Marriage And The 21St Century

[AK123]

Hi all

I was hoping to see a bit of advice and guidance on the issue of marriage and our young generation. I've been looking for a Gursikh partner for almost 2 years and I've been extremely disappointed by the potential suitors I've been on contact with. My view of marriage sometimes differs from the norm we are presented with in the media and on tv. I don't believe in the whole Hollywood/Bollywood romances and that the only way to declare ones love for another is through overblown gestures and words. My idea of marriage is to find someone on a similar spiritual journey to me so we are able to support each other to become at one with God. I also believe other factors as having things in common / similar and shared interests is highly important too - therefore the way in which a person looks seems irrelevant to me (I did say my view on marriage may differ to the norm). As I'm looking for more of a spiritual connection with someone I would have thought speaking and meeting with Gursikh / Amritdhari guys they would have a similar outlook however I've been well and truly disappointed. Once photos have been exchanged I've ever been ignored or guys have turned around and said no despite us getting along and agreeing we have things in common. I even had one guy say no because I was 3/4 inches shorter than him?! I apologise if this has turned into a bit of rant and making me sound a little bitter but I would have thought people are able to see past ones looks and look at what will actually help make a marriage work this whole process has frankly left me broken and extremely disheartened especially as the 'rejection' following a photo exchange has come from Amritdhari guys and I know this shouldn't make a difference but I would have expecting a different mentality and ones search for a partner to be more spiritually based.

I guessed I just wanted your views on the above is it wrong to want to find and hope for that spiritual connection with someone or is everything all just based on looks nowadays?

[singhbj singh]

I think you need a Vichola.

Normally some relative or family friend plays that part.

But you can take services of a Marriage Bureau.

An experienced match maker will do a quick SWOT analysis.

Pinpoint the problem & find a solution or compromise.

[S1ngh]

I have friends who are bit above their married age and the reason I personally see is that they very adamant about their choice and set their vision a bit too high. Lack of compromise is another major reason. I have cousin who recently got into sikhi and now their parents are having damn hard time finding a suitable match.

The only advice i can give you is to keep looking and don't be shy to spread word around through distant family & friends. Vast networking is important and take a look at SikhMatrimonials.com. We are facing difficulty in this finding suitable match because we are small in numbers.

[AK123]

Hi I have tried the above but no one comes forward I've been told people are worried now that due to the increase in marriage breakdowns that the Vichola who fixed the couple up would get the blame. I'm unaware of any marriage bureaus here in the UK.

I don't understand the problem myself which is why I've become rather disheartened by the process I'm a nice friendly person so do not feel my personality or practising Sikhi are an issue. I feel it's more an issue of Singhs I've spoken to wanting an 'ideal' vision of beauty and putting that before anything else.

Has anyone else looking for a partner had similar problems?

[singhbj singh]

Don't know how successful they are

http://s-m-b.com/m/

http://www.laj.co.uk

But they have been in business for a long time.

On the personal side, prepare a list of priorities (expectations).

Put them in order & when you meet a suitor if need be compromise on the bottom ones.

[singh598]

Once photos have been exchanged I've ever been ignored or guys have turned around and said no despite us getting along and agreeing we have things in common. I even had one guy say no because I was 3/4 inches shorter than him?

this whole process has frankly left me broken and extremely disheartened

so true this is happening alot, but girls are as bad

[InderjitS]

In no particular order do Ardas, trust your parents, find a suitable vichola, ensure that a research party is sent to find out about the potential grooms background and his families and think carefully about the questions you ask when you meet. Ultimately 'Sanjog' will have an overriding effect and who you are destined to marry as per karmic cycle will occur.