Pregnant & Unsure What To Do

[simran345]

Sorry to hear this Guptkaur penji. If he won't Change then change yourself. The Gurus gave women equal rights and as an Amritdhari he should know this also.

I'm no marriage expert but I will give my opnion only. There is a difference between respecting somebody and receiving domestic abuse.

He's not a step ahead, he's taking advantage of the fact that you have already been divorced and have children, which you are also going along with, making you weaker.

You are in England, so you have networks from where you can get support from. You are not "ungrateful dirty wife who ran away". Don't think like that. You have got so used to his ways, that you are accepting it as norm now but are also hurting as you know it's wrong.

You do know what is right and wrong but you have become entangled in this situation that you think you can't get out of now.

He has weaknesses which he is taking out on you. That is wrong. You should defend yourself, a marriage takes two to work at not just one doing the ordering. You should have left him at the station, would have made him think for a bit.

Who pays for the household maintenance ? If you do too then make him aware of that, stand up to him and make him realise you also pay for things. Which country is he from?

What are you waiting for to happen? Think about your unborn child, think about your other children, how is it affecting them. Think about yourself.

If you are not able to talk to your doctor, Contact any of the below for guidance, they may be able to help.

http://www.kaurscorner.com

http://www.sikhhelpline.com

http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk

http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk

You are not alone. Waheguru is always with every soul.

[Guest Akaal]

Bhenji,

This guy sounds like a psycho. You've got to get away from him in the long run otherwise he will mess you up.

Others have given good advice. First things first: Don't even think about an abortion. Your child is a gift from Waheguru Ji. Everyone has said keep your baby except one muslim on the previous page.

He acts with impunity because he has got you trapped. He has no fear because he knows he controls you know because there's no-one you can turn to. And it seems like he has deliberately created this situation.

But that's no excuse for the sick mind games he's playing with you. That's just plain cruel.

And now that you say he's anti gurmat, he is encouraging you to drink alcohol, and he wants to start drinking himself: it's clear that he turned his back on Guru Ji long ago.

That's the way he wants to go so let him. Just get well away from him before he tries to do the same to you.

Please don't try to stand in his way. He will only drag you down with him.

You will have to plan your exit. It has to be done carefully. You can't give him any idea you are leaving him or where you are going and you mustn't give him any opportunity to track you down because you don't know what an enraged psycho can do.

Others have suggested phoning the Sikh Helpline ( http://www.sikhhelpline.com ); this is the best place for a Gurmukh to get advice and help from.

The worst thing you can do is feel sorry for him. Don't. He knows that you are dayavaan (unlike himself), but instead of appreciating your good nature, he cynically takes advantage of it.

In order to defeat a beast, you have to first understand his mentality (ungrateful, self-hating, selfish) and then be smarter than him.

Don't worry about "what samaj will say" when you leave. If you stick around, are they going to be around to help you when it only gets worse? No!

Start respecting yourself again and you won't put up with his garbage for much longer. You've got to leave him but you must do it carefully so he can't suck you back in.

So you are going to have to toughen up and start thinking for yourself and your children only. It won't hurt you; it will save you.

[Guest GuptKaur]

I cannot see how I can raise a child alone. He is from India and will have to return if I leave him. The Sangat won't help, that's for sure. I just can't see a realistic way forward ...