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Is it fine to go to banquet halls as an amritdhari? I'm asking because my fathers close friend's getting married and they want us to come to the party. I personally don't want to go but my parents really want to go because they're really close friends. I won't be dancing, I'll mainly be either sitting or standing outside in the lobby passing time by talking to people. If I do go should I eat anything? If it's completely bad, what should I tell my parents? I feel like it will destroy progress that's been made but I can't really say much because I don't want to go against my parents either (I'm 16). I wasn't able to find anything about this in Taksali rehat so any help would be great.

Bhul Chuk Maaf

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IMHO one can't hide from the world. In situations like these where maryada does not mention any guideline, I try and look at the sakhiya of fbte gurus. In this case, it reminds me of when the guru told the sadhu sants in the Himalayas that theirs no point hiding up in the mountains if you do not agree with the world and you have gian, go down and make a change..... In the same instance by you respecting that someone wishes your family and your personal presence on a celebratory occasion should be respected, you being in the banqueting hall changes nothing. It doesn't undo the naam you have spoken. It's making a stance in society, that you respect the people, but will not participate in the culture as it is not rehat. People "should" respect that, as you have respected them and maybe someone their will see the example you set and their sleeping soul might wake up!

Hope that helps!

WJKK WJKF

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Sikhiseeker's message (above) is confusing. It's neither here nor there. After reading it 2 or 3 times I still can't figure out if he or she says it's ok or not.

Brother, I know exactly how you feel. I haven't been to the banquet hall wedding party of anyone in over 10 years. I always go to the gurdwara marriage. I never go to the parties afterwards. What would I gain from doing so ? Spiritually speaking it is soul destroying, and I'm not even Amritdhari so I can't believe how any amritdhari can feel comfortable in such places. How can their light shine in such a place? Just by being there he brings shame to himself and other Sikhs and so it is truly destructive on every level.

We cannot serve two masters.

But even leaving spirituality out of it for the moment it is morally corrosive from an ethical and social point of view.

We cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend we just don't know. We know the debt / suicide rate in Punjab is epidemic. We know most of this comes from the lavish wedding parties and marrying off your children. We know they in Punjab look to us in the west to set the trends and by default set the right example. We know if we set the right example they will follow suit. Instead we carry on spending these obscene amounts of money of parties in banquet halls even though we know full well people will kill themselves as a result of it in Punjab, families will be ruined through debt because of it in Punjab, social problems will worsen because of it in Punjab.

Set the right example. Go to the marriage in the Gurdwara. Then go home.

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God also exist in strip clubs and red light districts. How many times have you gone to these places looking for God?

Also do not forget God exist in addictive drugs. Do take a hit and tell me if you found him.

The dera baba also says God exist in my room to lure in young girls and rapes them.

Do you get the point.

My bad brother forgive me for my ignorance never thought of it that way but I guess that's true too

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The type of party you will be attending is where open alcohol, sexually charged music, and foolish behaviour including sexual behaviour will be flowing throughout the night. This is a typical banquet hall party. You will be the odd person out who will be the guy being pushed into indulging in the fully blown out maya.

Your mind will be affected negatively by what is going on in the party. There will be no discourse on Gurbani or anything remotely virtuous. Others will be caught up in flirting, food, alcohol, dancing, and gossiping amongst each other. Does a Sikh fit into such an environment? The mind absorbs these types of acts very quickly. And Gianis are the but of these foolish peoples jokes made at these parties.............Yo look at that giani....lets find him a aunty?.....Yo that giani is ripping it with that girl......hes a ggb (giani gone bad)....Yo, why is that giani here....if hes just going to look all depressed......this is a party..... The Sardar who goes cannot even deny these jokes are made because they are made right to his face. No one can expect anything more sensible coming out of a fools mouth.

The Gurus said the body is like a temple. What you will put in it or where you go will effect you. In this case nothing good will come of it.

This is what a Taksali Jathedar says about these events.

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Adapt simple honesty-truthfulness-sat, integrity, bibek (higher intellect to filter right from wrong thoughts) virtues you cannot go wrong, be honest with yourself as none knows you better than yourself -inner real self and besides satguru inside. If your vision senses are easily heavily influenced by outer noise then avoid going there. However, if you have established little contemplation on bairaag, dhian and vichar on shabad then time for you test it and move on learning if you fail it and improve it next time if you fail it (where thoughts are wandering away to outer noise) atleast it should invoke to start higher spiritual quest with earnestly next time. This could be good test for yourself to gauage where you stand as far thoughts in mind goes, see if you can establish dhian on gurmat English vichar while there via mobile ,test it where you stand- observe what thoughts you are getting with bibek while you are in banquet. Sure lot of situations can be avoided, but some situations is beyond our control, no point in being dilemma- absolute reality (Ikongkar) exist everywhere- amrit and poison exist everywhere, its up to your mind whether to dwell in amrit or poison. You can also listen to gurbani with headphones while there that adress your concerns.

Most people dont' want to face themselves in mirror in honesty and most people will brush under lining issues they have under the carpet keep down playing them/band aids fixes until they revolt ugly as opposed to facing them head on with bibek on from the point of conception- stand truthfully stand infront of satguru with honesty, learn from downfalls, adapt true bairaag while reading gurbani to naturally get to state- Gurmukh maya vich udasi.

This is ithasik sakhi-

In Sri guru gobind singh ji darbar there were two group of sikhs wanted to go to mela but one can go..one had to do seva of guru maharaj ..sri guru gobind singh ji sent one group of people to test and others were not too happy. So after the mela group came back..both groups were called in guru maharaj darbar..the group that went to mela were addressed- o sikhs you guys are great, during your time spent in mela your mind was attached to my lotus feet, you were thinking about me , you guys were bairaagi you guys were gurmukh maya vich udasi now guru maharaj addressed to the group which was in hazaar nazaar in sri guru gobind singh ji hazoori doing seva, guru maharaj said even though you were physically present in guru maharaj darbar try to do seva physically, your mind was wandering in mela, have all sort of thoughts things in mela...in this way guru maharaj gave updesh to both groups.

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Sikhiseeker's message (above) is confusing. It's neither here nor there. After reading it 2 or 3 times I still can't figure out if he or she says it's ok or not.

Brother, I know exactly how you feel. I haven't been to the banquet hall wedding party of anyone in over 10 years. I always go to the gurdwara marriage. I never go to the parties afterwards. What would I gain from doing so ? Spiritually speaking it is soul destroying, and I'm not even Amritdhari so I can't believe how any amritdhari can feel comfortable in such places. How can their light shine in such a place? Just by being there he brings shame to himself and other Sikhs and so it is truly destructive on every level.

We cannot serve two masters.

But even leaving spirituality out of it for the moment it is morally corrosive from an ethical and social point of view.

We cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend we just don't know. We know the debt / suicide rate in Punjab is epidemic. We know most of this comes from the lavish wedding parties and marrying off your children. We know they in Punjab look to us in the west to set the trends and by default set the right example. We know if we set the right example they will follow suit. Instead we carry on spending these obscene amounts of money of parties in banquet halls even though we know full well people will kill themselves as a result of it in Punjab, families will be ruined through debt because of it in Punjab, social problems will worsen because of it in Punjab.

Set the right example. Go to the marriage in the Gurdwara. Then go home.

WJKK WJKF

sorry for my staggered post lol! I'm all for going to the party as the whole world is in the last half of kal jugh, you can't simply remove yourself from it. If a gursikh hides themselves and the gian of sikhi what they know, that in itself is paap as a gursikh should do parchar of the guru everywhere 24/7. A gursikh should know how to stand which izhat in any place in any situation, just how when raja shivnabh of sangladeep (now Sri Lanka) sent dancing girls (prostitutes) to halt the gurus arrival at sangladeep, the guru referred to them as his sisters and daughters at which point the girls realised that this was no normal man, slave to the five vices, I'm sure they would of learnt something from that meeting? Hence why we as sikhs should stand anywhere and still represent of guru, we may fail however the importance is understanding where you failed an how to empower yourself and correct the fault within your Mann.

Hope I cleared up my earlier gibberish!

WJKK WJKF

Adapt simple honesty-truthfulness-sat, integrity, bibek (higher intellect to filter right from wrong thoughts) virtues you cannot go wrong, be honest with yourself as none knows you better than yourself -inner real self and besides satguru inside. If your vision senses are easily heavily influenced by outer noise then avoid going there. However, if you have established little contemplation on bairaag, dhian and vichar on shabad then time for you test it and move on learning if you fail it and improve it next time if you fail it (where thoughts are wandering away to outer noise) atleast it should invoke to start higher spiritual quest with earnestly next time. This could be good test for yourself to gauage where you stand as far thoughts in mind goes, see if you can establish dhian on gurmat English vichar while there via mobile ,test it where you stand- observe what thoughts you are getting with bibek while you are in banquet. Sure lot of situations can be avoided, but some situations is beyond our control, no point in being dilemma- absolute reality (Ikongkar) exist everywhere- amrit and poison exist everywhere, its up to your mind whether to dwell in amrit or poison. You can also listen to gurbani with headphones while there that adress your concerns.

Most people dont' want to face themselves in mirror in honesty and most people will brush under lining issues they have under the carpet keep down playing them/band aids fixes until they revolt ugly as opposed to facing them head on with bibek on from the point of conception- stand truthfully stand infront of satguru with honesty, learn from downfalls, adapt true bairaag while reading gurbani to naturally get to state- Gurmukh maya vich udasi.

This is ithasik sakhi-

In Sri guru gobind singh ji darbar there were two group of sikhs wanted to go to mela but one can go..one had to do seva of guru maharaj ..sri guru gobind singh ji sent one group of people to test and others were not too happy. So after the mela group came back..both groups were called in guru maharaj darbar..the group that went to mela were addressed- o sikhs you guys are great, during your time spent in mela your mind was attached to my lotus feet, you were thinking about me , you guys were bairaagi you guys were gurmukh maya vich udasi now guru maharaj addressed to the group which was in hazaar nazaar in sri guru gobind singh ji hazoori doing seva, guru maharaj said even though you were physically present in guru maharaj darbar try to do seva physically, your mind was wandering in mela, have all sort of thoughts things in mela...in this way guru maharaj gave updesh to both groups.

WJKK WJKF

Great post, great reference and great advice! Keep it up brother!

WJKK WJKF

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Agree with sikhiseeker and N30ji......................test yourself and test your inner purity.

SIkh's don't hide, our women don't wear burkhas, we be proud of our roop.

The purer you make your mind.... the more untouchable it becomes..

My advise is to practice whenever you can and wherever you can. Next time you in shopping mall or something, where you just accompanying family and don't need to be thinking/searching for some purchase,....then just try some internal 'waheguru' jap with dhian...and see how it goes and how long you can do it !!!!

even if you only manage a couple of minutes.....this should be incentive to double it next time.

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The advice of one Gurmukh; Sant Jarnail Singh has been given to you already. Lets provide you with more advice from Gurbani and Bhai Gurdas Ji.

First from Gurbani. Sri Anand Sahib says the same maya outside of the body is contained in the body:

jYsI Agin audr mih qYsI bwhir mwieAw ]

jaisee agan oudhar mehi thaisee baahar maaeiaa ||

As is the fire within the womb, so is Maya outside.

mwieAw Agin sB ieko jyhI krqY Kylu rcwieAw ]

maaeiaa agan sabh eiko jaehee karathai khael rachaaeiaa ||

The fire of Maya is one and the same; the Creator has staged this play.

jw iqsu Bwxw qw jMimAw prvwir Blw BwieAw ]

jaa this bhaanaa thaa ja(n)miaa paravaar bhalaa bhaaeiaa ||

According to His Will, the child is born, and the family is very pleased.

ilv CuVkI lgI iqRsnw mwieAw Amru vrqwieAw ]

liv shhurrakee lagee thrisanaa maaeiaa amar varathaaeiaa ||

Love for the Lord wears off, and the child becomes attached to desires; the script of Maya runs its course.

eyh mwieAw ijqu hir ivsrY mohu aupjY Bwau dUjw lwieAw ]

eaeh maaeiaa jith har visarai mohu oupajai bhaao dhoojaa laaeiaa ||

This is Maya, by which the Lord is forgotten; emotional attachment and love of duality well up.

khY nwnku gur prswdI ijnw ilv lwgI iqnI ivcy mwieAw pwieAw ]29]

kehai naanak gur parasaadhee jinaa liv laagee thinee vichae maaeiaa paaeiaa ||29||

Says Nanak, by Guru's Grace, those who enshrine love for the Lord find Him, in the midst of Maya. ||29|| ang 921

In the same way the fire is in the wood as Gurbani tells us:

mÚ 5 ]

ma 5 ||

Fifth Mehla:

ijmI vsMdI pwxIAY eIDxu rKY Bwih ]

jimee vasa(n)dhee paaneeai eedhhan rakhai bhaahi ||

The earth is in the water, and the fire is contained in the wood.

nwnk so shu Awih jw kY AwFil hBu ko ]2]

naanak so sahu aahi jaa kai aadtal habh ko ||2||

O Nanak, yearn for that Lord, who is the Support of all. ||2|| ang 521

If the fire is already in the wood, then why does it not catch on fire? The same question can be asked about maya that rest inside of everyone. Why does it not just catch us in her net and burn us at birth? The fire can only start with an ignition. Once the ignition is lit and held to the wood, the wood burns. In the same way the maya from the banquet hall will ignite the fire inside of you and let you burn. Before we go to Bhai Gurdas Jis Vaar, lets leave no doubts here.

khY nwnku gur prswdI ijnw ilv lwgI iqnI ivcy mwieAw pwieAw ]29]

kehai naanak gur parasaadhee jinaa liv laagee thinee vichae maaeiaa paaeiaa ||29||

Says Nanak, by Guru's Grace, those who enshrine love for the Lord find Him, in the midst of Maya. ||29|| ang 921

The above line is saying in the midst of daily living, not ignitions like banquet halls, you will find Vaheguru. If it was speaking about ignitions then Gurdwaras would have fully blown out pubs, night clubs, and strip clubs inside them. Massa Rangar would be our Guru and Bhai Mehtab Singh would be our enemy. Maya is all around us wherever we are and needs ignitions to take form. Banquet Hall parties ignite the maya for everyone to burn in.

Now lets look at what Bhai Gurdas Ji says in his Vaar about stepping into a banquet hall. The words here in this Vaar are very powerful and the weak hearted soul will not be able to accept them.

vVIAY kjl koTVI muhu kwlK BrIAY]

varreeai kajal kot(h)arree muhu kaalakh bhareeai||

If someone enters a room full of soot his face is sure to be blackened.

(Simple to understand right. You step into a room where maya has been lit you will burn).

klir KyqI bIjIAY ikhu kwju n srIAY]

kalar khaethee beejeeai kihu kaaj n sareeai||

If seed be sown in the alkaline field, that will go useless.

(Bhai Gurdas ji is saying a person who steps into a room like a banquet hall is doing it on his own without Guru Sahibs command or wishes. Once this person steps in, the seed (something virtuous) cannot grow inside the field (body and mind) because the person is burn in maya. His intellect is caught up in worldly pleasures and cannot grasp spiritual wisdom).

tutI pINGY pINGIAY pY toey mrIAY]

ttuttee pee(n)aghai pee(n)agheeai pai ttoeae mareeai||

If somebody swings in a broken swing, he will fall and kill himself.

(If you step into that banquet Hall without any doubt you shall kill (burn in the fire) yourself).

kMnw PiV mnqwrUAW ikau duqru qrIAY]

ka(n)naa farr manathaarooaaa(n) kio dhuthar thareeai||

If a man who does not know how to swim, leans on the shoulders of another equally ignorant, how shall he cross a deep river?

(Here Bhai Gurdas Ji points to the people who tell others to step into the banquet halls (black stained rooms, and are the useless fields. If you listen to these people and step into the banquet hall you will be depending on the advice of those who cannot cross the simpler rivers. This expert on Gurbani is saying dont listen to these people and grab hold of a swimmer like Sant Jarnail Singh ji who has crossed the deepest river of them all).

Aig lwie mMdir svY iqsu nwil n PrIAY]

ag laae ma(n)dhar savai this naal n fareeai||

Move not with him who sets fire to his own house and then goes to sleep.

(Again very simple to understand. The people who tell you to step into the banquet hall are not spiritually awake. They are in deep sleep and you should not take their advice).

iqauN Tg sMgiq bymuKW jIA joKhu frIAY ]15]

thiou(n) t(h)ag sa(n)gath baemukhaa(n) jeea jokhahu ddareeai ||15||

Such is the society of the deceitful and apostates wherein man is ever in fear of his life.(15)

You are only 16 and already you are on the right path. Keep up the good work. Guru Sahib will do more kirpa on you. Dont let go of his robe as the 52 Kings did not let go of Sri Guru Hargobind Sahib ji robe walking out of prison. Maya is inside and outside, but when the feet of Guru Sahib are let go, the fire of maya is ignited and we are burned.

I know your parents will give you hell for saying you are not attending. Simply explain to them what Gurbani has said above. No need to fight with them or get into arguments. Explain to them where you are coming from and they might understand. If they do not understand that is okay and they can go without you. Do not consider yourself higher or lower for not going. With Guru Sahibs kirpa you made the right decision. Be thankful and continue on with life.

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Veere all Im gonna say is God pervades everywhere do what makes you comfortable not what a rehat says or something else says

Lolz..inz lagda jida 10 saal de jwaak nu keyboard fadha dita te keh dita likh la jo likhna........amritdhari ta uda main b nai hale....par veh wajah main

rehat maryada de against nai bolunga....taa krke apne dimaag de band darwaaje khol....main kenda maar maar chupedha aho jhe da muh paan dve....je nai

pta ki bolna te na bol...avein Guru de discipline nu nai kuch bolna okay? khabardaar....

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I really don't want to go because there's so much gandh at punjabi parties. If it was simple with vegetarian food and maybe some light relaxing music in the back and people just socializing with no dancing it might be fine.

Like seriously, every punjabi party you go to it's the same thing - they serve a snack, people start getting drunk, a few Bhangra performances, more people get drunk, all the drunk people dance on the dance floor and bother the people who aren't drinking/the aunties, they serve roti, almost every uncle is drunk by that point. Never any organization, and gandh music playing in the back with horrible lyrics.

I'm thinking I might go for a half hour or so, say sat sri akal to the family and once people start drinking and the music starts getting loud just leave without anyone noticing. Is that a good idea? Or are their any flaws in that? Please let me know.

bhul chuk maaf

WJKK WJKF

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I really don't want to go because there's so much gandh at punjabi parties. If it was simple with vegetarian food and maybe some light relaxing music in the back and people just socializing with no dancing it might be fine.

Like seriously, every punjabi party you go to it's the same thing - they serve a snack, people start getting drunk, a few Bhangra performances, more people get drunk, all the drunk people dance on the dance floor and bother the people who aren't drinking/the aunties, they serve roti, almost every uncle is drunk by that point. Never any organization, and gandh music playing in the back with horrible lyrics.

I'm thinking I might go for a half hour or so, say sat sri akal to the family and once people start drinking and the music starts getting loud just leave without anyone noticing. Is that a good idea? Or are their any flaws in that? Please let me know.

bhul chuk maaf

WJKK WJKF

You have Gurbani, Bhai Gurdas ji, and Sant Jarnail Singh ji telling you what to do. Now it's on you to make the correct decision.

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