relationship with parents: sikhi point of view

[rrss]

What does gurbani and the various janamsakhis say about the responsibilities of person towards their parents, especially if they are not sikh?

Please answer from sikhi and not a cultural point of view. Traditionally the east has had a greater focus on bending backwards to look after parents and consent to their wishes, especially when they are in old age, as opposed to nuclear family units in the west and urban centres worldwide. What is the sikhi line? Do we have parents live with us or leave them to their own devices? If living together and if they are not sikh do you permit them to practice their religion in your home even if it is anti gurmat? If one is amritdhari do you eat with /food made by them? When having to choose between living with your parents and looking after their needs in old age or doing widespread sewa to the point where such a living arrangement would be impractical and indeed where said parents may interfere (intentionally or unintentionally) with said sewa activities, what does one choose?

Guru Nanak ji is probably a good example to follow. How did he interact with his parents, who were Hindu? My understanding is that whilst he was living under their roof he disagreed with their views and practiced spirituality but still followed their instructions such as doing specific jobs, marrying when they wanted to, etc. Once he was more established in God's spiritual journey, contrary to their wishes of wanting him to look after them and be there for him in their old age, Guru ji went on his udasis to help thousand of people rather than just helping 2 people. From this it seems that the numbers of souls he could impact mattered more. It made no different that they were his parents, this accorded them no special status, he saw god in everyone and ergo saw the whole world as his family.

Did guru ji refuse to eat with his parents? Did he refuse good cooked by them? Presumably his parents lived with his wife and children whilst he was spreading the word of God. Did his parents keep hindu idols inside the home? Did they freely practice religious rituals in the home? To what extent did they impose their religion on Guru jis children, especially when they were young and Guru ji was still living under his parents roof, not yet fully established as the true Guru? Did his wife follow hindu customs? Did guru ji perform his parents funeral rites as per hindu customs?

Gurbani also constantly reminds us that mothers, fathers, children, spouses etc are not ones true support, they do not go with us in the end, we should not waste our time with minds attached to them, worrying about them only. Gurbani decries emotional attachments, to family members in particular. Gurbani also says that it is God alone who takes care of all needs and is the true support and only attachment worth having.

Again, please leave aside your personal views and experiences and please answer from a theological sikhi point of view.

This is an important issue for those whose parents are of other religions (or perhaps "sikh" in name only).

[N30S1NGH]

This topic reminds me from similar topic which was discussed, please take a look at this -

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?/topic/69948-is-it-ok-to-accept-food-from-a-sehajdhari-dad-who-drinks-once-per-week

[rrss]

Thanks for the link. The eating food from non amritdharis topic has been debated in detail elsewhere, I'm interested in the overall relationship and responsibilities to parents, especially who are of OTHER religions entirely and therefore have extremes of differences in views especially where this impact ones spiritual journey. I'm interested in the sikhi theological point of view rather than cultural practice. Western sikhs I know see it as perfectly natural to 'fly the coop', whereas in the east they tend not to. This is purely cultural. As a small example, Guru Nanak himself refused his parents request to be there for him in their one age as he had more important work to do. Indeed I believe that emotional attachments to family is a serious roadblock to sikhs.

I would like to understand specially how guru Nanak ji himself interacted with his parents as detailed in the original post.

[wahegurudapyara]

please veerji listen it.It will help you to understand these relations in spiritual manner.

http://www.sikhsangeet.com/albumid1370-Sant-Singh-Maskeen-Adhyatmik-Parivar-(Gurbani-Vichar-Vol-4.http://www.sikhsangeet.com/albumid1370-Sant-Singh-Maskeen-Adhyatmik-Parivar-(Gurbani-Vichar-Vol-4)tmlh

guru nanak has never ignored any relation. Guru ji and babe nanki ji's relation was very strong. this was the reason that babe nanki was the first sikh of guru ji.There is a need of understanding these relations in spiritual manner not run from them.

[rrss]

Could you please post the link again its not opening. Is there an English translation available?

Yes Guru nanak jis sister became a disciple, due to gods grace as He alone choses who meets the true guru, she would have become a sikh whether or not she was his sister. I'm more interested in his relationship with his parents . From my understanding they died Hindu, they did not convert to sikhism.

I never said guru ji ignored anyone, but in life choices have to be made and he chose spiritualism over his parents. Eastern culture accords great respect to parents, western culture less so. My understanding is that sikhi is above the concept of family, it is completely detached from relations of all sorts. We live a householder life as commanded by God as being his natural law, and fulfil responsibilities to family members whilst remaining emotionally detached to them. All of humanity is gods creation, wherever I look I see God and theoretical all feel like my 'family', even if the feeling is not mutual. According special status to ones parents is an entirely cultural practice. As is women having to accept her husbands parents as her own and giving up responsibilities towards her own. People are guilt tripped into giving up spiritual life "because it's a great shame to disrespect parents". And spiritual life may entail becoming a great parcharat and travelling the world and not being there for said parents.

Again I'm asking about where specifically said parents are not sikh. If they are sikh there is no problem. If they abandon their parents for selfish reasons, they will suffer for it. If so called "sahejdari" one can even hope that they will be influenced by you and take amrit, but with a different religion and way of thinking life can be difficult and one can face crossroads of serving humanity at large vs serving parents, thousands vs 2 people.

[wahegurudapyara]

http://www.sikhsangeet.com/albumid1370-Sant-Singh-Maskeen-Adhyatmik-Parivar-(Gurbani-Vichar-Vol-4).html

there is no problem of living with such parents. A sikh has to live a life like a flower of kamal in chikkad.guru nanak dev ji has explained it in his bani . Please read guru sahib' s bani. You will get answer.

[wahegurudapyara]

also veerji moh is created by god himself in his creation. for example a mother if she doesnt love her children then she cant tolerate such pain and cant care them . also god created things cant be destroyed, it can be controlled.

god nai ve apna nirgun to sargun saroop( creation ) apni will karke he badlya hai ate guru sahib kehande han ke oh ape is roop nu dekh ke khush hunda ha.

in aasa di war guru sahib said' aapene aap sajyeo aapene racheo nao.

due kudrat saajye kar aasan dithe chao' on page 464

please read sidh gohst, aasa di war.guru sahib has explained all.

[rrss]

Thanks I have listened to the katha. Whilst I have great respect for the sant ji, his use of fiction and opinion takes away from the deeper spiritual value of the bani. However the katha links to relevant bani which is helpful for personal contemplation.

I don't believe that living with parents of a different religion is a appropriate use of the kamal phul paradigm which applies at a greater spiritual level to the whole of life in human form.

Of course gods natural law can't eliminated out of existence, attempting to do so is futile, however their effect can be eliminated from within.

I have found emotional attachments in particular to be a great stumbling block for my sikh brothers and sisters.

I will do vichar on the bani that you have referred to.

[gurdeepsinghjohal]

There is also another way to look at this issue, Sri Chand and Guru Nanak Sahib ji. Teaching of Guru Nanak ji, a family, work and earn, share with other and meditate on god. Sri chand, just meditate on god's name. Udaasi's are part of sikhism.