Why Our So Many Sikh Men Mama Boys

[KhoonKaBadlaKhoon]

Staying at home, even after marriage, is not what a mommas boy is. A grown man who is still afraid of his mother, cant tell her no, make his own decisions, needs his mom for every small or big thing etc is a mommas boy. Problem is when many of these mommas boys get married, their mom is a conniving mother in law, and he cant tell her to back off. Respect your mothers, but we all know our mothers are ridiculous at times.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

Perhaps we have had lengthy discussion on mama's boys. There is a new trend which greatly affects some people. This is when girls refuse to get married and want to live in their parents house. I have come across so many stories where the girls just don't respond to boys when approached for marriage ( through their parents of course.)

1. A Sikh guy confessed to my husband that he is so afraid of getting married because all these girls you see in the guradwara wearing chuniya are totally the opposite in uni. Their parents just dont know what is going on.

2. A lady approached a relative of ours and asked him to go and pose as a builder and ask her daughter through trickery why she kept turning down all the rishte. She replied that she was leading a first class life with no morgage to pay, no expenses, cooked meals and no tensions. Why should she step into all those problems. That is why she kept turning down rishte.

3. One of my nephews was so frustrating with the inability of getting a life partner because all the girls insisted that they are not willing to give up their drinking and partying habits. He was literally crying ( I mean in tears because he has now been working for a number of years and wanted to settle down). He firmly developed a belief that this generation is lost. It is the next generation which is going to learn from the mistakes of this one and marriage will become easier. These are the girls who will learn from their mistakes and try to rectify them in the future generation. (You can only loose the way so much. It will finally catch up with you and you have to turn back and make the relevant changes)

The times ahead have changed and probably people dont realise it until you need to get married - that girls are just not available.

Mums are steeped up in fashion, work, high life, pleasures like clubbing, drinking etc that they have completely forgotten to instill values in their children especially the girls.

So a new word maybe coming into the vocabulary soon - papa's girls or mama's girls.

These are the girls who are now dragging the boys down with them. Some Sikh boys will confess that they would rather marry someone from another religion because there is a better chance that they will try to understand the turban wearing guys better.

4. I have been approached by 2 different ladies on 2 occasions or more where they confide in me that their daughters who are aged 30 and above have simply refused to get married. However they believe that some guy somewhere may be able to change their minds. They have requested me to suggest someone. These ladies must be totally distressed in order to come and confide in a complete stranger. These particular girls had their own houses as well. The ladies told me that housing would not be a problem for anyone who wanted to marry them, if only someone somewhere could be found !!!!!!

Why would any sane man marry a drunkard and a crazy party girl? Getting married to late in life doesn't help much either as that will be giving you a unique difficulty. Seriously if they feel marrying someone of another religion would help them, I'd say they could, those who feel they can bring a non-Sikh to Sikhi should have that freedom. (I don't promote interfaith Anand Karaj).

[dallysingh101]

Staying at home, even after marriage, is not what a mommas boy is. A grown man who is still afraid of his mother, cant tell her no, make his own decisions, needs his mom for every small or big thing etc is a mommas boy. Problem is when many of these mommas boys get married, their mom is a conniving mother in law, and he cant tell her to back off. Respect your mothers, but we all know our mothers are ridiculous at times.

There's often a 'Queen Bee' syndrome at work in extended Panjabi homes when the mother sees herself as the head and goes overboard in maintaining her perceived authority and ranking amongst younger females that marry into the family.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

There's often a 'Queen Bee' syndrome at work in extended Panjabi homes when the mother sees herself as the head and goes overboard in maintaining her perceived authority and ranking amongst younger females that marry into the family.

If that was true, why do Punjabi's abort baby girls like crazy?

[dallysingh101]

If that was true, why do Punjabi's abort baby girls like crazy?

A lot of people have commented on how family matriarch's often push for this move, so it isn't a clear cut matter.

I think people abort girls because of a number of poorly thought out and evil reasons.

Financial liability - son's seen as investments as girls marry and leave. Dowry issues. Fear that the family 'honour' might get tainted by a wayward girl. Lots of sons seen as some kind of status thing?

[jkvlondon]

There's often a 'Queen Bee' syndrome at work in extended Panjabi homes when the mother sees herself as the head and goes overboard in maintaining her perceived authority and ranking amongst younger females that marry into the family.

cannot use a stereotype to define a true SIkh mother in law ... what you are describing is a bollywood MIL

[dallysingh101]

cannot use a stereotype to define a true SIkh mother in law ... what you are describing is a bollywood MIL

I hear you. But I have (unfortunately) met these types a few times. So they do exist.

[jkvlondon]

If that was true, why do Punjabi's abort baby girls like crazy?

because the scummy husbands i.e. the father's perceive it to be money down the drain which they could use for their own drinking and comforts ...don't just put it on a female because it is usually the husband who pressurises intimately stating he will dump the wife if she proceeds , what a hijarda ! If he was a sikh he would neither give or take anything from his in-laws , thus he would perpetuate RIGHT SIKH attitudes downwards for his own sons and daughters and they onwards . It is the men who dump women after quick viah in punjab having demanded and cleared the girl's family bank balance and then repeating the cycle .

[sikhstudent99]

So OP, you think getting your own house & moving out is 'being a an' do you even know about our culture? {good bits} we are not Caucasians who leave their parents to rot and just concern ourselves with our wife & children, this is NOT manly or our roots. Something that's been happening for years now.

I understand our culture

Go re read what i said

Mama boy someone who is unable to take care of themselves an need mommy to take care of them

[jkvlondon]

Why would any sane man marry a drunkard and a crazy party girl? Getting married to late in life doesn't help much either as that will be giving you a unique difficulty. Seriously if they feel marrying someone of another religion would help them, I'd say they could, those who feel they can bring a non-Sikh to Sikhi should have that freedom. (I don't promote interfaith Anand Karaj).

the same could be reversed , why would any sane, well educated sikh girl knowing the law tie herself to a similar sharabi kebabi man only to have him brow beat her and her folks because his machismo is offended by her abilities to survive without and even in spite of him i.e. undermining his emotional blackmail .When he realises that she is secure he tries to divorce her and thus get her turfed out of her hard-earned property (remember she had to work more hours to get the same) to have it sold and divided between them?