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Please help me


MaiVelleeHaan
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I'm inlove with this guy and I don't know what to do. We both used to be close last year. He hugged me everyday and we used to sit in sangat together like everyday. We did Charan dhoor together too. He told me that I was the best sister ever. I used to think of him as a brother but my feelings changed and I never told him. He made me so happy. Then one day he stopped talking to me I became invisible and I didn't exist for him anymore. I didn't know why and I still don't know why. I became very upset and it took me awhile to put myself together. Recently I started thinking about him and I miss the old days. I sent him a msg telling him how I feel. His exact words were If u have to talk then be it in sangat never on electronics. If u respect this u will talk to me straight up not on this. I will find it disrespectful if u continue to send me messages. So after that I never sent him a msg. Now what do I do ? Did he mean that I should tell him how I feel in person ? I'm confused. I love him so much that I want to marry him. What do I do ?!

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First of all never make stranger or friend ur brother.....n if u do dat...u make some1 ur brother then never spoil this relation with a hard feeling of luv.....

Actually its not ur fault this happens....sometime u start liking someone but u actually dont know what is dat....

N to conclude it or to give relation a name... People do this...this is what is called confused feeling..... :)

we don't have medicine to cure our feelings....this disease will go when u will suffer with another disease similar to it....

It will b hard but start concentrating on other guys n divert ur mind....

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Guest Youcandoit

I suggest changing your name, doesnt help youve written your whole name on here. Before you know it, your masis, sisters aunts sons brothers wifes sister in law, will know.

Ill address the main issue at a later date.

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Start concentrating on other guys ?!

-.- really ?! Wow, no offense but that's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life!

I love this guy man! I can't just move on and forget about him, I've already tried that and it hasn't worked, it works for a little while, but it's not gonna work forever.

Change my name ? Who cares if I have my whole name on here? No one I know goes on these kinds of sites and if they did I don't care. It doesn't affect me in any way. I had to quickly make an account cuz it was a life and death situation, I needed help like no tomorrow. So I got another problem now, it ain't a life or death situation but it bothers me alright. If all your gonna do is talk about bs then i suggest u stop replying here. I need help not bs. If ur gonna help then say something that's actually gonna help.

What's with the fingers? Yeah I used think of him as a brother and my feelings changed, I'm human, not god. No ones perfect other then guru sahib ji. Why did they change? He stood out to me from all the other guys, he made me happy. I don't like him for his looks, I like him because of the kind of person he is and how happy he made me feel.

I agree, people do fall inlove really easy these days. For some people it's just lust. People also go for looks, there hot, cute, etc. Yeah in some cases people do fall inlove because the person makes them happy, there r so many reasons. But mostly it's just all maya, what can people do its not there fault they don't do enough Simran. For some people it's just a test from guru sahib ji, this person does a lot of naam Simran, before I move them to the next avasta, lemme test them. You know what I mean ?

Right now, I don't know if its a test from guru sahib ji, it might be. But I love this guy and I have good reasons. Don't think I don't try, I do, I did in the past, and it took a while too achieve but I did manage to, now it's back. I tell myself that no ones gonna love u more then guru sahib ji. He loves me so much he would do anything for me. I'm the most beautiful person in his eyes and he loves me no matter what. Trust me, I try. I'm just a 18 yr old who dealt with depression. I've been through a lot ever since I took Amrit, which was like 3 or 4 years ago. People would cry if they knew about my life. I made an account on this site for help, not bs. I thought this was a great place where people helped and they actually wanted to. I'm not getting much help here, the best reply in my opinion would be from Gurpreet, not including the part mentioning I should concentrate on other guys lol.

If I said anything wrong, then I'm sorry. I'm stressed out and I just need help.

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Awwww I m stupid :( hehehe I know that :)

Just a small incident of my life to share- I was left over by my boyfriend coz I took amrit...he is sikh n he know what is rehet...he made distances.... at dat tym he also told I m stupid :p hehehe....

I was all alone...I use to wait for his msges that he use to send me daily...

I felt even bad for taking amrit coz I lost my buddy who made me ...he was the person who was always there in need....

But something was pinching me from inside...my heart was saying that yes u luv him...but u luv ur Guru more....

If u understand our sikhi..u will come to know about the real struggle of life....what was the fault of dad- 10v pathshahi who sacrificed his whole family for sake of truth...what was the fault of bhai taru singh g...he gave his life for sikhi?? People talk about struggle. ... Can u sit on hot plate ffor the sake of the person whom u luv?????

Thing about Guru u will get so much power that u will b full of strength to fight with ur struggle of life.....

I told u to concentrate on other guys just to make ur mind to work in different ways which is called diversion.... Try this it will work... Somebody suggested me to do so n it worked....but dont get into lust with them.... Slowly slowly u will come out of all these things....u r teenager ur mind will not allow to think out of box.... I know its hard but do so... talk to guys around...whats wrong in talking...it might b possibleu will get someone who will make u more happy.....

U will laugh but my bf after few months came to me back n said I wanna u again in my life...I just said u left me coz I obeyed my Dad....now I want a person in my life who obeys him more then me...... Inspite of luving him like hell...it was easy for me to leave him...

If u can luv someone like anything....luv him..the creator of world...the happiness which he can give u no one this world can....

Its ur life...live like kings not live slave.... Everyone in this world is struggling...so y not b a king n b fearless to struggle harder.....let life through stones on u.... Just stand n keep on reciting his name...one day a shield will b placed n u would not even feel the pain...

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I don’t really know how to help you but just want to share a few things with you. Firstly, try to calm down and not get so worked up about this situation, because I see you mentioned you have suffered with depression in the past and this will not help. You are still very young and at your age a lot of people get caught up in relationships that don’t really work out and then a few years down the line they regret wasting so much time, energy and emotions into a futile relationship. You said at first you and this boy had a brother-sister type of friendship, and then your feelings changed and you started to fall for him. Well maybe he started to fall for you too and decided to stop talking to you before things go too far. That could be one possible reason. Or maybe he just realised that there are more important things to concentrate on than developing friendships and relationships.


Nowadays with Facebook, MSN and all these other social networking media on laptops and phones, it’s very easy for innocent friendships to develop into inappropriate ones. Which is perhaps why he said to have limited conversation with him in sangat only, and not via electronics. Now the issue is what should you do? Talk to him in sangat and tell him how you feel? Or leave it? To be honest, only you can answer this question after looking in deep inside and realising what you really want. If you and this boy were to resume your friendship and perhaps enter into a relationship, will it enhance your jeevan? Will it help you become a better Gursikh? Or will it further trap you in the claws of kaam, krodh, lobh, moh and hankar?

Everything is a test from Guru sahib, and the fact that you recognise this shows that deep down you know that everything you see around you, all our relationships with our family and friends and all our possessions etc. is just maya, an illusion. An illusion that distracts us from God. Our stay on this world is just a very short one, and it’s best we use this time wisely.
You say your feelings for this boy are based on love and not lust, yes this may be true but the real love we have should be reserved for Guru sahib. At this stage in your life, the only true relationship worth pursuing and building is that with your Guru. It’s only Guru ji who will love you selflessly, and pick you up when you are down and support you. But we must earn this love by walking towards Guru ji on the correct path, by trying our best to live a Gursikh lifestyle.


99% of friends and family are selfish and only around you when they want something. The minute you need help, they are nowhere to be seen. However, Guru ji is always around and hungry for your love. Take one step towards them, and they take 1000 steps towards you. If I’m honest, I think it’s best for you to try and ‘get over’ this boy. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but if you put your mind to it then nothing is impossible. At 18 years old, you have lots of other important things to do besides get into messy friendships/relationships. Concentrate on your studies and getting good grades at school/college/university. Alongside this, try your best to either do your nitnem every day or even listen to it. Try waking up at Amritvela, it’s a very peaceful time of day compared to the usual hustle and bustle of our daily lives. Do as much Chaupai Sahib jaap as you can, or listen to it, to build inner strength and drive away all your anxiety. Try to go to the gurdwara daily if you can, going to sangat helps and try to do seva when you can. Do ardas to Maharaj to give you strength and the courage to make the right decisions, to bless you with Amritvela, a Gursikhi jeevan and protection from the panj vikaar- kaam, krodh, lobh, moh and hankar.

I am not much older than you but I remember being 18/19 and thinking that I know everything. And now I look back and think how wrong I was. On the one hand I was grown up and sensible, and on the other hand there was still a naïve, slightly immature side to me. And that goes away with age and experience as you grow older and realise what is important in life. The main things I have learnt over the years is that firstly, life is too short, so we need to devote more time to being better Sikhs and remembering God- who will be our only support in the end. When we die, our friends, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, brothers and sisters will not go along with us. When our actions must be accounted for, no-one will be by our side.

Another thing is that as you try to lead a Gursikhi jeevan, sometimes along the way you will stumble, and maybe fall off the path. Then a small nudge in the right direction puts you back on the path. This can happen when you are 18, 28, 58 and even 88 and all the ages in between. Guru ji will test you throughout your whole life, but it’s important to stay strong. You must have absolute faith and love in your heart for Guru ji and hopefully you will always remain on this correct path. Try your absolute best to never give up doing/listening to nitnem, and you will always have Guru ji’s hand on your back as an eternal support. I am by no means perfect, and I do realise that for girls your age your situation is an all too common one. I just wanted to help you take a step back and see things from a different angle. It’s best not to go chasing after one person or different people. When the time is right for marriage, Guru ji will introduce you to the right person and until then everything is out of our hands.


I wish you all the best and hope you are able to make the right decisions. I took a Hukamnama online with your situation in mind and this is what Maharaj said:


This Shabad is by Guru Amar Daas Ji in Raag Vadhans on Pannaa 594

ma 3 ||
Third Mehla:

sathiguroo n saeviou moorakh a(n)dhh gavaar ||

The foolish, blind clown does not serve the True Guru.

dhoojai bhaae bahuth dhukh laagaa jalathaa karae pukaar ||

In love with duality, he endures terrible suffering, and burning, he cries out in pain.

jin kaaran guroo visaariaa sae n oupakarae a(n)thee vaar ||
He forgets the Guru, for the sake of mere objects, but they will not come to his rescue in the end.

naanak guramathee sukh paaeiaa bakhasae bakhasanehaar ||2||
Through the Guru's Instructions, Nanak has found peace; the Forgiving Lord has forgiven him.

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