Same surname marriage

[Guest ms19]

I wanted to get some advice on my situation. I have been dating a Sikh boy who has the same surname as me for 6 years now, I am getting to that point in my life where my parents really want me to settle down but I’m so scared to tell them about my bf. At the beginning of the relationship I thought it would be pretty cool to have the same surnames but I am now starting to realise that this could possibly be going against our religion. I am so confused and really scared of my parents reaction to this. Please help.

[gurdeepsinghjohal]

Like I have surname Johal I cannot marry in Johal family. This is strictly not allowed. That is to do with culture and values of community/caste. I don't know about gurmat.

[Pappi9]

i agree with above poster........but i've seen some same surname marriage........like sandhu weds sandhu......and were love marraige....

but i/ve heard that u'll get some medical complication in ur kids or grand kids if married in same clan........(may be i'm wrong).

[californiasardar1]

Having the same surname does not mean you have any substantial relation to that person

If you are distantly related, you obviously should not get married. But if you aren't related, I don't see why it should matter.

If you think having the same surname actually means something, why stop at comparing your fathers' surnames? Compare your mother's maiden names. (After all, why should it be taboo if your fathers have the same surnames but ok if your mothers do?) Then compare the surnames of your four grandparents, then your eight great-grandparents, etc.

You can see how ridiculous this will get after a while.

Bottom line: unless you have roots in the same pind, having the same surname probably does not mean you are related.

[Sherdil]

Surnames only matter when we are talking about the same gender.

The Y chromosome is passed down from father to son, so all boys with the same surname will be genetically related.

The mitochondrial DNA is passed down from mother to all of her children, but only girls can pass it on to the next generation. Therefore, everyone from the same maternal lineage is related in that sense.

Still, I wouldn't marry a girl with same surname as me because it's kinda weird. That's just my personal opinion.

We are all supposed to use Singh and Kaur anyway.

[Sherdil]

I would still check with your parents. You never know...they always figure out a way to connect the dots.

"Oh, that's our maami's, phoophard's, dog's, sister's, owner's, son"

Lol. Jk.

[californiasardar1]

Surnames only matter when we are talking about the same gender.

The Y chromosome is passed down from father to son, so all boys with the same surname will be genetically related.

The mitochondrial DNA is passed down from mother to all of her children, but only girls can pass it on to the next generation. Therefore, everyone from the same maternal lineage is related in that sense.

Still, I wouldn't marry a girl with same surname as me because it's kinda weird. That's just my personal opinion.

We are all supposed to use Singh and Kaur anyway.

If you go back far enough, any two human beings will have a common ancestor

The question is, how far back enough does that ancestor have to have lived for it to not matter

If someone is going to argue strongly on here that having the same surname should be taboo, they should be consistent and insist that you make sure that you and your partner do not have ANY ancestors with the same surname.

[Sherdil]

If you go back far enough, any two human beings will have a common ancestor

The question is, how far back enough does that ancestor have to have lived for it to not matter

If someone is going to argue strongly on here that having the same surname should be taboo, they should be consistent and insist that you make sure that you and your partner do not have ANY ancestors with the same surname.

You are right. Anthropologists believe we are all descended from a small tribe in East Africa.

I am not saying it is taboo. I was just demonstrating that a girl and a boy with the same surname are not necessarily genetically related, unless of course they are immediate or extended family members.

However, it's just my own personal feeling that it is a little weird.

[TheFancyBanana]

Well, all humans are related. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitochondrial_Eve

But your clan mate is more closely related to you thn other people are.

[gurdeepsinghjohal]

If questioner would be living in INDIA and having same surname it is INVITATION TO TROUBLE basically in jatts. But sometime u have same surname and different "GHOTAR" this is really to be checked. People are very fundamentalistic in this issue. If she is any other place of the world look around to ur community and then speak to ur family.