Sikhs And Dating?

[dallysingh101]

Definitely. That goes without saying, I definitely wasn't white-knighting or anything like that. I was looking at the issue from a certain perspective, arguably one where I guess there's a part of me that still feels that our Sikh sisters should be "protected." I'm pretty certain very few of them see it that way in this day and age, which is fine with me.

Well, given the prevalence of sexual abuse that we've uncovered in the UK, I think it's starkly obvious that our Sikh sisters need protection - whether they themselves are clued up enough to recognise it or not (and let's talk straight - plenty of them are simply too dumb, naive or up their own ar5e to realise this - until it is too late sadly). With a lot of apneean (and their mouthy rebellious ways), we just have to be careful to try and strike that balance between protecting them and not appearing like an overly controlling ar5ehole, because you know what they can be like - they'll be using that ish against you next.... lol

"Oh, my horrible misogynist family didn't let me go out when I wanted, so I ran away....and then I met Abdul at a club...and then....and then....boo hoo hoo!"

I personally wasn't coming from a judgemental angle, but, again, the old izzat perspective (no, not in the way Muslims have ruined that concept for the rest of us by chopping up their disobedient women and burying them under the patio in old suitcases); that kind of stiff-upper-lip, keep-your-house-in-order, play-by-the-rules, enjoy-life-and work-hard-but-don't-bring-your-family-into-disrepute mentality that our elders had, without recourse to fatal acts of violence to keep family members in-line.

I guess we have different tolerance levels and thresholds for defining the parameters of a respectful life. Don't get me wrong, I don't think we're too far off from meeting in the middle. We're human after all and the sum of our life experiences, so there's bound to be some leeway or deviations at either end.

I believe these thresholds shift about a lot depending on the individuals concerned. Some people need more attention than others. Some apneean are just straight too stubborn and just don't want to listen almost naturally. It's like it is biologically driven. You have to adapt to what Waheguru sends you. What other choice we got?

Look at this girl for example:

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/feb/06/faiza-ahmed-cries-for-help-missed-every-authority-simon-hattenstone

[MisterrSingh]

Look at this girl for example:

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/feb/06/faiza-ahmed-cries-for-help-missed-every-authority-simon-hattenstone

That was a harrowing read. I'm guessing we'll be seeing similar reports involving Sikh girls on a regular basis in the near future.

Thing is, the bravado and the rebellion is apparent on the part of Sikh girls when the prevailing mood is tame. But when the other side kicks up things a notch, or the next fella is a proper psycho / hard nut, all that, "You can't tell me what to do / I'm a strong, independent woman / Sikh males are misogynists" nonsense all turns to 5**t in an instant.

I'm of the mentality whereby "You've made your bed, now lie in it." If helping advances are spurned, what else can be done? Some people only learn through experience.

[dallysingh101]

I'm guessing we'll be seeing similar reports involving Sikh girls on a regular basis in the near future.

If that happens, it just means that we've f**ked up as a community.

The above has been happening to apneean for years already btw. We've just come to a point where we've made more people face up to it.

However it may seem to you - from where I'm standing, A LOT of progress has been made in the last few decades.

I'm positive.

[MisterrSingh]

If that happens, it just means that we've f**ked up as a community.

The above has been happening to apneean for years already btw. We've just come to a point where we've made more people face up to it.

However it may seem to you - from where I'm standing, A LOT of progress has been made in the last few decades.

I'm positive.

It's the coming peeriya that trouble me, the ones for whom orthodox Sikhi and Sikhs may as well be another distant religion and people, despite both sides sharing the same racial and cultural background.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

It's the coming peeriya that trouble me, the ones for whom orthodox Sikhi and Sikhs may as well be another distant religion and people, despite both sides sharing the same racial and cultural background.

We honestly don't even need to separate from Orthodox to non-orthodox, different Jathas are different enough to be their own religions.

We honestly don't even need to separate from Orthodox to non-orthodox, different Jathas are different enough to be their own religions.

If dating isn't the answer to finding a partner, what's the alternative?

[dallysingh101]

It's the coming peeriya that trouble me, the ones for whom orthodox Sikhi and Sikhs may as well be another distant religion and people, despite both sides sharing the same racial and cultural background.

Well, I think a lot of that depends on the efforts made by the 'orthodox' to ensure they don't become so insular and distant from the everyday problems and mentalities of their more lost brethren, which is easily done - and has been going on for a while now. I was disgusted with the way some of the more conservative 'orthodox community' (if we want to frame it like that?) turned a blind eye to grooming for instance - haughtily writing it off as the self inflicted outcomes of 'nonSikh' 'Panjabi' girls and guys. I don't see the mullah type sullah indifferent to sulliyan like that, even if they are more secular. Same way we deal with caste, alcoholism etc. etc.

On a wider canvas, what you talk about is a big topic that encompasses things like art, literature, preaching, employment, media, film, Gurdwara functioning and the ability of Sikh parcharaks and social sevaks to engender a feeling of commonality and community amongst a diverse population. It's about making Sikhi relevant to people and being aware of what acts as obstacles to this. It will also involve an adult, dispassionate understanding of human behaviour and society too, as well as our own communities peculiarities.

But it is also perhaps inevitable to a degree too? I mean how much do those Hollywood Jew corporate bigwigs really relate to some quiet insular orthodox Jew from Stamford Hill?

Change is inevitable, as ever, we have to meet it, whether we like it or not.

How relevant have we been keeping ourselves ? If we are just happy to be benign, citizens living comfortable, sterile lives - people will leave for the perceived 'greener grass' of more exciting pastures.

In the end though brother, we have to keep our head up. Don't ever forget that not long ago, Harmandir Sahib itself was over run and filled with dancing prostitutes complete with hookah smoke billowing about, and Sikhs had to hide themselves in jungles to survive, hunted like dogs. I'm pretty sure they were raping and kidnapping and selling girls back then too (which we've understandably largely written out of our history). If those people could keep their spirits, we should be able to too.

From my perspective, I'm seeing lots of resistance to and discussion of our issues that wasn't happening when I was coming up. We have to recognise that.

[harsharan000]

Frankly speaking, brother Jacfsing2 has put a very good question above as per what is the alternative to dating.

Perhaps some 40 or 50 years back, I would be asking the same question; but thanks to His grace, today I would say, do not stop dating, rather just change the objective of dating, to the One and most beloved Wahiguru Akal Purukh.

You see, thanks to Sikhee/Gurmat we are blessed with a lot of good luck, for we know what is our priority by being born as human beings, and that is none other, that of staying in His Hukum, and by playing the game of bhakti and love/devotion with our Beloved Wahiguru and to become one with Him.

Why is this so?

Because, everything else which we may long, seek or look for, we shall get it, without any efforts, if only it is written in our "karam".

And if it is not written, it will never happen, no matter how hard we may try. So just leave it, things will fall down at the proper time, no sooner no later by going or not going after them.

You see, going after opposite sex, no matter howsoever we may justify, at the bottom of it, we must admit, it has a touch of kaam vaasna.

I strongly believe, if any partner is written for us, our karam will bring us closer to that person.

It is only that we are grown in the western culture and trying to copy it into our lives, thus somehow forget to an extent our origin and meaning of being a Gursikh, and since then, we start strongly being pulled by Maya into her paraphernalia....

The Bani says : Ekas bin sabh dandh hae.

Wahiguru Akal Purukh, is not only our Beloved, our Mother or Father, but also our nourisher, our well wisher. If we give ourselves totally to Him, do we think He will abandon us?

Nay.

He will look after all our needs, whether material / swartheel, whether parmarathee / spiritual. Not only that, but He will abide Himself in us, then what else shall we ever need?

Naturally nothing, as we shall be filled with His divine love.

Sat Sree Akal.