Suffering from depression

[Guest what name]

VJKK VJKF

I dont know why I am even writing a post here to be honest, I am probably older than 90% of the people here. I went to the gurdwara this evening and I was thinking about suicide in darbar sahib. I dont know why. I wouldnt ever do such an act. I was extremely upset inside though and maharaj knows why. I know I should be stronger than this. I am trying to do as much paat as I can, I know it's not enough. my health is suffering because of the way I feel, mentally, physically, emotionally.

[Wingz23]

suicide is deadly man, no pun intended... i know how you feel...

[humkire]

Dearest _what name_ Jee,

I suppose if you are older than 90% here I am probably around your age hehe.

I cannot start to tell you how many sufferings, problems, difficulties, pains, setbacks and sins I have experienced in my life which has many times made me feel so very worthless and better off dying, especially when things appear all so rosy for everyone around me.

However, one thing Gurujee through Gurbani has whispered in my heart is that human life is absolutely precious and should never ever be traded away through suicide etc. In the darkest hour of our life, yes we can feel suicidal but we have to use the last bit of God given will power and strength to pull through that dark hour. Remember the dark clouds in the sky will not last forever. They get blown away and next day there is sunshine.

If your feelings for suicide arise from having sinned remember Gurbani says ''jis papi ko mileh na dhoee, saan aaveh, ta nirmal hoee''. If your suicidal feelings arise from sickness Gurujee says ''rogan te aur soghan te jal jogan te bau bhant bchavei''. If your suicidal feelings come from general failure in life and poverty remember Gurbani says ''nicho uch kare mera govind...''. Gurujee does not give you any leeway or allow you any excuse to committ suicide and there is another better way out for anything that makes you feel to suicide.

You have mentioned you do more and more paath. This is very very good. I also recommend that you do paath with understanding. Through the internet or through readily available pothis you can find translations so you know the meaning of what you are reading. I say this because Gurbani as our Guru guides us and enlightens us to understand our life, our problems and the way forward. This in turn will encourage you to do more path. Doing mulmantar and gurmantar simran is absolutely helpful too.

To be in chardikela or vibrant rising spirits is a very important component of being a Sikh. Following the path of Sikhi, doing your nitnem, simran, going regularly for diwans and kirtan darbaars at your local gurudwara, reading Gurbani and connecting with other vibrant Sikhs all helps you to be in chardikela. Also if you are already not, then never have anything to do with alcohol, drugs etc because they cause problems and diseases. Also no matter what your problem always try to do some form of consistent exercise be it swimming, cycling, walking, gyming, etc. At the height of my illnesses in the past I have gone for long walks to be strong. I went through a bad illness a few years ago but today, I employ a personal trainer who makes me sweat a lot hehe.

Gurbani teaches us to value human life very very preciously because even angels worship this human body which was created to worship God. We had to go through so many lifetimes as plants and animals before we finally got this body. So no problem we have, can be bigger than the duty we have to worship God. I remember when I was absolutely sick after a big operation, God gave me the grace and strength to still wake up amritvela and do my prayers and pray for others. So as Sikhs we have to fight on because we are survivors.

You can pm me or others direct too if you need to open up more about your problem upsetting you, in private.

Always chant this beautiful line from gurbani ''rakho rakho kirpa dhar, teri saran tereh dwar''. There are many shabads in Gurbani which help you pray for God's protection and help.

I pray to Gurujee in my heart to help you out and put you on the path of chardikela so you regain your mental, physical and emotional energy.

If depression, bipolar and continously feeling suicidal is among your problems then you do need to really talk with your doctor, but if it is a one off, then just fight it off. Life is a jewel and you need to let this jewel show you its worth as you continue to live. Suicide does not solve any problem because you will simply come back again in another form with the same old karma that made you feel suicidal in the first place, still hanging over your head.

[Raaj.Karega.Khalsa]

Dear bhenji/bhaji,

The bhaji who's posted above have explained beautifully about how you can try to overcome the suicidal feelings.

There's another point to be noted. Everything that happens to us is a result of our own Karams. If one commits suicide, the bad karmas don't get erased...one still has to pay the result in their next lives....not to forget that committing suicide is in itself a great sin!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you feel worse than you already do. But do give it a thought. We're not this body. We're the soul in it. God knows how many thousands of years we've been wandering around in the universe before we got this human body (which is also the only life-form where one can meditate upon God and meet Him)...it's not supposed to be wasted away.

I've dealt with post-natal depression in the past. The main way to get through it is to identify the root cause.

There are other little things that do help as well:

• Wear bright colours (honestly, try to chuck out the blacks, browns and greys...or mix them with bright colours).
• Don't let it be dark at home or in the room you're in. The brighter it is, the more it helps to uplift the mood.
• Don't watch anything sad on the telly and try not the watch the news; it's more than often sad and depressing. Try not to watch telly for more than an hour in a day. Watch comedy at the most. If watching a film...absolutely turn off the telly after it. Only watch it if you're watching a specific programme that interests you.
• Try and develop new hobbies or invest time in the hobbies you've had.
• NEVER SIT IDLE!!! (very important)!
• Get out and get fresh air every single day.
• Identify the tiny little things in your life that make you happy (even a bit). They usually go unnoticed.

The above mentioned points will help you uplift your mood for while. But it's a process. The more you consciously try to uplift the depressed mood, the more you'll help yourself. You have to always remember that you're battling with it (it sounds worse, I know, but it really helps).

There are other couple of things that I think are worth mentioning. So, I was sent for counselling. And I asked this person about how to overcome the thoughts about my difficult childhood...they simply kept popping up again and again in my head without even trying to consciously think about it...was very unsettling. He replied, "Can you change what happened?". I said, "No." He said, "Then why even think about it." I honestly couldn't believe the advice I was being given. In my head I replied back, "Duh!"

That was my last ever session and I decided to find another way to deal with it. (And the doctors can only ever prescribe you medicines which, I believe, are only helpful when you just don't ever get a clear mind and are totally unable to deal with it....only for a short time).

This was when I thought very seriously about the above mentioned points of life, death and the soul.

I was wondering whether you could share the reason for your condition, anonymously of course (if that is what you want), and may be we can all together try and help a bit.

ਸਵੈਯਾ ॥
SWAYYA

ਧੰਨ ਜੀਓ ਤਿਹ ਕੋ ਜਗ ਮੈ ਮੁਖ ਤੇ ਹਰਿ ਚਿੱਤ ਮੈ ਜੁਧੁ ਬਿਚਾਰੈ ॥ ਦੇਹ ਅਨਿੱਤ ਨ ਨਿੱਤ ਰਹੈ ਜਸੁ ਨਾਵ ਚੜੈ ਭਵਸਾਗਰ ਤਾਰੈ ॥
Bravo to the soul of that person, who remembers the Lord through his mouth and reflects in his mind about the war of righteousness; who considers this body the war of righteousness; who considers this body as transient, ascends the boat of Lords` praise and ferries across the dreadful ocean of the world;

ਧੀਰਜ ਧਾਮ ਬਨਾਇ ਇਹੈ ਤਨ ਬੁੱਧਿ ਸੁ ਦੀਪਕ ਜਿਉ ਉਜੀਆਰੈ ॥ ਗਯਾਨਹਿ ਕੀ ਬਢਨੀ ਮਨਹੁ ਹਾਥ ਲੈ ਕਾਤਰਤਾ ਕੁਤਵਾਰ ਬੁਹਾਰੈ ॥੨੪੯੨॥
Who makes this body as the abode of forbearance and enlightens it with the lamp of intellect and who taking the broom of knowledge in his hand sweeps away the rubbish of cowardice.2492.

[Guest what name]

VJKK VJKF

I was beginning to think no one was going to reply with anything meaningful so thanks to the above members for sharing, it's much appreciated.

Before I continue, I just want to re-iterate that I have no intentions of committing suicide. I was just shocked at the time that I was even thinking about it whilst in the gurdwara. It was not something I should have dwelled on, for even a moment and I realise that now. I wasn't clear myself what I wanted to say to sangat, so I could have led you to think that way.

It's been interesting reading the responses because after writing the posting, I thought to help myself I need to go back to basics, to get myself out of this mode of depression. For example, actually getting dressed properly and not just chucking any old shirt on, tying my dastar etc, so I am ready to leave the house first thing.

The other thing that came to my mind was, as one of the above posters said that I need to focus on understanding gurbani and for me, that was like a light bulb moment, I thought to myself I need to make more effort to listen to katha. Thinking back, I used to cope better having read paat and then listening to katha. I am not the greatest fan of reading translations, whilst it is clearly beneficial. I think gurbani is so deep that I could read a translation and still not understand the shabad. I hope that makes sense, I am not knocking the translations, its me and my level of understanding.

I am going to have to keep this message a short one as I am finally going to make my way out of the house. I will however, reply to the above posters later in more detail.

thanks again,

VJKK VJKF

[Guest what name]

VJKK VJKF

It is true the best thing about being down and depressed, is the coming back up stronger. I thought I was but then fell again, so I just have to keep trying. The thing that is helping me the most at the moment is that I have set myself a goal to do x amount of paat to help me in the future. Although, I do worry about those around me, some who I feel are less fortunate than me and I feel I should be doing something for them too... at the same time I realise I can't sacrifice my own well being trying to help someone else... otherwise what use am I to anyone. Knowing me, I wont put myself first. I think I will try and find a way to do both, as a compromise.

On a positive note, I have been listening to some kirtan today, which has been nice, it's quite mellow so I have played it a few times.

In response to humkire:

I agree with you on a lot of the above, I am amritdhari, I don't have anything to do with alcohol/ drugs etc. I know exercise really helps mental stability... its something that means alot to me. I have been training for many years. Half my battle is making sure that I don't miss any sessions, when I am ill, I tend to not go, not because I don't want to... its kinda hard to explain. It's not exactly that I cant physically make it there. I don't want to mention my illness here. All I will say is that it ruin's me. One thing I will say, is the other day I looked in the mirror, and I didn't like what I saw. I am glad that I looked in the mirror, as crazy as that might sound to anyone reading, I need to look in that mirror again to see how I have become ill... to motivate me to get better.

Thank you for this ''rakho rakho kirpa dhar, teri saran tereh dwar''. I will endeavour to recite/chant/listen to this.

I don't have any chardikala gursikh sangat really. I did for a short time but then people come and go. At my age, people are busy with there own lives, kids etc. I go direct to maharaj when I need to talk (well on the days I make it to the gurdwara).

In response to Raaj.Karega.Khalsa:

Thank you for sharing your life experience with me and suggestions for overcoming the depression. No doubt it will help others who maybe in a similar situation. It's interesting that you mentioned about clothes because whilst my work wardrobe has a mixture of colours, my home/ non-work wardrobe comprises of black, grey and blue. I had a big clear out not long ago, god that felt good getting rid of some things. However, I am not in a position financially to go out and re-vamp my wardrobe with new clothes at the moment. I have brought a few things recently where I have managed to get discount or sale items.. i remember one day i felt so down, that i just wanted to buy something... although i knew this wasnt the solution, so stopped at one item.

I try to not to watch tv but its always on at home, so its an easy distraction. I don't get saddened by the news, real life stories, crime... if anything would make me feel down it would be a film based around a happy couple or family. I would rather not watch tv but then I dont live amongst a gursikh family so the environment can be somewhat challenging at times. I just look forward to the future and being settled in my own home one day, hopefully with maharaj's kirpa it won't be too far away... and I will be more at peace there. Like you mentioned penji, hopefully I can create a postive environment, even if it is just a matter of painting the walls, changing the carpets, adding my own finishing touches. God I dont know if I am beginning to sound materialistic now. I should be grateful for what I have, it is so easy to compare to people that have more, than to appreciate a roof over my head, heating and hot water etc.

One thing I really must do, like you said penji, is get out and get fresh air. This is something I have not been doing but I think would be helpful, especially in the morning to start the day. At the moment my routine is so up side down, to put it politely. I am going to bed when I should be waking up... well almost. I am not one that can do a very early amritvela and then go back to sleep, I feel worse if I go back to sleep. so I have to make sure I am sleeping on time, which means doing everything else on time and that is not happening at all. It's the most simple things that can throw you. so I guess i need to make a concious effort to do everything by the clock, or there abouts. God, I kinda know what to do but the hardest thing is making it happen.

I would love to be able to share, whats causing me to feel anxious, depressed here but I am not sure I can. I have been a little bit calmer the past couple of days because I have realised that no man can change things, ultimately it is maharaj that controls every man, so I am reaching out to maharaj for help, he is the giver and he can make things happen/ make things better/easier for me, so I am trying my upmost to pray for his help and support.

VJKK VJKF

[Guest what name]

VJKK VJKF

Sorry its me again... I dont even know what to say... just that I am in a worse state now.

[Wingz23]

VJKK VJKF

Sorry its me again... I dont even know what to say... just that I am in a worse state now.

what happened?

PM Me if you have an account... if not make one... Fateh

[Guest what name]

VJKK VJKF

I have just had someone chat to me about having desire. I really don't understand, am I failing because I have desire, but how does one live without desire? I am so confused. I clearly have no understanding of gurbani otherwise I wouldn't be in such a state. I feel stressed, I don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel so lost now. What should I be doing ardas for? What should I be praying for? Can someone who has some gian of gurbani please help me out here.

[Kamaljit_Kaur]

VJKK VJKF!

To the original poster .... I am Amritdharee and I'm going through alot of the same that you have described. I usually bottle everything up and try to forget about it but in this case I feel that it might be better to talk about it or try to see things from someone else's perspective.

If you wish to talk then please don't hesitate to contact me either on here via PM

In the meanwhile I pray that your situation improves and that you begin to feel stronger. VaheGuru Kirpa Karan.

Kind Regards

K Kaur