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After searching my mind I came to one conclusion that we must not let anyone put us down to lower our self-esteem. The only way to keep our regain our self-esteem is to stay away from everyone. It can take a long time for it to re-build.

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You should only go back if your husband is willing to provide a home for you.without the inlaws.

Bottom line is he needs to pull his finger out rather than continue to feed his parents egos.

Really my advice was going to be to move on and forget about him. Hes had 3 years. The issue isnt you but your husband and his family. However if you both wa t to make it work then he needs to sort things out.

I can be very sure the inlaws wont change (they might pretend infront of the world to get you into their hell hole of a home). You should never have to live wirh them if you do then be sure to accept the issues you have done. Nothing will change for you.

If your husband doesnt provide a home to you away from his parents then you need to end the relationship.

im not saying every couple needs to move on but this clearly isnt a healthy home for you and also will add to probs when you have kids . Its going to be a very emotional abusive life. This life is so much more precious. I know becos i spent best part of 30 years with emotionally abusive parents who were very high in society and presented themselves as perfect to the world. (Im male)

Well done for having the courage to tell your story too and for understanding what the OP is going through.

After searching my mind I came to one conclusion that we must not let anyone put us down to lower our self-esteem. The only way to keep our regain our self-esteem is to stay away from everyone. It can take a long time for it to re-build.

✔️ Like.
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  • 5 months later...
Guest taranjit

I am suffering from worse situation.I got married on 20thdec 2016 he left me after a month.I really want to save my marriage in any cost.I do path seva everyday but still I living a he'll life. I can't handel my life anymore.I trust on waheguru but my trust is breaking down day by day.:(

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Guest Anonymous

As I was reading the first story, I felt like I was reading my own life story. I am also at the same pedestal where I need to make the decision: to move or not to move. And I am so sad to hear so many daughters going through this mess. Why this is continuing to happen over and over in our so called 'culture.' This is not an issue of daughter in law not getting along with mother in law, as the society puts it. This is an issue of dysfunctional enmeshed relationship between parents in law and their grown son/(husband). The son/husband never cut the chord with parent, leading to difficulty forming a commited adult relationship. Another issue in our 'culture' is that mother/father can do no wrong. Therefore, they are rarely held accountable for inflicting pain to innocent lives. Just writing this post is making me frustrated, as not only I feel helpless against these so called cultural 'norms' in my life, but that so many of my sisters are going through the same issue. Please Waheguru, please continue to bless us with the strength and wisdom to make the right decision and please protect us from others who harm us in anyway.

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Who'd be a Punjab bride, ey? :/

So many dark and unspoken things occurring behind closed doors in our community.

I went through all that, lived with them. it is very hard with a mum in law like that. She will never change. Luckily she moved out after 4 months of living with me. The devastation and lack of confidence lives on. A husband who is a mama's boy will always remain that. 17 years now and the same cycle. In-laws call the shots - hubby runs after them. The only peace is that they live in another country. Constant visits - this must be the fourth, and long hours in the kitchen - no appreciation at all. I have now concluded I am living with reptilians and have to try my best to beat them at their game. Last to last month they were over again. They demanded my room and all my stuff had to be shifted out. Two weddings in the home and it is a bit hard for me to get ready when there is a time limit. Everyday, I struggle to find my clothes, accessories and everything else. After nearly 2 decades, things finally start to make sense. Other families do not have the same structure.

Alternatively, accept it as your test. There may be a reason why you got linked to these people. Perhaps it is hesab kitaab from last janam getting cut out.

So if you are a strong person - stick with them. Your husband will never change. Stop wasting your life!!! Find someone else.

If you want to stand by your husband, then you need to sacrifice your feelings and forget yourself and move in and take abuse - and be strong about it. Much like the film Chalbaaz where Sri Devi sorted them out with a whip!!!

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Guest anonymous

If anyone is willing, let's get together and form regional support groups. This issue needs to be further spoken about, not just on online forms but in our Gurdwaras or community centers. Not only we need to support the sisters but more importantly, the parent in law need to be held accountable and perhaps treated for this type of bullying.

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Guest Jacfsing2

Sometimes Daas feels that marriage is sometimes being overrated among people; it doesn't seem to help that most parents seem to overtly care about their kids weddings over actually doing other stuff; that might actually help them other then them finding a new person to complain about about. That being said; Daas would recommend trying to find something sorted out in this relationship with your spouse and his family; rather than just leaving on a bad note; and to the world of Punjabi/Sikh people, you could just be seen as that very unreasonable daughter that should belong in those t.v. shows about mother-in-law, daughter-in-law fights; and it probably isn't worth it either. (But really though Daas wants to know why not getting married seems like the end of the world for some parents and children; not everyone is meant for marriage and Ghristi Jeevan isn't just limited to marriage?)

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Guest Jacfsing2

Its like saying marriage isn't just limited to marriage!!!

Gristi Jeevan doesn't mean to marriage, it means household life. Bhai Gurdas was never married, yet nobody would say he was not in Gristi Jeevan; as he lived in the world and did something.

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