Thinking Of Cutting My Hair

[Guest Crossroads]

I am a fully grown adult and I am thinking of cutting my hair.

A dastar has never been comfortable on my head (physically). I just cannot get used to it. Throughout school, college and uni I was always uncomfortable in it. I don't know what it is. I'm the same with baseball caps, patkas, ,and even woolie hats. I just can't physically tolerate anything on my head.

Now, I have tried tying up my hair in a joora which I have seen a few Sikh males doing these days and at first I was ok with it but I really do not like the look and plus it accelerates baldness (I have already starting noticing this).

Even psychologically, I find it hard to wear a dastar. I cannot tolerate the looks I get from people and I have at times turned violent. It makes me mad and paranoid, my blood boils and I want to kill someone.

Lastly for me, the kesh is first and the pugh comes second as the kesh holds a spiritual purpose for our development (a lot of Sikhs get this twisted). So from that point of view it would seem there's even more of a reason not to cut it (seeing that I understand that). However, in the last few years I have noticed that I just cannot emotionally connect with pretty much anything (compared to how I used to could) especially gurbani, meditation and God. I'm thinking this could be a permanent side effect of an SSRI I took for a year which has maybe damaged a part of my brain. This is a well known effect. So I'm wandering if keeping the hair is even going to do much in terms of what it's supposed to do i.e. make you more aware on a psychic level, more connected emotionally/spiritually etc.

I don't know what to do but I am very close to cutting it now.

[S1ngh]

Spirituality has its own stages. One has to be at certain stage level where they understand the meaning of unshorn hair & Daastar. From above, i would recommend you to get involved in reading Guru Granth Sahib ji along with its meaning. Start that journey and once you read whole scripture then you can decide for yourself.

Also, when you have doubt, you can always reach waheguru ji and take hukamnama.

[Guest Crossroads]

Spirituality has its own stages. One has to be at certain stage level where they understand the meaning of unshorn hair & Daastar. From above, i would recommend you to get involved in reading Guru Granth Sahib ji along with its meaning. Start that journey and once you read whole scripture then you can decide for yourself.

Also, when you have doubt, you can always reach waheguru ji and take hukamnama.

Thanks for your mature answer rather than the usual bashing I was expecting. Thing is, I was very into bani at one point. I read a lot and understood a lot and I understand that essentially all humans whether Sikh or not are not supposed to cut their hair. However, for the reasons I stated, I am finding it very difficult and I am wandering how much will it affect my spiritual destiny by? Maybe I cut it, and hopefully I get more attuned and I can start growing it again in the future? I don't know. Because I am going to have the same problem then, the physical uncomfortableness of the dastar. I could do the man bun then. The only reason I don't want to carry on with that is because I am vain (it doesn't suit me) and a lot people mistake me for a Muslim. Maybe if I start doing that again in the future, if I cut now and grow it back, I will care less about the look and be balding anyway (the man bun is also contributing to a receding hairline). I'm very confused

[Guest Jacfsing2]

I am a fully grown adult and I am thinking of cutting my hair.

A dastar has never been comfortable on my head (physically). I just cannot get used to it. Throughout school, college and uni I was always uncomfortable in it. I don't know what it is. I'm the same with baseball caps, patkas, ,and even woolie hats. I just can't physically tolerate anything on my head.

Now, I have tried tying up my hair in a joora which I have seen a few Sikh males doing these days and at first I was ok with it but I really do not like the look and plus it accelerates baldness (I have already starting noticing this).

Even psychologically, I find it hard to wear a dastar. I cannot tolerate the looks I get from people and I have at times turned violent. It makes me mad and paranoid, my blood boils and I want to kill someone.

Lastly for me, the kesh is first and the pugh comes second as the kesh holds a spiritual purpose for our development (a lot of Sikhs get this twisted). So from that point of view it would seem there's even more of a reason not to cut it (seeing that I understand that). However, in the last few years I have noticed that I just cannot emotionally connect with pretty much anything (compared to how I used to could) especially gurbani, meditation and God. I'm thinking this could be a permanent side effect of an SSRI I took for a year which has maybe damaged a part of my brain. This is a well known effect. So I'm wandering if keeping the hair is even going to do much in terms of what it's supposed to do i.e. make you more aware on a psychic level, more connected emotionally/spiritually etc.

I don't know what to do but I am very close to cutting it now.

It is very understandable that you would want to cut your Kesh after all of these pains to your head from wearing a Dastar. What I would advise since you most likely will cut your hair is to take a personal Hukamnama from Guru Sahib, and do ardas for the pain to go away without anything done on your part. (I won't say anything like read your history or whatnot), also try to make the bottom Keski a bit looser than the Pagri since that will cause most of the effect. May Vaheguru guide you on the correct solution as I can't tell you everything, also may he bless you with continually love for Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji. ? (I don't recommend cutting Kesh; however, at the end of the day it is your decision based on many things which are between you and Guru Sahib).

[Guest Corssroads]

It is very understandable that you would want to cut your Kesh after all of these pains to your head from wearing a Dastar. What I would advise since you most likely will cut your hair is to take a personal Hukamnama from Guru Sahib, and do ardas for the pain to go away without anything done on your part. (I won't say anything like read your history or whatnot), also try to make the bottom Keski a bit looser than the Pagri since that will cause most of the effect. May Vaheguru guide you on the correct solution as I can't tell you everything, also may he bless you with continually love for Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji. ? (I don't recommend cutting Kesh; however, at the end of the day it is your decision based on many things which are between you and Guru Sahib).

Thanks for that. I have tried loose, low, high, tight but I cannot get used to it. I was diagnosed with muscle tension headaches when I was a teenager ( I remember the doctor putting all these wires on my scalp). I've come to the conclusion that I have overly sensitive scalp and forehead muscles/tissue. This explains why I find even wearing a woolie hat uncomfortable. I think the Hukamnama is the way to go. I will ask my dad on how to proceed with that (I don't even know punjabi).

But for most of my life, wearing a pugh has at times been a living hell for me.

[khalsaman1]

Don't like commenting on individual circumstances as the posters tend to get defensive but I'm going to throw in my $0.02 anyway.

Please take time to read about Bhai Taru Singh and his sacrifice to the panth. Bhai Taru Singh chose to have his scalp removed rather than his hair. This is how important hair is to Sikhs. Cutting your hair will ensure you never leave the cycle of life and death. Think about this very carefully.

[Guest Crossroads]

Don't like commenting on individual circumstances as the posters tend to get defensive but I'm going to throw in my $0.02 anyway.

Please take time to read about Bhai Taru Singh and his sacrifice to the panth. Bhai Taru Singh chose to have his scalp removed rather than his hair. This is how important hair is to Sikhs. Cutting your hair will ensure you never leave the cycle of life and death. Think about this very carefully.

When people bring that up, about the sacrifices made etc, I don't think it's a good enough reason to try and persuade people to keep them from cutting it i.e. a guilt trip. The way I see it is that (pretty hard to explain in words) the sacrifices were for Sikhi and Sikhs (including those yet to embrace Sikhi). As a concept, showing the importance of hair and freedom of religion, not to say, look you cut your hair but Bhai Taru Singh died for it, shame on you.

In terms of leaving the cycle of birth and death, keeping it won't ensure it either but yeah I get you in terms of how important it is. I almost have no doubt that I will be coming back a multitude of times even if I keep my hair because I am no where near saint level so I'm not looking at it like that (well a part of me actually is, hence the reason for the dilemma and posting here).

I'm not going to definitely cut it, either though I am swaying that way, I'm just looking impartially at both sides of the argument.

[Guest On 1 path]

My dear friend. It sounds like at some point in your life you were in love with Sikhi. Now that love for some reason has taken the back seat and other things are taking your full attention.

There are two ways to look at it:

1)Keeping your kesh is a very good discipline it teaches us to forget who we think we are and trust in the path.

2)Be a Sikh from the inside, nurture that seed of Sikhi within and when the time is right your internal light will show through the external self and issues like hair or no hair isn't an issue and with pride you can wear gurus uniform.

Ultimately this choice is yours we can but only express what we think. Such matters that you are facing arise from the mind and must be solved by the heart. Never build a house with no foundations. God bless.

P.S believe me or not you are truly blessed to have this internal battle, many of us go through our entire lives oblivious to such matters.

[simran345]

I don't know what to say crossroads ji. But others have given good posts. I will just add, if I may as your username says you are at a crossroads. You are going through a difficult phase along your spiritual journey which is also contributing to the thoughts of cutting your hair and not being able to tolerate wearing a dastar.

I'm no psychiatrist, but from your wordings it seems you have some negative thoughts stuck at the back of your mind, which are swaying you more. Whether you have gone through a bad experience of something I don't know, only you know that.

When the mind is free from confusion and 'traffic free', it's makes it easier to put things into perspective.

It's normal to feel like this, but you also need the tools to cope with it. But essentially, Waheguru is the one that will help you with this and you need to turn to them for help. They are the one that graces one through bad times and through your spiritual journey.

You mentioned a doctor putting wires on your scalp. I think this is also adding to your problem of sensitivity. The thing is when the mind is weak then ones physical also becomes weak. Therefore I suggest you work on your making your mind stronger first, and then see how it goes. Don't worry about anything or be fearful of past experiences, think positive for betterment.

I think your head has become very sensitive. How are you with people touching it? May I also ask if you have light massage to your head? Is there anything health wise stopping that? Massage is good for some people, but only do it if your doctor says it's ok.

[Guest Crossroads]

Thanks On 1 path.

simran345: The wires were placed on my head once when I was younger to test for any muscle problem because I have been getting headaches since then wearing a pugh. The wires didn't cause it, in fact, I was diagnosed with muscle tension headaches. He tested the reflexes of my scalp muscles or something. This was when I was like 13 years old. I am 30 now, I just can't get used to it.

I am ok with scalp massages I have been doing them for a while but they have made no difference. I am also very sensitive on my forehead. I can't tie a pugh low because it becomes really uncomfortable (loose or tight). To get rid of the forehead issue I have to tie it really high but then it increases stress on my scalp. I can't seem to win either way I tie it.

For me the hair is more important than the pugh so I am trying to see if I can wear the man bun for the rest of my life. But as explained, it really doesn't suit me anymore (and I'm too vain to not to care) especially with a slightly receding hairline which it is contributing to. I actually like and admire how good the pugh looks on me but unfortunately it is a headache for me to wear.