Jump to content

Stuck In A Terrible Marriage


Guest Gupt Kaur
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Guest

I am going to put a different opinion in to everyone else.

There is no doubt that your husband is not a good person at the moment. From the information you have given he doesn't have any interest in maintaining a good relationship and he clearly has no respect for you.

Everyone here is telling you to divorce. However, you gave your promise to Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj that you would marry this person. Regardless of how bad the relationship is, your bachan to Guru Sahib still stands.

In the olden days, marriage for life meant marriage for life. You can go to the Panj Pyare to discuss marital issues, or talk to elders to help you work through issues, but you can't divorce. Maybe some people would in some cases consider it if there were Bujjar Kurehats or adultery involved, but that is the Panj Pyare's discretion.

Do more Paath and be strong. Don't cry and don't run away from the situation. If you have full faith in Guru Sahib, he will resolve your worldly affairs eventually. Do enough Bhagti and get enough spiritual power that eventually your husband has no choice but to respect you. From there, things can slowly improve.

I am sure the feminists and modern Sikhs will disagree, but a Khalsa never runs from their problems and I don't think you should run from this marriage. Stand strong and maybe he will change - maybe he won't but you'll have enough Kamai to be happy and improve your relationship with Maharaj.

Some of my daily job involves attempting to solve poorly functioning couples. You can work this out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

I am going to put a different opinion in to everyone else.

There is no doubt that your husband is not a good person at the moment. From the information you have given he doesn't have any interest in maintaining a good relationship and he clearly has no respect for you.

Everyone here is telling you to divorce. However, you gave your promise to Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj that you would marry this person. Regardless of how bad the relationship is, your bachan to Guru Sahib still stands.

In the olden days, marriage for life meant marriage for life. You can go to the Panj Pyare to discuss marital issues, or talk to elders to help you work through issues, but you can't divorce. Maybe some people would in some cases consider it if there were Bujjar Kurehats or adultery involved, but that is the Panj Pyare's discretion.

Do more Paath and be strong. Don't cry and don't run away from the situation. If you have full faith in Guru Sahib, he will resolve your worldly affairs eventually. Do enough Bhagti and get enough spiritual power that eventually your husband has no choice but to respect you. From there, things can slowly improve.

I am sure the feminists and modern Sikhs will disagree, but a Khalsa never runs from their problems and I don't think you should run from this marriage. Stand strong and maybe he will change - maybe he won't but you'll have enough Kamai to be happy and improve your relationship with Maharaj.

Some of my daily job involves attempting to solve poorly functioning couples. You can work this out.

What on earth are panj pyare or any elders going to do with a <banned word filter activated>? They cant enforce anyhing to stop him from physically abusing her. In our community people always say for one reason or another to not divorce, a couple years down the road the wife is dead, husband in jail. Youre also giving morons too much credit that they'll respect a person being immersed into bani, even gursikhs often dont respect a fellow gursikh.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest

You've given me examples of 2 couples where you feel divorce was a better idea, I can give you dozens of examples of couples who divorced when things got tough when they could have worked things out.

Look a bit further into what the relationship problems are and in the majority they can be solved. Everyone wants to have a close and loving relationship with someone else, just when things go bad most people just don't know how to start to salvage or fix it. For example in this case, the husband is abusive and overtly dominating because there is massive underlying insecurity - if his wife can understand this a bit better and show him how the relationship could be if there was mutual affection and respect - which will feel much better to him than the satisfaction he currently gets from dominating his wife against her will - he will crave this and take steps to try and get that feeling again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest GuptKaur

Thankyou everyone ... You're right I want someone else to make the decision - that's why I'm stuck. If you take Sikhi away then I should leave him. But I'm Sikh. We are told again and again don't chase attachment and there isn't a divorce .... That's why I just don't know what to do.

Last night I had thought about the poster who said just do bhagti and carry on but then I questiined him over some money of my mothers - and instead of a simple reply he went mad. I again had to sleep on the floor because he physically pushed me away when I went to bed and I'm tired of it. He didn't eat his dinner because I made it, then tells his friends on the phone how bachara he is because he doesn't get dinner. Someone told me he had spread rumours about me (laying the foundation for the divorce when he gets pukka?) but couldn't even tell me what they were (I think it's pretty horrific) sometimes I just want to burst and expose everything ... I've never felt all this anger and pain before. It's not.a question of politely getting permission to go out, he actively bans it. He even walked into a kamai camp and made me leave, after getting there late because he tried his best to stop me going in the first place . Once I let it out though there isn't any going back ... And I'll be more alone. It isn't the culture to side with a woman , we are expected to discretely manage wayward husbands and there seems to be a badge of honour if you are quietly suffering - almost a pecking order of who is carrying the biggest burden. When you've looked into your husband eyes and he's screaming he hates you (because you found out somethung bad HE did) and that he going to take you to a pimp because that's all you're worth.... Is there any coming back from that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've given me examples of 2 couples where you feel divorce was a better idea, I can give you dozens of examples of couples who divorced when things got tough when they could have worked things out.

Look a bit further into what the relationship problems are and in the majority they can be solved. Everyone wants to have a close and loving relationship with someone else, just when things go bad most people just don't know how to start to salvage or fix it. For example in this case, the husband is abusive and overtly dominating because there is massive underlying insecurity - if his wife can understand this a bit better and show him how the relationship could be if there was mutual affection and respect - which will feel much better to him than the satisfaction he currently gets from dominating his wife against her will - he will crave this and take steps to try and get that feeling again.

I'll keep this brief, as I haven't got time to spell out the finer details for someone who supposedly helps married couples in situations such as these.

There's a different between misunderstandings and crossed wires between a couple who are possibly too immature to reconcile without the help of a third party, and instances where someone has run off never to return, or somebody who is being verbally and physically abused by their partner and / or their mother in law.

If you can't see the difference between the two situations and, more worringly, you refuse to acknowledge there is a difference, then there's not much more I can say. Good luck to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use