Sangat of Sikhs (particularly Kaurs)

[Guest Sad]

Bibiya who run or promote organisations which are meant to empower Kaurs, are the ones who, away from the organisation, slander, gossip, judge and ignore certain Kaurs. Make them feel excluded for reasons unknown to them, push them further down.

If someone knows I'm struggling in life, she will make absolutely no effort to try to help me. They claim to empower and help Kaurs but they pick and choose the people they support. I have struggled through depression and kept it quiet, but those who knew I have a lot to deal with can't even fake half a smile when they say fateh, let a lone ask how I am.

Sometimes a person/ people are happy with you, and will greet you with love and happiness. A few weeks later they'll ignore you or treat you as though you've done something terribly wrong to them- again, for reasons unknown to you. You start to obsess over what it is you do wrong, why this always happens.

There is hardly anyone I know who would be happy for even a minor success of mine. Any good quality or talent I have, makes them harbour a jealousy and bitterness towards me. Subsequently if something good happens in my life I try to make sure no one finds out.

Going to rainsbhais just isn't the same anymore. I used to be an anonymous face and I loved being in the unknown sangat singing Waheguru's praises. Now it's all about popularity and cliques... those who are friends do kirtan together, while those who don't like them leave the Darbar hall. If we like someone we'll sing along and big up their kirtan all week... if we don't like them it's a different story.

Hundreds of people will be off with you because you didn't go out of your way to say fateh to them. I just want to listen to kirtan and when I go to have langar, all I see are crowds of people to my left and right. I walk with my head down, trying not to look around, but happily greet someone if I run into them. People still seem to have a problem with that.

I'm so frustrated at the state of Sikhs. Singhniya go on about how we're all sisters and go out of their way to show that they are great people, and the majority of people love and support them for that. But then they slander and knock down certain people. They're the same people who drive to rainsbhais in their half empty cars but don't offer you a lift when you're asking around because you're desperate to go.

All girls do is gossip and hate on each other... I thought it'd be different when I came into Sikhi. The longer I've been here, the worse it gets. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I DON'T gossip or <banned word filter activated> about any bibiya, yet the way I'm treated it'd seem as though I have. I'm tired of feeling so on edge, so resented, like people are jealous because out of ALL my negative qualities I have one good thing going. So busy wondering what I did wrong this time, why so and so don't like me, feeling like I need to please the sangat and be liked. That's what it's turned into.

And I feel like I can't get away from it. I just want to get away from all these people and be an anonymous face again. But they're everywhere... known by everyone, at every programme. I just... didn't know that Kaurs were no different from the rest of the world. There are only a couple I've met who are lovely genuine people.

[GuptKaurUK]

penji don't carry the extra baggage... try not to concern yourself with everyone else, if you have some good sangat then great, stick with them... remember people come and go... try and build a stronger relationship with maharaj.

look after yourself.

Vaheguru jee ka khalsa, Vaheguru jee ke fateh.

[Guest Mr Singh]

The same thing happens with singhs too.

We are just as bad. Yet we will never admit to it.

All this exterior we "show" actually in most cases hides a lonely soul, who craves for sangat, sadh sangat.

Speaking for myself, I know so many people. But yet to meet someone who doesn't use, do nindiya, Etc.

Just keep that strong strong faith in Maharaj. We have this one chance to make it ( unless we get really lucky). Use that time wisely.

I know I will try too.

Vaheguru.

[GtLoc]

Ppl r insecure, be happy they hate on you it means u stand out. Guys r worse lil cstties just b the dominant one, when u above that u will be their 'head' u are the queen. Them your followers only because they choose to put themself in that situation. A king is a king for the same reason.. Pm me gtloc on here if u want to talk I cant type too much on this. I aint read ur whole post but I seen the sit. Just substitute gurudawara for w.e Lol my device is messing upm Peace

[Singh559]

Dang some deep posts here.

A real problem that the Gurus Sangat should not face.

[luckysingh99]

In general, females are quite bad in this sense and can cause more harm with little action compared to us men. Don't get me wrong because men are just as bad, but there effects are not as vindictive and they soon forget. Whereas a girl never forgets.

Me and my wife both feel the same in the fellow crowds, such that now, we completely don't trust any one else except ourselves.

My wife and me can never be closer to anyone in any way, like we are to ourselves.

We have both learnt the hard way through pain and suffering, that people are ALL out just for themselves.

As a result, me and my wife are now only out for our kids and each other, and to help others without ever expecting any return favours.

[Guest Guest]

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh

Kid, you are just lonely.

If you don't have good company then it's better to enjoy your own company.

Will suggest that you take a break from routine, a trip to India (Harmandar Sahib, Anandpur Sahib, Baru Sahib) will do you good.

On the other hand if you like Akj, then attend some annual smagam in India for a different kind of experience.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh

[simran345]

i hate it when amritdhari females give me dirty looks. or won't sit next to me as if i got germs or am an alien. this always happens, until yesterday, a young woman with her mother and daughter came to matha tek, and as usual i thought they would go and sit away from me. but came and sat right next to me. i thought maybe as i just so happen to me sitting in front of Maharaj ji, and they want to sit in that position too.

as they sat next to me felt so comfortable, and it was nice, felt proud to be sitting next to amritdharis. the odd thing was i remembered my mother and grandmother how us three generations used to go gurdwara together but is no more. and the whole darbar sahib was empty they could have sat anywhere, or behind me or in front, but chose to sit next to me, which made me feel comfortable and happy.

Penji please dont let this get you down, everybody is just out for themselves. this is teaching you to be strong. i always think to myself so wat nobody wants to talk to me coz my reason is to go to gurdwara to sing the praises to god. not to impress people, let them carry on wat they are doing, but keep set on your goal, as the one you are singing to is your support.

Waheguru ne kam auna aukhe vehle, matlabi dunia ne nai.

[Guest content]

I've never been bothered about friends, I always keep my self to my self and its actually a rather nice feeling. If anyone has ever questioned it I just say I'm a happy content recluse

To be honest you're your own best friend, obviously when you're married it will be nice to have a companian, but until then I'm pretty happy, and you should be too.

Its not about the others, kaurs, non kaurs alike... I used to think I'm missing out on something by not having my own group of girlfriends. But now at 25 I'm over that. My next battle will be to find a similar person when I decided to marry. Sadly that will be more difficult, as most people are blinded by this world...

Goodluck with your life phenji, chin up and remember you always have god...and anyone you come across in real life who is genuine will just be god in different forms

[Guest Sad]

Vaheguru, it's both surprising and upsetting to read that I'm not the only who who's experiencing this feeling of hatred and isolation.

It's going to be very hard for me to get past the way Gursikhs treat me, for some reason I care a lot about why they see me in such a negative way when I just try to be nice and think nothing bad of them. I guess I start to wonder why I'm not good enough for people, am I bad Gursikh, have I done something wrong? I can't help but feel the pressure when I go into the sangat, can't help but feel the animosity when people see me there. The love of going into kirtan and the saadh sangat is dying out and it scares me, now my thoughts of people are always negative and getting hateful. Thank you for your advice. It's hard to be a lotus flower, but we have to try..