Jump to content

Diary Of Sikh Woman: Why I Cannot Get Married


Guest Sikh Woman
 Share

Recommended Posts

Imagine if your the only male that kept his beard and no one wanted to marry you because you did not remove your facial hair. Are you any less than anyone else because you keep your facial hair? I am going to consider this a social experiment and let's see how many amritdhari singhs will now consider me as a potential after hair removal and reduction.

You'll have to be careful you don't allow your festering resentment towards Singhs to come between you and a potential husband. Even on a subconscious level it'll be apparent to any guy you'll end up with that there's something not quite right. Although reading between the lines and judging the mood is hardly a strong suit of the sub-continental male. You'll be okay, just tone down the passive aggression.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Sikh Woman

You'll have to be careful you don't allow your festering resentment towards Singhs to come between you and a potential husband. Even on a subconscious level it'll be apparent to any guy you'll end up with that there's something not quite right. Although reading between the lines and judging the mood is hardly a strong suit of the sub-continental male. You'll be okay, just tone down the passive aggression.

I don't know why you think I have a 'festering resentment' against Singhs - I simply wanted to highlight this issue as people will deny having a problem with female facial or bodily hair when actually they do have a problem with it. I have been open and honest about my experiences and I hope that the next generation grow up to be accepting of female hair so that less people have to go through what I have had to.

I also want to take the opportunity to explain something which changed my outlook to life and enabled me to understand Sikhism. There is a famous experiment on animal conditioning by a scientist called Pavlov. He wanted to see if he could change behaviour through conditioning. His most famous experiment is on dogs. He gave the dog food and the dog produced saliva. His question was could I get the dog to have saliva without food? Ie condition the dog falsely. He succeeded in doing this - he started ringing a bell and then giving the dog food and eventually the dog produced saliva without no food: he found that he could ring the bell and there would be saliva even if there was no food. In summary food = saliva was changed to bell = saliva.

Likewise society has been conditioned into thinking something is wrong with hair when in fact what has happened is that our conditioning has been falsely aligned. This is why in the Chineese culture they used to put girls in plaster casts so that their feet would not grow or in the Victorian times girls would wear forests to the extent that they would damage their bodies. But people did it because it produced a response and what we as humans do is condition ourselves to responses without checking if that is true or false conditioning. What the truth however is that your natural healthy self is the best. After I understood this I became stronger in my faith it also enabled me to fully accept my hair because I understood that the liking of females without hair is a false conditioning. When my colleagues at work ask me why I keep my hair this is the explanation I give.

I have also for the same reason denounced wearing heels because society has conditioned a response to heels when in fact there is nothing healthy about having blisters, bunions, deformed feet or being unable to run. I would encourage everyone to understand how they condition themselves and which conditions are true and get rid of those that have evolved to be false. It would be nice to meet someone who has developed the same level of understanding that I do - however that is unlikely to happen in my generation. Perhaps in the next generation of Sikhs it will be different.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest True

no one said to u to keep your facial hair, kes mean's hair on the head- amritdhari women everywhere know this. Sometimes u have to intuitively understand what the Gurus were trying to say instead of taking the twisted translations as law.

excessive facial hair on women is unnatural. in no picture or painting of the gurus time are women shown with facial hair. don't waste ur life on doing things that will only lead u to be insecure and angry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

no one said to u to keep your facial hair, kes mean's hair on the head- amritdhari women everywhere know this. Sometimes u have to intuitively understand what the Gurus were trying to say instead of taking the twisted translations as law.

excessive facial hair on women is unnatural. in no picture or painting of the gurus time are women shown with facial hair. don't waste ur life on doing things that will only lead u to be insecure and angry.

If keeping kes is only applied to the hair on the head, why is it that throughout sikh history the singhs and Gurus kept their beard uncut. In no picture or painting have I ever seen singhs with their beard cut. Hair is hair. It is natural for women to have some facial hair called peach fuzz. There are times when women may grow excessive facial hair due to hormonal imbalances and in that case there is nothing wrong if they want to get themselves treated for that medically.

To the OP, I understand how you must feel in your situation but I still believe you gave up too soon. There are singhs replying to this thread saying that they would happily accept a singhni with facial hair and that there are many others like them, why didn't you get in contact with them? But you were more eager to remove your facial hair to marry a false singh? I'm wondering what kind of singhs you have been approaching because I find it unbelievable that a strict amritdhari singh would advise you to remove your hair. I also do not agree with you removing your facial hair temporarily because you will be deceiving your potential future husband. Amrit isn't a game or something to take lightly because your relationship with your Guru is more important than your relationship with a temporary false singh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

no one said to u to keep your facial hair, kes mean's hair on the head- amritdhari women everywhere know this. Sometimes u have to intuitively understand what the Gurus were trying to say instead of taking the twisted translations as law.

excessive facial hair on women is unnatural. in no picture or painting of the gurus time are women shown with facial hair. don't waste ur life on doing things that will only lead u to be insecure and angry.

There are many things wrong with this comment, but I just have to point out that the OP has clearly stated that she likes her hair and wanted to keep it. She said she accepts herself and feels free. Your comments about what is "unnatural" or whether she (or, actuallyy, all women - thanks for that) should keep her hair are totally irrelevant... did you even read her post?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also want to take the opportunity to explain something which changed my outlook to life and enabled me to understand Sikhism. There is a famous experiment on animal conditioning by a scientist called Pavlov. He wanted to see if he could change behaviour through conditioning. His most famous experiment is on dogs. He gave the dog food and the dog produced saliva. His question was could I get the dog to have saliva without food? Ie condition the dog falsely. He succeeded in doing this - he started ringing a bell and then giving the dog food and eventually the dog produced saliva without no food: he found that he could ring the bell and there would be saliva even if there was no food. In summary food = saliva was changed to bell = saliva.

So why exactly do you wish to marry someone who you equate to something as simplistic as an animal? So it's a case of, "I'll marry you, but by God, I'm not happy about the circumstances in which I'm marrying you."

I won't pretend to know how difficult your life has been, but if you want peace, then you need to relinquish your anger, because it's practically imbued in every word you write. If I can sense it without having met you I dread to think what vibes you're giving potential suitors when you meet them. Either way, good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Sikh Woman

no one said to u to keep your facial hair, kes mean's hair on the head- amritdhari women everywhere know this. Sometimes u have to intuitively understand what the Gurus were trying to say instead of taking the twisted translations as law.

excessive facial hair on women is unnatural. in no picture or painting of the gurus time are women shown with facial hair. don't waste ur life on doing things that will only lead u to be insecure and angry.

Are you telling me that you don't grow upper lip hair, eyebrow hair, side hair and chin hair? Every woman grows face hair and that is what females naturally look like even though the world is in denial of that truth. If women don't grow facial hair worldwide then please explain all these videos on you tube about how to remove facial hair. Please note that these are women of different races and ethnicities.

Here are the videos

Video -

Video -

Video -

Video -

The next thing people will say is that females don't grow armpit hair and those who do grow it are unnatural and have hormonal imbalance.... Do you know not a very long time ago women did not shave or wax or remove hair. Then came a company called Gillette and they have become multi-billionaires by convincing people that they need to remove hair and having bodily hair is abnormal when the truth is that it isn't but now everyone has been conditioned and it has become socially unacceptable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Sikh Woman

in no picture or painting of the gurus time are women shown with facial hair.

Paintings are made by humans and humans are not very good at painting accurately. I will give you a very good example of paintings not representing the truth by using Maharaja Ranjit Singh as an example. Maharajah Ranjit Singh was blind in one eye and had scarring from small pox. He asked a painter to paint him and the painter drew him as a strong tall ruler with full vision in both eyes. Maharajah Ranjit Singh refused to accept this painting and asked to be drawn blind with small pox because he wanted to set an example that you can achieve despite having disease and he wanted his citizens to know the real him.

But recently Maharajah Ranjit Singh's paintings have been modified to look like the link below where they have got rid of his small pox and blindness. This is not what he wanted and just because he is not blind in this painting it does not mean it is accurate. Similarly maybe they never drew hair for various reasons, regardless it doesn't mean painting = truth.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Profitoftruth85/ranjitsingh#/media/File:RanjitSingh_by_ManuSaluja.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Sikh Woman

So why exactly do you wish to marry someone who you equate to something as simplistic as an animal?

You are mistaking the experiment on dogs to interpret that I am referring to Singhs as animals. I am explaining how we as humans think and why people react in a certain way either due to true or false conditioning and this is backed by science hence why I mentioned the experiment.

If you get the chance please look up human psychology. The experiment on dogs is the basis of human psychology, conditioning and behaviour. I fully believe that human beings must understand how we have conditioned ourselves consciously and unconsciously and we should not simply accept things as being right or normal just because they were presented to us in that way.

Here is a good link on human psychology and behaviour - http://www.simplypsychology.org/classical-conditioning.html

if you want peace, then you need to relinquish your anger, because it's practically imbued in every word you write. If I can sense it without having met you I dread to think what vibes you're giving potential suitors when you meet them

I am vocal about it but I don't have anger. Perhaps being vocal means I am labelled as being 'angry'. I accept people may feel uncomfortable but thats not a good enough reason to not discuss a issue. Its no different from someone speaking about another issue such as female infanticide or farmer suicide in panjab. They are not labelled as being angry if they express double standards - similarly I don't see why I should be labelled as being angry on sharing this issue.

I won't pretend to know how difficult your life has been

My life has not been difficult at all - I have a great top ranking professional career. I think its an assumption that life must be terrible because I kept hair. I am not sure what length or type of hair people imagine - I have the same amount of hair as other woman. In fact I didn't think it was a big deal until I had to get married - hence this post because there are double standards in the sikh community.

Some people as illustrated on this thread don't even admit that females grow face hair or that it is a requirement that amrtidharis should keep bodily hair including facial hair. Apparently only head hair should be kept which may explain why amritdhari singhnis wax upper lip, do eyebrows etc. However in Sikhism it is very clear that no bodily hair should be removed and because we live in a culture where it is 'norm' to remove hair - men think females with hair are abnormal and females will remove hair because they are brainwashed to think they are hairy, ugly etc. I disagree and think its nonsense. All women whether they admit it or do not admit it have facial hair and in my opinion nothing is wrong or abnormal with facial hair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use