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Marriage Fail - Taking Off Daastarran


S1ngh
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I am not making any negative statement against kaurs who wear daastar as my own singhni wears daastar. However, i am seeing the trend of people of my age who are going away from daastar after their marriage fails. I have lost the count of daastar bibian who once were forefront in running sikh camps etc and few of them i saw their marriages fail and somehow they start blaming sikhi for everything and quickly shuns the daastar and bombard their with tons of makeups etc.

Personally i never seen a sardar who shuns wearing turban after failed marriage but its different than bibian. I do know youth shuns turban/kesh when they start growing beard but thats different thing.

Anyone notice such thing?

Why would anyone take their marriage failure out on a dastar, is beyond me. Do they blame their dastars for their marriage failure, I am puzzled.

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Why would anyone take their marriage failure out on a dastar, is beyond me. Do they blame their dastars for their marriage failure, I am puzzled.

this act of discarding the dastaar by the female is a rather telling look into the minds of the girls who do this, and how they generally perceive Sikhi. Whether they act like this knowingly or not is up for debate.

My theory is that when something like this occurs, the girl or woman is making a statement which says, "I relinquish this symbol of masculinity; the same masculinity that I hold responsible for the end of my marriage." It's an act of rebellion or something done out of anger to "hurt" the faceless and nameless Sikh male collective IMO.

Of course, it unwittingly exposes the fact that the female was wearing a dastaar and following Sikhi for all the wrong reasons. That's the biggest tragedy, I.E. she fails to realise the dastaar has nothing to do with her woes. It's similar to when western women undergo a relationship breakup, and they get a new hairdo or change something about their appearance in a drastic manner in order to symbolise a new beginning by discarding the remnants of their past.

Quite sad that Sikhi is viewed as an accessory or something to be jettisoned when things turn sour, when it's nothing of the sort.

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this act of discarding the dastaar by the female is a rather telling look into the minds of the girls who do this, and how they generally perceive Sikhi. Whether they act like this knowingly or not is up for debate.

My theory is that when something like this occurs, the girl or woman is making a statement which says, "I relinquish this symbol of masculinity; the same masculinity that I hold responsible for the end of my marriage." It's an act of rebellion or something done out of anger to "hurt" the faceless and nameless Sikh male collective IMO.

Of course, it unwittingly exposes the fact that the female was wearing a dastaar and following Sikhi for all the wrong reasons. That's the biggest tragedy, I.E. she fails to realise the dastaar has nothing to do with her woes. It's similar to when western women undergo a relationship breakup, and they get a new hairdo or change something about their appearance in a drastic manner in order to symbolise a new beginning by discarding the remnants of their past.

Quite sad that Sikhi is viewed as an accessory or something to be jettisoned when things turn sour, when it's nothing of the sort.

1. possibly they have been told by the other half that is why she is not lovable enough ...scum out there like that

2. Undermined by two sets of bazurgs and all and sundry pointing and blaming the female for perceived failure , she may feel hounded and look to break with her normal look as an anger thing, kind of self-punishment.

3. been told by her folks that it was hard enough to find her marriable the first time with a dastar , why make it harder by keeping it if you want you get married again now that you are a divorced woman (hai Hai chugli chugli ninda).

4. loss of faith because of total smashing down of perception of people's goodness as being nothing more than a sham...thus disassociation from being like them...

These are not off the top of my head by things I have seen happen with real people. No I don't think a SInghni believes the dastar to be a sign of masculinity , only Guys have ever suggested that to me , even slagging me off for trying to be like a man because I was a feminist...God how thick can you get...

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1. possibly they have been told by the other half that is why she is not lovable enough ...scum out there like that

2. Undermined by two sets of bazurgs and all and sundry pointing and blaming the female for perceived failure , she may feel hounded and look to break with her normal look as an anger thing, kind of self-punishment.

3. been told by her folks that it was hard enough to find her marriable the first time with a dastar , why make it harder by keeping it if you want you get married again now that you are a divorced woman (hai Hai chugli chugli ninda).

4. loss of faith because of total smashing down of perception of people's goodness as being nothing more than a sham...thus disassociation from being like them...

I see. Good to look at these things from a different perspective. Those points above make sense.

Nevertheless, it underpins my original argument that if the first thing to go when a marriage breaks down is the dastaar, then the reasons for following Sikhi were not the strongest to begin with.

Personally, I'd imagine 4 is the hardest to take. Loss of faith vs. a complete rejection of the faith through resentment is a huge difference. 1 - 3 would all probably lead to the scenario I suggested, I.E. "I'll show you religious so-and-so's by hitting you where it hurts." Or so they think.

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I see. Good to look at these things from a different perspective. Those points above make sense.

Nevertheless, it underpins my original argument that if the first thing to go when a marriage breaks down is the dastaar, then the reasons for following Sikhi were not the strongest to begin with.

Personally, I'd imagine 4 is the hardest to take. Loss of faith vs. a complete rejection of the faith through resentment is a huge difference. 1 - 3 would all probably lead to the scenario I suggested, I.E. "I'll show you religious so-and-so's by hitting you where it hurts." Or so they think.

number 4 is the most common reason why people say they are patit , because they feel all those scummy individuals who are bhekhi sikhs are indicative of a level of hypocrisy that is almost inevitable amongst those who decide to become amritdhari. I had cousins say it , friends here , even kids in India. We need to show out the good side of Khalsa to counteract this unreasonable hatred against the Faith

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