Seek Advice

[Guest rasna213]

This may seem weird but I really need some assistance on the below. I am nearing 30 years, a Sikh girl. And will be meeting someone along with the family for a matrimonial alliance soon. Frankly have not met many people or had many rishtha for me to know what kinds of questions to ask. Too nervous & not good with putting up a confident outlook. All my family knows about them is through a matrimonial consultancy & their profile that we got to read. So as you can see we know very little. The profile seemed to give a decent overall picture of what we looking for. Although this person is a non-veg (i a veg), i thought i would have to let that be. I avoided people in the past who were trimmers & would drink. So it bacame too much for my extended family to take. Resulting in my said age. Not that I feel bad about my age. I feel bad that even family can't understand or respect how I feel.

Basically am a simple person, haven't really seen much of the world. I never went to night club or whatever people are in to these days. Have a small group of freinds who understand me. Please advice & suggest how your sister could go about this treacherous path. I know this is nothing for those who have already passed this stage. I would just be grateful to all for your kind advice.

[JagjeetST]

I hope Vaheguru blesses you with more confidence. Wow that is amazing, it's good to know that you are Veggie and not been involved into the craze of the world (nightclubs etc). I would advise possibly asking questions about what they think about Sikhi, you being a Veggie and a Simple person. You should ask them what you feel is right i.e. your interests. Possibly ask about Education, what their purpose is in their life perhaps? But first of all do Ardass to Guru Ji to give you guidance. It's quite sad that people don't like simple people nowadays. I would defiantly avoid people doing intoxications etc.

[Wicked Warrior]

I've been going through this recently and it is very difficult to:

1. Meet Prospective partners

2. Find suitable prospective partners

3. Find compatible prospective partners

4. Find compatible partners who are genuine/sincere.

Although trimmed, I don't eat meat or drink and yet am amazed at the number of girls who do, and not found many who are into Sikhi.

Ask whatever you would want to know. First meeting should be seeing if this person is suitable. If you are amritshak, then you need to know if they are amritshak. Find out about their age, their lifestyle, their job. What do they plan to do in the future? Do they live with their parents? Is this where they see themselves in the future? What kind of things are they into? I also ask about whether they've met other people and whether they've had any previous relationships or engagements.

I tend to give my email address out because it's easier to reply or to ignore or whatever. If you don't think the person is suitable, say so - either to their face or via email (it can be easier for both sides). If you feel they might be suitable, then take it to the next level and start chatting/texting/meeting up. You need more information to get to know your prospective partner and see whether you're compatible.

Don't be ashamed of meeting people - the more you meet, the more you get an idea of what's out there and the more clear you become about what you want.

Have you tried your local gurdwara's matrimonial list? You might have more chance of meeting someone who is into Sikhi ( well that's my own experience).

[Wicked Warrior]

Also, with a nonveg partner, you may find you have to deal with having meat in the house or even having to cook it. I would ask you to seriously consider which things are you willing to compromise and how would that affect the future. Someone who is into Sikhi, doesn't eat meat or drink but cuts their hair may be more suitable than someone who keeps their hair but eats meat and drinks.

[Guest rasna213]

I've been going through this recently and it is very difficult to:

1. Meet Prospective partners

2. Find suitable prospective partners

3. Find compatible prospective partners

4. Find compatible partners who are genuine/sincere.

Although trimmed, I don't eat meat or drink and yet am amazed at the number of girls who do, and not found many who are into Sikhi.

Ask whatever you would want to know. First meeting should be seeing if this person is suitable. If you are amritshak, then you need to know if they are amritshak. Find out about their age, their lifestyle, their job. What do they plan to do in the future? Do they live with their parents? Is this where they see themselves in the future? What kind of things are they into? I also ask about whether they've met other people and whether they've had any previous relationships or engagements.

I tend to give my email address out because it's easier to reply or to ignore or whatever. If you don't think the person is suitable, say so - either to their face or via email (it can be easier for both sides). If you feel they might be suitable, then take it to the next level and start chatting/texting/meeting up. You need more information to get to know your prospective partner and see whether you're compatible.

Don't be ashamed of meeting people - the more you meet, the more you get an idea of what's out there and the more clear you become about what you want.

Have you tried your local gurdwara's matrimonial list? You might have more chance of meeting someone who is into Sikhi ( well that's my own experience).

Thanks for your suggestions. I hope I get some courage to ask questions and converse normally. Because am a bit shy too. Even meeting many people, then more people until I find the one & only. I really don't know how people go throw this. I know it is very important until we come across one suitable person. I do wish I had studied how to go about this exam.

As regards Sikhi the reality around is too shattering. I am a non-amritdhari yet would want to marry someone who has atleast doned the suroop of Satguru. This person whom I'll be meeting seems to have the suroop intact. The least I could wish for. Nobody knows the other's mind & heart til you get to spend plenty of time/ weeks/ months talking. With due respect to others who do trim, I am sorry but this is just my personal feeling. I am terribly hit when I see boys who've played with their dari/hair. It hurts the eyes & my heart.

But thanks a ton for guiding me. Somewhere I guess I will sail through. LOL And all the best to you too!

[Guest rasna213]

I hope Vaheguru blesses you with more confidence. Wow that is amazing, it's good to know that you are Veggie and not been involved into the craze of the world (nightclubs etc). I would advise possibly asking questions about what they think about Sikhi, you being a Veggie and a Simple person. You should ask them what you feel is right i.e. your interests. Possibly ask about Education, what their purpose is in their life perhaps? But first of all do Ardass to Guru Ji to give you guidance. It's quite sad that people don't like simple people nowadays. I would defiantly avoid people doing intoxications etc.

Thanks for your kind advice & above all the 'blessing' there. I do not know how many people would say wow to my being a vegetarian. Except for my own friends & family, people say, what, you're a vege, then why & it goes on!! It becomes a bit embaressing for me as I wonder why I can't be as I am, why can't one be accepted as they are.

I met someone a year back (through a vichola) & the family were all non-veg. I reluctantly agreed to meet them. I told the boy that I am a veg & he asked me if I cook. I said I don't, he was ok with it. Later his family was like, won't she even sit with us while we eat. Obviously I would sit with them. anyways things didn't work out later. Then another family agreed to meet me, asked for a clearer picture of mine & we sent it across too. Their son, seemed to have the profile, lifesytle of a Gursikh & just what we all were looking for. They told the consultancy that they felt that I weren't homely to look at. Which ain't the case. Anyways they refused to even meet me. LOL. I think it is easy for me to laugh over it now, but was a bit distressing that time, as I though we had met a Gursikh finally.

Anyways I do hope this will be a decent meeting & pray to Satguru, I wouldn't have to meet any other prospectives after this. It may sound silly, I just wish that this be 'the' person & 'the' family where they accept me & I accept them. Rest as Satguru wills. I think I am a stronger person today. HAHA

Also do let me know if there are any questions which I shouldn't ask in the first meeting.

Thanks a lot once again.

[DalbirSingh]

Cast a bigger net go out and interview more people, you could use a normal job interview format if you have nothing to start with. It's all about the conversation, break the ice, have good rapport. You could ask him about his journey to the venue how he found it.

Or maybe something about the weather. Keep in mind the time you have set for the meeting if you haven't then try and guess and be as cynical as you can with your timekeeping, last thing you want to do is give a really good prospective partner a bad example of your lack of consideration for his time, since first impressions count. You could ask him about his hobbies, interests, passions, goals in life (nothing too deep for the first meeting- you got to take into consideration whether you want a second meeting or not?) Make sure you dress up well for the meeting be the best you, since in the partners mind this has to be the best you can be on a day to day basis, wear some good perfume if you have to, get your teeth to sparkle clean.

Maybe you didn't put enough into those previous rishta offers because they didn't stand out enough as for being 30 and getting married it's really becoming a normal age amongst upna sikhs due to the heavy demands of both side in laws maternal and paternal they don't understand compromising on a few things so that your child can be happier. Remember to smile, smiling makes an individual look more attractive, if some want you to be unhappy and look sad as a repressed bride you got to ask yourself if that is what you want, when you could have better.

Be confident, people do change so if it's meat or hair or alcohol perhaps in moderation isn't too bad, but it's all about your comfort zone and how much of a tolerance threshold you have, if you can't tolerate it, be honest with yourself and don't pursue such suitors, it means alot to some people and less to others. Maybe the other person might want to give up on all of that anyway. But there are plenty of rishta lists looking for those things, get yourself signed up onto as many rishta lists as possible- in gurdwaras. You will probably get a phone call and you can match your biodata's/cv's across and finalise you want to interview and who you don't. When correspondence takes place both ways then you know it looks like it's going forward. You might want to also spend abit of time dieting, exercising alot of brides and grooms do that to look their best, they unroll after wedding forget the exercise and diet afterwards.

[sukhi077]

Thanks for your suggestions. I hope I get some courage to ask questions and converse normally. Because am a bit shy too. Even meeting many people, then more people until I find the one & only. I really don't know how people go throw this. I know it is very important until we come across one suitable person. I do wish I had studied how to go about this exam.

As regards Sikhi the reality around is too shattering. I am a non-amritdhari yet would want to marry someone who has atleast doned the suroop of Satguru. This person whom I'll be meeting seems to have the suroop intact. The least I could wish for. Nobody knows the other's mind & heart til you get to spend plenty of time/ weeks/ months talking. With due respect to others who do trim, I am sorry but this is just my personal feeling. I am terribly hit when I see boys who've played with their dari/hair. It hurts the eyes & my heart.

But thanks a ton for guiding me. Somewhere I guess I will sail through. LOL And all the best to you too!

If Every Sikh girl would get hurt looking at Sikh guys playing with their dhari/hair.. then I m pretty sure in next ten years You would not get any Sikh guy Who will be playing with his dhari /hair so nice of you ..we need singhnia like you.. and Don't be nervous. you are a daughter of Dasam pita. .. Dasam pita is with you...He is looking at his every sikh... God bless you.

[Guest rasna213]

If Every Sikh girl would get hurt looking at Sikh guys playing with their dhari/hair.. then I m pretty sure in next ten years You would not get any Sikh guy Who will be playing with his dhari /hair so nice of you ..we need singhnia like you.. and Don't be nervous. you are a daughter of Dasam pita. .. Dasam pita is with you...He is looking at his every sikh... God bless you.

Thank you for the blessing. Thanks to every one above. Today is d-day. LOL

[Mehtab Singh]

Tell us how it goes and Vaheguru bless you too! :D