On The Verge Of Leaving Sikhi, Suicidal

[Guest singh]

I’ve been amritdhari since I was 16 ,now 23. Wherever I go ,people seem to pull my leg and get in my way of learning sikhi, no matter how hard I try to block them out.

I Know my 5 bania off by heart but haven’t got good santhyia. I use too have a good santhiya teacher from Taksal and was having private lessons from him GUPT. A group of Singhs found out I was learning from him and done everything in their power to stop these sessions. After that I’ve never seen my Ustad , they took him away. All I wanted is to pronounce bani correctly.

Ive never hurt anyway, never will. I DON’T KNOW WHY OTHER SINGHS HURT ME , ARE BROTHERS MENT TO DO THIS.

Ive got very bad dyslexia, takes me a long time to learn things. I HATE BEING DYSLEXIC

IVE BEGGED WAHEGUROOO TO REMOVE THIS DYSLEXIA EVERYDAY, IT HASN’T GONE

My relatives always say sooo much hurtful things to me, like im never going to get a wife , no1 going to marry me because of my dyslexia.

Ive failed my GSCES, A LEVELS, CANT GET A JOB

Im surrounded by so much hurtful,negative people. NO1 GIVES ME LOVE

I done 40 day sukhmani sahib, hoping everything to get better.IT DIDN’T

Im know at the point of life where i don’t care about myself no more,I JUST WANT TO DIE

I do ardas everyday to Waheguroo to kill me and kill my soul, im abomination. IT HASN’T HAPPENED

On the verge of killing myself , I cant escape these people(PEOPLE WHO MENT TO BE MY BROTHERS & SISTERS), IVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT THEM, WHY THEY HURTING MY LIKE IM THEIR ENEMEY

A Sikh wouldn’t kill them self like this, THAT’S WHY IM LEAVING

PLEASE FORGIVE ME GURU GOBIND SINGH MAHAARAJ, IVE FAILED U

WAHEGUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Guest Singh]

Trust in God. Don't loose hope. Everything will be fine.

[buddasingh]

You have not failed anyone. At this stage you are reaching out and that takes immense courage. Reaching out when needed is not failure.

There is an entire world out there that has far more fundamentally in common with you than the hurtful people of whom you speak.

Where are you located? Approximately? Of course as you're aware you can communicate anonymously here.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

May waheguru listen to your plea of help. And not answer your ardaas about dying. A sikh has many options. First a sikh has sangat for help. If there is no sangat, a sikh has family for help. if the family can't help. A Sikh has himself. If the sikh can't help himself, He has the Guru.

Like the story of draupadi, give up on everyone else and ask God for help. Don't demand or expect help. Beg for it.

God answers heartfelt prayers, that truly come from inside, the plea that rises out of our deepest despair.

And heartfelt prayers come when you've reached rock bottom. You're there it seems. So now think Waheguru only you can help me. Only you are my last and only hope. I have given up on everyone else.

So, there was an elephant. He went to drink water, and an octopus rose out of the water and twined his tentacles all around the elephant. The elephant couldn't move then the octopus slowly started dragging the octopus into the water. The elephant was sinking and about to drown. Only his trunk was free. When he was almost all submerged in water. He used his trunk to grab and pull a lily flower (kamal da phull) and offered it to God, while offering a wordless plea. Then God sent a chakar, which cut the tentacles of the elephant and freed it. Guru ji mentions it:

dohrw ]

dhoharaa ||

Dohraa:

blu CutikE bMDn pry kCU n hoq aupwie ]

bal shhuttakiou ba(n)dhhan parae kashhoo n hoth oupaae ||

My strength is exhausted, and I am in bondage; I cannot do anything at all.

khu nwnk Ab Et hir gj ijau hohu shwie ]53]

kahu naanak ab outt har gaj jio hohu sehaae ||53||

Says Nanak, now, the Lord is my Support; He will help me, as He did the elephant. ||53||

Then Guru Ji says:

blu hoAw bMDn Cuty sBu ikCu hoq aupwie ]

bal hoaa ba(n)dhhan shhuttae sabh kishh hoth oupaae ||

My strength has been restored, and my bonds have been broken; now, I can do everything.

nwnk sBu ikCu qumrY hwQ mY qum hI hoq shwie ]54]

naanak sabh kishh thumarai haathh mai thum hee hoth sehaae ||54||

Nanak: everything is in Your hands, Lord; You are my Helper and Support. ||54||

So keep saying this. Not like a mantra/mantar. But like a ardaas, plea, ur beanti full of faith and pain. Say it like u mean it. U should be crying and begging and pleading. Also try to do simran, which is the opposite. you clear your mind of all worries, think everything happens as God wills, all God does is Good. If failed in everything, accept it and be proud. I am where I was meant to be. God will guide me from here.

There was a universe, where a girl wanted to be a spaceship pilot. Her family wanted her to take over the vineyard. But she studied hard, had a fight with her family and went to take the test in the big city. She did good on the written, oral, and physical part. But the last test was to talk to a Grisloon, who was a mindreading psychologist. He was supposed to find your weakness. The Grisloon asked her wat happens if u fail, and the girl froze thinking I can't , I can't fail, I'll never get the money to take test again, I'll never get my parents to let me come here again. But she realized that Grisloon asked her that because it was her weakness, fear of failure. So she thought, if I fail, so be it, I will not let that be my weakness, so that can't stop me. I will stay in this city, get a job, keep studying, and keep taking the test until I pass. So she told Grisloon, I will try again. And Grisloon asks, if you fail, She says I will try again. And he says, if you fail again. She says i will keep trying, I will take this test again and again until I pass. The Grisloon says you passed all the exams: written, oral, physical, and mental/emotional. You are accepted to the academy of spacehip piloting.

So singh, if u are at rock bottom. accept it. I am here. Then you can go upwards. Someday, you will be an inspiration, you will bring hope, you will be an example to all the dyslexic people in Sikhi and around the world. The first ones never have it easy.

Ask waheguru: Hamri karo haath dai rasha.Puran ho-e chit ki isha........Aap haath dai mohe bachavo. ..hujo sadaa hamare pascha.

Protect me with your own hand. Fulfill the wishes of my heart........Give me your hand and save me.......ALWAYS be on my side.

[gsingh9]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Forget what other people are thinking, just ignore them.

So what if you fail your A-Levels and GCSES, people make such a big fuss that to be successful and have a good job you need to get good grades. Do an ardaas and learn a skill.

Whats the point of leaving Sikhi, aint going to change the people around you.

Just relax, go back to leaning santhiya, don't let other people control your life.

Just like When Dhan Dhan Guru Ram das Ji was little and everyone closed there doors on him. Guru Nanak Ji house is open to anyone, and who the world sees lowly Guru Ji makes kings.

Listen to this https://soundcloud.com/thesyf/guru-raam-das-sahib-ji-bhai-sukha-singh?in=gurshabadveechar/sets/katha-vichaar

Accept your dyslexia as a gift and move on. And prove all theses negative people wrong with Guru Ji's Kirpa.

Like Dhan Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji says:

kaethiaa dhookh bhookh sud Maar

eeahi Bh dhaath thaeree dhaathaar

Please forgive me if i said anything wrong or offensive.

Also you will find many brothers and sisters on here that care about you. Guru Ji has blessed us with a big and unique family .

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ki Fateh

[gsingh12345]

Waheguru Ji ka khalsa waheguru Ji ki fateh. We are being tested don't give up we all have ups and downs. Remember we treat both dukh and sukh as the same if not then this is what we aim for with the help of maharaaj.

[Questioner]

Brother,

A person is not a Singh or a Kaur simply by appearance. Don't think that those Sikhs who have wronged you are a reflection of your Guru. Guru Sahib is forever yours, forever compassionate, and always ready to take your hand. You are still Their pyaare son, whether you feel that right now or not. Gurbani warns us:

a(n)dharahu jhoot(h)ae paij baahar dhuneeaa a(n)dhar fail ||

Those who are false within, and honorable on the outside, are very common in this world.

at(h)asat(h) theerathh jae naavehi outharai naahee mail ||

Even though they may bathe at the sixty-eight sacred shrines of pilgrimage, still, their filth does not depart.

It's unfortunate, but brother, you're not defined by the inability of others to treat you well. You're not defined by your perceived "failures". You are just you, the only version of yourself around, with your own unique path paved out for you. Forget these people, they don't see your light yet. You have the capacity to give to others the love and hope which you want others to give you. You are the very jot of Vaheguru ji, how can you ever think lowly of yourself?

I'm here to talk to you, to listen.

[skaur8888]

sounds like they're jealous, don't let them get you down. If you're worried about qualifications, get some advice from local college about retaking them - you can do an evening class. Work is very good for us expecially if you're feeling depressed, try and find any type of job as long as it will keep your mind occupied and give you a routine. Doesn't have to be a job you stay in forever just for now.

Vaheguruji is your one true friend, family cannot always be relied on, I learnt that through my own experience. Try to distance yourself from people who upset you and find people who make you feel good about yourself and build you up. I believe good friends are sent by Vaheguruji as they have his qualities. Vaheguruji loves you and don't let these people win, there are so many beautiful role models in Sikhi, the stories about Guru Nanak Dev ji are so touching how he loved and helped all people from when he was a boy, and he wasn't easily accepted by people around him,his father didn't understand him it was his sister who saw how special he was, when I feel misunderstood and not valued by others I remember this about our Guru, that he carried on being himself no matter that people didn't understand him. Read the stories of our Gurus they are so inspirational and comforting.

[skaur8888]

by the way some very successful people have dyslexia, Richard Branson and Tom Cruise, am sure there's others too.

[simran345]

Ive been amritdhari since I was 16 ,now 23. Wherever I go ,people seem to pull my leg and get in my way of learning sikhi, no matter how hard I try to block them out.

I Know my 5 bania off by heart but havent got good santhyia. I use too have a good santhiya teacher from Taksal and was having private lessons from him GUPT. A group of Singhs found out I was learning from him and done everything in their power to stop these sessions. After that Ive never seen my Ustad , they took him away. All I wanted is to pronounce bani correctly.

Ive never hurt anyway, never will. I DONT KNOW WHY OTHER SINGHS HURT ME , ARE BROTHERS MENT TO DO THIS.

Ive got very bad dyslexia, takes me a long time to learn things. I HATE BEING DYSLEXIC

IVE BEGGED WAHEGUROOO TO REMOVE THIS DYSLEXIA EVERYDAY, IT HASNT GONE

My relatives always say sooo much hurtful things to me, like im never going to get a wife , no1 going to marry me because of my dyslexia.

Ive failed my GSCES, A LEVELS, CANT GET A JOB

Im surrounded by so much hurtful,negative people. NO1 GIVES ME LOVE

I done 40 day sukhmani sahib, hoping everything to get better.IT DIDNT

Im know at the point of life where i dont care about myself no more,I JUST WANT TO DIE

I do ardas everyday to Waheguroo to kill me and kill my soul, im abomination. IT HASNT HAPPENED

On the verge of killing myself , I cant escape these people(PEOPLE WHO MENT TO BE MY BROTHERS & SISTERS), IVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT THEM, WHY THEY HURTING MY LIKE IM THEIR ENEMEY

A Sikh wouldnt kill them self like this, THATS WHY IM LEAVING

PLEASE FORGIVE ME GURU GOBIND SINGH MAHAARAJ, IVE FAILED U

WAHEGUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dear paji, plz don't give up on urself, I know wat u are going thru as the similar thing happened with me too. A person with a health or learning condition has enough to cope with thus Waheguru is their trust n faith which makes this easier to cope with.

It was same with me, people used to love talking to me and appreciate and respect my company, and I was a humble person, and treated everybody equally. I also was made to feel unwanted and picked on by a group of amritdhari brothers n sisters.

They made sure any bit of faith I had in God was completely washed out, and also making out I was a bad person to others, so they too would turn away.

Please don't do anything stupid, for them to treat u like that they are not Sikhs, but making out on top they are. I would just keep away from them. You will meet many people along ur spiritual journey, good and bad. Some you will find peace from, others you will not.

You have done nothing wrong, plz don't dwell in it. If there is anybody u can talk to ? Try one of the Sikh helplines.

They are the ones that are weak and have the insecurities and you have a pure soul from the sounds of it, people tend to harass the good ones in this Kalyug, as they can't be like that. So it's their loss not urs, have faith in Waheguru they will help u, if u fall get up again and again and again and do ardas to Maharaj ji to keep them at their charan, until ur mind becomes strong to deal with it. Do simran and don't fight the hurt, God is with you, always has been always will be, just there are some phases that come in life that may doubt ur progress.

And don't worry about the pronounciation, or abt being like others, nobody is perfect, that's why we are in this world.

Sehaje sehje krna, don't take on too much, pace ur self but do paat with love, Guruji loves u, stay in their hukam, it's hard but it will get better, maybe Gods showing u they were not good company, and saving u from something worse, don't take it as they hate u, other good company will come, and u are not alone God is with u. Time will heal. You can message me paji, or the other paji/penji above if u need to talk.

Waheguru...