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KS07
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veerji, sikhi kumoni bahoot okhi aah , lok tha samajdeh koi khel aah

is margh teh apna aph mitona pendah aah, man nu mar nah penda aah !!

Nah Veerji Nah... Man nu Marna nai ,,Man nu jitna Penda aah... Je Man hi Mar dita te Bande da Jameer b Mar javega...but first line boht great likhi... nyccoooo

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Hello all

I am a 32 year old sikh girl living with my parents. I have not taken Amrit but I am a sincere individual with full respect of my religion. I do Nitnem and join the Sangat at the Gurudwara Sahib. I understand I am not amritdhari but still request some input for my query.

Just to give a little background about my situation, I am in a relationship with an individual who is white for the past 6 months or so. I meet him once in a while and usually we just talk on the phone and via emails or messages. He is a great guy. He is respectful not only to me but also towards my religion and culture. We always talk about how things will work when we get married. He has no problem going to the Gurudwara or raising our children as sikhs. Also he never initiated any physical relationship as he understands the values of a sikh girl. Despite not meeting in person too much, we do get along very well and share the same beliefs towards life. I am a vegan and he totally supports me. In fact he stopped eating meat as he wants to support me not just in words. I can describe more qualities about him but to summarize we love each other and want to get married in a year or so. We are both busy and focused on our careers and again 6 months is too short of a time to make a such big decision. We want to get to know each other and get to that point. Unfortunately I can't do that as dating or meeting other men is not appropriate.

On the other hand I am being forced to say yes to an arranged match. I met the guy for 30 mins at a family get together and was asked to get married. This is a very tough for me as I feel I am being asked to give up on my relationship which I have full faith in. I am not able to tell my parents about him due to obvious reasons. My parents are so unhappy with me as I turned down the match they chose. They hate me and have said quite harsh words. I am being asked to leave my house.

I don't want to justify myself here but then I didn't plan to meet a guy and like him. I didn't go searching for a man especially a white man. We met and we clicked.I have always respected my family and did everything they asked of me. Be it choosing my university or my clothes. I always did what they wanted. I don't go out and party or drink and all. I have a small circle of friends and barely meet them. I have two jobs and I keep busy with my life. Am I wrong? Am I selfish as I am thinking about choosing my life partner and making this decision on my own? Does it make me less of a Sikh or a good daughter? I am heartbroken at the constant tension at home. No one is talking to me. My father told me that he wants me to leave if I am not going to get married to this guy or any other guy they choose.

I thank you all.

I forgot I didn't reply to OP. So where did u meet this guy?

U only met a few times, thats quick to make a life long decision. Also a 30 min interview is too to decide too.

I think it's ur first relationship and u have fell in love with him. He has no knowledge of ur background and cultural values or Sikhi. Ur parents thought they knew u better and trusted u would say yes as they chose who they thought is best for u. But they didn't know about this guy, and u should not marry somebody for the sake of it, u will be ruining the guys life too, and will end up in divorce.

I'm wondering u do nitnem and attend sangat then wat made u divert from that company ?

Looks like u have made ur decision, and a lot of people will be hurt, but think it through properly, think about after marriage, will he support u in ur hard times, and is he enough for u to leave ur family for. Don't do anything in anger or thinking u have no choice of who to marry. Explain to ur parents as it's not fair on them either, and sit down and talk it through, that u can't marry just anybody after 30 mins after knowing them. Maybe u haven't met a Sikh guy, that's y u are going for first choice with that guy.

Don't make any decisions u will regret later in life.

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Turban guy, I respect your views. I am not intending to convert or change or give up my religion. There is no concern about it. My boyfriend totally and 100 % respects my religion as well. If white men like sikh girls, then the same goes for sikh boys liking white girls. As long as the religion is not harmed and hampered with, there should be no inequality between the two examples right?

Is it appropriate to ask for conversion as per Sikhism principles? I understand for anand karaj, a sikh needs to marry another sikh. What about in general?

You can ask , I did but he wasn't ready although he kept his word and brought up his children in Sikhi and supports their rights wherever we are and even puts his folks straight about it. I understand it can be an intensely emotional subject but it's best dealt with before marriage .

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You guys are wasting your time preaching to the wrong listener. She didn't come here asking how to convert her white boyfriend to Sikhi. The way I see it, she probably wants to find a way to work things out so that she can (a.) have her parents blessings in order to marry the man of her choice; (b.) not break up with him and marry the guy her family chooses for her.

If you can advise her on that, good, otherwise please read other threads, and thank you.

Lets get one thing straight. I really don't want to say "Sikhi isn't for everyone", but we have to admit that "everyone cannot dare to be a Sikh". It is not Sikhi that is her issue, it is the Punjabi culture practiced by her folks. Her priority is not to find a Sikh guy, its to be with the one she claims to have "clicked with". So I would request to treat this scenario a bit differently. Its very easy to preach and advise someone when you have no idea what they're going through (this applies to me as well). So take a moment and think before you guys type whatever you are typing. Some of you already seem to have passed the verdict on the dude just because he is white.

To be honest, the only mistake she did in her life so far was perhaps coming to this forum asking for advise.

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You guys are wasting your time preaching to the wrong listener. She didn't come here asking how to convert her white boyfriend to Sikhi. The way I see it, she probably wants to find a way to work things out so that she can (a.) have her parents blessings in order to marry the man of her choice; (b.) not break up with him and marry the guy her family chooses for her.

If you can advise her on that, good, otherwise please read other threads, and thank you.

Lets get one thing straight. I really don't want to say "Sikhi isn't for everyone", but we have to admit that "everyone cannot dare to be a Sikh". It is not Sikhi that is her issue, it is the Punjabi culture practiced by her folks. Her priority is not to find a Sikh guy, its to be with the one she claims to have "clicked with". So I would request to treat this scenario a bit differently. Its very easy to preach and advise someone when you have no idea what they're going through (this applies to me as well). So take a moment and think before you guys type whatever you are typing. Some of you already seem to have passed the verdict on the dude just because he is white.

To be honest, the only mistake she did in her life so far was perhaps coming to this forum asking for advise.

Amazing post!! Must say.!! but ki kariye Veerji Idha de hypocrite lokaan de post pardhke Khoon kholda......fe reh nai hunda..

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I forgot I didn't reply to OP. So where did u meet this guy?

U only met a few times, thats quick to make a life long decision. Also a 30 min interview is too to decide too.

I think it's ur first relationship and u have fell in love with him. He has no knowledge of ur background and cultural values or Sikhi. Ur parents thought they knew u better and trusted u would say yes as they chose who they thought is best for u. But they didn't know about this guy, and u should not marry somebody for the sake of it, u will be ruining the guys life too, and will end up in divorce.

I'm wondering u do nitnem and attend sangat then wat made u divert from that company ?

Looks like u have made ur decision, and a lot of people will be hurt, but think it through properly, think about after marriage, will he support u in ur hard times, and is he enough for u to leave ur family for. Don't do anything in anger or thinking u have no choice of who to marry. Explain to ur parents as it's not fair on them either, and sit down and talk it through, that u can't marry just anybody after 30 mins after knowing them. Maybe u haven't met a Sikh guy, that's y u are going for first choice with that guy.

Don't make any decisions u will regret later in life.

I met him through work. Actually I quit the job and he approached me later. He didn't want to start co- worker romance. I dont meet him every weekend, but over the last 6 months we have met enough times to talk and discuss and see if we are compatible now and in future. Although surprising to some members here, I have not indulged in any in appropriate relationship with him. We both have that respect for each other and my culture. It is during these meets that he started learning more about my religion and my back ground and my values. I mentioned earlier, he turned vegetarian for me as I am a vegan. Just a small example but I saw it as a positive change. We talked about kids, how to raise them, our families and their compatibility etc.

Yes it is my first relationship but that also shows that I am not a girl who kept dating around to find the "right one" Nor did I intentionally go to find only a white guy. We met and we got along and we became friends and then the relationship progressed.

My parents did agree that they were rushing me but it is only because all the other girls they know of my old age of 32 are married. But they do want me to get married either to this match or any one else as soon as possible.

I dont want to be angry and of course despite understanding my parents well wishes, I dont want them to be angry either.

My only concern is to face the hurt and the shock that will be caused to them as I request them to meet my boy friend.

Hence I am not making a hasty decision.

thank you

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Amazing post!! Must say.!! but ki kariye Veerji Idha de hypocrite lokaan de post pardhke Khoon kholda......fe reh nai hunda..

I am not sure how I have been deemed to be a hypocrite but anyways you have a right to your opinion as well.

thank you

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