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meeting a partner without compromising sikhi


Guest confused
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Guest confused

WJKK WJKF

Hi all, I've been avoiding asking 'dating' or marriage advice on here because I have seen issues get sidetracked in the past. I would like some advice on a situation I am currently in.

I am in my early 20's (female) and have deliberately made sure I have not got caught up in what seems to be the normality of dating and sleeping around whilst I study. I'm getting to an age where finding a suitable partner is on my mind, I know I'm young yet but this is with the intention of not having to rush and find someone desperately when I am older which I have seen with many family members that leave it late to settle down.  

I decided to try online dating, I see it as more of a virtual introduction similar to what might happen with family. :)  I will never compromise my own personal values and this is what has perhaps put me in a predicament. I am not comfortable talking to more than one person, it feels to me very dishonest - you wouldn't be introduced to more than one potential partner in the sikhi way of finding someone so I don't feel comfortable doing it with dating either. I feel it can encourage an attitude of never being happy and always looking for better, but also that it is often linked to very superficial judgements. In my honest opinion providing the basic values of two people match they will be able to build a successful life together - you only have to look at some of the very successful arranged marriages around.

It has always been important to me to find someone with similar values, one of which is sikhi and I had always imagined that this would mean a guy with a turban. I am currently getting to know someone with very similar values to myself and who is very spiritual but perhaps not 'religious' in the sense that he cuts his hair... as a results of not feeling comfortable talking to more than one person I decided to stop talking to someone who also seemed to have some similar values and interests but did have a turban. 

I do not want to compromise my own sikhi but know that I am a long way of from keeping my hair myself and am in no position to be able to judge or expect a higher level of religiousness in a potential partner... how important should this one factor be? In the same way it is wrong for women to say no to guys with turbans is it not equally superficial and unfair to say no to someone without one? 

Especially if two peoples values and spirituality seem to match? Is there anyway to really know what will happen in the future either, you could marry someone religious that changes their views in the future and vice versa... 

I am also very honest about the fact that I am 'dating' with my parents, at present their biggest fear is that I will 'settle' for the first person... how bad is this really? If I had been introduced to someone suitable by a family member and ended up marrying them surely it is the same as finding a suitable partner first time around with a little help from a dating app? Plus having been to uni means I have a pretty good idea of whats out there, and honestly it is very disappointing to see the condition of some of todays sikh youth, many have forgotten their own roots and values....

The joy of balancing modern life with traditional values is very confusing.... please help....

(don't judge the 'dating' bit - I know my limits and would never cross the line we see so many youths do these days) 

 

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Well give him the love of Sikhi. Something to blend him into with by Love. Don't look upon him as his appearance because eyes can be deceiving. Make your self of a True Khalsa. So something inside to to attract him to Sikhi. We have a problem we are unable to bring our own into True Khalsa because we ourselves are not true inside. You can not force yourself to be strict. That will make you fall to the dark side. See all around you extremism has taken people to the dark side. These sins do not exist it in your mind. Just love your self first. Be true to Guru Nanak Dev Jee don't go far to Guru Gobind Singh Jee we are hating each other for that. The End is to know from your heart Who Was Guru Gobind SIngh Jee not from any Jatha or fanatics.

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I forgot one thing Start with Education together. Explore and study Guru Granth Sahib for all your knowledge. Just like a person who is drunk does not want to be sober then you can not do anything except hold on to your horse or as we say keep you shirt on.

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Guest Suggestion_Guest

Fateh ji,

i as a amritdhari male in my mid 20s had that kind of thinking too, whats the best for me?

I aswell started online dating too, i stopped right away. what is the purpose of it? You start comparing till you think you found Miss Perfect. I decided to stay single

My advice: If you stay in gurmat, no harm will happen to you :). So value your sikhi :)

We Sikhs are blessed because we have Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji. If you think you found one go and take a hukamnama and see what guru sahibs ji advice you to do..

When the time is Right you will find your Singh.. Trust Satguru. :)

 

 

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WJKK WJKF 

Thanks for the responses! If encouraging a love of sikhi was an option I would have taken it but I have since found out that whilst spiritual the individual was not open minded enough for this, and nor am I willing to let go of my love of guru ji for a worldy relationship... even though I may not be the most committed Sikh at this stage in my life.

Guest suggestion_guest --- what you have said about having faith really resonated with me, taking a step back from the situation it has become clear that the pressure 'to find someone yourself' had made me insecure and that actually I am perfectly content to not worry just yet and trust in Waheguru!  A quick google search led me to a basics of sikhi video that made me realise that perhaps I should not worry so much at this age as I have only just finished my studies and have plenty of time to wait for someone with whom I can develop my sikhi instead of compromising it! Thank you for your reassuring words... 

Guest Lolwhat (great name) I struggle to see how giving you my email would allow me to remain anonymous ... If you have an account i'd be happy to inbox sometimes talking through situations like this with people in the same circumstances can be really useful :) 

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Guest SuggestionSingh
13 hours ago, Guest original poster said:

WJKK WJKF 

Thanks for the responses! If encouraging a love of sikhi was an option I would have taken it but I have since found out that whilst spiritual the individual was not open minded enough for this, and nor am I willing to let go of my love of guru ji for a worldy relationship... even though I may not be the most committed Sikh at this stage in my life.

Guest suggestion_guest --- what you have said about having faith really resonated with me, taking a step back from the situation it has become clear that the pressure 'to find someone yourself' had made me insecure and that actually I am perfectly content to not worry just yet and trust in Waheguru!  A quick google search led me to a basics of sikhi video that made me realise that perhaps I should not worry so much at this age as I have only just finished my studies and have plenty of time to wait for someone with whom I can develop my sikhi instead of compromising it! Thank you for your reassuring words... 

Guest Lolwhat (great name) I struggle to see how giving you my email would allow me to remain anonymous ... If you have an account i'd be happy to inbox sometimes talking through situations like this with people in the same circumstances can be really useful :) 

 

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Guest SuggestionSingh

no problem stay positive ji enjoy your single life go to smagams, do sangat of other chardi kala kaurs..

Guru sahib ji is our parent.. he will search your partner... 

 

 

ps: does anybody has a idea how to sign up for the forum? keep getting errors.. please email me suggestion.singh@gmail.com

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Hi, it's good your looking for someone. Dating can be good in that you're able to see what kind of guys are out there.

I understand what you're saying about not compromising sikh values. As a woman, this can be really difficult. Alot of guys want women to sleep with them etc and at times quite early in the relationship. I would say, stay true to yourself.. don't compromise your values and beliefs and don't give in to pressure. If the guy is right for you, he'll like/ love u enough to compromise.

:)

 

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