Jump to content

Alcoholic Father And A Depressed Mother - Anyone Going Through A Similar Situation


Guest Sunnies123
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Sunnies123

Hi, I need some advice from my fellow Sikh ladies. I am looking for anyone who is going to a similar situation...

For as long as I have known, father my has been an alcoholic. He is not aggressive, just depressed and irrational most of the time.

On the other side of things, my mom has grown to become very bitter with her life and is now depressed and aggressive towards me. So much so that at the age of 29, my siblings and I feel extremely distressed whenever she 'loses it'.

Neither of them have working jobs and it is up to my siblings and I to keep the house running. As a result, I am unable to leave the house to do anything aside from going to work as my mom makes me feel like I am selfish and uncaring for doing so.

I have now met a kind Sikh man. We met at work and we have been seeing each other for over 1 year now. He has been very patient and kind. I feel guilty for wanting to get married and leaving the house and the situation. I have told my mom about my boyfriend a while ago and that we want to get married, but she has not mentioned anything about him and does not seem interested in what I want. In her eyes my siblings and I are useless and selfish.

I am starting to feel depressed about it all - but I refuse to give into it all and remain positive and thankful for the life I have.

Is anyone going through anything similar?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guru Ka Meet

Wjkwjkf it is good you are remaining positive. Asian parents have an amazing ability to make you feel guilty for being born, especially if you are a female. They make you feel lIke you owe them everything for your existence. The truth of the matter is you have your own life to lead as well.

. Start making preparations for your wedding arrangements for wedding. Tell your parents and with there consent work at organising a very very simple wedding. You can even have it in your own house, people used to when they first came to the country. Keep it quiet and simple and move on to start your own famIly.

Get your mum and dad to listen to Sukmani sahib very day and all depressions will go away. Have faith in God to look after you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest missy

I haven't been through this exact same situation, but came from a broken family and all that comes along with it. Like you I grew up very fast and had to take care of my parents emotional needs.

My advice is , not to feel bad and to concentrate on building a home and family. I'm sure you love your parents and family, despite their short comings but don't burn your life in drama and the expectation of acceptance from your mother.

If you want to discuss marriage or other things, talk to an aunt or someone whose judgement you trust.

Do paath and try not to focus too much on the negativity because you have to be in a position to be supportive to your husband to be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I gave money to my family for 4 years, and they treated me like absolute <banned word filter activated>. I slept in cars to stay away from them, they were the most primitive bunch of people I have ever come across.

U should go and live your life- your mum has every opportunity to practice Truth properly and find peace that way. She shouldnt try and make u unhappy because she is- take this as God teaching u that even ur most loved ones cant always be trusted. We come alone and go alone- theres only Truth in the end.

Live ur life but practice GurbanI and youll be blessed. Silence the mind, and therefore the 5 thieves- treat ur husband with respect as Gods child- he wont Belong to u, we're all free in Truth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear sister,

Do not put your life on pause, proceed with marriage and you can still support your siblings after your marriage and even parents. The important thing is that you should be moving on with your life.

Our gurus showed us the clear way to live our life in peace. I hope that your future life involves great deal of sikh spirituality in order to keep everything in order.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • *bump I firmly believe that one quote in regards to cannabis is not written by Guru Nanak Dev Ji (O'lord the fear of thee). B/c nasha is nasha. But cannabis is a bit a different since it was used for medicinal purposes in India also. 
    • I feel gurdwaras are maybe somewhat getting back to their functions as dharmsalas containing schools and learning centres. With panjabi schools, gurmat classes, santhiya, martial arts, keertan training, with sikhi camps occasionally in towns, there is somewhat some functions connected to traditional gurdwaras of the past.
    • I do sometimes think that the function of a gurdwara has expanded to things that were not expected before. We expect them to be political institutions, we want them to be social clubs, we want them to be creches, we want them to be daycare centres. 
    • there's too many Kenya Singhs in those kinda gurdwaras, really chummy chummy with the goras and politicians, fixo the beards to the max and younger generations just trimming it instead of getting into the fixo malarkey, lack of open beards and turbans you can take off like hats, don't make for intimidating or annakhi singhs. I heard that pakistanis try to pickup girls from the Slough Ramgharia gurdwara.  They need to join with the other 2 gurdwaras in Slough to help them out, they can't act like the elders did where they split from the Singh Sabha gurdwara because they were too aggressive, now is the time to use that aggression.  And the Guru Maneyo Granth gurdwara Bath Road gets nationwide sangat on Sundays, so just use those numbers in Slough! in these gurdwaras, gyanis and sewadaars are known by the regular sangat, and regular sangat is close knit. Activities and panjabi schools are also good as most of the same children come.  In both areas, I don't like the lack of cooperation between Ramgharia and Singh Sabha gurdwaras. Overall it's a benefit to have gurdwaras in at least 2 different locations in big towns and cities. But it's bad if they don't cooperate, especially in major issues that Khalsa is known for. Ramgharia gurdwaras like to rep up Maharaja Jassa Singh Ramgharia, with the Slough gurdwara even having a statue. But the lack of keeping Khalsa rehit, looking too scared and cowardly to keep full beards or open beards, not acknowledging the Khalsa Nihang Singh mentality of Jassa Singh and being stuck in the kenya Singh mentality, not even willing to read Chaupai Sahib properly during Rehras, and many of these Ramgharia gurdwaras are not even willing to keep basic rehit of allowing sitting on the floor for langar and allowing shoes inside as well, all these behaviours aren't working for chardi kala of the panth! It's like they are trying to keep their own type of sikhi, it's not even a tradition, just being stuck in their own box, they are not in the colonial British army, or serving in the world wars, or making train tracks or some other jobs for the gora, why do they behave this way, this archaic stuff in gurdwara? And doesn't do justice to Jassa Singh Ramgharia, who would have been a rehitee Nihang Singh, annakhi Singhs who defeated the enemies and kept in the brotherhood of the Khalsa with the other misls, even after their whole misl was excommunicated expelled from the panth, they still rejoined the Khalsa and helped defeat the enemies! I don't see them trying to integrate with the rest of the panth in the ramgharia gurdwaras, not like Jassa Singh, obviously it's the elders who instil these mentalities, with some of the youngsters trying to connect back into sikhi!
    • Try get CBT - Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a type of talking therapy. It is a common treatment for a range of mental health problems. CBT teaches you coping skills for dealing with different problems. It focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and actions. It can help overcome anxiety. In the UK you can self-refer to a professional service offering CBT therapy. I know a few people who have had this and it helped with their social anxiety. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use