marriage, it should give you an insight into what SatGuru ji is saying.

relax...and take a cold shower...

The other thread you asked if Sikhsangat was a counsellor? ;)
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

If your families know about it...and you do feel a connection...why don't you guys get married?

Do remember, the 'connection' you're talking about is your soul connecting. You've said...what if something goes wrong... If it does, before you get married...you might end up 'connecting' to someone else as time goes by. Spiritually, it DOES make a difference. The bonds that the soul makes...just don't simply get erased. Take it all very seriously.

I suggest you guys get married and save yourselves the guilt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Get married asap and be done! My sister was 18, and my best friend was 25, and they met at a Sikh youth camp 30 years ago, got married within 3 months, and now they have four gurmukh sons, the youngest is turning out to be an inspiring fiery parcharak and kirtaniya.

If you truly love each other do not waste time but get married asap in a nice Khalsa Amritdharee way. Invite me too! haha. No need to drag it out and wait for education and jobs and all. Do things the right way and Gurujee will bless you with everything. The more you drag it, all kinds of unfortunate things can happen and you will be walking with lots of guilt etc. So get married the fastest you can. I say this bcause I can feel your true love for each other is a done deal.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Get married asap and be done! My sister was 18, and my best friend was 25, and they met at a Sikh youth camp 30 years ago, got married within 3 months, and now they have four gurmukh sons, the youngest is turning out to be an inspiring fiery parcharak and kirtaniya.

If you truly love each other do not waste time but get married asap in a nice Khalsa Amritdharee way. Invite me too! haha. No need to drag it out and wait for education and jobs and all. Do things the right way and Gurujee will bless you with everything. The more you drag it, all kinds of unfortunate things can happen and you will be walking with lots of guilt etc. So get married the fastest you can. I say this bcause I can feel your true love for each other is a done deal.

:)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you are both in your early twenties and are coming to the end of your studies, then what is there to worry about? Being Amrit Dhaari doesn't make you any less human, and your feelings are part of a number of biological mechanisms that are designed to help you find a partner that you will produce strong, healthy progeny with. It really is that straight forward if you look at the basics of it. It seems your parents approve of you as a couple, and you approve of each other. I'm struggling to see what the problem is here.

Some people meet the person that they will marry when they are 16 (I know a happily married couple with children who met at college), and others in their twenties. Some don't do so until later in life, and some seem not to find that person at all! If you two have an emotional connection and there is no major barrier in your way (age, religious differences etc), then I would encourage you to look at this as a blessing and take the next steps towards marriage. Let's face it, your families will want you both to settle into Ghristi Jeevan and see you getting on with your lives. By finding one another you have saved them the work and the stress of finding someone that ticks the boxes in today's tumultuous climate .

You are still young enough that you will grow together as a couple and carry on life's journey as one, and I wouldn't worry about "things working out". That will take time and effort from both parties, and the two of you can build that relationship going forward. If you are willing to work at it and honour each others individual values while maintaining the shared ones, then you will make your Ghristi Jeevan a success.

If there is something specific about your partner that raises a red flag in your mind, then address that issue. Otherwise, accept the blessing of finding a suitable partner and go forth in peace! You don't have to look far (just look at this forum) to hear the frustrations of those who can't find one, and feel betrayed by the broken system that they thought would source one for them. If I could offer any advice, it would simply be to stop beating yourself up and legitimize your relationship before Mahraj. Everything else is a secondary issue, and once you are married the things that you are worrying about now won't be an issue at all.. Don't worry though, there will be other issues to replace these ones, but that's life :)

Best of Luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use