Honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your reply has really brought peace to my mind. Yes you're right, professional support is out there but I think this journey is difficult but will build me as an individual. I've always tried to live to make others around me happy which kind of left me unknown of my own identity. I really want to build myself, understand my needs and wants.... And mostly importantly recognise my weaknesses and faults so I can be a better person. Confidence and having high regards of your own well being attractive I guess. It sets a bar and people know not to cross it which keeps relationships healthy and fair. With waheguru jis mehar I really want to improve myself so that when my marriage is fixed I can move forward.
You're right, I know I want quick results but on the other hand 8 months of no communication feels like a life time.... However like you said it is better to wait and have problems resolved.
I definitely need to research some techniques and see which suit me best.... It's my sister's wedding in a few weeks which is great happiness for us as a family but a constant reminder for me. It's really hard but the more I'm trying to be happy for her and plan things for her the more peace I feel.
Once again thank u sooo much, your response has really settled my mind.
I'm not trying to be rude but most of you guys on here talking about "women these days" sound like incels.
I don't know why some people are so obsessed with what women are doing, go out there be the alpha male and any girl will like you. It's very simple Singhs need to man up. Most Singhs want a pretty and feminine girl so similarly girls like confident manly men, alot of Singhs are not up to scratch its simple as that.
There is alot of incel like <banned word filter activated> shaming going on - you can not hope to know what someone is like from a Facebook post or photo, hell even the people you see up close like those in school, you don't know the full story.
What makes me laugh is how quickly people think they can sum up the complexities of someone else's life. On top of that you guys aren't even happy when a girl moves on and criticisize when they do finally settle down as covering up or whatever - it's called growing up and developing as a person, quite a normal thing.
Maybe if we the kaum wasn't full up of people who have nothing better to do than discuss other people's supposed love lives on the internet and actually understood normal human behaviour of making mistakes, being immature and developing, we actually wouldn't have people looking elsewhere.
Finally, there never was this "ideal respectable woman", not in any era. Hanky panky has been going on since the beginning of time, read charitrpakhiyan.
I am really glad you are doing better. That you know your worth and keep striving everyday.
What you said about no one having the time to listen to ur priblems and emotional issues, really resonated. That is why in these times therapists and counselors are such high paying jobs. People need to pay someone to listen to them and just offer sympathy. Used to be what families and neighbors did for free.
About your hukamnamas. You should take heart that they are positive. That there is hope and Rabb is on ur side. But the hukamnama does not mean that it will solve things instantly. It takes time. Like they say, Rabb de Ghar Der Hai Per Haner Nahi. Meaning it takes time but God doesnt abandon ppl who believe in him. Also your adaas is pretty big. You not only want your husmand back but stronger and more into naam. That will take time. He has to fight his anxiety, relatives, doubt etc to become a better person.
So now that you know, that the outcome will be positive, but you dont know how long its gonna take or when its gonna happen. What will you do? You can either have faith and say God has said to me again and again that my marriage will be saved so i will believe him and not torture myself with imaginings. Just have faith and try to enjoy life. Or you can keep being in doubt and keep asking for more hukamnameh, which you wont believe and will keep taking new ones. And be in unsettled stressful mindset.
All will be well. God has stated. So why not enjoy life. Leave the hows and why to him
Our mind is tricky. It wont be quiet and restful. So try simran and meditation. And try CBT, which is cognitive behavior therapy that if you control your thoughts you can control your behavior. For example, if you stop having sad thoughts you will stop crying and being depressed.
So what you do is whenever a negative though comes. You push it out of you mind and refuse to think it. And take ur mind to other directions . You can also wear a rubber band and snap it on your wrist so that it hurts when negative thoughts come. To train your mind not to go there.