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hi


this is my story i will try to make this brief as possible


i was born in sikh family but not much religious,about 3-4 years ago i got intersted in sikhism and for about a year i woke up at av and do paath,but i was kind of curious person,after searching internet watching videos i become an atheist,i started drinking,partying and stoped doing paath at all.but that was not the biggest mistake i made in life.one day i was soo fed up that i said some bad words about guru i thought that all religions are just made for getting money out of masses.then here i am after 2 years wanted to do sucide my life completely messed up got so many health problems,depressions and many more things.still i don't know about god but i do admit that my life was 100 times better back then.i am soo depressed, everytime i see my dads gun i want to shoot myself.some random days i woke up at av and start doing paath but i dont think it will work after this.i have also broken some promises (sukhna).when i started this atheist thing i used to have dream of entering gurudawara but its empty inside ie no guru granth sahib there i had this dream many times but now nothing.i am totally messed up also now i know that being normal is also special have some medical problems.my life is going nowhere i just sit alone in room thinking.i can't take this anymore.i dont know why i posted this here i am going to die anyway.



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Jeeo, everybody makes mistakes. NOBODY is perfect. only Guru Sahib is perfect and all knowing. All great gursikhs have a past, some may have been born into Sikhi, some may have been brought onto the path later in their life. So forget what has happened in the past and start fresh. If you want TRUE happiness, there is only one way to achieve it:

Suffering has been dispelled, and true happiness has dawned, as we meditate on the Name of the Lord, Har, Har. ||1||
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hi

this is my story i will try to make this brief as possible

i was born in sikh family but not much religious,about 3-4 years ago i got intersted in sikhism and for about a year i woke up at av and do paath,but i was kind of curious person,after searching internet watching videos i become an atheist,i started drinking,partying and stoped doing paath at all.but that was not the biggest mistake i made in life.one day i was soo fed up that i said some bad words about guru i thought that all religions are just made for getting money out of masses.then here i am after 2 years wanted to do sucide my life completely messed up got so many health problems,depressions and many more things.still i don't know about god but i do admit that my life was 100 times better back then.i am soo depressed, everytime i see my dads gun i want to shoot myself.some random days i woke up at av and start doing paath but i dont think it will work after this.i have also broken some promises (sukhna).when i started this atheist thing i used to have dream of entering gurudawara but its empty inside ie no guru granth sahib there i had this dream many times but now nothing.i am totally messed up also now i know that being normal is also special have some medical problems.my life is going nowhere i just sit alone in room thinking.i can't take this anymore.i dont know why i posted this here i am going to die anyway.

I am truly sorry you feel this way, I hope things get better for you soon. Hopefully something I say has value to you, here are my 2 cents:

You should definitely read Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, read Jaapji Sahib and understand what Guru Ji is saying. Ask questions if you don't get something, it will do you good. I have always felt really relaxed and peaceful when contemplating Guru Ji's Shabad, I hope you feel the same way when you do it.

That being said, you can not rely upon simply reciting Bani to fix all your problems. Sikhi is not about repeating something over and over again, you are supposed to take what you have learned from the Guru and apply it into your everyday life. Get involved with sewa, any type at all. If nothing else, start going to Gurdwara and help out in the kitchen, clean, start off with baby-steps. Meet good sangat, I can not stress how important sangat is, especially if you come from a non-practicing family, surround yourself with Chardi Kala Singhs and Singhnis, that alone will have a huge psychological effect on you, it did on me a few years ago when I was going through a personal crisis of my own.

Start volunteering, fund raisers, food drives, feeding the hungry, anything that will get you out of the house and will allow you to interact with other people. Most people complain about their lives no matter how well off they are. Humans are instinctively greedy creatures, we always want more, we are never happy with what we have. There is a very good reason why Guru Ji says to do Vand Chakko, to serve humanity selflessly: it is for us to realize that despite all our problems, there is ALWAYS someone out there who has it worse than us. The starving orphan in Africa who never knew a parent's love, the poor woman in an isolated village that gets beat by her husband every day, the person who just lost his/her entire family in a horrific car crash. We sit here in the first world, complaining about our problems- first world problems are not real problems, how dare we complain about our lives when there are people dying of starvation and thirst everyday, when there are people out there who don't have a place to rest their heads at night. Nobody's life is perfect, we all have problems, but I am sorry, do not think about killing yourself when there are hundreds of millions of people in the world who would do anything to trade lives with you, to have the opportunities and security you have, because they have none at all.

I feel for you, my mother has quite a few medical problems as well and she has to battle against it every single day. But to throw your entire life away over them is taking the easy way out. Did Guru Gobind Singh Ji's 2 younger sons take the easy way out by converting to Islam? Did his 2 elder sons take the easy way out and run away from Chamkaur? Did ANY of our ancestors take the easy way out, even when threatened with death? No they did not, or else we wouldn't be here.

Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji has sustained us through centuries of misfortune and genocide. Guru Ji's Bani is more powerful than all of our problems put together. Build a relationship with your Guru, get in the habit of reading Bani and also make sure you understand it, do not read it just for the sake of reading, you want to know what Guru Ji is saying as well. Likewise, don't just read Gurbani, live it! Take what Guru Ji says and apply it into your life. Go to Gurdwara, surround yourself with positive Chardi Kala sangat, and do sewa, become the dust of the feet of all.

Everything in life comes down to perspective, glass half full vs glass half empty etc... live a Sikhi lifestyle and you will soon realize that you have it better than most people in the world. There is a lot of suffering and pain in the world, suffering and pain that none of us have ever experienced and we should be grateful for that. And the greatest gift of all that you have is Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, it is a gem that very few people ever discover, even among those people born into Sikh families. You have the opportunity, with Guru Ji's help, to turn your life around. Don't throw that away.

Sat Sri Akal brother/sister.

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