Why Our So Many Sikh Men Mama Boys

[InderjitS]

I'm more concerned about men who are NOT men in front of their wives and households where the Bibian make decisions on behalf of the man, he instead cowers into the shadows and has no balls to stand up for his convictions. Many a time in my life I have seen this cause untold splits in families.

[MisterrSingh]

I'm more concerned about men who are NOT men in front of their wives and households where the Bibian make decisions on behalf of the man, he instead cowers into the shadows and has no balls to stand up for his convictions. Many a time in my life I have seen this cause untold splits in families.

Unfortunately, people who are against a Sikh man standing up to his lady wife also seem to believe that a man being firm entails him smacking her around or repressing her existence, emotionally or otherwise. It's like they can't fathom the idea that a man can be strong and forthright without being a boorish tyrant who throws his weight around in ways that don't result in physical violence. You'll find that kind of pre-emptive "scare tactics" used particularly in the West on males in the Sikh diaspora is why many males are afraid of speaking up against their women.

In a way, it's the responsibility of the father to give his son the necessary tools to navigate married life. If the father himself is subdued by his missus, the son has no chance, unless he's particularly bright and realises that he won't be doing things that way. I use to think this was a strictly overseas phenomena (Sikh male unable to put his missus right), but I'm hearing there's considerably similar things going on back home as well. That's quite surprising, to me at least.

[Jonny101]

incorrect if sikh sons were like those examples you mention they would put their mother's wishes above their dharam which we have examples that is NOT true , remember the sakhi of the Singh youth who was about to be executed and he refused to obey his mother's wishes for him to denounce his sikhi to save his life , in the end she outright lies and he denounces her as his mother and as a Sikh ... THIS IS THE SIKH WE SHOULD STRIVE TO BE

Sarvan Kumar was not an adharmi fellow. He was here during treta yug when men still mostly followed Dharm. He served his parents devotedly. Even today his examples are cited of how a son should be.

Being a good son does not mean you cannot be Dharmi. All of our Gurus and Bhagat Sahibaan were ideal sons. Look at Sri Guru Nanak Dev jee when he fed the hungery saadhus. Baba Kalu jee was angry and even hit Guru Sahub. But Guru Sahib never got angry at his father for hitting him. Compare this with today's western youth who would probably flip into a wild temper tantrum and start breaking the furniture in the house in retaliation.

If parents ask you to do something against Gurmat then of course you will disagree because Guru Sahib comes first. But disagreement should happen respectfully as shown by Sri Guru Nanak Dev jee with Baba Kalu jee.

A Singh I know who does Bhagti told me that a Sikh who yells at his parents in krodh will lose almost all his kamai(spiritual gains) because Guru Sahib disapproves a person who misbehaves with his parents.

[Ranjeet01]

I sometimes wonder what is meant by being a momma's boy.

In some ways every Sikh male is a momma's boy. The mother-son relationship is a unique special relationship. The mother is placed upon a pedestal, because they give birth.

However, a mother was a female way before they even became a mother. That means that they will have all the virtues and flaws of female-hood.

The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man?

Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative?

Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

[MisterrSingh]

The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man?

Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative?

Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

Awesome questions, and I'm pleased someone on here is thinking along these lines.

Speaking purely from my perspective, having been raised by a single mother (my old man passed away when I was a child; he wasn't old at all, hehe), my mother's Gursikhi helped her in many, many respects. She's actually more of a Singh than any Singh I've ever met in my life. Her psyche consists of what one would consider inherently positive masculine qualities (not prone to gossip; a mind that grasps the bigger picture instead of fixating on small, inconseqential trivialities; encouraging self-sufficiency and mental strength without losing one's compassion, etc), so in that respect I've been very fortunate.

In short, it is absolutely possible for a woman to raise a "man". She just needs to have the various tools at her disposal to achieve that feat. For my mum, those tools came through her Sikhi. That's one of the primary reasons i advocate the universal aspects of Sikhi (as opposed to the Punjabiyat way of viewing existence) because I've seen Sikhi at work in my life for decades, and it's the real deal. Not just lip service, dekhava, or dressing up and lauding it over others, but genuine living and breathing it, come rain or shine.

[jkvlondon]

I sometimes wonder what is meant by being a momma's boy.

In some ways every Sikh male is a momma's boy. The mother-son relationship is a unique special relationship. The mother is placed upon a pedestal, because they give birth.

However, a mother was a female way before they even became a mother. That means that they will have all the virtues and flaws of female-hood.

The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man?

Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative?

Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

a woman can be the making of her husband , son , grandson ...if she recognises her own value as a sikh , until then her motivation will be from a self-important place . I cannot say I am a good mother because I can only strive to be worthy of the sewa , I never felt ownership of my kids and this somehow felt strange because everyone around me seem so possessive of theirs , don't get me wrong I would do my utmost to bring them up in SIkhi but I know that they are their own destinymakers under Waheguru ji's glance of grace. They will live their lives and earn from their karams I can only show them the pitfalls in thinking and acting from a maya-driven place and pray that Waheguru ji blesses them with sumat.

I am not valuable because of my kids , i am duty bound just like them to travel sikhi's path too ... and achieve life's mission too

if a mother doesn't model female characteristics that are worthy in sikh terms and fails to make her son's thinking complete i.e. able to see beyond his sex then he will fail to understand what is desirable in a woman to wed , to trust , to be able to see females as the same essentially on a soul level because the maya level bodies/appearences will trick him. in other words he will fail as a sikh

[Ranjeet01]

Jkv/MisterrSingh

I think part of making of a man is allowing your son to go out and make his own karam.

He needs to go out in the big wide world and make his own mistakes. Making mistakes is also part of Maharaj's hukam as it is where one learns and grows from one's struggles.

However, it can be very difficult to let them do that.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

I sometimes wonder what is meant by being a momma's boy.

In some ways every Sikh male is a momma's boy. The mother-son relationship is a unique special relationship. The mother is placed upon a pedestal, because they give birth.

However, a mother was a female way before they even became a mother. That means that they will have all the virtues and flaws of female-hood.

The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man?

Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative?

Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

This is actually the weakest argument for this entire thing. You do realize that Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Ram Das Ji was an orphan and didn't really have much of a paternal figure, (unless you consider Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Angad Dev Ji and Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Amar Das Ji), he was raised by his nani when his parents passed away. Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji didn't live with Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib Ji for more than 3 years, while living with Mata Gujri until her Shaheedi. People are not great because of gender, but qualities.

[Ranjeet01]

This is actually the weakest argument for this entire thing. You do realize that Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Ram Das Ji was an orphan and didn't really have much of a paternal figure, (unless you consider Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Angad Dev Ji and Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Amar Das Ji), he was raised by his nani when his parents passed away. Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji didn't live with Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib Ji for more than 3 years, while living with Mata Gujri until her Shaheedi. People are not great because of gender, but qualities.

Well I am discussing in the context of this topic which is are Sikh men momma's boys.

Furthermore, the average Sikh is a normal human being with all the character flaws. They are not Gurus.

[MisterrSingh]

Jkv/MisterrSingh

I think part of making of a man is allowing your son to go out and make his own karam.

He needs to go out in the big wide world and make his own mistakes. Making mistakes is also part of Maharaj's hukam as it is where one learns and grows from one's struggles.

However, it can be very difficult to let them do that.

I absolutely agree with you. There's so much truth in the above.

Without wishing to reveal too much about myself, the lessons learned through falling and then recovering from those falls are invaluable. You could have a guardian angel sitting on your shoulder for decades, telling you to do this and not do that, but until you feel the "pain" of life yourself, you'll never learn those lessons that will stand you in good stead until the end of life.