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How Is It Possible To Follow Bani/achieve Mukhti If You Also Lead The Lifestyle Of A Partner And Kids?!


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Guest stscapil council

I have a question... more so for the realists, who live in this society whilst also follow sikhi (Any predictable answers from hardcores won't particularly help me in my lifestyle choice and I am already aware of what is written in bani before the flood of quotes come through).

So Bani emphasises the importance of following rehat and having guru ji on your mind all the time and that's how you shall succeed (fall in love with waheguru, constantly do simran etc)

It is also the norm (in society and sikhi) to get married and have kids etc

BUT ... It looks like if you followed bani, you have to be at a level where you wouldn't really care 'so' much about your other half, as after all how is it physically and emotionally possible to love your partner and kids if you are engrossed in wahegurus love?

How is it possible to do both?

Which then follows me to believe that the majortiy of people would need to be like the Behengams at Nanaksar in order to try to achieve mukhti (they don't marry)? As most individuals are not configured to be able to be inlove and married AND at the same time be totally inlove with Waheguru to the extent written in Bani?

Most people can only be one track minded? I for one can only do one or the other? I am inlove with Waheguru, but I can't single mindedly only have simran etc on my mind at the same time of living a 'normal' lifestyle of a partner and kids etc?

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i think your problem is due to a misunderstanding regarding "constantly doing simran" and "care so much"

Constantly doing simran is not what gurbani states we are not meant to live our lives as hermits instead we are supposed to partake in the world and remember waheguru while doing so

I like you have also always been confused by the lack of attachment we are supposed to show towards loved ones, but my understanding is that we should see waheguru in all so loving our kids/partner is no different to loving waheguru, the problem comes when you only care about those people (everyone is your brother and sister). A major misunderstanding is that we shouldnt care so much as thats attachment but for me caring shows your acknowledgment of guru inside all, attachment is selfish whereas caring is rational!

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vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

Nice reply above.

We have been influenced by Western society's expectations of loving one's family. In this context, love means not hurting someone, vowing to love someone forever, always supporting them no matter what, and becoming so attached to them that when they leave or die, life becomes unbearable.

Guru Ji's definition of love is much different and much purer. Love is based on morality and truth. Loving one's family means something completely different for a true Sikh. It means always upholding the principles of Gurbani and Rehat. It means bringing up one's children with these values and teaching them how to be honourable in life and death. True love is LIVING Gurbani every day, not focusing your thoughts on your partner.

I know there are examples of many Sikhs (or hardcores as you'd call them) who have left their family in order to pursue spiritual peace. But as you know, this is not necessary for a Gurmukh and is in some ways detrimental - it is almost easier to abandon Maya by running away, rather than living within it and controlling one's mind properly. Many people will be one-track minded, but this doesn't make them better than those who can learn to live within Maya.

Another thing to bear in mind is that all the Sikh women whose sakhiaan you hear, have never abandoned their families or responsibilities to attain mukti. They are responsible for bringing up the Khalsas of the world and take this responsibility seriously. Their attitude should be that their children are not 'theirs' but Guru Ji's. Guru Ji may bless them with a child and Guru Ji may take the child away.

Perhaps your definition of simran is limiting you. The physical act of sitting down and doing Simran is only one aspect of bhagti. Bhagti also involves admiring Guru Ji's creation and world and thanking Guru Ji for all He gives you. Seva is also equally as important in life - and raising a family is one of the biggest responsibilities that Sikh parents have. Working in an occupation which serves others also might play a role. You limit yourself by choosing only the life of a Sadhu and miss out on many opportunities that Guru Ji gave you to make the most of your jeevan.

vaheguru ji ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

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Gurbani surely does say to do simran all day. There is a reason why Gursikhs and knowledgable parents put there kids into Sikhi at a very young age. As the child gets older his spiritual wisdom grows, where he is able to do simran all day and still do worldly task with full attention. You can say he had an head start to figure out how to complete this 'tough' task. I have seen Sikhs get into Sikhi later in life and they still are able to grab hold of simran all day, while living a worldly life.

Im take it you are starting later in your life to actually start doing bhagti and can't find the time to do bhagti and when you do, then you get mixed feels how to feel toward your family. There is only one way to escape the up and down feelings and move forward in Sikhi. Its to do bhagti with intense desire for many hours and go to the Gurdwara and do seva in the Gurdwara for the sangat. While doing seva make sure you are doing simran. Just like how a wife sings her husbands praises all day..........Sikhs sing their husband Lord's praises all day, while doing seva.

ONce the desire to sing praises of Maharaj gets higher, then automatically you would want to go partake in the world, love creation equally and do every task while singing Maharaj's praises. This does not mean you stop partaking in the world until you reach this point. This means you need to put aside atleast 2 hours a day to contemplate over Gurbani. Most of my day is occupied by contemplating over Gurbani and im still running around doing worldly things. Every task just comes easy when we are doing simran all day. Every task is done with care and no task feels like you need to finish this one to get to the next...........trying to escape a task.

Don't get stuck on how you are feeling at the moment. This will drive you crazy. Instead focus on praising Maharaj all day and Maharaj will calm your mind and bodies inner eat.

One reason why we do simran all day long is to calm the body and mind (anger, lust, ego, greed, moh), so it does not bother us with its manmat ways. If a person is truly doing simran all day, then how can he feel angry toward another or anything. How can he feel moh toward anyone or lust?

Your mind is occupied with the wife, kids and probably work. And your thinking if i give myself to Satguru then i might lose love for my wife and kids and you are scared of what might happen afterwards. This won't happen. Most likely right now you are loving your wife and kids through moh, ego, and lust. If we give our mind and body to Satguru, then Satguru cools the inner heat of moh, ego, and lust. And replaces them with uncondintional love, where you still love your wife and kids, but just with a higher purpose in life.

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