Stuck In A Terrible Marriage

[Singhmaster]

Yes, authorities need to be advised ASAP! Or at least you need to tell someone on your end.

[Guest Sat]

He sounds like an insecure idi*t. Listen- we are not trapped, there is almost always a way out. Why don't u leave him- divorce him and free yourself of his crap- marry again and be happy.

If u think the Gurus would have wanted u to stay in a relationship with a mor*n who abuses u, u are mistaken- they fought back, they never gave up their beliefs and FREEDOM.

Be a Sikh warrior and fight back by freeing yourself of this burden. God gives us karams like this but take it as a blessing and let it make u stronger.

[Guest Sat]

He sounds like an insecure idi*t. Listen- we are not trapped, there is almost always a way out. Why don't u leave him- divorce him and free yourself of his crap- marry again and be happy.

If u think the Gurus would have wanted u to stay in a relationship with a mor*n who abuses u, u are mistaken- they fought back, they never gave up their beliefs and FREEDOM.

Be a Sikh warrior and fight back by freeing yourself of this burden. God gives us karams like this but take it as a blessing and let it make u stronger.

I was stuck in a verbally and at times physically abusive family. My brothers are Weird and constantly used to call me names and put me down out of jealousy and other reasons. My family is psychologically messed up. So I Left and it was the Absolute Best thing I ever did. Don't ever be fooled into thinking that u Need an Abuser. They will try and make u think u r crazy and that what they're doing to u is normal- but don't ever think that it is.

Verbal abuse is just as abusive as physical abuse at time's, just leave-from the sound of things, this fool is unlikely to change.

[Questioner]

Any updates sister? We hope you're well!

[Guest GuptKaur]

Hi all thankyou so much for the replies.

I have contacted various people at different times and they all pretty much say leave him, which is very hard not only emotionally but logistically now. My mother knows what he is like somewhat but as long as he's paying the bills she thinks I should be doing more and more to keep him satisfied . Others I have told have heard his tales first and don't reply to me anymore. I just don't have strength to leave without any support - I know I should though. Even the other week he grabbed my throat and told me (again) if he didn't risk deportation by leaving that he would leave me. I can't just pack my things and leave - I have no where to go and it would just have a massive affect on everything.

[Guest GuptKaur]

And so many people know through me telling 1-2 and it spreading but no one cares at all. Then he goes to a programme and afterwards when we are in the car he does a bangra dance because no one is questioning him or doubting him. I've even been dumped outside a (well known) Gurdwara by his friend (gursikh) with my belongings because of an argument that started when I didn't want to be intimate with my husband . In the end it was me who was dumped off and he was a king

[Questioner]

And so many people know through me telling 1-2 and it spreading but no one cares at all. Then he goes to a programme and afterwards when we are in the car he does a bangra dance because no one is questioning him or doubting him. I've even been dumped outside a (well known) Gurdwara by his friend (gursikh) with my belongings because of an argument that started when I didn't want to be intimate with my husband . In the end it was me who was dumped off and he was a king

This is really awful. I wish I could start a campaign against this douche-bag - our community really are a bunch of idiots when it comes to things like this, yet they boast about stupid crap like stopping interfaith marriages. Pathetic.

I know it's really difficult. But would returning to live with your family not be an option? Failing that, a friend's house? A women's shelter? Obviously it would be a big decision for you to make, but I want you to know that the option is always there. As your younger sister, I'd also be happy for you to stay at mine for as long as you need (assuming you're in the UK).

[bakhshle]

Hi all thankyou so much for the replies.

I have contacted various people at different times and they all pretty much say leave him, which is very hard not only emotionally but logistically now. My mother knows what he is like somewhat but as long as he's paying the bills she thinks I should be doing more and more to keep him satisfied . Others I have told have heard his tales first and don't reply to me anymore. I just don't have strength to leave without any support - I know I should though. Even the other week he grabbed my throat and told me (again) if he didn't risk deportation by leaving that he would leave me. I can't just pack my things and leave - I have no where to go and it would just have a massive affect on everything.

So don't you think he would leave you once he's got permanent status? This is the big question to ask yourself. If he's like this now, what do you expect afterwards? I think he's just waiting to get "pakka"

I don't know how the immigration thing works in UK, here in Canada, you can send a letter to immigration telling your story and they know what's happening in your case and can hold on to the status of the person involved. Police records, doctor's medical should be their to support you when it comes to immigration or if something unexpected happens.

Stay strong, do ardas. If possible gather courage and report to police for physical abuse. And you should keep your family doctor aware of whats happening with you emotionally and physically. I know it's realy hard, but what are you going to do if he leaves you after getting pakka, as he says.

[MisterrSingh]

It seems like you're waiting for someone to come along and make the tough decisions only you can make. If what you're saying is true (and don't take that the wrong way, but I've been in a few situations where the innocent party was anything but innocent once the other side told their side of the story), what are you waiting for? I don't think your mother has the will to support you if the marriage ends. Your husband clearly thinks you don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done.

So, why not confound these people, stand on your own two feet, and regain a bit of respect? I can guarantee you that nobody will ride along for the rescue and make things any easier for you. That's not how these things work unfortunately.

You can wait for your husband to become a permanent resident OFF YOUR BACK, or you can spare yourself a lifetime of misery and regret, and bring this situation to an end.

[thugger]

It seems like you're waiting for someone to come along and make the tough decisions only you can make. If what you're saying is true (and don't take that the wrong way, but I've been in a few situations where the innocent party was anything but innocent once the other side told their side of the story), what are you waiting for? I don't think your mother has the will to support you if the marriage ends. Your husband clearly thinks you don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done.

So, why not confound these people, stand on your own two feet, and regain a bit of respect? I can guarantee you that nobody will ride along for the rescue and make things any easier for you. That's not how these things work unfortunately.

You can wait for your husband to become a permanent resident OFF YOUR BACK, or you can spare yourself a lifetime of misery and regret, and bring this situation to an end.

LISTEN TO THIS GUY, OP!