Dating A White Girl

[nanosecond]

I don't think what you are doing is wrong. I will tell that not Punjabi girls will be good and not all white girls will be bad.

Most important thing is moral character. If she is good that way, respects you for your identity, then all's well. Mind it, she probably likes you for who you are( that is you stand by certain ideal and values, and that includes your beard and turban). Many girls want to be with somebody who has these qualities.

I wont go to the point where you would have premarital sexual relationship though.

[Guest Ek_Sikh]

I would tell you to go for it dude. Like the above poster said, not all Punjabi girls are good, and not every white girl is bad. There is good and bad in every race/religion.

But even I will echo your statements about being a keshdari and trying to date Punjabi girls. Most of them won't even look at you, let alone go out with you. Unless they are keshdari themselves, they usually want nothing to do with keshdari guys. The exception are those girls that are knowledgable on Sikh philosophy and Sikh history, those girls are usually class and worth dating, but most non-keshdari Punjabi girls have very little knowledge on Sikhi so would't consider a guy who keeps his hair, and to that I say good riddance, to be honest I don't care how good looking girl is, the most unattractive thing in the world to me is a chick who disregards Guru Jis teachings, I would advise you that in the future, if things don't work out with this girl, don't waste your time on Punjabi girls who do not know their Sikhi, time is money my friend, looks fade but real character, morals and love of Sikhi is forever.

Other than that, this girl you're with now sounds really nice. I see lots of keshdari guys going out with white girls myself, it's funny to me that even Hindu and Muslim girls give the kesh more respect than a lot of so called 'Sikh" girls do, I have known keshdari guys who have dated/married Hindu and Muslim girls as well. It's nice to see that keshdari guys are finally starting to look past Punjabi girls and realize that there are girls from other races/religions who will give them more respect than girls from their own.

[luckysingh99]

Why? I have heard of many enlightened Gursikhs asking important questions before Guru Ji in this way. Didn't Bhai Mani Singh Ji use this method to decide whether to follow Guru Granth Sahib or Banda Singh Bahadur?

Really ??

Whenever, I hear some gursikh mention this, then I'm not always too sure if they are enlightened or not.

As far as I understand, someone who is enlightened relies totally on divine intuition and their ego would not be in the way of making such choices difficult.

Ego- is what creates this uncertainty of what should be in the best of our interests !

Anyway, this is my understanding for my current level of spirituality !! :biggrin2:

[nanosecond]

Even many Keshdhari Punjabi girls are not good.

E.g from my 1st hand experience, I married a Punjabi Keshdhari Sikh girl. However I found her to be a liar and deceitful. Lying all the time. I am on a verge of a divorce and this woman keeps lying to court now all the time to get advantages.

So who would you marry?

A Keshdhari girl who is a liar, dishonest ( not Sikh values)

Or a Non sikh girl, who is honest, truthful with a good moral character( Sikh values).

I would marry somebody who is Sikh at heart, because she can always become a Sikh physically later.However, its hard to make change somebody's inner self( e.g haumai, krodh, jhooth, ninda)

It hurts to see somebody say that he/she is a Sikh but acts completely opposite.

[N30S1NGH]

I wonder what our reaction would be apni dating a gora would be ...now it seems like koi na putt chakde phateh convert kar la ..please note i have nothing against inter-racial marriages as long both are following sikhi slowly in sehaj getting read slowly and or in full fledge form but i do hope our people do have back bone to accept if apni singhani marries a gorra- bought him into sikhi slowly as op is doing..i can speak from my wife side of family where my sister in law married a gora..people should have seen some of the looks she gets when she walks in to gurdwara even though they are both slowly getting into sikhi her son is geting to learn tabla he is definitely loved all across the board just bit of looks on gorreh husband thats all..!!

[AmanSingh1867]

Thanks for the replies Sangat Ji!

I should point out that it isn't the fact that her skin is white that is making me have doubts, there are 2 other reasons:

1) I want to raise my kids to be Sikhs, so naturally I will be teaching them Punjabi. My GF does not speak Punjabi, so it would be hard to have a Punjabi-speaking environment at home. I want my future kids to be able to read/write Gurmukhi too, so they can read Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji without needing to use English translations.

2) My parents. I do not know how they will react to me bringing home a white girl. I am pretty sure they wouldn't be too happy though.

But other than that, I could definitely see myself getting married to her in the future once we are done with Uni. She knows how seriously I take my Sikhi, and that I want to start a Sikh family in the future, so the fact that she has stuck around shows me that she is willing to (if we get married) bring the kids up as Sikhs, she would have no problem with it.

@Ek_Sikh: Yeah I've seen keshdari guys go out with Hindu and Muslim girls too. I really don't know what it is, for some reason, the majority of apnea kuddiya don't have much respect for the turban and beard. There isn't much you can do about it though, I think that the kesh acts as a great filter to keep away immature girls who aren't long-term relationship material. This girl asked me out, so right away I knew that she cared about more than just appearances (although tbh, I consider myself to be a pretty good looking guy, not trying to brag lol), and she has proved me right over the past couple of weeks. I think that most keshdari guys who complain about girl problems are the ones that only go for Punjabi girls. The ones that will go for white/hindu/muslim/black/chinese etc... girls too know that there are plenty of chicks out there who will date them for who they are, lots of girls who actually respect a guy who stands up for his Sikhi, and a lot of them ain't Punjabi.

@nanosecond: Yes I think she likes me for my values. Like I said, she doesn't go clubbing or get drunk or do drugs or anything of the sort. She is the kind of girl who focuses on her studies, volunteers with charities and organizes food drives. She told me how much of a relief it was for her to meet a guy who actually shared her straight edge lifestyle and drive to do sewa (although she doesn't call it that obviously). I have been told over and over again throughout my life by girls that the most attractive trait in a guy is for him to stand up for what he believes in. Kesh is a symbol that you believe in Sikhi values of selfless service, equality of all mankind, no drugs/alcohol, fighting against injustice etc... a guy that cuts his hair for girls is pathetic. If a guy cuts his hair to win over a girl, I'd bet my life that the girl is going to end up dumping him in the future, because if she can make you give up your Sikhi, she knows she can make you do anything she wants, and she will lose all respect for you. And a girl who does not respect you is a girl who won't stay with you. Real men, pioneers, leaders, do not care what the world throws at them, they stand tall in the face of all adversity and never throw away what they believe in, for that would be the death of their soul. It is for this reason that I have decided that I would rather remain single for the rest of my life than cut my hair to try and get with some immature girl. Thankfully, it doesn't seem like I will have to do that

I am sorry about your situation, I hope things work out for you, you sound like a really nice guy and deserve happiness

[Only five]

If you are flashing around daddy's bank roll in a nice car, nice clothing, money to spend without a care, and university paid for by daddy, then any clever girl will be nice and make sure she gets a piece of that pie.

More and more girls from other races have figured out that Punjabi parents give everything to their boys and this means easily six figures. So they target Punjabi naïve boys that start drooling as a white girl asks them out.

Many Punjabi girls don't go for the money because they are sick and tired of being classed as second class once they are married into Punjabi families. So they compensate for the money by making the money for themselves and now they can do as they wish. Punjabi girls want that relaxed married life without taking care of the husbands parents. The girl from the other race gets away with this because she molds the husband into her way of thinking.

[AmanSingh1867]

If you are flashing around daddy's bank roll in a nice car, nice clothing, money to spend without a care, and university paid for by daddy, then any clever girl will be nice and make sure she gets a piece of that pie.

More and more girls from other races have figured out that Punjabi parents give everything to their boys and this means easily six figures. So they target Punjabi naïve boys that start drooling as a white girl asks them out.

Many Punjabi girls don't go for the money because they are sick and tired of being classed as second class once they are married into Punjabi families. So they compensate for the money by making the money for themselves and now they can do as they wish. Punjabi girls want that relaxed married life without taking care of the husbands parents. The girl from the other race gets away with this because she molds the husband into her way of thinking.

Well I don't have a car, I wear pretty normal clothing and my parents have never given me so much as 20 dollars to "spend without a care" on whatever I want. I've been told to work for everything that I want.

I wasn't drooling over the fact that she is white, it actually made me apprehensive because I knew of the possible problems we may have to face down the line. I DO want to live with my parents even after marriage, I am the eldest son and want to take care of my parents. I will also do my best to take care of my wife's parents, as I believe in respecting your in-laws.

I would never allow any girl to mold me into her way of thinking lol. The second any girls starts telling me what I can and can't do, or makes me compromise my Sikhi and fundamental values in any way, I am out of there. But that's just me, can't speak for all Punjabi guys.

[isingh1699]

Make 2 parchian - yes and no.....go to Gurdwara, do ardas from heart if she's the one for you....and have some kid pick one for you.

But do this only if you are strong enough to follow Guru sahib's hukum.

Veerji this is the manmat method that Pakhandi Babe usually advise. It is contrary to Gurmat and fake examples are usually given to justify it.

Why? I have heard of many enlightened Gursikhs asking important questions before Guru Ji in this way. Didn't Bhai Mani Singh Ji use this method to decide whether to follow Guru Granth Sahib or Banda Singh Bahadur?

Veerji when Banda Singh Bahadur himself followed Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj the question of Bhai Mani Singh using the Pakhandi Sadh method of parchian (gambling) does not arise. It's a shame we have stooped so low as to even propagate lies on Bhai Mehtab Singh and Bhai Sukha Singh regarding the parchi method when our Guru Sahib has all the answers.

[Guest gupt]

One thing though the only thing that would bother me is when it comes to marriage right I mean a girls whole family got to be same caste and how do we find this out in this case. Its not possible right, but bhaji you are lucky to have found a good girl.