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Extremely lustful after a misscarriage

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Guest Female

So my marriage has completely changed since we had our first baby, we started to argue and not get along- i hear this is normal due to factors such as sleep deprivation, low social life and constant struggle of getting through the routine of cooking and cleaning... Anyways then I got pregnant again which resulted in a misscarriage. He wasn't there to support me and even after it happened he spent a whole weekend shouting about me sleeping and not pulling my weight (excuse me if the loss of gallons of blood have tired me out). Since then I just keep fanticising about other guys, can be off tv, exs, anyone but him. I feel like having a affair (but really if it came down to it i would feel guilty and couldnt do it) but I seriously am in the mood.... for anyone but him.. i feel regretful of this marriage now and sometimes seriously want a divorce! I've told him how I feel like going out there and getting under someone else cos our intimate life is dead and that's made us argue even more.

I can't even do or listen to path anymore cos my mind is into sex24/7.

Is how i feel a result of a hormone balance due to the misscarriage? Or am I ever going to go back to normal with him? I know how I feel is wrong, ask me 4 months ago and I would see myself devoted for life but right now i'm a different person?

 

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On 23 September 2016 at 11:40 PM, Guest Female said:

So my marriage has completely changed since we had our first baby, we started to argue and not get along- i hear this is normal due to factors such as sleep deprivation, low social life and constant struggle of getting through the routine of cooking and cleaning... Anyways then I got pregnant again which resulted in a misscarriage. He wasn't there to support me and even after it happened he spent a whole weekend shouting about me sleeping and not pulling my weight (excuse me if the loss of gallons of blood have tired me out). Since then I just keep fanticising about other guys, can be off tv, exs, anyone but him. I feel like having a affair (but really if it came down to it i would feel guilty and couldnt do it) but I seriously am in the mood.... for anyone but him.. i feel regretful of this marriage now and sometimes seriously want a divorce! I've told him how I feel like going out there and getting under someone else cos our intimate life is dead and that's made us argue even more.

I can't even do or listen to path anymore cos my mind is into sex24/7.

Is how i feel a result of a hormone balance due to the misscarriage? Or am I ever going to go back to normal with him? I know how I feel is wrong, ask me 4 months ago and I would see myself devoted for life but right now i'm a different person?

 

Sounds like the mutual love and respect has reduced. If he's been behaving like that after your miscarriage, then are getting negative feelings towards him. 

The reason you feel lustful to towards other men and going off him, is because you are not getting what you were before, and not receiving any attention or maybe love in a way that you are used to. And you have been through a lot and still are  

It maybe a phase that he is going through too. Maybe the loss is affecting him too. But you will only know if you talk to each other. 

Have you had any counselling? 

You should go back to your doctor and explain these feelings and emotions to them and they are in a better position to help you with this. 

Keep your faith in Waheguru. Recite some Gurbani or listen to it to help your soul. 

There was a topic on this with some links on, I'll try to find it. 

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Guest Female Jee,

as long as you are not separated or divorced, please refrain from lustful thoughts. I understand, that to an extent, the body has some needs, like eating, sleeping and sex in normal conditions within marriage.

Personally, I beleive the 99.99  whole world is under the nashaa of lust, nobody is out of it. And is a very pitiful scene.

Then also, we are not like cats or dogs, who go with any first second or third persons, and so on to satisfy our excess of lust ... 

If we fall into this chakar, we are sure to degrade ourselves at beast levels, though we may have human form...

It is time to change your attitude and thinking while facing this unpleasnt situation.

Pray sincerely to Wahiguru and keep insisting at His Feet, to help you and show you the way with His Light. 

People indulge in kaam, as something normal, but the fact is, they are not aware of the heavy karam they are putting on their heads.

Instead, turn you negative conditions, into positivity, by clinging on our Sachya Patshah Wahiguru Akal Purukh, through His Simran.

The Bani says: Prabh ka Simran, man kee mael jaae.

You see, all vikars are pollution product of the mind, which can only be washed by His Grace.

Guru Jee is present with us, through His bachans. It is for us to take shelter in Them and get the love and help needed, without any other motivation, except for True love at His Lotus Feet.

Stay blessed.

Sat Sree Akal.

 

 

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I think its.the hormones.

If.u dont get back to normal mentally or physically after a month or so, get ur hormone levels checked, sometimes there is an imbalance that can lead.to diseases too. Also take iron and other supplements to help with weakness

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Bhain ji

I know you are hurting , you feel unappreciated , but unfortunately Guys are extremely dense and self-centred sometimes . The reaction after your daughter sounds like jealousy on his part , (been there) yes we have to look after the baby , the house and ourselves but he also needs reassurance (God knows why) that you still care about him still. But being typical male he probably cannot say it in a straightforward way so will be hypercritical  of the house etc. I am sorry you lost your second child but there was nothing you could do to change anything so don't be hard on yourself . Again given his reaction to the arrival of his baby I think he is uncomfortable thinking about the death of this child and it's coming out as aggression ... You want comforting from him but he is rejecting you in a way . Be the mature one and go talk to him , say what he is scared of saying , give him a chance and the space to share his dukh . This mental wandering of yours is just wishing for your husband's care and closeness gone awry , refocus and reel Singh back into the heart of the relationship - you need each other  that's why you are together. 

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You're reacting to his bullsh*t in maya (lust)/ negativity. Try and be accepting that the miscarriage was hukam-His will. We live by the laws of karam, it could have been karam from a previous life. But if you accept it as karam, you'll feel more at peace with it. 

 

Get back to positivity, Gurbani says we should always be in chardi kala, high spirits, so try and accept what's going on as karam and write better ones for yourself.

 

If he's being unsupportive and verbally abusive, stick up for youself Sikh woman are Not meant to be walked over and trodden on.

 

But don't get angry, instead of threatening to have an affair, tell him that you've contemplated divorce and see what he says. If he doesnt care, then take actions to let him know you won't stay with him if his attitude and actions don't change. 

 

Go to a doc about hormones. 

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