Why Our So Many Sikh Men Mama Boys

[JSinghnz]

it was in reply to making the decision about what to do with resultant pregnancy , stronger women would see the child into the world , others maybe not ...whatever they choose there will be an effect I didn't want to be negative and say they would be punished because that is up to Akal Purakh but I wanted to keep the fact that we feel as Sikhs whatever good or bad happens it is all acceptable to us as it is hukham . My own experience was harsh and I was lucky not to have to make such a choice but despite the extreme negative that it seemed to be at the time it was ultimately a positive for my development as a compassionate being. Honestly you may not have read the whole sentence and put your spin on it ...but it was not a judgement call on the girl being raped ...it was restating whatever choices we make there is an effect nothing more

You should take some lessons in writing English.

[jkvlondon]

You should take some lessons in writing English.

I will when you calm down and stop reading things that were not said

[ghettosikh]

I don't know by what you mean by mamma's boy. I mean we should all be mama's boys as our mom only wants whats best for us be kind to her, help her whenever you can its the very LEAST you can do for her. However in our community especially when we get married our parents tend to live with the oldest son and his wife, nothing wrong with that but in some cases the mother and sisters tend to go out their way to make the wifes life a living hell its only then you should stand up and talk back to your mom

[jkvlondon]

I don't know by what you mean by mamma's boy. I mean we should all be mama's boys as our mom only wants whats best for us be kind to her, help her whenever you can its the very LEAST you can do for her. However in our community especially when we get married our parents tend to live with the oldest son and his wife, nothing wrong with that but in some cases the mother and sisters tend to go out their way to make the wifes life a living hell its only then you should stand up and talk back to your mom

what I have found generally is that so called Mummy's Boys do NOT remain so after marriage , and it is being simplistic to say the MIL and SILs create that scenario from meddling. In our family unit we lived in a non-desi neighbourhood and so kept to ourselves mostly it was great : compared to cousins in desi dominant neighbourhoods we didn't have the chuglia , bitchy competitiveness, dekhava, and general negative influences . In fact we had zero jealousy , animosity in and around us , so when the older son's wife arrived from Punjab and accused Mum of shouting at her , my bro knew straight away that she was going to be trouble (my Mum NEVER shouts she just withdraws attention) in fact Bhabhi got caught pouring bleach into a carrier bag of clothes shopping belonging to my sis (she was single and earning) and tried blaming her own one year old son, c'mon you got nasty pieces of work everywhere. I could understand if we treated her differently but no , where we had a family tradition of if we bought something for ourselves (suits etc) we would buy on for Mum and the other sister , if it was something like a treat to eat everyone got a share, we just added her into that. In fact , people say sass gets sewa done from nohan it was the opposite in our home; because my Mum knew what it felt like to be alone in a new land and wanted her to feel a part of the family.

Now they live in their own place and still use Mum's as a convenience even though she is widow now , I would never take advantadge of her and neither would my sis but my bros and bhabian that's a whole other story...

[simran345]

In fact , people say sass gets sewa done from nohan it was the opposite in our home; because my Mum knew what it felt like to be alone in a new land and wanted her to feel a part of the family.

It's like this in many homes nowadays penji. I see if the daughter is good in her in laws, then the nau will be a right *****. Even if the sas is nice, there's nauhan that will confuse them on purpose. They just don't want the sas there at all. And what normally happens is, the sister in law is also blamed even if she comes around once a year.

If the sas, nau, sister in law happen to get on, then some other bhootni comes along to ruin it. Brainwashing the nau, so that's when it all kicks off. And the son gets stuck in the middle, so which way is he suppose to run, against 3 women.

The thing is nobody wants to sit down and talk respectfully or understand. It's all " main main main " ajkal.

[Ranjeet01]

It's like this in many homes nowadays penji. I see if the daughter is good in her in laws, then the nau will be a right *****. Even if the sas is nice, there's nauhan that will confuse them on purpose. They just don't want the sas there at all. And what normally happens is, the sister in law is also blamed even if she comes around once a year.

If the sas, nau, sister in law happen to get on, then some other bhootni comes along to ruin it. Brainwashing the nau, so that's when it all kicks off. And the son gets stuck in the middle, so which way is he suppose to run, against 3 women.

The thing is nobody wants to sit down and talk respectfully or understand. It's all " main main main " ajkal.

In our culture, particularly in Indian media with the saas - nau dramas, the mother-in-law always get a bad rep.

The daughter-in-law is always the innocent party.

I thought why would this be the case and I wonder if the saas has valid reasons to be tough with her daughter-in-law.

The mother-in-law will ****-test her daughter-in-law to see if she is worthy, not only for her son but also because the daughter-in-law will take over to become the matriarch of the family.

A lot of women will complain about the "preferential" treatment given to the husband's sister, but those women will move in with their own husband's families and receive the ****-tests from their own mother-in-laws and will eventually become the main woman in the married family.

I think a mother-in-law in her 50s and 60s is a lot more clued on than her daughter in law who may be in her 20s. They have much more life experience and pick up on a lot more cues of what might happen and act accordingly.

A lot of female communication is a lot more subtle and covert than male communication that tends to be direct.

I think that for a male, for example a father-in-law tend to see the actions of her daughter-in-law favourably and see her as his own daughter, however a mother-in-law also being a female will pick up on certain nuances, body language that the male would not notice if something is not correct.

These are just my observations.

[jkvlondon]

In our culture, particularly in Indian media with the saas - nau dramas, the mother-in-law always get a bad rep.

The daughter-in-law is always the innocent party.

I thought why would this be the case and I wonder if the saas has valid reasons to be tough with her daughter-in-law.

The mother-in-law will ****-test her daughter-in-law to see if she is worthy, not only for her son but also because the daughter-in-law will take over to become the matriarch of the family.

A lot of women will complain about the "preferential" treatment given to the husband's sister, but those women will move in with their own husband's families and receive the ****-tests from their own mother-in-laws and will eventually become the main woman in the married family.

I think a mother-in-law in her 50s and 60s is a lot more clued on than her daughter in law who may be in her 20s. They have much more life experience and pick up on a lot more cues of what might happen and act accordingly.

A lot of female communication is a lot more subtle and covert than male communication that tends to be direct.

I think that for a male, for example a father-in-law tend to see the actions of her daughter-in-law favourably and see her as his own daughter, however a mother-in-law also being a female will pick up on certain nuances, body language that the male would not notice if something is not correct.

These are just my observations.

unfortunately my Mum thought Desi hagia maybe she'll be a nice girl , but nah ...the second one is born and brought up here wears a dastar but is a real coconut (just like my bro proving birds of a feather) both have an immense entitlement issue which I never had in my in-laws and neither did my sis (she is helping support her MIL and BIL back in India) in fact while my Dad was alive vaddi nicked ALL the family photo albums to take to her place saying she has the right to . When he passed the coconuts claimed they had rights over my mum's place although they did jack for her same as other bro ...Mum's always paid her own way and stays out of their dramas but they seem to bring them into her home for some reason. ajkal the nohan are taught to be manipulative and always on the lookout to get upper hand ...doesn't matter where they grew up. I was given sikhia all my life that sass saura Maa Pio hunde ne , kaddar karni chahidi hai ... I followed that despite they were totally different culture to me , doing sewa etc to my understanding and it always took them aback , then they got second nau and then they realised the one who was bad, backwards etc did actually care about them genuinely but, old habits die hard. Oh well I do my best and the rest is up to Waheguru sewa parwange di faisla.

[Ranjeet01]

unfortunately my Mum thought Desi hagia maybe she'll be a nice girl , but nah ...the second one is born and brought up here wears a dastar but is a real coconut (just like my bro proving birds of a feather) both have an immense entitlement issue which I never had in my in-laws and neither did my sis (she is helping support her MIL and BIL back in India) in fact while my Dad was alive vaddi nicked ALL the family photo albums to take to her place saying she has the right to . When he passed the coconuts claimed they had rights over my mum's place although they did jack for her same as other bro ...Mum's always paid her own way and stays out of their dramas but they seem to bring them into her home for some reason. ajkal the nohan are taught to be manipulative and always on the lookout to get upper hand ...doesn't matter where they grew up. I was given sikhia all my life that sass saura Maa Pio hunde ne , kaddar karni chahidi hai ... I followed that despite they were totally different culture to me , doing sewa etc to my understanding and it always took them aback , then they got second nau and then they realised the one who was bad, backwards etc did actually care about them genuinely but, old habits die hard. Oh well I do my best and the rest is up to Waheguru sewa parwange di faisla.

That is why the old school saas is tough on her nohan even if the nau is nice or seems nice.

You have to tell them who is the boss.

[jkvlondon]

That is why the old school saas is tough on her nohan even if the nau is nice or seems nice.

You have to tell them who is the boss.

SIKH sass has to be as equal to Guru Gobind Singh ji's ideal of a parent : i.e. one who does not hit , or curse out or harass but teaches through love and explanation my Mum qualified as she taught us well and we became good nau for our sass saure despite whatever their attitude was and also she was the same for her nauan in fact giving them more support during their hard times than their own folks and they know it . My Dad was harsh on me and my Mum said 'why be like that?' and his reply was 'we don't know what kind of house she'll get , have to toughen her up ', my Mum just shook her head 'if her childhood memories are just as miserable as her adult one where is she going to find motivation to see it through? '

I believe my Mum is right it is because she was there for us come what may, we weathered the racists, bullies at school, My own attack and subsequent mental torture , the challenges of in-laws who are constantly trying to undermine Sikhi in the family, but never stopped striving for that better day and trusting that it will eventually show . We do NOT need to create broken females who cannot think beyond themselves but strong mentally resilient ones who are dharmic, openly fair, encouraging and yet can have an inner strength to weather all eventualities and pass on those traits to the next generation. We are weak as Sikhs because we fail to follow Guru Pita ji's idea of parenting and also his bani

It is not about being BOSS whatever the hell that means, but picking your battles wisely , My Mum's attitude is it is better that her sons and DILs move out to their own places and the family keeps together that way than enforce something that will not work and have no family at all.

[garch]

I have noticed that less sikhs males are being raised as men an more are being raised as mama boys

Alot of sikh guys have bin raised as men

But at the same time there our sikh mama boys who need mommy to wash there cloth cook there meals an clean after them an wont move away from home cause they cant get the financing for a new house

There is a difference between a man who takes care of his loved once an a mama boy who needs his parents to take care of him

Compared to seventy years ago sikh men are bein raised to be very soft

Agree too many of our lads are unable to do basics in kitchen and in other domestic areas I.e. diy. I think this will change as the modern woman won't nurse these type of blokes and rightly so

As for not leaving our parents, thats deep routed into our culture and it shouldnt be any other way.

Parents should have their seva done by son AND daughter-inlaw as they grow old.

Actual problem is there are too many daughter in laws that don't respect their in laws enough to do that and far to self centred and selfish. Sons are are also getting to wrapped up in their 'romances' and 'independent/free lives' and turning their backs on their parents far to readily - worst legacy of the westernised world on us.

Lads and lasses need to wake up and rediscover their roots (Singhs and singhnia all do same seva in guru ki kitchen) and be more responsible towards each other and their parents and stop trying to keep-up with the Jones's!!