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Culture Dictating Sikhi

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Guest GuptDaas

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh.

Sangat Jeeo I need some solid advice. I am the first Amritdhari within a household of clean shaven Sikhs who are not practising. When I was mona, myself and a Jamaican girl were both looking into Sikhi and found Waheguru from scriptures, shabads, rehat, kakaar. We took Amrit at the same sanchaar, and over time realised that spiritually we are compatible through our love for Waheguru. We enhance each others rehat, keep strict Sikh views and try to better each other.

The only problem is that my family are typical Punjabis. My mum says "I had so many dreams of you having a nice, indian wife." I try explaining that Guroos Sikhi is universal, humans are humans, she is a Gursikh so that should be the only criteria, however she has told everyone who are all against this thought. They stereotype and say well you know how rough black people are, even though I have explained the Singhnis nature...

I am now stuck. I keep thinking of this situation and find that it will probably be the same situation in many households, we still live in fear of what family will think or what relatives will say. My mum now openly acts rudely towards my friend and looks down on her for the colour of her skin. Before discussing a rishta, I feel like my family will only frown on her all our life and why should she be degraded and thought badly of when she is also the daughter of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji Maharaaj. One part of me feels a duty to my Sikhi to not let these old fashioned anti Gurmat traditions rule the opinions. I just think that we have come on a Spiritual Journey towards Maharaaj and would like to embrace him, but this Kalyug still dictates Sikhi.

Gursikho, opinions please.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh.

Your mother is a manmukh who does not understand teachings of Guru Nanak Deviji..If you want to spend your life with this Singhni,tell your family that it is your final decision. Give them some time to digest it, specially your mother. Feelings change overtime. Your mother might not like her now but she might later in life.

You are a guy, I think they will loosen up after a while. If you were a girl, things would have been lot harder. Best of Luck

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sounds like you've made your own decision about who will marry and that's something Punjabi parents will find difficult. I personally feel there's nothing wrong with your parents wanting you to marry a punabi - someone who has a similar background, and experience, Waheguru made all different people, and the different cultures are part of Wahegurujis beautiful creation, and Punjabi culture is worth continuing - I know a lot of people on this site will not agree with that. have you considered girls who your parents may also be happy with? think its too easy in western society to become individualistic and feel you only need to consider your own preferences, but family is important too, they will be the one's generally who'll be there regardless whereas marriage may end in divorce, you're more likely to have a successful marriage if you have your family's support.

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WaheguruJiKaKhalsa!!WaheguruJiKiFateh!!

get married to that amritdhari bibi from jamaica

say "ya mann"

goto gurudwara take lawan and surprise your parents lol

take your mum out somewhere at a samagam or something , only u and her

after you come have a 1 on 1 chat with her

and explain her from heart

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh.

Sangat Jeeo I need some solid advice. I am the first Amritdhari within a household of clean shaven Sikhs who are not practising. When I was mona, myself and a Jamaican girl were both looking into Sikhi and found Waheguru from scriptures, shabads, rehat, kakaar. We took Amrit at the same sanchaar, and over time realised that spiritually we are compatible through our love for Waheguru. We enhance each others rehat, keep strict Sikh views and try to better each other.

The only problem is that my family are typical Punjabis. My mum says "I had so many dreams of you having a nice, indian wife." I try explaining that Guroos Sikhi is universal, humans are humans, she is a Gursikh so that should be the only criteria, however she has told everyone who are all against this thought. They stereotype and say well you know how rough black people are, even though I have explained the Singhnis nature...

I am now stuck. I keep thinking of this situation and find that it will probably be the same situation in many households, we still live in fear of what family will think or what relatives will say. My mum now openly acts rudely towards my friend and looks down on her for the colour of her skin. Before discussing a rishta, I feel like my family will only frown on her all our life and why should she be degraded and thought badly of when she is also the daughter of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji Maharaaj. One part of me feels a duty to my Sikhi to not let these old fashioned anti Gurmat traditions rule the opinions. I just think that we have come on a Spiritual Journey towards Maharaaj and would like to embrace him, but this Kalyug still dictates Sikhi.

Gursikho, opinions please.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

okayy ,,I got the whole things of you..

First its very clear that your family does not follow sikhi or sikh principles..I m just wondering your mother had always dream of punjabi or indian wife for you but she never thought to have sikh wife for you if you ahd become sikh later??

Again I go with my statement that Myself sikh guy was born to woman who was hindu girl before her marriage and my father was born to woman who was muslim before her marriage..and We all are keshdhari/ amritdhari in our families......Not even a single MONA is there..........In my point of view You have done nothing wrong..

Caring about sikhi is bigger thing than our punjabiat.... My blood gets boiled when I see Fuddu matt waale sikhaa nu apne dharm to jada apna social status te culture pyaara va....What's wrong with a woman if she did not born to sikh parents but she wants to be sikh girl and wanna marry a sikh guy? I think it Does not matter at all what is his race.

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sounds like you've made your own decision about who will marry and that's something Punjabi parents will find difficult. I personally feel there's nothing wrong with your parents wanting you to marry a punabi - someone who has a similar background, and experience, Waheguru made all different people, and the different cultures are part of Wahegurujis beautiful creation, and Punjabi culture is worth continuing - I know a lot of people on this site will not agree with that. have you considered girls who your parents may also be happy with? think its too easy in western society to become individualistic and feel you only need to consider your own preferences, but family is important too, they will be the one's generally who'll be there regardless whereas marriage may end in divorce, you're more likely to have a successful marriage if you have your family's support.

why are you talking about culture now??? yes,,we should go with parents too but how if parents never embraced sikhi with heart and keep on uttering punjabi punjabi punjabi rather than sikhi? you are limiting the sikhi within only punjabi people.....and divorce?? go to the society and realize sikh girls married non sikhs facing this problem much more than sikh guys who married outside their religion...My sister, Minority is not considered than Majority.............the main thing is that sikh should marry a sikh...if sikh guy marries outside his religion ,a new disciple comes to this panth.. I hope you heard about a saakhi of dasam pita ji in this case. So let the other girls join this journey ....and of course those girls are proving themselves as better kaurs than the kaurs who were just born to sikh parents without sikh values.......

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Marry her as both of you have already starting spending time together before and after taking Amrit. Your family may not understand your choice, but you are making the correct choice here. She may be dark skinned, but her heart has taken the shelter of Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji and Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib ji.

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Guest sat

If your family is racist, that is their problem. Guru Ji taught us that we are all One made from the same light- in Truth, we are all equal.

Do what u want to, youre free to live yoir own life beyond your family- u dont need to cater to their narrow, primitive views.

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You need to calmly and consistently explain to your mum that you have made up your mind. Tell her about the deeper spirituality you two share, how it will impact both of you positively going forward and just how important Sikhi is to both of you. Another thing you could do is regularly take your mum to Gurudwara Sahib because she doesn't seem very sikh like at all. Have her listen to kirtan, kathas and have her spend time with gursikhs. Maybe she'll change her racist/narrow minded views once she realises you truly have made up the decision.

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

Firstly, congratulations brother :)

You and the jamaican penji have started a journey together...i think you would be silly to steer away. What more could one wish for from a life partner. And your family...its clear they're just worried about what people will think and say. Im sure deep down your mums happy that you have found someone who enhances you. The way shes reacting is obviously understandable...i feel for you.

For us its quite easy to differentiate between culture and religion, being brought up in a foreign society. Whereas for our parents, its not always the case.

Veer if i was in your position, i would marry the girl. But just incase your family aren't so cool with it, i think perhaps you should wait until your financially stable incase you have to move out of your family home. Your mum will come around to it eventually. Your her child.

All the best veer :)

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Most of the problems that our sikhs face are cultural and not about dharm.

These problems are caste, race, weddings, wedding expenditures, gifts, lehnah dehnah, dowry...........In fact most manmatt practices carried out by punjabis through their so called 'obligations' are ALL cultural.

To the OP..... ALL the Best and i hope you take all the given advice above.

Tell your parents that you see a sikh as a sikh and that is a Guru's Sikh, ..........You or the Guru does not see a brown sikh, white sikh, yellow sikh or a black sikh or an afro sikh... a SIKH is a SIKH.

Tell the Jamaican Kaur that '''me mum na overstand, me got to be a niyah man and you be da lioness for zee lion.....Jah knows !!'' (Jamaican patois!) .... (don't be surprised that i know the jamaican lingo as well !) :biggrin2: :biggrin2:

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