Cannot Find A Suitable Match

[Guest Sukhvinder Kaur]

Living in the Midlands, UK, aged 40+ and single so the pool of available single sikh people is so small that it feels impossible. I do not go out much and I'm either at work or at home so this a typical life of a 40+ adult. Relatives do not introduce suitable matches, no one wants to get involved these days. Gurdwara's have their own little lists where they charge £50 to £75 to register anyone searching for a partner and anyone that does not pay, WILL NOT receive any help, so I am sad to say but they are making money out of peoples unfortunate circumstances. I paid many Gurdwara's so once a year I will get a list of people where only one or two will be in my age group, no photo so I would have to ask the Gurdwara for the number. Honest answer is I have not found the other person to be attractive so I can't ruin my life and the other persons life. Attraction is a uncontrolled natural feeling, you either feel it or you don't. Years have gone by in following this process. The system simply doesn't work. Should I look outside of the Sikh community even though I was born into a Sikh family or should I remain single for the rest of my life? Responsible adults please answer as this is not just my story but its a story of many today. I'm a logical person and feel if this situation remains then the day will come when there will be hardly any Sikhs to visit the Gurdwara's. So feeding the already full person is not going help the community. Provide help where it is needed.

[samosa]

Sounds like you need to drop your standards on looks and find attraction in someone's personality, character or Sikhi Jeevan instead of their superficial appearance - or stay single

[singhbj singh]

Check out

http://www.perfect-partner.com/search.asp?CurrentPage=13

(Profiles of 40 plus guys start from page 13 onwards)

Otherwise hire a match maker.

Paying a hefty fee will compel you to choose n marry.

[skaur8888]

Can sympathise with you as I'm in a similar position. Have you tried matrimonial websites, they didn't help me but its worked for others. Alsothere's a matrimonial section on this site and the Sangat TV have matrimonials too so these could be worth a try.

I've reached the point where I've accepted I'm not married and its part of Waheguru's plan and me worrying about it won't change the situation. I think I've been too attached to other people, like family and also in my previous lives too and so if I was married now I wouldn't be trying to get close to Waheguru.

I try to focus on making a life for myself - my job involves helping others which makes me feel I can still be useful and do seva for others, have my own house and can financially take care of myself. I have friends who're also single and happy people so I don't feel a freak as in our culture being a single women is not seen as positive. The message of our Gurus - accepting all equally - comforts me as I know I'm accepted by Waheguru, no matter if I'm not surrounded by family when I'm at the gurdwara.

[skaur8888]

being single you have time and energy to devote to Waheguru, I'm not saying give up on meeting someone but use some of the precious time you have to get close to Waheguru as he is the only one who will always be with you, husbands/wifes, parents and children are only for this lifetime.

[harsharan000]

Dear Sukhvinder Kaur,

just as skaur888, has said, make full profit from the chance you have now with a positive attitude, that you are single, and you can devote yourself fully to Wahiguru.

He is our true beloved Father, if you turn your face towrds Him, belive me, as per Bani, you will not have any needs,neither will they arise, because by dedicating yourself in His devotion with faith and love, you will drink the true inner Amrit within, which will quench all you desires, and only fuel you to be be more and more in love with Wahiguru alone, with each passing moment.

Suppose one makes friendship with a Carpenter, then you do have to worry at all for your furniture, He will fill your house with your needs.

This is the case, if we make friendship with Wahiguru Jee... He can make one keep alive even without air, water or food, provided our love and devotion are genuine....

Nay, He is so gracious, that even if you attempt to just take one step towrads Him, He will come running to shower His infinite bakshish.... He is waiting, that someone may even take one step towards Him, to just give Him an excuse, as said, to bless us with "akhoot Daya Meher"

Grief, happiness, health, wealth, spouses, children, friends, foes.... are all karmic settlements. All of these, one will get, even if we do not try, because one´s destiny is already written.

If there is anything which is not written, and one should struggle for, because our human life was given to us for that purpose only, is to, do that much bhajan bandagee, so that we may become pure, paviter and merge in Him.

Bhaee parapat manukh de hooriya, Gobind milan kee yeh teree bareeya...

That is it.

Waheguru.

[Guest Anonymous]

I can understand your situation. Same situation is faced by many Sikhs living outside our homeland.

If you have any relative in our homeland i.e. Indian occupied Punjab, may be he or she can help you finding suitable match.

In order to reach wider audience, you may also try putting advertisements in Punjabi newspapers published in Indian occupied Punjab.

[Guest Anand]

Sis,

I sympthasise with your situation. My sister (in her 30's) was divorced young and spent a long time getting over depression. She turned to Waheguru and now she is on the cusp of getting engaged to a suitable match. Because of the emotional turmoil that went on before both sides are completing their "due diligence" before the final go ahead.

Im saddened to hear that Gurdwara's charge for the matchmaking - this should be free and be seva for the community.

Before you judge somebody on their photo, look at their profile and what they say about themselves. Your not lowering your standards, your raising them by acknowledging that looks are superficial, we see only what we want to see. How many photos taken everyday, really do justice to the individual? Forget it.

List the qualities you are looking in a potential partner other than looks and compare what profiles you do have. You may be suprised!

Your only 40! Not 70! lots of life to live yet.