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Banquet Halls


Singh97
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WJKK WJKF

Is it fine to go to banquet halls as an amritdhari? I'm asking because my fathers close friend's getting married and they want us to come to the party. I personally don't want to go but my parents really want to go because they're really close friends. I won't be dancing, I'll mainly be either sitting or standing outside in the lobby passing time by talking to people. If I do go should I eat anything? If it's completely bad, what should I tell my parents? I feel like it will destroy progress that's been made but I can't really say much because I don't want to go against my parents either (I'm 16). I wasn't able to find anything about this in Taksali rehat so any help would be great.

Bhul Chuk Maaf

WJKK WJKF

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WJKK WJKF

IMHO one can't hide from the world. In situations like these where maryada does not mention any guideline, I try and look at the sakhiya of fbte gurus. In this case, it reminds me of when the guru told the sadhu sants in the Himalayas that theirs no point hiding up in the mountains if you do not agree with the world and you have gian, go down and make a change..... In the same instance by you respecting that someone wishes your family and your personal presence on a celebratory occasion should be respected, you being in the banqueting hall changes nothing. It doesn't undo the naam you have spoken. It's making a stance in society, that you respect the people, but will not participate in the culture as it is not rehat. People "should" respect that, as you have respected them and maybe someone their will see the example you set and their sleeping soul might wake up!

Hope that helps!

WJKK WJKF

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Sikhiseeker's message (above) is confusing. It's neither here nor there. After reading it 2 or 3 times I still can't figure out if he or she says it's ok or not.

Brother, I know exactly how you feel. I haven't been to the banquet hall wedding party of anyone in over 10 years. I always go to the gurdwara marriage. I never go to the parties afterwards. What would I gain from doing so ? Spiritually speaking it is soul destroying, and I'm not even Amritdhari so I can't believe how any amritdhari can feel comfortable in such places. How can their light shine in such a place? Just by being there he brings shame to himself and other Sikhs and so it is truly destructive on every level.

We cannot serve two masters.

But even leaving spirituality out of it for the moment it is morally corrosive from an ethical and social point of view.

We cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend we just don't know. We know the debt / suicide rate in Punjab is epidemic. We know most of this comes from the lavish wedding parties and marrying off your children. We know they in Punjab look to us in the west to set the trends and by default set the right example. We know if we set the right example they will follow suit. Instead we carry on spending these obscene amounts of money of parties in banquet halls even though we know full well people will kill themselves as a result of it in Punjab, families will be ruined through debt because of it in Punjab, social problems will worsen because of it in Punjab.

Set the right example. Go to the marriage in the Gurdwara. Then go home.

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God also exist in strip clubs and red light districts. How many times have you gone to these places looking for God?

Also do not forget God exist in addictive drugs. Do take a hit and tell me if you found him.

The dera baba also says God exist in my room to lure in young girls and rapes them.

Do you get the point.

My bad brother forgive me for my ignorance never thought of it that way but I guess that's true too

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The type of party you will be attending is where open alcohol, sexually charged music, and foolish behaviour including sexual behaviour will be flowing throughout the night. This is a typical banquet hall party. You will be the odd person out who will be the guy being pushed into indulging in the fully blown out maya.

Your mind will be affected negatively by what is going on in the party. There will be no discourse on Gurbani or anything remotely virtuous. Others will be caught up in flirting, food, alcohol, dancing, and gossiping amongst each other. Does a Sikh fit into such an environment? The mind absorbs these types of acts very quickly. And Gianis are the but of these foolish peoples jokes made at these parties.............Yo look at that giani....lets find him a aunty?.....Yo that giani is ripping it with that girl......hes a ggb (giani gone bad)....Yo, why is that giani here....if hes just going to look all depressed......this is a party..... The Sardar who goes cannot even deny these jokes are made because they are made right to his face. No one can expect anything more sensible coming out of a fools mouth.

The Gurus said the body is like a temple. What you will put in it or where you go will effect you. In this case nothing good will come of it.

This is what a Taksali Jathedar says about these events.

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Adapt simple honesty-truthfulness-sat, integrity, bibek (higher intellect to filter right from wrong thoughts) virtues you cannot go wrong, be honest with yourself as none knows you better than yourself -inner real self and besides satguru inside. If your vision senses are easily heavily influenced by outer noise then avoid going there. However, if you have established little contemplation on bairaag, dhian and vichar on shabad then time for you test it and move on learning if you fail it and improve it next time if you fail it (where thoughts are wandering away to outer noise) atleast it should invoke to start higher spiritual quest with earnestly next time. This could be good test for yourself to gauage where you stand as far thoughts in mind goes, see if you can establish dhian on gurmat English vichar while there via mobile ,test it where you stand- observe what thoughts you are getting with bibek while you are in banquet. Sure lot of situations can be avoided, but some situations is beyond our control, no point in being dilemma- absolute reality (Ikongkar) exist everywhere- amrit and poison exist everywhere, its up to your mind whether to dwell in amrit or poison. You can also listen to gurbani with headphones while there that adress your concerns.

Most people dont' want to face themselves in mirror in honesty and most people will brush under lining issues they have under the carpet keep down playing them/band aids fixes until they revolt ugly as opposed to facing them head on with bibek on from the point of conception- stand truthfully stand infront of satguru with honesty, learn from downfalls, adapt true bairaag while reading gurbani to naturally get to state- Gurmukh maya vich udasi.

This is ithasik sakhi-

In Sri guru gobind singh ji darbar there were two group of sikhs wanted to go to mela but one can go..one had to do seva of guru maharaj ..sri guru gobind singh ji sent one group of people to test and others were not too happy. So after the mela group came back..both groups were called in guru maharaj darbar..the group that went to mela were addressed- o sikhs you guys are great, during your time spent in mela your mind was attached to my lotus feet, you were thinking about me , you guys were bairaagi you guys were gurmukh maya vich udasi now guru maharaj addressed to the group which was in hazaar nazaar in sri guru gobind singh ji hazoori doing seva, guru maharaj said even though you were physically present in guru maharaj darbar try to do seva physically, your mind was wandering in mela, have all sort of thoughts things in mela...in this way guru maharaj gave updesh to both groups.

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Sikhiseeker's message (above) is confusing. It's neither here nor there. After reading it 2 or 3 times I still can't figure out if he or she says it's ok or not.

Brother, I know exactly how you feel. I haven't been to the banquet hall wedding party of anyone in over 10 years. I always go to the gurdwara marriage. I never go to the parties afterwards. What would I gain from doing so ? Spiritually speaking it is soul destroying, and I'm not even Amritdhari so I can't believe how any amritdhari can feel comfortable in such places. How can their light shine in such a place? Just by being there he brings shame to himself and other Sikhs and so it is truly destructive on every level.

We cannot serve two masters.

But even leaving spirituality out of it for the moment it is morally corrosive from an ethical and social point of view.

We cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend we just don't know. We know the debt / suicide rate in Punjab is epidemic. We know most of this comes from the lavish wedding parties and marrying off your children. We know they in Punjab look to us in the west to set the trends and by default set the right example. We know if we set the right example they will follow suit. Instead we carry on spending these obscene amounts of money of parties in banquet halls even though we know full well people will kill themselves as a result of it in Punjab, families will be ruined through debt because of it in Punjab, social problems will worsen because of it in Punjab.

Set the right example. Go to the marriage in the Gurdwara. Then go home.

WJKK WJKF

sorry for my staggered post lol! I'm all for going to the party as the whole world is in the last half of kal jugh, you can't simply remove yourself from it. If a gursikh hides themselves and the gian of sikhi what they know, that in itself is paap as a gursikh should do parchar of the guru everywhere 24/7. A gursikh should know how to stand which izhat in any place in any situation, just how when raja shivnabh of sangladeep (now Sri Lanka) sent dancing girls (prostitutes) to halt the gurus arrival at sangladeep, the guru referred to them as his sisters and daughters at which point the girls realised that this was no normal man, slave to the five vices, I'm sure they would of learnt something from that meeting? Hence why we as sikhs should stand anywhere and still represent of guru, we may fail however the importance is understanding where you failed an how to empower yourself and correct the fault within your Mann.

Hope I cleared up my earlier gibberish!

WJKK WJKF

Adapt simple honesty-truthfulness-sat, integrity, bibek (higher intellect to filter right from wrong thoughts) virtues you cannot go wrong, be honest with yourself as none knows you better than yourself -inner real self and besides satguru inside. If your vision senses are easily heavily influenced by outer noise then avoid going there. However, if you have established little contemplation on bairaag, dhian and vichar on shabad then time for you test it and move on learning if you fail it and improve it next time if you fail it (where thoughts are wandering away to outer noise) atleast it should invoke to start higher spiritual quest with earnestly next time. This could be good test for yourself to gauage where you stand as far thoughts in mind goes, see if you can establish dhian on gurmat English vichar while there via mobile ,test it where you stand- observe what thoughts you are getting with bibek while you are in banquet. Sure lot of situations can be avoided, but some situations is beyond our control, no point in being dilemma- absolute reality (Ikongkar) exist everywhere- amrit and poison exist everywhere, its up to your mind whether to dwell in amrit or poison. You can also listen to gurbani with headphones while there that adress your concerns.

Most people dont' want to face themselves in mirror in honesty and most people will brush under lining issues they have under the carpet keep down playing them/band aids fixes until they revolt ugly as opposed to facing them head on with bibek on from the point of conception- stand truthfully stand infront of satguru with honesty, learn from downfalls, adapt true bairaag while reading gurbani to naturally get to state- Gurmukh maya vich udasi.

This is ithasik sakhi-

In Sri guru gobind singh ji darbar there were two group of sikhs wanted to go to mela but one can go..one had to do seva of guru maharaj ..sri guru gobind singh ji sent one group of people to test and others were not too happy. So after the mela group came back..both groups were called in guru maharaj darbar..the group that went to mela were addressed- o sikhs you guys are great, during your time spent in mela your mind was attached to my lotus feet, you were thinking about me , you guys were bairaagi you guys were gurmukh maya vich udasi now guru maharaj addressed to the group which was in hazaar nazaar in sri guru gobind singh ji hazoori doing seva, guru maharaj said even though you were physically present in guru maharaj darbar try to do seva physically, your mind was wandering in mela, have all sort of thoughts things in mela...in this way guru maharaj gave updesh to both groups.

WJKK WJKF

Great post, great reference and great advice! Keep it up brother!

WJKK WJKF

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Agree with sikhiseeker and N30ji......................test yourself and test your inner purity.

SIkh's don't hide, our women don't wear burkhas, we be proud of our roop.

The purer you make your mind.... the more untouchable it becomes..

My advise is to practice whenever you can and wherever you can. Next time you in shopping mall or something, where you just accompanying family and don't need to be thinking/searching for some purchase,....then just try some internal 'waheguru' jap with dhian...and see how it goes and how long you can do it !!!!

even if you only manage a couple of minutes.....this should be incentive to double it next time.

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