Diary Of Sikh Woman: Why I Cannot Get Married

[singhbj singh]

I have decided that I am going to cut my hair so that I can get married. I just want all you turban wearing bearded men to know that you are hypocrites.

In summer 2013 my family went to India and they could not find anyone suitable there. If you are convinced you can find someone for me then please do. The truth is that Sikh men don't know why they keep hair. If they were keeping their hair for Sikh reasons - to accept humans in their natural form then every Sikh family would insist that their wife's, daughters kept hair. Many Sikh families insist that sons should keep hair but not their daughters. In my opinion Sikhs have lost their understanding and are just keeping beard and head hair for 'social cultural identity' reasons but not he sikh reason that you accept humans as they are made. In case you didn't realize we are all born Sikhs and then we change ourselves.

So after 30 years of never cutting, removing, waxing, threading - I will remove the hair. This reminds me of how people go and buy animal skin. The leather has hair on it and nobody wants the leather with hair on it so the hair is pulled out of the leather skin and it is then the most liked and best leather skin because it was never altered or destroyed with hair removal in the first place. I am now like this leather skin - a commodity that is only good enough if I remove my hair and pretend that I don't grow hair. Once I remove my hair the irony is that there will be no problem with finding a hair keeping turban wearing bearded Sikh man.

Sorry for the late reply, had to attend an Ardas-Roka-Engagement ceremony of a distant cousin.

Let me give you an account of Desi, non Amritdhari family event.

First of all Munda wale were out of towners & came 4 hours late.

So eventually lunch was served at 5pm.

Drunkards were getting rest less & when close family went to Gurdwara for Ardas they had alcohol in the party hall.

Then Dj played loud music & majority of guests danced, some with their wives & lechers with others.

Now my question is do you really want to end up in such society ?

I don't know what "Suitable" is but if you are ok with Indian Amritdhari guy willing to accept a hairy wife then please send me your bio data or link to your matrimonial profile.

Will try to match your Sanjog.

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa

Waheguru ji ki Fateh

[weareallone]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

My dearest sister. There are a number of Singhs who are looking for real Kaurs. Hair alone doesn't make a sikh however- there is far more to being a Sikh than just hair, so please appreciate this. Take Amrit, fall at the feet of the Guru. Singhs will come running. A real Kaur has become very rare indeed. Be a real Kaur. If you are just a so called keshdhari and looking for punjabi sardars for marriage then for you, hair is a mere religious ritual.

If you are willing to devote your life to serving the Guru and making this world a better place, message me. I am looking for a real Kaur to join me in spiritual union to take forward an important Hukam to save this world from destruction and usher in a new age of Satyug.

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

[MisterrSingh]

So is it really the fault of the Singhs?

[MisterrSingh]

I guess her parents are maybe picky?? I'm sure there are a lot of Singhs who are looking for rishtas in India (who aren't picky).

Could be. Without having walked a mile in her shoes it's impossible to know how things are for her on a daily basis, coupled with the cultural and gender related issues she's had to face. A solitary existence - albeit with her Sikhi intact - just isn't for most people.

[Singhmaster]

Two points sis

There are SO MANY singhnis out there that have gotten married and have very heavy facial hair (some with beards). There are singhs out there that will not look at this but rather you as a person.

If you cut your hair and decide to keep it again, trust me, and you should know this too, your hair will come back more thick and heavy! hair is hair, but just putting that out there for you in case you didnt know.

[gsingh9]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

I found a post on this website might be useful to you

Bibi Taejinder Kaur jee was not married yet, but in 1948 she received amrit at an amrit sinchaar organised by the Jatha. Her family was against her wearing a keskee as well as her rehit and began to bother her. Bibi jee felt as though she had no choice but to take off her keskee.

Bibi Taejinder Kaur jee wrote a sorrowful letter to Bhai Sahib Randheer Singh jee in 1951. She had a sickness of the throat and one lung and sometimes she would cough up blood. She also began to have a light fever.

Bibi jee's older sister decided to take Bibi Taejinder Kaur to the Dera of Vadbhaag Singh to have her fever treated. (Dera Vadbhaag Singh is in the mountains and is a place where people who are "possessed" go to be cured of various diseases, etc.) A false Baba there tried to put her under his control using different mantars and tried to make her do as he wished but Bibi jee began to meditate on Naam very forcefully and he could not do anything. The Baba then gave the Bibi some water he had read a mantar into and she drank it. The fever was lifted but inside she began to feel sorrow that after drinking the amrit of the True Lord Satguru Gobind Singh jee, why had she taken the water from this Baba? She then sent a letter telling her story of pain to Bhai Sahib Randheer Singh jee. The following is Bhai Sahib's reply:


Bhai Sahib's Loving Letter to a Troubled Youth
By Bhai Sahib Randheer Singh jee
Translated by Admin www.tapoban.org

Ik Oankaaar
Vaahiguru jee kaa Khalsa|| Vaahiguru jee kee fateh||
Kumaarhatii
15.9.51

Asthirr raho dolho mat kabhoo gur kai bachan adhaar. Jai jai kaar sagal bhoo mandal mukh oojal darbaar (p. 671).

My suffering, most beloved royal child! I have received your anguished letter. I read it and my heart was saddened to no limit. My consciousness was moved and immersed itself in ardaas. From Nitnem, naam abhyaas, and in keertan, my consciousness was very saddened and I was lost in compassion for you. Whatever gurvaak's struck me as being suitable for you, today I have written down. The humble thought that kept arising automatically was that nothing bad can happen to this "bachee raaNee" (royal child). So I've sent all the baaNee with this letter. You too should read this baaNee attentively and let it reside in your heart and go in Chardee Kalaa.

Child, Satguru jee will give his hand and protect you. Shaabaash! You didn't bow before that fake Baba. Wherever you went, you did not falter. This is a sign of your solemn and deep Gurmukh-nature. But child, you showed a weakness: after receiving Khanday Batay kaa Amrit of Guru Kalgeedhar jee from the hands of the Punj Pyaaray, you still drank the mantar-water from that Baba, which you call "amrit".

Nanak Amrit ayk hai dooja amrit naahi (p. 1238)

The Guru's tyaar-bar-tyaar amritdhari souls should not be satisfied with this type of lowly water. Child, if you hadn't already shown weakness by removing your keskee, then Sree Dashmesh jee would have come to your help and you would have remained every breath in Chardee Kalaa. You would not have even gone near these false-hocus-pocus hypocrites at the advice of your family.

Sukh dukh tayree agiaa piaaray, doojee nahee jai.3. (p. 432).

This means, sickness comes to all bodies, which are cured according to his divine will. But that massive pain which you have felt, and hearing from you child, I too have felt now, is that you consciousness has stopped from naam abhyaas and won't do it at all. This is due to some hidden mistake of yours. But child, don't become overwhelmed with too much pain. However your naam goes, make an effort to do it. If it doesn't happen automatically, then repeat it with your tongue.

Day after tomorrow, on Sangrand, I'll do an ardaas for you. Satguru jee will help his child. May Satguru jee give me the chance and fortune to hear loving and vairaag filled keertan from your voice again. Satguru jee will help you and and fulfil you.

The fact that you didn't bow before that Baba and didn't eat meat or eggs at the advice of your fallen family members [which they believed would help her health] and didn’t falter is a sign of Guru jee's great happiness with you. Child, a naam-abhyaasee's lungs can never be weak. May Satuguru jee give you wisdom so that you can engage yourself in naam's khanda again. No pain or disease will come near you. My blessings are with you. You should not worry. All these sorrows and tortures will be eliminated. May Satguru jee give you faith, conviction and confidence and may he never let you falter.

Child, never forget baaNee: jai tan baaNee visar jai. Jio(n) pakaa rogee villai.

May Satguru jee give you even more keertan than before. I hope Satguru jee will make you able and healthy to come to the Delhi Samaagam. I, then, will be very fulfilled and you too will be happy. Child! If you give up worry of pride and honour in front of the world and the nonsense of the faithless, your keertan will go in even more chardee kalaa.

Do ardaas and adorn yourself with a keskee again. Become the wise daughter of Sree Dashmesh jee. Don't keep any other hope in yourself. Satguru jee will give you a Gurmukh husband. Don't try to be too smart [i.e. taking off my keskee will help me find a husband]. Now, with total concentration, repeat the shabads I've attached and also do the khanda of naam. Keep this list of shabads with you at all times. Nothing bad will be able to come near you.

On September 26 I will be leaving Kumarhatti and the next morning I will arrive in Ludhiana. There, in Model Town, house number 126, on September 30 and Octobers 1st and 2nd, there will be an akhand paath smaagam for the birth of my new-born grandson. This will be at the house of my son, Balbeer Singh. The Sangat will gather there. There too your ardaas will be done. On October 6th, with the entire Jatha, we will arrive in Delhi. From October 6th to the 14th, there will be a non-stop smaagam in Delhi. May Satguru jee give you the ability to come and join the smaagam by that time. Now you should return to your residence in Delhi and stay with the Sangat.

Aap daa att piaar kuthRaa,

Randheer Singh

[Guest Sikh Woman]

I guess her parents are maybe picky?? I'm sure there are a lot of Singhs who are looking for rishtas in India (who aren't picky).

A lot of Singhs in India look for ristas with British people for the passport and visa opportunities. It doesn't mean they are genuine. Also like many British born children I don't fully identify with those who have been raised in India and I would find it difficult spend life with someone who didn't have similar upbringing to myself. This may offend some people and I am sorry but I am afraid there are massive cultural, language, socio-economic, educational differences.

Also to say to someone don't worry keep your facial hair because you can marry someone from India is offensive and actually insults both the person keeping the hair and the people from India by implying that neither are good enough otherwise.

I have removed my face hair now. That's the only hair I have removed so far - I am debating on how far to take hair removal - maybe I will just remove facial hair and eyebrow and arm hair is the hair that people see and consider socially unacceptable to keep.

[Guest Guest]

If you aren't amritdhari why would you be suprised if you can't find a match? All the amritdhari guys want a real singhni who follows full rehat and will be looking for another amritdhari.

All the moneh and non amritdharis who haven't committed themselves to guru sahibs path will obviously not care about keeping kesh as much so why would they go go for someone with facial hair?

There is more to Sikhi than just keeping Kesh (obviously that is an important prerequisite) but perhaps if you'd brought yourself up by keeping rehat, doing paath and taking amrit you would have found your dream amritdhari singh, instead now you've brought yourself down and as we reap what we sow, this will have an effect on the type of match you find.

[Sati2015]

This is all test, you shouldn't give up on your sikhi so easily. I cant feel what your going through but later on in life you will regret turning your back on guru ji. I'm in the completely opposite situation to you. Parents keep finding me girls for a rishta who aren't in to sikhi at all which isn't what I want. All my cousins and friends are getting married but I'm struggling to find the right person. I know if I just settle for someone who isn't in to sikhi I wont be happy on the inside and any sikhi I do I will end losing that as well. It is stressful but you just got to hang in there and keep the faith guru ji knows what you going though.

Ok you've removed your facial hair but advise don't go any further, what's happened has happened. I know not easy but try keep the faith in guru ji......

are you form the uk? try keeping sangat that keep your mind in chardi kala not those that will ridicule and pick on you.

[MisterrSingh]

Also like many British born children I don't fully identify with those who have been raised in India and I would find it difficult spend life with someone who didn't have similar upbringing to myself. This may offend some people and I am sorry but I am afraid there are massive cultural, language, socio-economic, educational differences.

That is true to be fair. You'd think people sharing the same religious and cultural heritage would be enough as a foundation for a successful marriage, but that doesn't take into account individual morals and principles that sadly can't be measured through such means. Sometimes it's like "Are these actually my own people, because aside from appearance and language I have very little in common with them." And I don't mean that in an egotistical "I'm superior to them" way, which is completely wrong, and anyway try telling a Punjabi they're inferior and you'll get a deserved tongue lashing! I'd say in many ways they're a lot more advanced than we are over here; well, the sidhe-sadhe folk over here at least. There's lots of flashy Sikhs born and raised in the UK too.

Although, there are some very decent people from back home too. It's just the luck of the draw I suppose, or... karma, ahem.